FTM Questions

sandbar517

Are you a first time mom with a question about pregnancy, birth/postpartum, newborn or beyond?  Put it here and our expert panel (i.e. STM+) will be happy to answer it!  Considering this is going to have a lot of very personal questions, I'm going to throw a big general TMI warning on it, so squeamish readers beware.
  

sandbar517

@BumpAdmin can we sticky this post please?

sandbar517

And I'll go first with the ice breaker:  Yes, you will probably poop during birth and I 100% guarantee, no matter how modest you are, that you WILL NOT CARE!!!

ivyvines6

sandbar517 said:

And I'll go first with the ice breaker:  Yes, you will probably poop during birth and I 100% guarantee, no matter how modest you are, that you WILL NOT CARE!!!

And you'll probably have no idea that it happened.

yesthisiskim0401

Knottie9983816 said:

sandbar517 said:

And I'll go first with the ice breaker:  Yes, you will probably poop during birth and I 100% guarantee, no matter how modest you are, that you WILL NOT CARE!!!

And you'll probably have no idea that it happened.

Unless you ask for a mirror as motivation to push. 
I never screamed "REGRETS" at a nurse before that moment...

yesthisiskim0401

sandbar517 said:

And I'll go first with the ice breaker:  Yes, you will probably poop during birth and I 100% guarantee, no matter how modest you are, that you WILL NOT CARE!!!

ivyvines6

 If you go to your OB or midwife, and tell them that you have intrusive thoughts of a depressive nature and their response is that it's normal and you'll get over it by the end of your pregnancy, switch offices immediately.  Trust your instincts and know that your body was designed to make and birth a baby however that feels right to you.  If what feels right to you is giving birth at home with a midwife and having your entire family surrounding you then go for it.  If what feels right for you is having your scheduled C-section set up three months in advance then do it.  If you think you are definitely going to need medication or not need medication make that decision for yourself and don't let anyone else influence you.  (And I really hope this group does not devolve into a breast versus bottlefeeding debate...) The only thing any of us in this group can do is give you advice and opinions based on our own preferences and experiences, and unfortunately you have to figure out motherhood on your own in a lot of respects. 

sandbar517

Good point, @Knottie9983816!

ivyvines6

 Here's another stm pro tip:  anyone who uses the #KnowBetterDoBetter unironicly, is probably an asshole 

zizzabell523

I had no idea I needed an episiotomy until after the birth. I had an epidural, but it was starting to wear off while pushing. Dr. didn't mention I needed the incision to me, I guess he assumed I was still numb and wouldn't know the difference. The pain I felt I thought was tearing, but he was actually cutting me. While it meant an easier delivery, recovery was a totally different story! I couldn't sit properly for almost 2 weeks. The numbing spray they give you does absolutely no good 5 minutes after you apply it. And not only do you have trouble pooping due to hemorrhoids, but the pain from peeing on and stretching the incision makes it that much harder to go. Don't mix strong pain relievers with prunes, either. They counteract each other. I felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head with poop spilling out after them! It was about 5 days until I finally went and that was the best feeling of relief I have ever felt in my whole life.

Maybe my experience is pretty drastic, maybe it's pretty on point. I haven't talked with other moms to see if their experiences lined up with mine.

ivyvines6

zizzabell523 said:

I had no idea I needed an episiotomy until after the birth. I had an epidural, but it was starting to wear off while pushing. Dr. didn't mention I needed the incision to me, I guess he assumed I was still numb and wouldn't know the difference. The pain I felt I thought was tearing, but he was actually cutting me. While it meant an easier delivery, recovery was a totally different story! I couldn't sit properly for almost 2 weeks. The numbing spray they give you does absolutely no good 5 minutes after you apply it. And not only do you have trouble pooping due to hemorrhoids, but the pain from peeing on and stretching the incision makes it that much harder to go. Don't mix strong pain relievers with prunes, either. They counteract each other. I felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head with poop spilling out after them! It was about 5 days until I finally went and that was the best feeling of relief I have ever felt in my whole life.

Maybe my experience is pretty drastic, maybe it's pretty on point. I haven't talked with other moms to see if their experiences lined up with mine.

Non consensual episiotomies are considered genital mutilation. A Dr in California was sued just last year over it. 

ETA: Sorry it was filed in 2015. She apparently denied consent repeatedly, and the Dr did it anyway. (She still won) Here's an article about it anyway. https://www.mommyish.com/woman-forced-violent-episiotomy-settles-lawsuit-doctor/

charlestonchew

With that topic being brought up, any advice to reduce tearing?

artlea2013

@charlestonchew Perineal massage, doesn't that sound fun? Around 30 weeks your doc might recommend starting to massage the area between your vagina and anus once a day for.... oh 20 minutes or more? Now I don't remember. I've also heard that making sure you only push whenever you feel pressure/contractions helps as your body is already naturally widening things during that time. I can't vouch for that part though, as I didn't make it that far and ended up with a c-section

sandbar517

I've heard tearing is like stretch marks.  If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen no matter how much lotion or massage you use.  But I have heard some midwives/doctors will do lotions/oils and massage during the actual birth to help minimize tearing.

