Love what @mdfarmchick said! I have 3 separate couple friends whose marriages are crumbling under the weight of putting their kids first or in one case, using the kids as pawns.
My UO: I dislike Caillou. He is so sweet to his mom and the show cuts to scenes of her walking away or not even acknowledging his sweetness.
Cheesecake = Heaven (and now I really want cheesecake )
American cheese is only acceptable melted in a grilled cheese sandwich.
I agree that it is important to take time for your relationship with your SO. But also important is taking some time for yourself (and letting your SO have time for themself too.)
@ksmwalters oh. em. gee. That crack pie looks amazeballs...and like a lot of work! If you *really* have to use a standing mixer for the filling, I'm out.
Caillou has never played in our house either, I don't think my kids even know about him which is a blessing because I've heard that his voice starts to grate on the nerves after about the first episode (obviously no first hand experience). I love pie! Fruit pies are my favorite, apple, blueberry, strawberry rhubarb, etc just give me all of them. I love sweets especially now and I have a recipe for a super moist chocolate cake with chocolate icing that I think I'm going to make when I go home.
I agree that it's important to put the time and effort into your marriage, mine is a slightly different situation because DH works over night and his days off are Wednesday and Thursday where I work a more traditional 9-5, weekends off job. Getting to see each other at all is hard because he tries to switch his sleeping pattern around on his days off so he's awake during the day and we can spend time together after I get home from work but it doesn't always work (like this past week). My advice to FTM is to set a routine with your LO early on to try and get them on a schedule so you don't feel so overwhelmed and then you can make time for your relationship once you have that schedule set.
Caillou and Spongebob are banned in our house and our kids know it, too. DD calls them “yucky shows” and reminds Dad to change them if they come on. I just cannot with their obnoxious-ness. Is that a word? Can it be? It is now.
@amylonghorn it’s definitely a lot of work (hence why I only make it at the holidays, or for my brother’s bday if he reallllly begs) but it’s so worth it, I promise. I’ve had a stand mixer for like 10 years (I love to bake and it was all I asked for one year for Christmas in college) so I’ve never tried making it without one. I’m pretty sure my brother made it several years ago with a hand mixer and it was fine, though.
Maybe I misinterpreted the responses to "the laundry can wait" comments, but I never took it as an excuse to let the cleanliness of your home go. I always thought it was encouragement to not get stressed out by choosing to spend time with your children over doing the mundane tasks of life. I always looked at it as advise for you to find other times to do things when your kids are craving your attention than the actual literal sense of don't fold your laundry.
I wish my husband and I could put our relationship first. I admire people who have made that a priority. We work opposite schedules, so that we can accommodate our family and schedule, and often don't have days to spend together. I do think over the years we have found a balance and look for other ways to put us and ultimately our family first. It's nice to read so many have a great balance to personal and family life.
@DDRRT1982 some aren’t bad, I see a lot of what I posted below on my Facebook feed and it makes my eyes roll so far back they get stuck most of the time.
@DDRRT1982 some aren’t bad, I see a lot of what I posted below on my Facebook feed and it makes my eyes roll so far back they get stuck most of the time.
Stuck in quote...oops! I can see why memes like this are annoying, but to me these posts are just a way for a mother or father to rationalize how they choose balance in life. I think everyone would love to spend all the time in the world with their children while having a clean house, but some people are better at finding that balance (like you) than others. When parents feel like they are making a compromise in certain areas they struggle to rationalize their choices at times and seek validation from others that they are doing what is right. This is just how I interpret expressions like this.
Okay so I don’t know if this makes me disagree with the common UO here, but I don’t THINK it does. I definitely whole heartedly agree that you have to care about and nourish your relationship/marriage, but I had a friend who straight out told her kids one night at dinner, “I love your Dad the most.” The one kiddo (7) said, “you love Daddy more than you love us?” And she said yes. She couldn’t understand why he cried and cried about the conversation that night and why it was “so bothersome”.
I love my husband deeply, I don’t know how I would function without him, but I love my kids deeply and couldn’t function without them now, either. I love them equally, but differently, if that makes sense?? I love my husband as my partner, my best friend, my high school sweetheart. I love my babies as a piece of me. So to say I love my husband MORE than my children would be false. And even if I did, I would never tell my children that. Ever. My son would be one to take it straight to his tender little heart and remember the conversation for the rest of his life. Someday when they are old enough to comprehend I will explain to them the importance of loving your significant other and putting time and love into their relationships to make them healthy and last, but I won’t ever tell them they may or may not love their SO/children more than one another because for me, it’s not true and it might not be for them either.
@chasingroygbiv that's really screwed up (what your friend did). I 100% agree about loving differently. I also don't think putting time and effort into your relationship instead of 100% dedication to kids means that you love your partner more than your kids. It's just different.
When I was a kid my grandmother used to ask me which parent I love more. I just hate the whole "love more" thing. It should never come out of an adult's mouth and is SO hurtful for kids when parents play favorites (between siblings, parents vs kids apparently, etc).
@chasingroygbiv I agree with you and @day38. The love I have for my husband and for my kids is a different kind of love but I don't love one more than the other. My way of interpreting it (and this might not be the way others take it) is that I have to make time for my relationship without kids so that we can remember that we were a couple first and that couple doesn't get lost in the midst of the Mom and Dad roles. DH and I love our kids but we also like to have nights where we go to a hockey game, a concert, etc without the kids, it's a time for us to reconnect as adults and work on our relationship as adults because I don't want to wake up in 25 years after my kids have moved out and realize I don't know who my husband is anymore because I've only known him in the role of my kids dad for the past 25 years and not as the person he's turned into.
