Eesh, yeah, this is a conversation that's not going too well. I hear you, @Dumbgurl04, but YOU "not living in the past" or letting "a piece of rock" define you is still completely missing the point.
It's not for you to say it doesn't define you, because you're not (I'm assuming) a black American -- against whom "pieces of rock" have been symbols of oppression and racism. You are able to live in the present because your past is only privilege. You don't get to say what should or should not be important to people of color. It's not your place.
Nope @kmalls this conversation is not going well. I know what I'm trying to say it's just not coming off well. Like I said we don't really know each other enough to know what obstacles we have faced to get to where we are today. I don't feel like I was handed everything because of the color of skin, I felt like I worked hard to get what I have now and still work hard for it. Yes I'll never know what it's like for someone of a different race then me and the obstacles they face. In no way do I feel my beliefs dictate what people of color should find important I just don't believe using violence solves problems.
Privilege is the ability to believe (even sincerely) that racism isn't a widespread problem today because you don't have to experience it.
I have done some soul searching on this issue in the past several years. I am an educated white female who has never experienced racism. I surround myself with decent people who have similar values to mine - and who are from various racial backgrounds - and believed in my heart of hearts that the majority of America believed and behaved likewise. Racism still existed, sure, but it was alive only in a very fringe element of society.
I believed this because I wanted/needed to live in that kind of country, that kind of world. I believed this because I needed to tell my children that they live in that kind of world. But the facts and a multitude of compelling firsthand accounts of others who look different than me do not support this.
I believed it sincerely for years for all good reasons, but my ability to do so was tangible evidence of my privilege. @Dumbgurl04 privilege doesn't mean that you're racist or a bad person; rather, it means that you have the luxury to ignore the extent of a problem because that problem is not one you regularly have to experience.
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I don't believe @Dumbgurl04 meant to offend anybody. And if something isn't affecting her every day to day life doesn't mean she should feel bad for not understanding. And the point she is trying to make is that VIOLENCE is not way to act about absolutely anything! Just because someone feels strongly about something does not mean they have the right to destroy anything. People can still push for change without going that route.
I am actually really impressed with everyone involved in this conversation for being respectful, thoughtful, articulate, and calm. It's a very VERY tough conversation to maintain those elements in. I am especially impressed by @Dumbgurl04 for hearing things that could easily set most people off and be taken very personally, and maintaining class and poise. Conversations of this nature and tone will be what heals our country.
I don't believe @Dumbgurl04 meant to offend anybody. And if something isn't affecting her every day to day life doesn't mean she should feel bad for not understanding. And the point she is trying to make is that VIOLENCE is not way to act about absolutely anything! Just because someone feels strongly about something does not mean they have the right to destroy anything. People can still push for change without going that route.
Point. Missed. It is not up to you to dictate how oppressed people should push for change. @lindsye's beautiful post is a good summation of privilege, in case you missed it.
***March '18 October Siggy Challenge: Halloween Costume Fails***
Thanks @ngolimento it is great that we have had this and nobody got out of hand. Shows we can disagree with each other but still be respectful. Which is sad we don't see that in the world more.
@lindsye post was great. I felt I was trying to say that and I missed it BIG TIME.
@Dumbgurl04 you had quite a few people calling you out in some way or another yesterday and rather than get defensive and resort to name-calling, you kept it about the issues and therefore allowed it to remain a productive dialogue about a very important issue. That says a lot about you. Kudos
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Not wanting to discuss all the crazy drama happening in politics, but I think we can all agree that ESPN removing an Asian reporter from covering the UVA game in Charlottesville because of his name "Robert Lee" is just absurd. I thought the story was a joke so I went over to snopes.com and was just astounded it was a legit thing.
I was thinking about this this morning reading through all the opinions on different sites. While I too believe it is absurd and completely overboard, borderline melodramatic, think about IF espn had allowed the announcer to go to VA. I almost guarantee there would be some article or movement started that would accuse or make people question whether espn did this on purpose...that there was a subtle undertone or it was a passive-aggressive move on their part to show their support for white supremacy or nazism by sending a guy named "Robert Lee" to Virgnia during the middle of the unrest. As absurd as it is, I really think espn was just protecting their a$$es. In this day and age, nothing is really "ridiculous" anymore. Everyone reads into everything. If espn had gone ahead with this announcer and there was backlash about it, people would start boycotting espn, players (many of whom are not white) may start to wonder if it was really done on purpose. Why not avoid the situation all-together and put someone else in there. Its not like the guy lost his job. He was just sent to a different game to announce there. Just my 2 cents
Every single pregnancy symptom I complain to DH about he thinks he has, too. My back hurts, so does his. I'm nauseous, so is he. I'm tired, he's exhausted. Last night he actually said right to my face "Isn't it funny how we have all the same symptoms?" Seriously, WTF. I'm about to lose it with this nonsense.
