Weekly Questions 8/27

bossmom11

I will start! 

What gender tests has everyone used in the past? Beyond the US, for us impatient moms.

I just want to know for consignment sales and prep! With an April baby that's usually when the spring sales are and I want to stock up in October if it's a boy 

Someone mentioned sneakpeektest that you can do after 9 weeks and is 99% . What other ones have you had success with?

ngolimento

bossmom11 said:

I will start! 

What gender tests has everyone used in the past? Beyond the US, for us impatient moms.

I just want to know for consignment sales and prep! With an April baby that's usually when the spring sales are and I want to stock up in October if it's a boy 

Someone mentioned sneakpeektest that you can do after 9 weeks and is 99% . What other ones have you had success with?

I personally did not buy gender specific items when it came to basics, because it is WAY cheaper if you end up with more than one kid, and they have different sexes.  You can get A LOT of consignment baby items that are not gender specific.

Additionally, be careful of treating those tests as "fun".  They can reveal very difficult information about your baby, and are not 100% accurate.  There are cases where families were told their child would have devistating defects and advised to abort the pregnancy. They went on to have healthy babies.  It's dangerous to use genetic testing only for fun.

hedgepig

@ngolimento Is right that this is a topic that should be addressed seriously, and for that reason I think it's extra important that this conversation happens. I'm under the impression that the SneekPeak test that @bossmom11 mentioned is just for sex, but there are lots of NIPT (non-invasive prenatal testing) options that I've heard people using (Harmony was what my doctor offered) that give you at least information about trisomy 13, 18 and 21 (including down syndrome), the sex of the baby, and possibly information about other genetic conditions?

I'd be interested in hearing what testing other ladies are doing and what the insurance coverage is. My doctor offered me the Harmony NIPT and made it seem standard, even though I'm only 30 and have no history of genetic disease. I want to do it, but am a little confused/worried about insurance coverage.

adecembermom2015

I have a question. I know you all aren't doctors, but I keep overthinking this. 
Last Wednesday night I started bleeding and assumed it was my period since my period was due the next day. It was bright red and seemed like a decent amount (no clots, no cramps). Then it stopped the next day which prompted me to buy a pregnancy test. It's positive. I've tested a week later and still positive. I've had no more bleeding. My first appointment isn't until September 15. Could this be normal? I did have some bleeding when I was pregnant with my son. Anyone with a similar experience?

Puddlewonderful

@bossmom11 @hedgepig I did the Harmony test with my DS. Although I was only 28, my blood test at the NT scan came back with high PAPP-A protein which is sometimes associated with Down's syndrome. So, we opted for the test so we would know what we were in for. Everything came back normal with the test and we found out we were having a boy. Joy and relief at once!

As for insurance coverage, I have the federal employee plan and it took over a year for insurance to figure out how much they would cover. When we finally got a $1000+ bill from Ariosa Labs (Harmony), I called about it and they said they waive the fee for whatever insurance doesn't cover. Needless to say I was thrilled!

I'll probably call Ariosa this time and ask if they're doing the same thing still with the billing. It not, unless there's some medical reason to get the test I'll have to be patient and wait for anatomy scan. 

ngolimento

hedgepig said:

@ngolimento Is right that this is a topic that should be addressed seriously, and for that reason I think it's extra important that this conversation happens. I'm under the impression that the SneekPeak test that @bossmom11 mentioned is just for sex, but there are lots of NIPT (non-invasive prenatal testing) options that I've heard people using (Harmony was what my doctor offered) that give you at least information about trisomy 13, 18 and 21 (including down syndrome), the sex of the baby, and possibly information about other genetic conditions?

I'd be interested in hearing what testing other ladies are doing and what the insurance coverage is. My doctor offered me the Harmony NIPT and made it seem standard, even though I'm only 30 and have no history of genetic disease. I want to do it, but am a little confused/worried about insurance coverage.

