I'm over the moon, hubby is not

christineh13186

Just got my BFP last Friday. We have been TTC since March. My first prenatal appointment is in 4 weeks (they don't see until 8 weeks, I'm 4 weeks +5 today). Hubby and I agreed that we wouldn't share with anyone until the first ultrasound. All I wanted to do tonight was go to Target and just look at baby stuff because I am so over the moon excited, and he is just being very negative. He can't stop thinking about the possibility of losing this baby, and it's starting to bring me down. Any advice on how to turn his attitudr around???

ecwk

christineh13186 said:

Just got my BFP last Friday. We have been TTC since March. My first prenatal appointment is in 4 weeks (they don't see until 8 weeks, I'm 4 weeks +5 today). Hubby and I agreed that we wouldn't share with anyone until the first ultrasound. All I wanted to do tonight was go to Target and just look at baby stuff because I am so over the moon excited, and he is just being very negative. He can't stop thinking about the possibility of losing this baby, and it's starting to bring me down. Any advice on how to turn his attitudr around???

Sorry that you're not both reacting the same way. TBH when I got pregnant the first time I also refused to allow myself to get too excited because I was too scared of something bad happening. So I kind of get where your husband is coming from. Unfortunately you can't tell him how to feel or "turn his attitude around" but hopefully as your pregnancy  progresses and you meet the milestones he will become more and more excited! Stay positive and hopefully he will feel more secure in the news before long! 

kiki75

Everyone handles things a little differently and there's a variety of reasons he could be reacting the way he is. *TW* Unfortunately, his fear of miscarriage isn't totally irrational. For some people, this does make it hard to get excited until you hit a few of the big milestones. He may also be both excited and freaked out. This is kind of like being pulled up that first hill on a roller coaster and he may be afraid of if he can handle it. He may be worried about cost, lifestyle change, if he's going to be a good dad, etc. MH has mentioned to me a number of times that he's worried about being a good dad. Yes, you were actively TTC but then it was theoretical. Now it's real. Ish. It's a strange thing. It'll be good when he sees the ultrasound. That helps the non-carrying partners connect. 

I wouldn't try to force him to "change his attitude" at this point. That's just going to pick fights. Just talk to him. Open up to each other. And frankly, I'm not shocked he didn't want to go shopping. 19 weeks in and H has not expressed any interest in browsing at Target. Lots of people don't enjoy browsing. They go to get the things on their list and get out. And that's fine. I just go by myself and look around when I want for however long I want without worrying that anyone is getting bored. Or stay home and cruise the internet. 

Edit: add TW

SoraLk

My fiance behaved in a similar way when we got pregnant this time around (*TW* We lost two before this *End TW*). The best advice I can give you is to give him time and space. I bet you he will warm up to the idea, or even talk to you more about it as time goes on and that the pregnancy is more concrete.

In example: My fiance asked me to avoid working on anything baby related until we got the OK from the doctor about the viability. We confirmed viability before the end of the first trimester, but I waited until the second trimester to really start getting excited so that my fiance could come to terms with everything. He was very appreciative that I did so, and now is the one asking me questions every week about baby's current state.

izza2

Previous OPs have given awesome responses, but I just want to add: keep in mind that you're the one who's pregnant, you peed on the tests, you're feeling those first pregnancy symptoms all day. The only thing connecting him mentally to the pregnancy is seeing the positive test (if he saw it), and you reminding him you're pregnant. Many fathers don't fully accept and get excited about the pregnancy/LO until they see the first ultrasound, or hear the heartbeat. It's completely normal.

I'm over the moon happy that I'm pregnant. My husband is over the moon happy. But we're both in a place where we have friends and loved ones who have experienced losses. We understand it's unfortunately common. When I got my first positive test, I flipped, and was in ultimate "baby mode". I wanted to start a registry, I wanted to look at baby stuff, I wanted to think of names. But H calmed me down and reminded me that, we're lucky to be where we are, but it's so incredibly early that the chances of loss are still relatively high. It's okay to be excited, and want to plan for the future. It's normal. But it's also okay for your s/o to be thinking about and also mentally trying to prepare himself for the possibility of this pregnancy not working out. They're both completely normal and healthy reactions.

Don't try and "force" him to be happy or do things he's not prepared to do. It's an adjustment period, and it'll take longer for him to adjust than it will for you. I've been nauseous since like 12 DPO, I'm reminded every single day that I'm pregnant. My husband gets none of that; sometimes he forgets because it's still so new. It's normal. Trying to force your s/o to feel a way they don't actually feel will do nothing but cause unnecessary arguments and fights.
It's one of the reasons I take solace in TB and my other online friends. They're going through the same/similar things, or can relate and get excited about random things with me. If I tell MH I'm excited because I'm nauseous, he looks at me like I have two heads. *shrug*

stillcozy

My husband is quite similar. Very cautious haha I actually got my bfp today and his response was “well let’s wait and see if it’s still true in a few weeks” granted he doesn’t quite get that a positive is a positive being cautious doesn’t mean not excited or happy it just means that cautious a nice gift would maybe by a book you two can read together about the baby’s development can be really helpful! So excited for you both!! 

kat029

@christineh13186 how have things been with him now?

marioana99

lindsayleigh1989 said:

My husband is quite similar. Very cautious haha I actually got my bfp today and his response was “well let’s wait and see if it’s still true in a few weeks” granted he doesn’t quite get that a positive is a positive  

My husband is the same. I got positive and negative tests one after another in the last 2 days, and this morning I went for a blood test. Leaving there he said: if it's not this month there is always the next month (this after 2 years of failed IVF's). What can I say ? I just let him be and hope for the best.