Guests refuse to use registry

kaymariec

Anyone who recently had a baby shower or have one coming up notice that guests are not buying off registry? 

My friends and family keep texting me that they bought the cutest thing but not from my registry. I’ll have enough clothes for 10 babies!

elvenchick92686

My SO family did this. So now my sister is having to buy everything else we need. Thankfully she is able to but still. The excuse i received was "nobody in the family knows how to amazon!!! Excuse me you all have kids and know how to click a f'in link to see whats on there!!!!!! Still very upset cause nobody got us the types and packs of diapers we need or anything practical. I already had enough clothes but still have more now, some of it is god awful!!!!

I am thankful that my sister can/wants to buy us what we still need though or i would've been super pissed!!!! I told SO for the next baby i wasnt doing a registry. 

kaymariec

I feel like clothing is such a personal item and should not be the first choice when purchasing for a newborn. A friend of mine had a 10.5 lb baby and could not use a single newborn clothing item she received. She ended up giving it all to me. So I already have a great wardrobe for my baby. 

shellac835

I've been super fortunate and people have stuck to my registry almost exclusively, which is so appreciated! Where are you registered? I initially was just going to use Amazon and my Aunt told me she didn't think anyone would buy from there and I really needed and in person store, so I did there and Target. People have bought a LOT more from Target than Amazon which surprised me, I figured everyone was a Prime member! So if you're only registered online maybe consider adding an in person store?  That is so frustrating though, it's nice for people to buy gifts but there are so many things you actually NEED for a baby, not just cute outfits.

kaymariec

Registered at Amazon and Babies R Us, one item purchased from Babies R Us. Hoping maybe people bought stuff and forget to mark it at check out. 

elvenchick92686

@shellac835 i was only on amazon. I figured if they didnt buy it from there then it was simple to click a link and look but nope. I only had one person buy from target and i only knew that cause she was the only one, out of 20 people i might add, who provided a gift receipt. His family went a step further and took all price tags off And no gift receipt so i have no idea where any of it came from so i am stuck. I told his mom, who hosted the shower, to tell people we needed diapers, bottles, bottle liners and a couple other things and to include a gift receipt in case of returns or exchanges. Instead i get clothes, blankets, a bath tub, and only three small packs of diapers, Two pacifiers and only one gift receipt. The one person who did do a gift receipt gave us the pacifiers and some other stuff we needed. So, i have a feeling that even if we had did multiple stores nobody would have bought anything off it and did their own thing anyhow. 

babybison

I used Amazon, but I put a note on it that most items were available at other baby stores, and I noticed day-of some people purchased the rights items but from a different store. It's possible someone saw the exact item you wanted while s/he was out and about and just bought it then. 

MJDsquared

My first shower is on Sunday so I can't be totally sure, but based on what my registries are saying has been purchased, it's not a lot. I have Amazon and Target, and people have bought lots more from Amazon.

The frustrating thing is that the shower this weekend is in CA...and guests including DH's cousin and our really good friend (who is the reason we met) bought fairly large items but shipped them to CA. I know it's more fun to give a gift in person, but how the hell are we supposed to get a stroller frame, giant box of diapers, and a baby bathtub back with us (on a plane)?!

I don't know how many people are coming to this shower, but those are the only two people I know who have bought off the registry for this shower. SIL bought us a cute diaper bag apparently, even though I already have a Kate Spade one that MIL had for chemo but never used and also registered for a backpack diaper bag that someone bought. I don't think SIL has glanced at the registry. But if the diaper bag she gifts us is cute/practical/DH is willing to carry it too, I'll just return the one I registered for (which is plain black) I suppose.

But regardless, I'm happy that people are buying us anything at all. I know they don't have to! And if we have to make some returns/figure out shipping some gifts home, we will.

cait5413

@MJDsquared if the ones being shipped to CA are from target, I'd bring them to Target there and get a gift card and re-purchase at home! We drove 3 hours for DD's shower and some people still shipped the bigger stuff to our house so we wouldn't have to try to fit it all in the car. I can't imagine trying to get it all on a plane!