It is my understanding that unless you have a pre-existing genetic risk, insurance won't pay if you are under 35. I had an OB that tried to force me into the test, and it was one of the reasons I left her practice.  I am not interested in contributing to one of the major reasons the USA health system is failing.  Unnecessary testing and costs are a serious part of the problem. Not only that, but I figured that if I wasn't mature and patient enough to wait a few weeks just to find out a "gee whizz" piece of info, I wasn't mature and patient enough for children.

hedgepig

@ngolimento I totally get what you're saying IF the only reason for doing the test is to find out the sex, but many people do it for the trisomy testing, and not necessarily the sex testing, and I think in that case the testing means more informed, knowledgeable patients, which is  good thing.
Edit: I know that @bossmom11 's original question had to do with specifically testing for sex, I was just trying to shift the conversation to talk about NIPT in general, as it's something that I've been thinking a lot about. 

ngolimento

hedgepig said:

@ngolimento I totally get what you're saying IF the only reason for doing the test is to find out the sex, but many people do it for the trisomy testing, and not necessarily the sex testing, and I think in that case the testing means more informed, knowledgeable patients, which is  good thing.

Oh no, I am not implying it is a useless test at all. It definitely has its use and place. In fact, now that I am 35, I will probably be tested.  It just gets extremely abused, by both patients and OBs.  It is kind of a personal soap box of mine. 

hedgepig

@ngolimento Those opinions are totally what I'm looking to hear! Please continue to share

rklinge0

Just FYI the nipt testing isn't 100%. In my rocking mom group (my first has t21) there were 2 women who had screened low/normal who felt blindsided when their babies were born. It is more accurate if you are 35 or older. So there are screen false positives and screen false negatives. 
I didn't test and in 3rd trimester an obscure soft marker came up that I was told in 97% of babies is nothing, we just happened to be the 3%. I was 28 at the time, so I personally thought it wouldn't happen. 
But I have specific feelings on nipt and even with my previous pregnancy, I don't want it. I don't think I would have prepared for a baby any different.

riversdoctor

I'm trying to distract my PGAL anxiety and try to plan a bit for this one. What is everyone's splurge item?  I have all of the necessities (diapers, high chair, baby holders, crib pnp etc, boy and girl clothes). I just scored an ergo for $25 on Facebook buy and sell. I will need two convertible car seats and dd will be needing a new booster, so that's in the budget.  I think a glider rocker (since that's never been a priority) may make the cut this time. 

ekendall09

hedgepig said:

@ngolimento Is right that this is a topic that should be addressed seriously, and for that reason I think it's extra important that this conversation happens. I'm under the impression that the SneekPeak test that @bossmom11 mentioned is just for sex, but there are lots of NIPT (non-invasive prenatal testing) options that I've heard people using (Harmony was what my doctor offered) that give you at least information about trisomy 13, 18 and 21 (including down syndrome), the sex of the baby, and possibly information about other genetic conditions?

I'd be interested in hearing what testing other ladies are doing and what the insurance coverage is. My doctor offered me the Harmony NIPT and made it seem standard, even though I'm only 30 and have no history of genetic disease. I want to do it, but am a little confused/worried about insurance coverage.

There's a site or phone number you can call about coverage. I'll see if I can find it in my paperwork. I didn't do it last time. Not sure if I'll bother this time. 

geojaminee

Agree with being wary of elective genetic testing for determining the SEX of the baby (gender is determined by the child themselves much later in life). 

Although, my grandpa was an OB/GYN and he swore by the Drano test as a home test for determining the sex of the child. He said there was actual science behind that one. I never tried it because I did want to be surprised until our reveal, but it's been accurate for all my my mom's pregnancies and my cousin's. Pee in a cup of Drano and if it turns brown it's a girl and if it turns green it's a boy.

geojaminee

riversdoctor said:

I'm trying to distract my PGAL anxiety and try to plan a bit for this one. What is everyone's splurge item?  I have all of the necessities (diapers, high chair, baby holders, crib pnp etc, boy and girl clothes). I just scored an ergo for $25 on Facebook buy and sell. I will need two convertible car seats and dd will be needing a new booster, so that's in the budget.  I think a glider rocker (since that's never been a priority) may make the cut this time. 

