FTM Questions for STM+ - August Edition

becausescience

First time moms share your burning questions here!  Second+ time moms - share your knowledge!



Though we could try this monthly - but could do more or less depending on how it goes.

becausescience

Well, this thread is going well.

I have a question for TTM+ that had 2u2.  DD will be about 19 months when this new baby arrives.  Is there anything I can do to help prepare her?  She is only 11 months now and I guess I'd feel silly reading big sister books or getting her a baby doll now.  But maybe in a few months?

livingthedream-3

@becausescience Honestly, mine was a hair over 2 when the second was born and she didn't even fully seem to understand what was going on until the baby was actually here and then it was like a light bulb. We talked about the baby and had the crib set up for the baby, but she didn't get it. Our 2nd is now 20 months and she has no idea what is going on.

fiddleRN79

I tried to prepare my daughter. The first two are 20 months apart. We bought her a book about being a big sister and talked about the new baby coming. She had a meltdown when I changed him on "her" changing table. She hit me in the legs and ran away. It was awful. After that meltdown she seemed better. You do your best to get them ready, but you'll have no idea how they are going to respond until the new baby arrives

ladybugsamom

becausescience said:

Well, this thread is going well.

I have a question for TTM+ that had 2u2.  DD will be about 19 months when this new baby arrives.  Is there anything I can do to help prepare her?  She is only 11 months now and I guess I'd feel silly reading big sister books or getting her a baby doll now.  But maybe in a few months?

@becausescience   My oldest was 17 months old when DD arrived.  Throughout the pregnancy he seemed interested and happy that there was a new baby in my tummy - especially as I grew bigger.  When the baby got here, it was a totally different story.  DS wanted nothing to do with her - whatsoever. He would scream bloody murder if I even sat her next to him just for a picture.  There was no way I could prepare for that.  He was still so young, so we just focused on him just as much and didn't push the "big brother" thing too much until they were a little older.  Once she became mobile and could actually play with him, things improved big time.  I'd say don't worry too much about it and just do your best.  She's so young, but she'll understand it all more and more as she gets a little older.

LiveNLove44

@becausescience baby dolls helped big time in our house. I know DD was older than yours will be, but not by a lot. DS and DD both went through a phase where they love baby dolls like real babies. I think it started shortly after a year! It was fun to see DS go through the same thing around the same age as DD did, and I'm hoping he keeps that attitude about babies until this LO arrives!

crossfitbabybump

I have a question.. will I ever eat again? Like... ever? lol

GG620

These might all sound silly but...

When should you work on sleeping on your side? With your first, when did you actually begin to show? For those that lost weight first trimester, when did u begin gaining? What should I be looking for in an infant daycare/questions to ask? Anything you didn't know that you wish you knew? I have more but they regard later on haha

crossfitbabybump

GG620 said:

These might all sound silly but...

When should you work on sleeping on your side? With your first, when did you actually begin to show? For those that lost weight first trimester, when did u begin gaining? What should I be looking for in an infant daycare/questions to ask? Anything you didn't know that you wish you knew? I have more but they regard later on haha

Yes, the sleeping on your side question. I heard you shouldn't sleep on your back but when??

ShawnnaO

@GG620 don't worry about sleeping on your side. Sleep however is comfortable. If you're in a position that hurts the baby, your body will wake you up and you'll move. I promise, sleep however you want. I started showing when I was 23 weeks last times. I lost 10 pounds in my first tri and didn't start gaining until halfway through second tri. The average is a pound a week but as long as your eating and taking care of yourself, don't worry about numbers. I stay at home so I don't know about childcare. 

Edit: @crossfitbabybump yes. Sooooo much. 

Kristi4938

GG620 said:

These might all sound silly but...

When should you work on sleeping on your side? With your first, when did you actually begin to show? For those that lost weight first trimester, when did u begin gaining? What should I be looking for in an infant daycare/questions to ask? Anything you didn't know that you wish you knew? I have more but they regard later on haha

I don't think I had to sleep on my side until second trimester, but I do know that when it came time, it was obvious. I want to say I was 5 months along, which is when I started showing. I highly recommend getting a snoogle, total lifesaver! Second trimester is also when the weight gain started, but it really ramped up in third trimester. I remember gaining 8 lbs in ONE week! It's nuts. I did eat a lot of ice cream though haha. One thing I wish I'd known is that it's perfectly normal to not bond right away with your baby. You will be exhausted after birth, both mentally and physically. I didn't bond immediately and it hurt me so much. I wish someone had told me that it's common and normal. Because a few months in I fell head over heels in love. And it's been a love story ever since. 