MJDsquared

@cait5413 Oh that is genius! But of course...they’re from amazon. Haha. But I’ll keep that in mind in case any big Target stuff is gifted to us!

eazybreezy225

I don't know... maybe stop bitching about the fact that people are generous enough to buy you anything at all in the first place?

failuretofly

@eazybreezy225 my sentiments exactly... it seems extremely self centered to bitch about people not GIFTING you the *right* stuff... 
It is a GIFT. Be grateful. Say thank you. Move on. 

balletnerd

I’m registered at amazon and buy buy baby. At my first shower I got almost nothing off my registries. All clothes. So much clothes. And while I’m grateful - I much would have preferred practical items- and to have been able to pick out clothing myself. Oh well. I still have one more shower - and I’m expecting the same thing to happen again at this point. I’m sure there will be a bunch of outfits she will grow out of before she can even wear them hahah

elvenchick92686

I didnt mean to come off that way :-/. But i totally did and i didnt mean it that way. I am thankful for stuff but its just a pet peeve of mine for somebody to ask me what we need and then go and tell people the opposite all because thats what you got!!! I have nothing we actually "needed". Oh well we will get it all in the end i guess. 

MJDsquared

Apparently amazon led (or is it lead?) me astray, because the gifts from DH’s cousin just arrived at our house! If the stroller frame is the only big thing we get, we can just check it for free because we’re flying Southwest with carryon luggage only.

this update seems sort of silly, but the point is you can’t always trust amazon, apparently.

ETA: I think I’m an idiot and the “address” is just where you’re supposed to send the thank you note. I don’t think it actually tells you where they shipped it...

tmk0325

Do you know what you are having? I notice when people announce before their shower they end up with a lot more clothes and blankets that are gender specific as opposed to going off the registry. We live in a rural area and some people don’t shop online so I only did target. That way I could easily return as well. I love amazon prime but didn’t even bother with it. I figured if people just have one option to shop from it’s been than multiple. Thankfully we had big families and were team green and needed everything so most people shopped the registry. I took a fair amount of other stuff back though!

jlemons-2

I guess I'm in the minority. A gift is a gift and I've been thankful for every single one. Buying baby clothes is fun for people and I got a TON. But baby will just be extra stylish and I will provide every he needs as I am his mama. 

skc040512

@jlemons-2 I didn't register for any clothes for DD1 and got enough stuff that I didn't have to buy anything for her until she was 6 months. We made some exchanges and swapped out sizes, but I was so grateful to get clothes because those suckers are expensive. We also had a lot of people buy off registry and give us cash along with the gift. We probably still used 95% of things given to us that we couldn't return.

failuretofly

I totally agree @jlemons-2. Its not other people's responsibility to make sure your baby's needs are met, it's ours. Gift giving is fun, so obviously people are going to buy the fun things, which for a lot of people is clothing. No one is going to post a picture to Facebook saying "thanks auntie Jane for the nose Frieda, here's me using it!" Lol

splsmama2016

People are going to buy what they want to buy. I put a note on our registry with DD1 that we did NOT need any clothing, yet we still got clothes. It’s going to happen. But it’s also nobody’s responsibility to make sure your baby has what they need aside from your own. Gifts are not a requirement at a shower, wedding or birthday, and I hate that our generation has this expectation. I’m NOT saying you are, and I know you didn’t mean to come across that way, so I want to put it out there first. But we all know THOSE types of moms/moms to be who pretty much demand that they get only the most expensive blah blah for their kids.... not how this works. 

As for the items that dont have tags or gift receipts,  ask the person who bought them if they still have THEIR receipt and tell them the item was too small. 

elvenchick92686

Ive asked MIL about it and got reemed me a new hole at the thought of exchanging stuff so oh well. This is why i said from the start i didnt even want to do a registry to begin with. SO and I had it all planned out but his mom forced the issue since she so excited about her "1st grandkid" like lucas didnt even exist which still really hurts. I guess that steams alot of why i always come across as a bitch for anything she does or say. Its just such a touchy subject. 

