TTGP Grad Check In 8/31

breezybee

Hey guys!  Thought we could do a random, informal check in this time. What appointments are you having?  How are you feeling?  What's going on?  Etc...
Hope you're all well!

breezybee

Omg I made this thread and then promptly passed TF out!  I slept like total crap last night, as is the norm, but I had to be up at 5:45 for work (I woke morning to get the 4 boys I nanny to school). When I got home, I drank half a latte and fell back to sleep. Lol. 
Got a busy day ahead - just kidding. I'm getting a much needed facial at noon and then nothing. Maybe I'll do laundry.

So during my coma this morning, I got a text and im just trying to process it right now. So tonight I've got dinner plans with my friend that I've been having the weirdness with. Last week, she sent me this long text about how our lives are going in different directions, but that she loves me and thinks of me all the time and she wants to hang out. She was obviously drunk, but whatever. It took me about a week to respond and I told her that I love her too, but every time we hang out, I feel like she can't stand me and wants to be anywhere but there and it really sucks and hurts my feelings. I told her don't force herself to hang out because that's not fun for anyone and that I understand why she's doing what she's doing, albeit unintentionally, but like, enough is enough. I have to take care of my own emotional well being too now, so I just laid it out for her. In a really understanding and non-confrontational way, of course. Anyway, she texted me this morning thanking me for the response, and says she wants to get dinner and talk. I don't know. I feel like I've had so many deep talks with her, and they never change anything, but I'll do it.  I'm interested in what she has to say. I'm not coming from a place of being mean, but just don't force yourself to hang out if you're just going to act like you hate me because I'm pregnant. It's got to be hard for her, so take time away if you need to!  
TWTWTWTWTWTW
I've also been thinking that because I was so THERE during her loss - in the hospital right when she was admitted, I stayed the whole time, including through delivery, I cleaned her house and TW the bloody bathroom, I helped pack the babies room, I made the calls to friends to let them know, her and her husband stayed with us for a few weeks after, etc - that maybe now, being around me makes it fresh and she'll never feel ok around me ever again.  I don't know. This whole thing is really depressing and it is so hard and sad to know that my best friend is going through so many things that she can't share with me. Ramble over. 

AFM, the babies are doing great!  Got another AS scan yesterday and they couldn't be better in there
i felt them kick for the first time outside yesterday, and now I'm feeling it A LOT!!!  I've just hoping to get my husband to catch it sometime lol. He keeps missing it!

MJDsquared

I love the informal check-in! I noticed them doing this on another BMB, and it was basically like a "weekly randoms, but mostly pregnancy-related" thread for TTGP grads, which was cool.

I'm finally not working from home today, but I'm still super congested. I'm sort of sad thinking about how I probably won't have any more ultrasounds and I'm still 17+ weeks away from my due date. I guess I just have to look forward to other things between now and the due date, like fall, showers, my birthday, etc.

@breezybee Ugh, I'm so sorry. I totally get what you're saying. It's better to not hang out at all than to force it just because she feels like she should or she's supposed to. Hopefully this talk resolves something, or at least she'll realize that maybe she does just need to distance herself for a while (though I hope it doesn't end your friendship). Such a tough situation. Hugs!

failuretofly

@breezybee sorry your friend situation isn't getting any easier. I really hope you can find some resolution. 

AFM 
Baby is great. My "oh shit it's a girl" anxiety has been 100% resolved with therapy/counselling/whatever you'd like to call it. It has also helped me see my relationship with my mom through a new light and see just how fucked up it is/she is and how much she actually manipulates me/everyone. We actually are going to visit next week and I am nervous about laying down some boundaries with her when it comes to the baby and when she can visit or what not. She is legitimately the most anxious ball of stressful energy and she basically ruined the first two weeks with DS so I'm not letting that happen again. Plus I have to approach her about never thanking us for giving her the down-payment for her house, because it's so far under my skin that she refuses to acknowledge that we helped her out. It's going to be a stressful trip. I've already researched hotels to stay at in case things go sideways and she asks us to leave her house since we will.be staying there.