I would die and maybe freak out. Hopefully his symptoms go away in a few weeks lol
Had to get blood drawn today, 7 tubes and started passing out, gagged into the trash can and the phlebotomist made me lay on the floor.. so embarrassing
I would have passed out. I don't do well with needles and blood. Ugh - that's the worst.
Had to get blood drawn today, 7 tubes and started passing out, gagged into the trash can and the phlebotomist made me lay on the floor.. so embarrassing
This used to be me any time I had to get blood drawn! I had to force myself to get used to getting it taken going through fertility treatment and then my first pregnancy. I used to have to have someone come with me because it was pretty much a guarantee I would pass out!
Had to get blood drawn today, 7 tubes and started passing out, gagged into the trash can and the phlebotomist made me lay on the floor.. so embarrassing
This used to be me any time I had to get blood drawn! I had to force myself to get used to getting it taken going through fertility treatment and then my first pregnancy. I used to have to have someone come with me because it was pretty much a guarantee I would pass out!
My family has a genetic quirk that makes our veins constrict crazy fast during blood loss. Good evolutionary trick if we lose an arm, I suppose, but embarrassing when it comes to a blood draw. I always ask to lay down for draws, and never have a problem. It freaks out nurses that my lips go blue, but I usually warn them. Only occasionally do I get a snatch that rolls their eyes at me.
Last night we spilled the beans to our very best friend and godmother to our DS. She was the first person we have told, and it went TERRIBLE! The first words out of her mouth were, "I'm going to castrate you!" To my husband. Things got awkward and then there was a half ass attempt to recover and and congratulations. Ugh! WTF?!
@shireeallason any idea why she responded that way? We are on baby #4 and they're all 2 years apart. Our house is already crazy and will be more crazy with a 4th. When I told my dad he just looked down and nodded solemnly. Lol.
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Every single pregnancy symptom I complain to DH about he thinks he has, too. My back hurts, so does his. I'm nauseous, so is he. I'm tired, he's exhausted. Last night he actually said right to my face "Isn't it funny how we have all the same symptoms?" Seriously, WTF. I'm about to lose it with this nonsense.
I would die and maybe freak out. Hopefully his symptoms go away in a few weeks lol
I was actually reading online last night that there is this weird condition called Couvade Syndrom where men start to develop pregnancy symptoms from their partner... it has to do with all the changing hormones. I think it's along the same lines of how women who hang around each other a lot start to menstruate at the same times. I'm not saying that's what is actually happening in your case but it's kind of crazy it's a real thing!
Every single pregnancy symptom I complain to DH about he thinks he has, too. My back hurts, so does his. I'm nauseous, so is he. I'm tired, he's exhausted. Last night he actually said right to my face "Isn't it funny how we have all the same symptoms?" Seriously, WTF. I'm about to lose it with this nonsense.
I would die and maybe freak out. Hopefully his symptoms go away in a few weeks lol
I was actually reading online last night that there is this weird condition called Couvade Syndrom where men start to develop pregnancy symptoms from their partner... it has to do with all the changing hormones. I think it's along the same lines of how women who hang around each other a lot start to menstruate at the same times. I'm not saying that's what is actually happening in your case but it's kind of crazy it's a real thing!
That's insane! If DH ever hears about that this whole sympathetic symptom thing is going to get way out of hand. Hypochondria and pregnancy just don't mix.
@lindsye No idea! And had we expected that, she definitely wouldn't have been our first person to tell! Guess we will keep it to ourselves for a bit longer...
@kaymaroo Nothing! Just an awkward hug at the end of the night. Today I got a text message that said, "how are you feeling today". No sorry or anything similar.
Re: WTF Wednesday 8/23
It's not for you to say it doesn't define you, because you're not (I'm assuming) a black American -- against whom "pieces of rock" have been symbols of oppression and racism. You are able to live in the present because your past is only privilege. You don't get to say what should or should not be important to people of color. It's not your place.
I have done some soul searching on this issue in the past several years. I am an educated white female who has never experienced racism. I surround myself with decent people who have similar values to mine - and who are from various racial backgrounds - and believed in my heart of hearts that the majority of America believed and behaved likewise. Racism still existed, sure, but it was alive only in a very fringe element of society.
I believed this because I wanted/needed to live in that kind of country, that kind of world.
I believed this because I needed to tell my children that they live in that kind of world.
But the facts and a multitude of compelling firsthand accounts of others who look different than me do not support this.
I believed it sincerely for years for all good reasons, but my ability to do so was tangible evidence of my privilege. @Dumbgurl04 privilege doesn't mean that you're racist or a bad person; rather, it means that you have the luxury to ignore the extent of a problem because that problem is not one you regularly have to experience.
@lindsye post was great. I felt I was trying to say that and I missed it BIG TIME.
@kaymaroo Nothing! Just an awkward hug at the end of the night. Today I got a text message that said, "how are you feeling today". No sorry or anything similar.
We are feeling pretty bummed!