Everybody else got us alot of cute stuff and a few homemade things so i excited to use all that. Even my first shower i got a ton of clothes and was really happy even though i didnt need it cause its all free so i guess my issue is just her and anything she does. 

bb89012

My shower is next weekend and only one person (my grandmother) has purchased off of my registry. I’m just convinced and accepting of the fact that I’m going to have a lot of returns and gift cards. Most people last time bought off of my registry and I still had a ton of returns but I’m fine with that because I’ll just go get the stuff off my registry myself then. I actually think it’s more fun that way anyway, more shopping sprees for me!

elev2017

I agree that people should be thankful for any gifts they receive, but as the gift giver I believe you should be thinking about what the receiver wants and needs, not what you want or like, otherwise it's not a very thoughtful or considerate gift. Yes, nose fridas, bottle liners, and diapers are boring but that's what people actually need!

PoeMasque

We are first time parents and had quite a few people gift us items that they found helpful as new parents instead of stuff off our registry. I was so thankful for the insight and thoughtfulness of those gifts. I will definitely think of those people when we use those items as opposed to the registry items, so they actually feel more personal and special to me. 

I also didn’t put anything on the registry that we didn’t need or couldn’t afford to buy ourselves. So whatever people bought off of it was kind of like icing on the cake since we will be purchasing it regardless. 

On a side note, I had a coworker who had 7 registries with over 2,000 items total and a whole separate list “for the parents” that included items like body wash and expensive sheets. It was a month of entertainment for our office as we watched which items were purchased. 

ShyTonia

@leilagphillips you couldn’t have said it any nicer and more simple. We got almost everything thing off our registry, and am filled with so much gratitude and appreciation. But for the life of me I could not believe we only got 2 small packs of diapers and one pack of wipes. We thought it was so weird. Oh and one bottle. Lol. No biggy though because we’d be buying diapers anyways. Then my MIL friend asked what’s the one thing we didn’t get at the shower that I still needed and I said diapers. Next thing you know we are getting a bulk order of diapers delivered from Walmart with a subscription to diapers delivered monthly! 
my one SIL said she wasn’t buying from the registry, that she wanted to get me what she wanted. And honestly she got me some of my favorite things! 

elev2017

@ShyTonia Wow, that's amazing that your MIL got you that diaper subscription! I hope someone does that for us because with twins I think we're basically going to be living in a tower of diapers lol.

kaymariec

@leilagphillips I totally agree

Amber_Waves

Traditionally, showers were very practical affairs that were meant to prepare parents for parenthood without the parents having to buy or make everything for their first baby. It takes a village and all. DH and I were really grateful that 90% of our gifts were registry items because it means our limited resources will stretch further as we prepare for the baby (new furnace + buy what's left on the registry.) We did an amazon registry & it worked for our guests, though I will say that 95% of the people at the shower are parents or grandparents and so they probably understood, without being told, that practical items would be cherished. I know when I was younger I didn't understand the value of buying the boring stuff off the registry, but I get it now.

dkizz82

We had 3 things purchased off our registry. It’s not ideal but I can take things back and swap them. I always buy off people’s registires though because they wouldn’t of registered if they didn’t need it. 

babymakes9

I generally look at ftm's registries and then disregard 95% of it.  Imo, they don't always register for what they are going to need and use,  but rather for cutesy things or extras that never get used.  

If they have real needed items on it,  I'll get them that,  otherwise I get then things they will need that they forgot to put on the registry or don't know about.

For example  mom #1 had a baby in January.  Didn't register for any blanket sleepers.  Only cute legging like pants and short sleeve t shirts. 

Sil bought tons of clothes,  and registered for lots of huge items/ baby contraptions,  but no swaddlers,  teethers, or small daily baby essentials. 

Amber_Waves

@mamaof5already
i guess that works if you know the FTM doesn't have the essentials, but in my case, I received a ton of essentials as hand-me-downs before finishing the registry--there were no swaddles or sleepers on the registry because I already had several in each size!

ShyTonia

Agreed @Amber_Waves I got a lot of great hand me downs, I took a lot of stuff off the regristry up till the shower. (I just marked as purchased so people would see I had it already) if people went off what wasn’t on my regristry, I would have gotten a lot of what I already had. 

nothingbuttherain

We just had our first shower and it seemed like about 60% or so was off-registry. It was mostly fine - lots of cute clothes - but we definitely have several essentials we still need. On the bright side, we're probably set as far as clothes. 