I agree with those who talked about loving husband differently than the kids. It’s not about who I love more but it is important to maintain our relationship because eventually the kids do grow up and also because these kids were made from our love, so why would i Let that go or put it on hold while the kids grow up? It’s important for the kids to see an example of a healthy relationship.
Also, about the good moms have sticky floors thing- this is probably an UO here, but who cares? It’s just a saying. I don’t think it’s meant with malice. Kids make messes. Sometimes other things come before cleaning.
I always thought the “good moms have messes” as more of a reassurance, rather than bad moms choose cleaning over their kids. It is so easy to get worked up and over stressed if everything isn’t done. Let’s be honest, how often are things like housework ever going to be finished with kids in the house? It can be so overwhelming at times. I take it as it being ok to take a breath, the house doesn’t reflect our ability to parents
@chasingroygbiv that’s really effed of her to do that to her kids. As others have said, my love for my husband is different than my love for my babies and my marriage responsibilities are different than my motherhood responsibilities. To say one loves her husband more than her child, directly to her child no less, seems manipulative and mean.
I'm catching up but wanted to add to the laundry/housework convo. I do little things throughout the week during the evenings like dust one room, clean one toilet, that kinda stuff, so it doesn't ever really build up too badly, BUT, some things I save for when my toddler is awake. He loves loves loves to put clothes in the washer and then from washer to dryer. He loves to dust while I dust. He loves to follow me around when I mop with a towel under his feet to dry the floor. He likes to hold the cord up and follow me around while I vacuum. So it takes longer to do some of these things, but it's a game for him, and we can get a lot done together. Win-win.
***March '18 October Siggy Challenge: Halloween Costume Fails***
Sweet potato pie over pumpkin pie all day if I must choose.
Definitely planning on making sure the boyfriend and I have adult time without the kids, this is my first baby, his third, and I am so excited to share my life with her however I am also excited to continue my life with her father and have our separate time also. I have heard all too often that having a baby changes everything and I expect changes, I plan to make them amazing for all of us.
My house is tiny and an unorganized mess, so ready to have the 3rd bedroom done so we will have more space for us, my step son and step daughter and their baby sister when she arrives.
My UO today is that I can't wait for the first snow and I can't wait to get my tree up. Definitely feeling the winter time joy right now!
Re: UO Thursday 11/9
My UO: I dislike Caillou. He is so sweet to his mom and the show cuts to scenes of her walking away or not even acknowledging his sweetness.
American cheese is only acceptable melted in a grilled cheese sandwich.
I agree that it is important to take time for your relationship with your SO. But also important is taking some time for yourself (and letting your SO have time for themself too.)
100% with you on the religion thing @syssa-o
Dx: PCOS
Married: June 2013
TTC#1: January 2015
BFP #1 8/24/15 | MC 9/3/15 at 6w2d
BFP #2: 12/12/15 | DD born 8/29/16
TTC#2: June 2017
BFP #3: 7/15/17 | DS born 3/20/18
Caillou has never played in our house either, I don't think my kids even know about him which is a blessing because I've heard that his voice starts to grate on the nerves after about the first episode (obviously no first hand experience). I love pie! Fruit pies are my favorite, apple, blueberry, strawberry rhubarb, etc just give me all of them. I love sweets especially now and I have a recipe for a super moist chocolate cake with chocolate icing that I think I'm going to make when I go home.
I agree that it's important to put the time and effort into your marriage, mine is a slightly different situation because DH works over night and his days off are Wednesday and Thursday where I work a more traditional 9-5, weekends off job. Getting to see each other at all is hard because he tries to switch his sleeping pattern around on his days off so he's awake during the day and we can spend time together after I get home from work but it doesn't always work (like this past week). My advice to FTM is to set a routine with your LO early on to try and get them on a schedule so you don't feel so overwhelmed and then you can make time for your relationship once you have that schedule set.
Unless you're talking about "Chinese food" like fake American Chinese fast food then yeah I feel ya.
I wish my husband and I could put our relationship first. I admire people who have made that a priority. We work opposite schedules, so that we can accommodate our family and schedule, and often don't have days to spend together. I do think over the years we have found a balance and look for other ways to put us and ultimately our family first. It's nice to read so many have a great balance to personal and family life.
Edit typos
I love my husband deeply, I don’t know how I would function without him, but I love my kids deeply and couldn’t function without them now, either. I love them equally, but differently, if that makes sense?? I love my husband as my partner, my best friend, my high school sweetheart. I love my babies as a piece of me. So to say I love my husband MORE than my children would be false. And even if I did, I would never tell my children that. Ever. My son would be one to take it straight to his tender little heart and remember the conversation for the rest of his life. Someday when they are old enough to comprehend I will explain to them the importance of loving your significant other and putting time and love into their relationships to make them healthy and last, but I won’t ever tell them they may or may not love their SO/children more than one another because for me, it’s not true and it might not be for them either.
When I was a kid my grandmother used to ask me which parent I love more. I just hate the whole "love more" thing. It should never come out of an adult's mouth and is SO hurtful for kids when parents play favorites (between siblings, parents vs kids apparently, etc).
Pregnant with #2:
Also, about the good moms have sticky floors thing- this is probably an UO here, but who cares? It’s just a saying. I don’t think it’s meant with malice. Kids make messes. Sometimes other things come before cleaning.
Definitely planning on making sure the boyfriend and I have adult time without the kids, this is my first baby, his third, and I am so excited to share my life with her however I am also excited to continue my life with her father and have our separate time also. I have heard all too often that having a baby changes everything and I expect changes, I plan to make them amazing for all of us.
My house is tiny and an unorganized mess, so ready to have the 3rd bedroom done so we will have more space for us, my step son and step daughter and their baby sister when she arrives.
My UO today is that I can't wait for the first snow and I can't wait to get my tree up. Definitely feeling the winter time joy right now!