Our splurge item last time was a Mamaroo which some kids really love, our kid didn't really take to it and it was a bit of a waste for us. There were so many things we thought we needed and never really used, and things we didn't think we needed that we ended up buying within the first week when we realized how crucial they were. I can't remember what specific items they were so I might have to come back to this to be more specific. But again, it might be different for you anyway. Each kid is different and you might have a different routine than we did.

Remembering: We got a crib, but in the first week, as a rookie parent mistake, didn't know that the first few months, they HAVE to be in the same room as you. So we bought an emergency bassinet. We thought we could skip the whole bassinet thing. That's a no.

maureenmce

riversdoctor said:

I'm trying to distract my PGAL anxiety and try to plan a bit for this one. What is everyone's splurge item?  I have all of the necessities (diapers, high chair, baby holders, crib pnp etc, boy and girl clothes). I just scored an ergo for $25 on Facebook buy and sell. I will need two convertible car seats and dd will be needing a new booster, so that's in the budget.  I think a glider rocker (since that's never been a priority) may make the cut this time. 

I was going to try to baby wear this lil one and out my toddler in the stroller, but we decided to splurge on a new double stroller. We're gonna get the Chico bravo for 2 because that's compatible with our newborn car seats. But I guess the real splurge is that we're gonna replace one of our ancient cars and get a new one for my husband (since he does all the daycare pick ups and drop offs.) I'm half super excited and half panicking about the expense.r

Related: if anyone has any budget car recommendations that would be great for 2 kids and maaaaaybe a third down the road, I'd love to hear it. I adore the Honda CR-V but I am very unsure if it would work for (eventually) three kiddos. Google has told me conflicting things.

bossmom11

bagowater said:

Agree with being wary of elective genetic testing for determining the SEX of the baby (gender is determined by the child themselves much later in life). 

Although, my grandpa was an OB/GYN and he swore by the Drano test as a home test for determining the sex of the child. He said there was actual science behind that one. I never tried it because I did want to be surprised until our reveal, but it's been accurate for all my my mom's pregnancies and my cousin's. Pee in a cup of Drano and if it turns brown it's a girl and if it turns green it's a boy.

@bagowater, @ngolimento and @hedgepig thanks for your responses. I apologize for using the wrong terminology. I should have phrased the question differently and I certainly don't want to abuse genetic testing. I completely agree that genetic testing has its place. I opted out of genetic testing with my first pregnancy and I don't plan on getting it done this time around either. 

I improperly used the word "impatient", it was too flippant and was just easier than explaining how I budget for my kids which relies on consignment sales and for clothes, I prefer to be sex specific. I have most gear from my first. 

I appreciate your feedback and will make sure to learn from it. So grateful for this community!

Puddlewonderful

@maureenmce not sure how budget it is, but we just got a Subaru Forester. They regularly offer 0% financing if you plan to buy new. My old neighbor had one and fit three car seats across in it. We also bought the Diono Radian car seat because it's known for being able to fit three across in most cars (and good for extended rear facing for taller kids, which mine are bound to be with our genes!)

riversdoctor

Puddlewonderful said:

@maureenmce not sure how budget it is, but we just got a Subaru Forester. They regularly offer 0% financing if you plan to buy new. My old neighbor had one and fit three car seats across in it. We also bought the Diono Radian car seat because it's known for being able to fit three across in most cars (and good for extended rear facing for taller kids, which mine are bound to be with our genes!)