Etiquette question: one person missed the memo that we're having a boy and got us the cutest little girl outfit. She had to leave early and missed the unwrapping part, so she probably has no idea still. There wasn't a gift receipt. Any advice for thanking her for the thoughtful gift without making her feel bad when she realizes it's a boy, even though we'll probably just give it to another friend who's expecting a girl? 

Amber_Waves

@rebeckyjoy I would just send a note thanking them for the cute outfit. If they apologize or ask about the gift after the baby is born, just say you found it a loving home...no worries!

nothingbuttherain

@Amber_Waves - thanks for the suggestion - found it a loving home is a good way to say it if she asks. It really is a cute outfit - shame we can't use it.

jesrude

I'm with @Amber_Waves on the idea behind a registry. But I also understand a gift is a gift and people put thought behind it.  However, my one caveat is providing gift receipts.  I say this not from the "well I just don't like it so I want to get what I want" but from the place of: a) receiving tons of hand-me-downs and not always needing certain things that are gifted, b) most places, the temperature isn't the same year round, so what's out now won't work in summer (for clothes)  I appreciate the forethought to buy clothes stages ahead, but also be mindful of the time of year and that ALL babies grow at different rates so they may never get to wear that super awesome holiday outfit or whatever.  Again, not trying sound ungrateful, but gift giving, IMHO, is about knowing the receiver and finding something that works for THEM, not something that you think is fun.

I do like what someone else said about asking the giver if they have their receipt for exchanges.  I didn't even think of that.  

dilbert890

I’ve been on the fence about this thread. I was reluctant to have a registry as I assume people know what babies need and I could use everything! 

I made a registry, I added to it after I was told it was a “bit short”. I’ve had just shy of a couple dozen of 100 things purchased off it. 

I had a shower and received like 6 teddy bears and I likely have close to a dozen blankets.. how many teddies and blankets does a kid really need? Some people, their only gift was the teddy.. I don’t want to sound unappreciative but for real. I’m not sure where I could even try to return them.. and I am a bit of a sentimental person so I’d like to hang on to them.. I just wasn’t planning a net of bears in the baby’s room.. 

aheqoefamily

A lot of stores have the ability to scan barcodes from their apps and tell you if they have the items in stock and thus you can return them and no one asked us for the receipts.

We did a registry and for the most part people followed it and when we either purchased something or someone gave us something early we marked it as purchased elsewhere on the registry to help guide people torwards the things we really needed/wanted. I would say it had about a 90% effective rate. 

From all of our gifts we only got two gift receipts, but by scanning the barcodes from home with Target and Walmart we have been able to return everything from our duplicate pile but three items and without taking everything into every store. We just added those few unreternable to our re-gift draw for a future good home. 

skc040512

Just had my sprinkle yesterday for DD2...we registered for very little  (mostly disposable things that we wanted the registry discount for, like diapers, wipes, lanolin, etc.). We got maybe a handful of things off the registry, but got a couple big boxes of diapers and a freaking crap ton of clothes. Since DD1 was born in April, and DD2 will be a December baby, we didn't have many seasonally appropriate things. But now it looks like no clothes shopping until she's at least 6 months...woohoo!

jesrude

Just an update: I did what another poster recommended and looked for items with the Target and Wal-Mart apps on scan product.  I determined where a lot of our stuff came from doing this.  The only issue I had was at Wal-Mart when they told me they didn't sell something and we went looking around to use our GC for returns they did take, and 2 of 3 outfits they said they "don't carry" were back there.  I just rolled my eyes and left.  I'll be donating the items we were going to return but couldn't to a local women's shelter or as Angel Tree gifts later this year.

tmk0325

@dilbert890 I took back a bunch of blankets and teddy bears as well.  I just wrote a generic thank you note, thanking them for their gift and attending the shower.  The only blankets I kept were the ones that were obviously personalized.  Those are the ones we continue to use to this day.