November - Hoping To Adopt/Adopting/Adoptive Parents

tamalahoops

Are you thinking about adopting / fostering? Are you in the process of adopting/fostering? If so, please tell us more about yourself and your experiences so far.
 
-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)

-How are you feeling about the process right now?

-Any questions?

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?

-Anything else to add?

tamalahoops

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?
We are leaning more towards adopting from foster care or foster to adopt. 

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)
Our county is hosting an adoption information fair this weekend and I am soooo excited to get more information. Then we have an information meeting about fostering on November 14th which is the first step for classes that start in January.

-How are you feeling about the process right now?
Super excited but still a little nervous.

-Any questions?
I would love to hear from folks that have adopted an older kiddo! I am really wanting to adopt a waiting child but I'm so worried about all of the unknowns.

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?
Y'all I am so new at this I have nothing to offer.

-Anything else to add?
I hope its okay that I started all of the threads this month! I would love to see this board grow because I am dying to talk to other adoptive parents, birth families and adoptees! 

Axl2

What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?

My husband and I are doing domestic adoption

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)

We are on the waiting list. Have been for year and seven months.

-How are you feeling about the process right now?

For once in along time I feel positive about the journey. I have realized that I have no control over the situation and just hopeful a birthmom picks us soon.

-Any questions?

No questions

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?

Try to remain positive this journey can be really hard at times. And don't stress over little things when it comes to your homestudy. SW just wants to see how you live and make sure that your home is safe.

-Anything else to add?

In December my husband will be non-smoker for 6 months and the adoption agency will change that on their speadsheet. Also it is National Adoption Month. Good luck to everyone!!

britters314

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?
Foster Care

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)
Waiting for a placement. Though we are on hold right now because we are going on vacation out of state soon and we won't be able to get approval to take a child with us if we got a placement between now and then.

-How are you feeling about the process right now?
I'm not sure. We are hoping for a placement with a baby or toddler, but our agency has only had older kids come through since we've been licensed. We did increase our age range to 0-4 and said we can take in 2 kids instead of just 1, so we'll see what happens.

-Any questions?
Not right now

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?
None that I haven't already shared

-Anything else to add?
I didn't realize it is National Adoption Month - hopefully this month is lucky for us!

kmtz89

I know this board isn't very active but jumping in over here just in case.

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)? Fostering to adopt, in my husbands home country (Tanzania), Where we live.

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.) 1 month into fostering! 

-How are you feeling about the process right now? Just so happy to have our little boy home with us. Him and baby sis are perfect together. Adopting out of birth order and with a slightly older child (he will be 4 next week) has its stressers but I have known him since he was a newborn due to my work here so I am hopeful our strong bond will help us. 

-Any questions? n/a

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed? n/a

Axl2

Congrats on placement! How long has he been with you? And it is very quiet on this forum .

nikki2427

What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?
Adoption 
-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)
waiting for paperwork to arrive to get started with certification to adopt. But! I actually got contacted by a friend that her daughter wanted us to be the adoptive parents! She’s 21 wks 
-How are you feeling about the process right now?
Scared- excited as ever! Trying to remain calm/ grounded. I am actually unable to conceive and always knew I was going to adopt.. I just never thought it would find me.
-Any questions?
Any tips on when to tell family? We have not picked a lawyer yet -but I know we’ll have to tell people when it’s time for references with the home study.
-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?
Just never give up hope

tamalahoops

@nikki2427 congratulations! That's so exciting! We are still very early in the process, and we've told our family that we are moving forward with adoption. If we do a domestic infant adoption we will not talk about matches or placements until tpr is signed and the baby is officially ours. 

kmtz89

@Axl2 he's been at home with us about 5 weeks now. But it feels like so much longer. He fits in so well.

Axl2

@kmolleltz that's so awesome!

@nikki2427 I would wait until the baby is yours to tell family members. We are not telling anyone once we are placed  until the 10 days are up. I feel like it will be hard for us if birthmom wants baby back.

nicole1-2-3-4

I changed my username but it’s nikki2427! - the hard part is for the certification we have to have references so I almost feel like we have to tell a select few! But I’m my state it’s 72 hrs for finalization - but I agree on waiting to tell the “world” about baby. 

Axl2

Yeah we had to pick references so they know and a few family member know too. I wish I would not have told my mother. She keeps bringing up IVF.

nicole1-2-3-4

Really?? Awww I’m sorry - idk your situation but for me IVF was never an option because I have no eggs (long story). But some people still tell me one day it will happen naturally their brothers aunts cousin had a baby after they went through infertility... I’m like no but they still say it ....maybe just explain to her it’s not an option?  ...or maybe you already did. Plus adoption isn’t a fall back I think some people think that it is ..but it’s still apart of plan A - I talked to my social worker lady today and said for the family references luckily I can have both of my parents because I want to surprise my husbands family! So excited- I honestly thought these days wouldn’t come. It was always just a dream. 

britters314

Update: We might be getting a placement at the end of the month! There is a child that needs to be placed from another foster home and they want her placed while we are still on vacation, but if they can't find anyone they said they can find a short-term solution and place her with us when we get back. Now that it might actually be happening I'm so nervous!

nicole1-2-3-4

OMG! @britters314 ! How exciting!!! How soon could that mean for you!? I’ll pray for you! 

britters314

@nicole1-2-3-4 Thanks for the prayers! If she is placed with us, it would be in a little over a week. I hope we can find out soon so I can finalize plans for our new work schedules and daycare and everything.

nicole1-2-3-4

@britters314 how exciting!!! Keep us updated!! How exciting to go shop for the baby!! Do you know the age??