ivyvines6

Perineal massage. Not giving birth on your back, not holding your breath (also known as purple pushing) during pushes, and pushing when it feels natural are supposed to help with that. I've also heard of midwives holding a warm wet washcloths on the area help soften it so it reduces the risk. (All of this to say, I tore in two places)

tincupchalice

I tore with one and not the other.  However my first was a complicated birth (long, sunnyside up, I ended up with too much epi, couldn't feel anything, etc).

trauen812

Oh god! Hahaha I can't with the actual birth talk yet! I'm trying not to think about it yet  . What's the grossest thing your body did during pregnancy? What was your favorite part about pregnancy?

tincupchalice

trauen812 said:

Oh god! Hahaha I can't with the actual birth talk yet! I'm trying not to think about it yet  . What's the grossest thing your body did during pregnancy? 

With my first, I got epic nosebleeds.  Like... epic.  Fountains of blood, huge clots...

artlea2013

trauen812 said:

Oh god! Hahaha I can't with the actual birth talk yet! I'm trying not to think about it yet  . What's the grossest thing your body did during pregnancy? What was your favorite part about pregnancy?

My stomach grew so much hair, I had to shave it. Very carefully, of course. But really, I was a bear.

Favorite part has to be the kicks, but only up until like week 32, then things get a little cramped and they're less gentle kicks and more rib bruising mma fights

Edit to clarify

mileswithmyles

@trauen812 the two grossest things were all the extra cervical mucus for the entire pregnancy and then losing my mucus plug before going in to labor.  

My favorite part was feeling the baby kick.  It is such a neat thing!

ivyvines6

trauen812 said:

Oh god! Hahaha I can't with the actual birth talk yet! I'm trying not to think about it yet  . What's the grossest thing your body did during pregnancy? What was your favorite part about pregnancy?

Grossest thing? Hahaha I had so much discharge I'd have to change my panties at minimum once a day. I started using pads at one point and it helped, but really sucked at the same time. (Hello ladies!!!)

Favorite thing? This is not going going to be true for every woman, but sex for the first two trimesters was AH-MAZE-BALLS! Third trimester sex felt like a science experiment though...

SLC1102

Worst - the bodily functions (gas, discharge, etc.)
Best - the sex and the kicks 

TeacherMom2015

trauen812 said:

Oh god! Hahaha I can't with the actual birth talk yet! I'm trying not to think about it yet  . What's the grossest thing your body did during pregnancy? What was your favorite part about pregnancy?

Hemorrhoids....

My fave part is the excitement!

yesthisiskim0401

sandbar517 said:

I've heard tearing is like stretch marks.  If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen no matter how much lotion or massage you use.  But I have heard some midwives/doctors will do lotions/oils and massage during the actual birth to help minimize tearing.

@charlestonchew this ^^^
I tore with my first, which was an easy labor, two pushes, and she was 6lb 5oz. Didn't tear with my second and she was also an easy labor, two pushes, and 7lb 7oz.

I was told I tore with my first because she came out so fast. My body just didn't have time to catch up with what was happening I guess. And I guess having one already, the quickness didn't make a problem with DD2. #whatdoiknow

yesthisiskim0401

@trauen812 - Puking so hard from m/s it would come out my nose, hands down the grossest thing I did pregnant. Did this for weeks. Or puking so hard that not only did that body fluid come out other places but it made... other body fluids come out. I was a disaster, basically. 
Best part is feeling the baby move. It's an out of body experience and I always miss it the minute the baby is delivered.

CraftyG

On the subject of tearing, I heard that you're less likely to tear if you have a water birth, anyone agree with this?

ivyvines6

yesthisiskim0401 said:

@trauen812 - Puking so hard from m/s it would come out my nose, hands down the grossest thing I did pregnant. Did this for weeks. Or puking so hard that not only did that body fluid come out other places but it made... other body fluids come out. I was a disaster, basically. 
Best part is feeling the baby move. It's an out of body experience and I always miss it the minute the baby is delivered.

I felt my baby shift to the head down position and it was the only time I *puked the entire pregnancy... Kicks were cute though

ivyvines6

CraftyG said:

On the subject of tearing, I heard that you're less likely to tear if you have a water birth, anyone agree with this?

I haven't heard that, but it sounds plausible. It's all about stretching that area so it becomes supple instead of staying tight so it has to break to make room.

yesthisiskim0401

ivyvines6 said:

yesthisiskim0401 said:

@trauen812 - Puking so hard from m/s it would come out my nose, hands down the grossest thing I did pregnant. Did this for weeks. Or puking so hard that not only did that body fluid come out other places but it made... other body fluids come out. I was a disaster, basically. 
Best part is feeling the baby move. It's an out of body experience and I always miss it the minute the baby is delivered.

