March 2018 Moms
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Re: UO 9/14

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  • I agree with you @DDRRT1982 both of my kids self-weaned off of the pacifiers around 3 months, once they found their thumbs.  A co-worker of mine had her 2nd about 4 months after I had my second and she did not want him to become a thumb sucker so every time she noticed him sucking his thumb (even around 2-3 months old) she would pull it out.  I personally don't see the big deal with it as both of my kids now only do it when they're tired and going to bed.  I do think that a child is old enough to not have a pacifier if they can take it out to ask for something and then put it back in, so maybe that's my UO ( I have actually seen this happen on multiple occasions with different children)
  • @DDRRT1982 my 2.5-year-old has her thumb and her little crocheted bunny, and I don't stress about either one. I'm sure she'll quit the thumb when she's ready, and she can take the bunny on her honeymoon if she wants to. Lol
  • @ddrrtt1982 all my kids have lovies, and they no longer bring them anywhere,  but they keep them in there rooms,  either in there beds,  or on a shelf. They don't take them to school,  or friends houses,  but they are still special to them.  My 16 year old boy's teddy sits on his headboard. Its not a big deal at all. 

    I never had any pacifier babies,  but i did have a finger sucker and a thumb sucker.  They both had dental devices installed in elementary school to help them break the habit,  because a thumb or fingers can't be taken away like a pacifier can. And they would self comfort at bedtime,  or when bored,  it was habit. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
    older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7 
  • I totally brought a teddy bear to college. Most people who came into my dorm room just thought it was cute. It's not like I carried it around to class and parties! However, it was not my "security toy" from infancy/toddler-hood. I put him in the guest room for my MIL's visit this summer, and she laughed but she also appreciated it. :P

    My UO is that I don't like melon. I like watermelon and I'll eat honey dew, but I don't like cantaloupe or musk melon. Bleh. 

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • @mamaof5already I had to get a dental device to stop my thumbsucking at 7 or 8. It worked haha! I can confidently say I am 31 and I do not, nor have the urge to, suck my thumb.
  • kalawakalawa member
    edited September 2017
    @antoto It is not okay to use real disorders, challenges, etc. as an excuse for your child's misbehaviour. It's sad that as parent's we feel we have to use these labels, that are serious, for excuses. It really shows how judgemental society can be. Instead of being able to say "my kid is just testing me today, and totally not listening", we are forced to find an excuse.

    ETA And in regards to your friend. If she wasn't ready to be a mom, at least she is doing her best. And at least you recognize she has improved. Would she take your advice kindly, if you mentioned, maybe, it's just who her son is and not a disorder etc?
  • kalawa said:
    @antoto It is not okay to use real disorders, challenges, etc. as an excuse for your child's misbehaviour. It's sad that as parent's we feel we have to use these labels, that are serious, for excuses. It really shows how judgemental society can be. Instead of being able to say "my kid is just testing me today, and totally not listening", we are forced to find an excuse.

    ETA And in regards to your friend. If she wasn't ready to be a mom, at least she is doing her best. And at least you recognize she has improved. Would she take your advice kindly, if you mentioned, maybe, it's just who her son is and not a disorder etc?
    I have definitely suggested that to her before.  She doesn't accept it.  She is convinced that he has something.
  • @antoto That's the worst. Well at least you know you did what you could. Some people just can't understand that children are children. They don't have fully developed brain systems yet, and that's ok. It comes with age, maturity, experience, etc. And who am I kidding...we all still act out once and awhile. 
  • ShawnnaO said:
    On the topic of disorders in children, I can't stand when all the signs are there, but parents refuse to go get their child tested. I know a family who's son was very, very slow to start talking, wouldn't read, wasn't hitting those communication developmental milestones, but they wouldn't get him tested for anything because they didn't want to deal with the situation. He's almost a teen now and still just barely functions when it comes to communication and they are JUST NOW starting to get him into speech therapy. I firmly believe he would be so much farther ahead, if not right on track, if they had admitted to a problem sooner and gotten him the help he needed. 