breezybee

@MJDsquared yeah, I kind of like it too. You can just talk about whatever, instead of doing another list like Check In sorry you're still stuffy!  Tylenol cold and sinus doesn't help at all, and neither does that lame saline nasal spray. I've tried. Lol. 
@kvacmak Im glad your therapy has helped. And boundaries are always a good thing. I seriously cannot believe your mother never thanked or acknowledged that you guys gave her the DOWN PAYMENY for her house. That's amazing.  Definitely got some things to work out, but stand your ground. No one has the right to be an asshole to you. Good idea to have a back up plan - but I hope things go better than you expect!

MJDsquared

Ohhh also, I thought the newborn essentials class we took was pretty meh. I mean, practicing with a doll is NEVER going to be the same as doing any of these things with a baby, but there was one doll that she passed around in the beginning that was pretty accurately sized for a newborn--it was like 7 pounds, whatever. Three of the dolls, including the one we got, were literally stuffed animal dolls. They didn't even have plastic limbs or round heads. Anyway, I feel like all of them should've been the heavy, semi-realistic dolls.

I'm glad I went though, because just learning one or two things was worth it. Also, it was at a doula practice and the lady had to use her phone instead of her iPad because of technical issues. The best part was that she got a text in the middle from another doula saying, "Sometimes I want to give up being a doula for good. I'm so drained." It was just pretty funny, lol. Oh, and literally everyone else there was due within a week of each other (September 20-something) except for us. Kinda jumped the gun and could've gone to the October class, buuut I just kind wanted to get it out of the way.

wabash15

@breezybee hugs. she may get over it with time, especially when the kids get here but she might not. It sucks but you both need to do what is best for your mental health.
@MJDsquared i know its weird going such a long strech with out seeing the baby. Though on the upside it means all is well.
@kvacmak i'm glad talking with someone has helped. Good luck with your mom and setting boundries. My mom and I don't have the best relationship and she insisted on being there for the birth of the twins (which I did not want) In the end she didn't even pick up the phone when I called to say they were born (and didn't call me for almost a week). She did end up coming out my last week of maternity leave (which I hated, I really just wanted that time to focus only on the twins) but I also didn't feel like I could deny her the chance to meet them. Hang in there.

AFM: just chugging along. we have all the stuff for the baby room at some point I just need to bite the bullet and put the twins into toddler beds, but the idea scares the crap out of me so I'm stalling... I'd love to get the room done before the baby gets here but this one will likely spend the first several months in our room so I do have time.  The hunt for a minivan is slow... mostly because I have a lot of wants with a small budget and of course want the most expensive brand... I think we have found a few options they are just not local. 

breezybee

@wabash15 does it scare you to put them in toddler beds because they'll never stay in them?  Lol. You do still have time, so don't stress too much - it can wait a while longer. 
I hope you find the minivan of your dreams asap!

Marley629

@breezybee I'm sorry that the situation with your friend hasn't improved. I do hope that you can come to some type of resolution and develop a new normal for moving forward.  

@kvacmak I'm so glad that therapy is helping with the anxiety. I hope the conversation goes well with your mom and that she is able to understand where you are coming from and respect the boundaries you are setting. 

@wabash15 ugh I regret taking DS out of his crib. He slept so well in there but he also never attempted to climb out. I totally jumped the gun on that for no good reason.  FX it's an easy transition for you and that the minivan search is successful. 

AFM, sickness has improved overall; not fully but so much better so I'll take it. Vacation last week was successful.  We still haven't closed on the new house due to title issues that seller and bank are trying to resolve but it's something with the courts and it could take up to 90 days. However, our attorney and seller/their attorney agreed to let us move in (rent free, since we put so much money into house already-it's a short sale, seller/bank won't do anything and in order for us to close, our mortgage company required some work first and also seller has 4K worth of medical bills tied to a lien to house we have assumed in order to move forward) so we should be able to get into house tomorrow to start cleaning and painting. I'm just happy there's some progress and that I might have house ready and unpacked before baby gets here and I can finally sort thru DS' baby clothes & things to see what we have and what we need. Overall I'm excited but also super overwhelmed! 