My shrimpy dd outgrew the radian by height way sooner than I would have liked (4.5). She could still be rfing in the next fit at almost 6) so I definitely don't rec that seat if erf is your goal (she outgrew it by height shortly after).  

sbray15

I'm so hungry! This isn't normal. I'm seven weeks and for the past three days I feel like I haven't eaten in weeks then...I may throw up. No vomit yet...but I'm still hungry...what's wrong with me???

lindsye

hedgepig said:

@ngolimento I totally get what you're saying IF the only reason for doing the test is to find out the sex, but many people do it for the trisomy testing, and not necessarily the sex testing, and I think in that case the testing means more informed, knowledgeable patients, which is  good thing.
Edit: I know that @bossmom11 's original question had to do with specifically testing for sex, I was just trying to shift the conversation to talk about NIPT in general, as it's something that I've been thinking a lot about. 

I think it depends a lot on your personality. I had the NT scan with my first 2 and the Materni21 test with my last even though I was under 35 because I am honestly a fairly anxious person and tend to fixate on things that concern me. Information puts my mind at ease to a great extent.

I know so many people who are told at their anatomy (20 week) scan that their baby has a "soft marker" for Down's. Now, I'm sure if you're a normal person, this would be something that would bother you briefly but at the end of the day it's still a low percentage chance, so you would presumably let it go. (Or, you would be happy with the outcome either way and let it go). My brain would not be able to do that; it would want all the data and fixate on trying to understand the truth of the matter. The nice thing about the test that analyzes fetal DNA is that you know the full genetic picture early on (10-12 weeks, I believe) and that is very benificial for me.

Also, if I were to have a baby with special needs I would ideally need the time to prepare for/deal with it. Again, this may not be true for everyone but I do much better when I can get all the information to prepare for whatever the outcome is.

saisongbird

Remembering: We got a crib, but in the first week, as a rookie parent mistake, didn't know that the first few months, they HAVE to be in the same room as you. So we bought an emergency bassinet. We thought we could skip the whole bassinet thing. That's a no.

They don't HAVE to be in the same room. My daughter was in a separate room right away. Is personal preference and what works best for your family. 

ngolimento

saisongbird said:

Remembering: We got a crib, but in the first week, as a rookie parent mistake, didn't know that the first few months, they HAVE to be in the same room as you. So we bought an emergency bassinet. We thought we could skip the whole bassinet thing. That's a no.

They don't HAVE to be in the same room. My daughter was in a separate room right away. Is personal preference and what works best for your family. 

It is not really personality preference of the parents, but has more to do with the personality of the baby, tbh.  I thought it was all parenting and fully planned on sleeping separate until I got a colicky baby that fed every half an hour.  There's no point at all in sleeping separate if you end up in that miserable cycle.  To this day she is a high-contact person.  It confused the heck out of me because I have a highly independent personality, but they are very much their own person.

cards10

saisongbird said:

bagowater said:
Remembering: We got a crib, but in the first week, as a rookie parent mistake, didn't know that the first few months, they HAVE to be in the same room as you. So we bought an emergency bassinet. We thought we could skip the whole bassinet thing. That's a no.

They don't HAVE to be in the same room. My daughter was in a separate room right away. Is personal preference and what works best for your family. 

^^^ this. If you want/need to have baby sleep in the same room as you then that's perfectly fine. We tried that night 1 and in the hospital (no nursery at our hospital) because we thought we were supposed to and it was horrible for us. DS slept in his crib in his room from night 2 at home and it was glorious! Do what works for you. But you won't know what that is until you all go home. Just want to make sure FTMs don't think you have to have baby in your room. 

ETA: we had a monitor and could hear DS perfectly fine when he needed something in his room. Just removed the unnecessary waking when he moved or made a random noise. I'm a super light/paranoid sleeper. 

Puddlewonderful

Copying from last Friday's ticker change because I didn't get any responses (my fault, I posted a day or two late):

So when I called and gave my OB my LMP they said I'd be 8 weeks (EDD 4/22) on 9/10 so could come in just before or after that. However, I was charting so I know I ovulated late and should actually be due 4/27. I'm a wimp and didn't speak up because I didn't want to have to wait even longer for my appointment! But now I'm starting to worry that I'll go in and actually be just short of 7 weeks, they might not get a good hb, and that will just cause more stress. I can't bring myself to call back and push back the appointment, because the wait is just killing me.