    Edit: spelling/grammar 
    Oh god this too!!!!!!  I've seen it with my high school students especially with dyslexia the most and sometimes autism.  Of course half the time I just strongly, strongly suspect it - I can't prove it because the parents refuse to test the kid.  So they just suffer along with terrible grades and terrible social lives.  If your kids teachers suggest FREE testing - just do it. 
  • @ShawnnaO this is something I also feel strongly about because our DS (2 this past June) was not hitting any of his speech milestones, I wasn't worried that he couldn't talk (there was nothing physically wrong with his mouth or vocal cords) but there was something stopping him from talking.  We got him tested and we now have a speech therapist come to our house every Thursday to work with him so that he's not behind when he goes to school.  I think that it's very important that if there's an issue it be identified and worked with as soon as possible to give the child the best opportunity to succeed in life
  • My oldest is a special case.  Since he was in preschool I have had issues with him doing his work in school.  He is not a behavior problem and he scores very, very high on all the academic tests, but for some reason he just will not do in class school work and homework.  I have done everything.  I have gone to school with him, I have had him tested twice, medicated him, discipline.  Honestly, his teachers hate him.  He is the kid that frustrates you so much bc he has so much potential, he scores higher than most of your other students, but he doesn't complete the in class work or homework, and he has terrible work ethic.  His grades are A and Bs usually, bc he tests so well and those are weighted more, but I know the teachers hate giving him those grades bc he doesn't deserve them.  Anyways, most teachers in elementary school suggested ADD, but never offered testing.  Plus, I  didnt see it and kind of fought that diagnosis at first.  I had him tested in late elementary school for the first time and it came back 2E or twice exceptional.  Basically, three parts of his IQ score are high, but one part is in the 70s.  We did intervention, but nothing worked.  I did test him again in middle school and this time they said ADHD.  We tried non-stimulant meds and then went on to stimulants, plus counseling.  Nothing worked.  I took him off bc the benefit did not outweigh the risks.  So, now I am back to square one and teachers probably think I am not doing anything, when in reality I have been trying to help him since preschool.  He's in high school now and the emails have already started.  My blood boils every time I get one.  I get so frustrated with him bc I now think he is old enough to understand life isn't always about what you want to do.  The only thing that seems to help is sports.  So, I have him in sports year round and ROTC.  I kind of want the teachers to cc his coaches and ROTC instructors, because he really does care what they think, but bi don't want to waste their time either.  Sometimes I wish he would get bad grades and they would fail him.  It's never happened and he has maybe only gotten one or two C's his whole academic career.

    My personal opinion is he is like his Dad.  He will excel at everything that interest him and balk at anything that doesn't.  He is even kind of smug about how he can put for so little effort and still perform on paper better than everyone else.  It really pisses me off and concerns me for when he actually has to hold down a job.   
  • @DDRRT1982 that sounds really rough. My husband was kind of like that in highschool, though not to quite an extreme. I let him copy my homework in the classes we had together just so he would actually get it done. But he always did well on tests and he was #1 in the classes he actually had an interest in. And now he works in a field that he loves and he does great. Hopefully, when your son leaves highschool, he's able to find a career that he's really passionate about and excel at that. Maybe you could talk to his coaches directly? I'm sure they do care about his academics, and honestly if they're anything like the coaches in my highschool were, they might already have an idea of what's going on because all the teachers/coaches gosspied with each other. 
  • @DDRRT1982 I'm sorry that you have this frustration! Your sons story reminds me of a boy one year below me in school. I'd say pretty identical. He was fairly smart, especially in math, but hated school and all the teachers and the feeling was mutual. I knew someone that was friends with the principal and heard rumors that the teacher were just passing him to get him out of there. They didn't want to have him one extra year. Anyways, I do have a point I'm getting to. He could tear apart anything and build it back up. He would spend hours at home in the shop with his dad. If it was something he enjoyed, he would be interested. Otherwise no motivation whatsoever for anything else. Especially school work! Now that he has graduated he has a great job as an electrician (also something he loves and really excels at). He is a very hard worker and nobody would have ever guessed he would be successful at anything. He also always has a car in his garage that he is fixing for someone or rebuilding. 
    I kind of knew his mom and I felt bad for her because I'm sure she was just as frustrated with him as you are with your son. So just know, there is still hope for him! Even though schooling is important, some kids just really struggle with the classwork and homework but it doesn't always mean they will be a failure in life! 
    Hang in there! 

  • DDRRT1982DDRRT1982 member
    edited September 2017
    @antoto the school never started the whole IEP and 504 process.  I honestly wish that I had pushed a little harder for a little more in school intervention earlier, but most of the psychologist suggested treatment with them or medication only.  He is doing ok, not excelling like he could, but I think his career academically has turned him off from all education.  His goal is to get through and go to the Marines.  

    Thanks guys for the similar stories.  It's nice to hear that things have turned out well for others.  Honestly, I really hope he sticks with wanting to join the military.  He does best when he identifies with something, like now being a high school football player.  Plus, the military encourages accountability and hopefully he will mature there before the working world.