I also found out my managers retreat/conference for work is Nov 12th through 15th which is 3 weeks before my scheduled c-section. It's about 2 hours away in the mountains.  I really want to go, is that crazy?   The next one will be in April and I don't think I'll be ready to leave LO At that point to attend. I'm a senior manager and feel like I should attempt to go if I am able too especially knowing I won't be able to attend the one in April. 

wabash15

@breezybee yes, I just envision them tearing their room apart or massive pillow fights... as it is they pass toys back and forth, steal each others pacifiers, encourage each other to take diapers off.... they are contained now, but as some point we have to make the transition.
@Marley629 I may stall a bit longer on the toddler bed thing. That is so much to deal with for the house. I hope it all works out smoothly. I'm glad your feeling a bit better. You are such a champ. I was crying at week 12 after dry heaving repeatedly, you are a strong strong woman. as for the trip I would do it... its only 2 hours away. So really if something happened your not that far from assistance. Go for it!

failuretofly

@MJDsquared you're so on top of things with all of your classes! I'm glad you feel like you got something out of it all! 

@wabash15 yea mom relationships can be hard. I've carried a lot of guilt around for not idolizing my mom like most seem to. I'm trying to let go of that and realize it's OKAY to not want to parent like she did.  Thanks    minivan hunting is not fun haha I was against it so DH basically did it all himself and ended up getting a repo from an auction for a really good deal. We got a dodge caravan that actually is newer and has more features than my girlfriends Sienna and we paid 1/3 the price... sometimes the brand isn't worth it.

@Marley629 I don't think it's unreasonable to go to the retreat! You should enjoy yourself! 

alysapuggles

Hey, you guys, I am selfishly resurrecting this thread because I need to vent! I have not been here much lately because my mom has been visiting for the last month and just left today, so I've basically been mobile only and am so not efficient at mobile bumping. I have been trying to read and keep up as much as possible though

So I had an appt last week and ended up leaving feeling like total shit. When the dr came in, she informed me that everything had been good with my anatomy scan (yay!), but she noticed that I had declined the second tri screening. (At my last appt, literally days before my AS, the dr I saw at that time offered it and we discussed getting the scan done, seeing if there was anything concerning, and going from there. She said that was absolutely fine, no problem. I had been so freakin stressed out over the first tri screening that I was trying to save my sanity since I didn't know if I wanted to go down the road of possible false positives/more testing/etc.) Everyone had been really nice/non-judgemental regarding testing decisions. So anyway I kind of summarized the discussion with previous dr, and she was like, "Well, that window has passed now. We usually strongly recommend at least the blah blah because if there is a very small issue they may not see it on the scan."   ........Ok.... well, what am I supposed to say to that? "Gee, guess I really screwed up!" I mean....I can't do anything about it now. I just felt so stupid.

And then later we were talking about how I've had a little weakness/high pulse randomly, and she mentioned my weight gain.  I'm almost 25 weeks and have gained 15 pounds. She informed me I should only be gaining 0-3 lbs between appts. I was not overweight to start with and thought I was doing okay, especially considering we've had houseguests for the last month and I've been indulging way more than usual. So now I'm worrying about everything I put in my mouth. I also know that at the next appt, I'll probably be wearing jeans, boots, and a heavier top so will automatically be up on the scale. I just left on the verge of tears after feeling scolded for everything. I had this dr for one other appt, and she was great. Perhaps I am overreacting because I have been super, super emo lately anyway. I didn't tell anyone else this stuff because it would probably sound silly to someone who wasn't going through it. I've calmed down a bit in the last few days, but ugh.