 What would you guys do? Cancel or go in early and hope for the best?

ETA: my appt is 9/7. 

maureenmce

@Puddlewonderful Just my two cents, but I'd keep the appointment and when you get there just mention that you were charting and know you ovulated a few days later than typical, so they should be prepared for the US to be a few days off.  Just shy of 7 weeks they should still be able to tell if things are on track and if it's looking really early they may just have you come back again in a week or so.

BarefootContessa

RE: Genetic testing. I had tests done with both of my pregnancies. I was 28 with my first and 30 with my second. I didn't do it to find out the sex of the baby (that wasn't even an option with my first), I felt it was a way to be better informed on my child. If my child perhaps had one of the conditions that the testing detects, I wanted to know about it and feel prepared (if there is a possible way to be prepared) when I gave birth. I suppose it made me feel a false sense of control over what my body was going through.

petethecat

@Puddlewonderful Don't cancel! I would go in and hope for the best. FWIW, we were able to get a good hb with DD at 6+3, so, it is possible! BUT, getting a hb that early isn't the rule either (depending on your anatomy and other factors), so don't sweat it if it doesn't happen. If for some reason they aren't able to see everything, you could mention about your O date then and, I feel like they would probably schedule you for the next week to do a re-check. Best of luck! 9/7 isn't that far away!

geojaminee

To clarify, the ped and Lactation consultant both told us she should be in the same room as us. I had totally planned on keeping her in the crib in the nursery from day 1, but I guess being in the same room means you can respond quicker and lowers SIDS risk

danjoly

@Puddlewonderful at 7 weeks they should be able to see a good heartbeat on the US!

maureenmce

Re: the "must" babies sleep in the same room as parents question/debate, I found this article to be very insightful about all of the pros and cons and the specific studies behind this particular recommendation.  

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/06/upshot/should-your-baby-really-sleep-in-the-same-room-as-you.html

My takeaway is that are a whole host of risk factors for SIDS and suffocation deaths of infants, but it appears (based on the drastic decline in SIDS after this specific set of interventions) that the most crucial things are to put a newborn to bed on his/her back, on an approved flat sleeping surface, with no loose bedding or toys.

As for the other choices we make, like bassinet in room vs crib, I think you have to weigh the pros and cons for your family and the personality of your LO.  For us, my DD absolutely *refused* her bassinet and would not sleep in it at all.  She'd just scream.  We were not comfortable with cosleeping, so she slept in her crib in her room, with a monitor and a snuza alarm, from day one.  She still loves her crib.  She doesn't like small, confined spaces, so the bassinet always would have been a no go, and the crib would not have fit in our bedroom.  With this LO, we'd love for him or her to tolerate a bassinet so we can try out the in room thing, but it's probably going to be determined by his/her personality and sleep preferences, just like with DD.

But, for what it's worth, if you're in the US and have to go back to work while still in the high risk for SIDS time frame (birth to 6 months) it is important to take the key precautions (back is best, safe flat space, no bedding) but with other other recommendations you have to factor in your sleep as well.  We have absolutely horrific maternity and paternity leave in this country, and both you and your partner being chronically sleep deprived doesn't help safety either, in my opinion.  Not for driving you and your LO, not for taking care of you and your LO, not for empathy and patience needed for round the clock feedings, etc. If you can sleep well with a newborn in your room, and the newborn can sleep well there too, that's awesome!  But if it's seriously disrupting your sleep, your partner's sleep, your baby's sleep, or all of the above, I would consider valuing that as important for safety too.  

Just my opinion, of course.  It's a super personal decision!  Just wanted to share some thoughts and this article.