I felt my baby shift to the head down position and it was the only time I *puked the entire pregnancy... Kicks were cute though

Both of my girls were breech, as well. With DD1 I had an ECV to flip her. DD2 flipped on her own at 37w and it was the most intense baby movement ever. 

rosemaryandthyme

ivyvines6 said:

Perineal massage. Not giving birth on your back, not holding your breath (also known as purple pushing) during pushes, and pushing when it feels natural are supposed to help with that. I've also heard of midwives holding a warm wet washcloths on the area help soften it so it reduces the risk. (All of this to say, I tore in two places)

This is great advice RE: preventing tearing.  The position many hospitals make women get into (flat on their back) and the non evidenced based practice of telling then to hold their breath and push as hard as they can even when they don't feel the urge to, increases the likelihood of severe tearing.  Consider finding a hospital or OB/midwife that is comfortable with you birthing in different positions, and uses evidence based practices as far as "coached pushing" goes.  

createmagic14

rosemaryandthyme said:

ivyvines6 said:

Perineal massage. Not giving birth on your back, not holding your breath (also known as purple pushing) during pushes, and pushing when it feels natural are supposed to help with that. I've also heard of midwives holding a warm wet washcloths on the area help soften it so it reduces the risk. (All of this to say, I tore in two places)

This is great advice RE: preventing tearing.  The position many hospitals make women get into (flat on their back) and the non evidenced based practice of telling then to hold their breath and push as hard as they can even when they don't feel the urge to, increases the likelihood of severe tearing.  Consider finding a hospital or OB/midwife that is comfortable with you birthing in different positions, and uses evidence based practices as far as "coached pushing" goes.  

 The nurse and my mom tried getting me to hold my breath and push for 10.  I told them to STFU.  Really felt unnatural. 

ivyvines6

createmagic14 said:

rosemaryandthyme said:

ivyvines6 said:

Perineal massage. Not giving birth on your back, not holding your breath (also known as purple pushing) during pushes, and pushing when it feels natural are supposed to help with that. I've also heard of midwives holding a warm wet washcloths on the area help soften it so it reduces the risk. (All of this to say, I tore in two places)

This is great advice RE: preventing tearing.  The position many hospitals make women get into (flat on their back) and the non evidenced based practice of telling then to hold their breath and push as hard as they can even when they don't feel the urge to, increases the likelihood of severe tearing.  Consider finding a hospital or OB/midwife that is comfortable with you birthing in different positions, and uses evidence based practices as far as "coached pushing" goes.  

 The nurse and my mom tried getting me to hold my breath and push for 10.  I told them to STFU.  Really felt unnatural. 

I listened to the nurse and tore... One day I'll post my birth story on here, but I'm not in a place to rehash the whole thing. I've suffered from ptsd from that experience.

rosemaryandthyme

@ivyvines6 I had a very, very traumatic birth experience with my 4 year old daughter.  It led to PPD and some PTSD symptoms for years.  I'm sorry you experienced something similar...if you ever feel like sharing, I'll be here to listen!

charlestonchew

Is noticeable cramping common or okay? Today I've started developing period like cramping, it's not unbearable and I'm not spotting but with this being my first ever pregnancy, I'm having some anxiety.

sandbar517

Cramping is normal @charlestonchew, just your uterus starting to grow.  I've been having mild AF-like cramps all week.  If you're concerned you can always call your doctor, and definitely if you start having any other symptoms.  ETA words

ivyvines6

@charlestonchew ^wss

yesthisiskim0401

charlestonchew said:

Is noticeable cramping common or okay? Today I've started developing period like cramping, it's not unbearable and I'm not spotting but with this being my first ever pregnancy, I'm having some anxiety.

Although the cramping still scared me, it is totally normal. It's everything growing. Or it's gas pains lol. It's so hard to differentiate what is normal and what isn't, sometimes. If you're ever really concerned, call your OB/MW. But generally, as long as you aren't bleeding bright red blood, cramping is (sadly) normal. 

mrsbacz

yesthisiskim0401 said:

ivyvines6 said:

yesthisiskim0401 said:

@trauen812 - Puking so hard from m/s it would come out my nose, hands down the grossest thing I did pregnant. Did this for weeks. Or puking so hard that not only did that body fluid come out other places but it made... other body fluids come out. I was a disaster, basically. 
Best part is feeling the baby move. It's an out of body experience and I always miss it the minute the baby is delivered.

I felt my baby shift to the head down position and it was the only time I *puked the entire pregnancy... Kicks were cute though

Both of my girls were breech, as well. With DD1 I had an ECV to flip her. DD2 flipped on her own at 37w and it was the most intense baby movement ever. 

DS was breech and flipped at 38 weeks. It was the CRAZIEST thing I've ever seen/felt! 

charlestonchew

@sandbar517 @yesthisiskim0401 thanks guys. I usually have significant back pain during my periods because my uterus is tilted, confirmed by my GYN. I was feeling that back pain this morning which is what was making me nervous. I've been laying down relaxing and it's mostly gone now. I guess I'm just going to be a ball of nerves for 9 months

TeacherMom2015

charlestonchew said:

Is noticeable cramping common or okay? Today I've started developing period like cramping, it's not unbearable and I'm not spotting but with this being my first ever pregnancy, I'm having some anxiety.

Me too.  I don't remember these from #1 and I know it's normal, but definitely makes me anxious.

ccvslp

@sandbar517 @charlestonchew I had cramping without spotting two days this week as well.  It's stopped for now.