Axl2

@britters314, congrats that's so exciting!!

@nicole1-2-3-4 our sw thought that at first she said to us that adoption isn't back plan for a child. We told her adoption was our first option. As for my mother I have explained why I'm not doing IVF. She kind of a selfish person and doesn't hear me. I also think she really doesn't agree with adoption. I have recently told her we are to invested into adoption because of the time, emotions and money to quit and do IVF. I also only want one child. We never looked into IVF we went straight to adoption. Which I think my mom doesn't understand why we didn't look at IVF. I was told that my one tube is damaged and the other is blocked I feel that the doctors will find more things wrong. I can't take anymore bad news

I emailed the agency our profile has not been shown but we are #83 on the list. I also looked into adopting from US and was informed that the cost starts at $50,000. So we are not moving forward with that.

AnnieR81

Have you thought about giving your family the book In On It? It helps to get the perspective of an outsider.

AnnieR81

@Axl2 and @nicole1-2-3-4 Welcome to the boards. Very interested to hear more from you guys.

I am adopting an infant domestically as well. We are in the waiting process to be matched. It's been about 8 months since our profile went live.

My mom kept saying that we would end up getting pregnant after we adopt. But I've told her that our doctors give us very little hope even with IVF options. Finally I gave her a book called In On It and she realized how much my SO and I went through to come to the decision of adoption. She brings it up less and less now.

nicole1-2-3-4

@Axl2 - have you thought about doing foster to adopt? I’ve heard sometimes there is cases with infants/ newborns where you can almost get a red filed case where the chances of the birth parents getting their act together is very slim - also it should be covered by the state? I’m sorry your mom does not understand- well we’re here for support!! @AnnieR81- thank you!! How exciting waiting for a match!! Especially with the profile being live!!  - so a little update this week is going to be crazy!! Tomorrow at 4 I have an appointment with the birth mom to find out gender!!! And on Wednesday we have our first official appointment with the lawyer - I just want to say ladies don’t give up! I’d never thought I’d be here at this point - just know it WILL happen for you - never give up hope 

AnnieR81

@nicole1-2-3-4 That's great news!

Axl2

@nicole1-2-3-4 so exciting!! In the province I live in they don't do foster to adopt anymore. We looked into adopting through the government, but they told us to continue with the private agency. So we are trying to remain positive and hopefully we will get the call soon.

@AnnieR81Good luck!! Hope you don't have to wait to long to be matched. I would give my mom that book if she would read it. I have told her to look up IVF and see what all involved. And seeing as we have paid $9500 for adoption I told my mother that I'm not spending anymore money on IVF unless she willing to pay for it. Also I expressed that my dr doesn't think its a good idea I do IVF because of me having diabetes. My step dad is really supportive that's all that matters.

AnnieR81

@Axl2 That's great your stepdad is so supportive. My mom wasn't on board to begin with either, but she's coming around. Stay strong and good luck to you!

Axl2

@AnnieR81 Thanks! I hand out brochures about open adoption. I sent email to a parenting and teen pregnancy sadly they didn't respond. I think its sad that there organizations that are not open to options to young girls who are pregnant. I'm not sure if I should go there and see if they will take them in person. Other than that all the other places where very open to the brochures.

AnnieR81

It's good that you found some organizations that were open to receiving the brochures @Axl2. Women and young girls need to know all the options available to then. And open adoption is such a great option that often gets overlooked.

Axl2

I'm happy that they were willing to take them. I seen on the agency facebook page we are going through that they have an expectant parent in our area reach out and look at options. They had sw up here talking to them. I'm not getting to excited because there are a few couples in my area on the waiting list. But hopeful our profile will be shown. After Christmas I'm going to contact the college and dr clinics about brochures.

AnnieR81

@Axl2 Good luck! Let us know if comes to anything.

Axl2

@AnnieR81 so we haven't heard anything from the agency about the expectant parent. We did have meeting with our social worker about my husband non smoking. Hopefully that will help us with being placed. On Christmas Eve they found newborn in a parklot sadly she was dead already. Maybe if the birthmom knew about open adoption the outcome could have been different.

AnnieR81

@Axl2 That's terrible. I wish she would have known too. 

britters314

@Axl2 The birthmom probably also didn't know she could have dropped the baby off at a hospital or fire station or police station, no questions asked. It's unfortunate that a lot of people don't realize that's also an option.

Axl2

@britters314 I know the information isn't out there. I think that a lot of people forget that not everyone has internet. And that information isn't at there fingertips. When I started handing out brochures I dropped them off at the library, a teen homeless shelter, teen pregnancy center, and walk in clini