Edited to add: One main reason of sharing this is that I had pretty major postpartum anxiety with my first baby, especially around the topic of SIDS, and I would love it if I could help any other mom's NOT stress out (like I did at first) about this particular recommendation if it doesn't work for you and your family.

Puddlewonderful

Thanks @maureenmce @kbamomma33 @danjoly for making me feel less ridiculous!

ngolimento

Puddlewonderful said:

Copying from last Friday's ticker change because I didn't get any responses (my fault, I posted a day or two late):

So when I called and gave my OB my LMP they said I'd be 8 weeks (EDD 4/22) on 9/10 so could come in just before or after that. However, I was charting so I know I ovulated late and should actually be due 4/27. I'm a wimp and didn't speak up because I didn't want to have to wait even longer for my appointment! But now I'm starting to worry that I'll go in and actually be just short of 7 weeks, they might not get a good hb, and that will just cause more stress. I can't bring myself to call back and push back the appointment, because the wait is just killing me.

 What would you guys do? Cancel or go in early and hope for the best?

ETA: my appt is 9/7. 

Never be embarrassed or shy to speak up with a doctor.  They are not psychic, and cannot give you the best care without you giving them full information.  I would advise you to call back and let them know your real EDD.  They may shrug it off because their office has a vaginal wand (mine did today), or they might not have equipment to image a pregnancy that early, and move your appt.  Just be matter of fact and tell them you were charting and know you ovulated at X days.  5 days is a big difference this early.

viggie17

My question is... I'm perusing online for maternity clothes 2nd hand (I know, it's early... It was so hard to find comfortable clothes for the office the other day though, my stretchy pencil skirts looked ridiculous- like I had a gut, and my fat pants were kind of uncomfortable) and im thinking maybe having a nice stretchy skirt would be nice! For those who have maternity clothes- what we're your fav. office brands, and how did they fit (in your opinion, did they run large or small) I also have longer legs and highwatered pants can be kind of an issue for me

hedgepig

@maureenmce Thanks so much for sharing that info. I had been stressing a little thinking about this, as our room is not big enough for a crib, and because of the extremely awkward layout of the room, we won't be able to use a bedside bassinet. Our bed is only a double and MH is a super light sleeper, so co-sleeping isn't an option. If we have a needy sleeper, I'll likely need to sleep downstairs on a mattress on the floor, so here's hoping that a crib works out for us

sparklingdiamond

We had our son in our room for almost a whole year at first (it was maybe 9 or 10 months).  It was just easier for me since I was breastfeeding and I could just reach over and grab him and nurse.  I didn't want to have to get up multiple times and walk into the other room.  Plus, I just felt safer having him next to me in the room.

saisongbird

@Puddlewonderful with my DD my first appt was at 7 weeks exactly and we had a nice strong heartbeat. I feel like I read somewhere that you should be able to see the HB at 6+4.

sunshinedays-2

@maureenmce thanks so much for sharing that article. We haven't decided yet on room sharing or starting with a crib exactly for the factors the article describes. 

whatabout2ndbreakfast

I slept on the couch for the first month and DS was in the pack and play bassinet because our bedroom is upstairs. When I moved him into his crib he and I slept so much better. Our rooms are right next to each other though so it's not like we were really far apart. 

riversdoctor

@viggie17 the lularoe maxi and azure skirts have been amazing so far this pregnancy. I weighed 40 pounds more when I bought my medium so I know it should work for a while!  We have a consignment shop in town where I can find great deals on them. I also think their carly dress will be perfect. Right now I wear it belted but I will definitely be able to wear it unbelted as the bump grows. 

maureenmce

Probably dumb question but do I need to talk to my OB about taking B6 and the dose?  I assume not since it's over the counter and a vitamin, but I just wanted to double check on that and the dosage - is it 3x a day?  100mg tablets?

Thanks in advance!!

pghren

@maureenmce Mine has me doing 4x a day but only 25mg each dose