  • @DDRRT1982 I speak from experience with my husband... the military will do wonders for him and he will probably love it, as long as he gets into an MOS that interests him. 
  • @DDRRT1982  You mind me asking which portion of his IQ was in the 70s?  Did they look at executive functioning at all by any chance?  
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  • @DDRRT1982 I'm a little irked at your line about your blood boiling from getting teacher emails. Teachers are not mind readers and if there is no plan in place for them to read, they will have no history/background about your son. Have you gone in during open house to talk with his teachers about him? Or sent them an email giving them some background at the beginning of the year?
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  • @SP128 yes they did.  The part he was in the 70s was cognitive flexibility.  

    @becausescience my blood does not boil because of the teachers, but because of my son not doing what is expected of him.  I think I was pretty clear above that I hold him accountable.  He is a very intelligent human and at some point he is going to have to mature and just get the work done.  Every time a teacher communicates with me I am responsive and I use corrective behavior at home.  I have been through the ringer with this child.  My whole point in sharing is that sometimes we parents have done a lot behind the scenes that get little to no recognition because approaches are ineffective.  
  • DDRRT1982DDRRT1982 member
    edited September 2017
    @SP128 FWIW, the second time I had him tested they said he was not 2e and that part was a little slower, but not below average.  The neuropsychologist said he was classic ADHD and needed meds.  I asked about other intervention and he said no.  Not to go too deep, but my oldest was a 25 weeker and he was completely relating his behavior to his prematurity.  I don't know.  I have been completely humbled by this experience.  I am just going to have to hold him accountable until he graduates.

    Edit typo
  • @DDRRT1982 Ok. I'm thinking the cognitive flexibility part is from the BRIEF.  It's an executive functioning scale, which is different than IQ.   I'm going to guess that they did an ADHD screener to say ADHD.... As always do what you think is best for him and you can always meet with his teachers to discuss.
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    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
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  • I wish I knew what was best.  That's precisely why I sought out help.  Like I said before, I have been completely humbled as a parent going through all of this.  He really is a good kid.  He is smart, funny, compassionate, and a leader.  I am truly proud of him, but I just wish I could really get him to maximize his potential.  I also wish I could get him to understand that he isn't going to have fun every moment of his life.  That life has many moments of hard work.  
  • @DDRRT1982 Sorry, I misread that as your blood boiling towards the teacher. You're doing all you can, every student is different and teachers do understand that. 
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  • @vflux33 to piggy back off that, my UO  (at least in this part of the country) is year round schooling is a GREAT idea. Maybe even make the school week 4 days. Give teachers, admins, students, etc the chance to decompress after dealing with whatever during the school week.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • cford08 said:
    @vflux33 to piggy back off that, my UO  (at least in this part of the country) is year round schooling is a GREAT idea. Maybe even make the school week 4 days. Give teachers, admins, students, etc the chance to decompress after dealing with whatever during the school week.
    Yeah I think 4 days a week and/or shorter days in exchange for summer's off would be a cool thing to try.  I think a lot of kids would have an easier time retaining focus in a shorter day and/or week. But we'd have to do something to facilitate day care so that working parents don't get totally screwed. 
  • cford08 said:
    @vflux33 to piggy back off that, my UO  (at least in this part of the country) is year round schooling is a GREAT idea. Maybe even make the school week 4 days. Give teachers, admins, students, etc the chance to decompress after dealing with whatever during the school week.
    Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes 
  • @bb3vj3n I think typically year round school still gets about a month off in the summer, as well as a longer winter break (?) so families could totally still have amazing memories like that! I definitely understand not wanting to miss out on those things; some of my favorites memories are summer vacation with my family. 

  • @bb3vj3n I'm with you on the memories and spending time. But what if the school year is broken up in a way that gives kids 2 to 3 weeks off periodically instead of one long, drawn out vacay? Working parents could get time off throughout the year to take their kids instead of everyone trying to be off during the summer. I felt the same way you do until we moved to NC a couple of years back....just changed my position on it....but you're right though. You gotta do what's best for you and yours in the end.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • My much more frivolous UO is that September 15 is too early to have Halloween decorations up. Walking through my neighborhood this morning, I noticed many houses didn't just have fall décor (mums, scarecrows, pumpkins, autumn window decals), but skeletons and bats and witches too.

    I love the holidays MORE than most people, but Halloween is not a 6+ week event! It's 86 degrees in Chicagoland today!
  • @chasingroygbiv 100% agreed on all points. Sometimes Christmas stuff creeps up on Thanksgiving day. That's fair game. (;
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