I am so glad this group exists, and I apologize for the selfish vent since I've been MIA for the last several weeks. I should be back more starting this week. DS has started K, so he's out of the house all day now, and my job basically laid me off indefinitely so I have oodles of free time! lol     

breezybee

No worries @alysapuggles!  Life happens!  Jesus, I could never have anyone - ANYONE - stay with me for a month. I get annoyed after 2 days max. Sorry your doctors Appt was so rough. Don't beat yourself up. I feel like all doctors have to bitch about weight gain no matter what. From what I remember, you were super small before getting pregnant, so I really wouldn't worry about 15 lbs. I would worry if it were like, 50 lol. 
Btw, I've been having some light headed, wooziness also, and my doctor said that's completely normal right now. I mean, we're pumping blood for another person!  Just take it easy
Glad you're back though!  I was wondering how you were doing!

MJDsquared

I'm also glad to see you back, @alysapuggles! I'm sorry about the frustrating appointment. Hopefully in the future you don't have to deal with that. And I'm sorry to hear you were laid off too.

alysapuggles

@breezybee Lol my mom is about the ONLY person I could stand for that long, but she's really good about giving space and doesn't need to be entertained. Nonetheless, I'm an introvert, and it's still really nice to have the house back! I'm trying not to let the weight thing get to me that much. I feel like I'm doing okay, so I will try to save my frustration for other things. Good to hear I'm not the only one experiencing that.  I was told it could be dehydration in the morning or low blood sugar. If it gets any worse she mentioned doing a monitor for 24 hours, but I'm guessing it's just the normal stuff.

@MJDsquared Thanks for the thoughts! Hopefully the layoff really will be temporary like they said, but I'm making preparations in case it's not.

I need current updates for you all, too! Hope everyone is doing well. Aren't some in third tri already?? That's just crazy!

Tennis11785

@alysapuggles - Welcome back! Sorry your appointment was so frustrating.  

wabash15

@alysapuggles sorry I'm so late to the party but tell that doc to F*** off. If your first trimester screen and anatomy scan were good I'm not sure why you would need more testing. No one has said anything to me about 2nd trimester screening and I'm AMA. The weakness and increased heart rate are normal in pregnancy as long as they are short episodes that resolve. It happened to me all the time with the twins and this pregnancy .  I've put on ~25lbs at this point and am 26 weeks. it is what it is, every woman is different. I try to eat healthy and not splurge a lot but i'm on track to gain as much as I did with the twins. Every woman is different and despite our efforts sometimes our bodies just put more weight on in preparation for birth and nursing. I keep waiting for my MW to scold me for my weight gain but thankfully she has not said a thing about it. Hugs. 

failuretofly

[previously kvacmak here]

@alysapuggles
your doc is ridiculous. Sorry you went through that. I don't even know what the 2nd trimester screen is! 

AFM: 
visit with my family went fine. I didn't have the guts to confront my mom about not thanking us about the house, partly because DH thought I should just let it go. Going home always just reiterates why I don't live there anymore, which I guess is good in a way!
Passed my GD screen so I can continue eating sorbet and hot chocolate and all the delicious treats I've been devouring. I'm borderline worried that this kid has gotten herself into a less-than-ideal position though because the feeling of her kicks has totally changed and i'm about 80% sure I can feel a head floating around (as in it's not hiding in my pelvis). She better get her shit together by the time it's delivery time and not wreck my home birth plans!

wabash15

@failuretofly glad you survived the visit home. I feel the same way when I go home. I can tell this kid is still breach because all the kicking I feel is in my pelvis/bladder. I know there is tons of time but I really hope this kid turns so I get my VBAC.

alysapuggles

@Tennis11785 @wabash15 @failuretofly Thanks for the support, everyone. I'm feeling a bit better now that some time has passed. I'm going to try not to worry about it anymore (until the next weigh in lol).

@failuretofly I think the 2nd tri screen was for spina bifida and a couple other things, but I can't recall exactly what. So glad to hear you got good GD results! Mine is on 10/11, and I'm nervous (surprise, surprise lol). With DS I failed the 1 hour and had to do the 3 hour, which UGH, so I'm hoping to pass the 1 hour this time around. And FX your LO gets herself shifted around soon! I've been feeling stuff all over and am horrible at telling what's what myself!

Edit to correct tag because apparently I can't use the mouse correctly either.