*edited for autocorrect

crossfitbabybump

@ShawnnaO - Thank goodness. I miss food and am afraid I will never eat certain foods again. I have gained a few pounds back from losing about 5 in the first trimester so that's good! But still have certain food aversions and an upset belly to other things I try to eat.

LiveNLove44

GG620 said:

These might all sound silly but...

When should you work on sleeping on your side? With your first, when did you actually begin to show? For those that lost weight first trimester, when did u begin gaining? What should I be looking for in an infant daycare/questions to ask? Anything you didn't know that you wish you knew? I have more but they regard later on haha

@GG620 all great questions!
When should you work on sleeping on your side? As PPs mentioned, this one is a bit later into the 2nd tri when the uterus is heavier and puts weight on the vena cava. Generally, I tuck my Snoogle behind me and lean on it when I really want to sleep on my back in later pregnancy. I do the same on my stomach if I want to be more on my front. The main part of it all is to sleep how it works best for your body to get real sleep.

With your first, when did you actually begin to show? With all three of mine, I blumped well early, and looked about the same at 10 weeks as I did at 16. I'd say my friends told me I "popped" and had a legit bump closer to 20 weeks. Otherwise, I just look thicker My belly gets nice and round from 30-39 (I haven't hit 39w1d in a pregnancy yet, but I'm sure there'd be good growth to be had!)

What should I be looking for in an infant daycare/questions to ask? There are a lot of websites that list questions to ask when interviewing for daycare. In my experience, they will often go over their contract for you which typically answers a lot of your questions, so having a list so you can catch the ones that aren't answered will be helpful. I only called licensed in-home daycares, so asking if they were licensed was not part of the call. You can look up state licensure easily. I kept a spreadsheet when I called for DS and DD, and my initial call was to see about the following (if the answer to the question wouldn't work for us, I didn't have to go through all of them):
1) Do you have an infant opening at *month of need*?
2) What are your hours?
3) What are your rates?
4) Could we set up a meeting so I can see your facility and get to know you and your care plan?

Once you get your list of meetings/interviews, it's easier to narrow down your list of questions to ask. Discipline approach will come into play, schedule, food requirements (sending BM or sending solids, etc.), vacation days, other adults/animals in the home, etc. Once we all get a little closer, we could compare lists of those questions!

HappyMonkey817

crossfitbabybump said:

@ShawnnaO - Thank goodness. I miss food and am afraid I will never eat certain foods again. I have gained a few pounds back from losing about 5 in the first trimester so that's good! But still have certain food aversions and an upset belly to other things I try to eat.

Soon, you'll be hungry all the time. Oh, and if you're planning on nursing, get ready to be soooo hungry allllll the time. Seriously, you'll be ready to eat anything.

heatherdubrow

crossfitbabybump said:

I have a question.. will I ever eat again? Like... ever? lol

Second tri... you'll eat all the things!

crossfitbabybump

@HappyMonkey817 I definitely plan on nursing! BRING ON THE HUNGER!!!! I am SO ready to eat again! lol

heatherdubrow

@GG620 with my first i started showing around 16/17 weeks. And really popped around 24 weeks

HappyMonkey817

I started showing around 14 weeks with my first.

muggle621

I want a Snoogle by the second tri. The thing is I sleep with my husband and a 35 lb french bulldog in a queen sized bed. Will we all fit or will I need to take it to the guest room? 
( I promise I will have better questions as time goes on!)

LiveNLove44

@muggle621 I banished the dog to DH's side and we have a king, so we all fit. You may have enough room for awhile here, but it'll get tight in the final months!!

ETA: I snore at the end of pregnancy, so DH goes to the guest room anyway

pettycrocker

I sleep on my stomach / back until it is uncomfortable to do so, stomach is usually around 5 months for me, back around 7 because it just gets harder to breathe at that point. 


When you show really depends mostly on your torso, I have a long torso and tend to pop out later. I was smaller with #2 than I was with #1. 



Q- How can I get my 6 y/o old to parent my toddler so I can sleep for the next 3 months? 

crossfitbabybump

Here's a weird one and not sure if it was in another thread? I am (or was) a very small chested woman. We're talking barely a B cup.. maybe A... I don't really know because I always wear sports bras or lace bralettes. But now nothing fits and it's very uncomfortable to shove my girls into a tiny sports bra.

So bra suggestions? HELP!

vflux33

@crossfitbabybump I know, I really want to be hungry too. It freaks me out knowing that I've lost a pound or 2 when I know I'm supposed to gain like 45. And I need to be hungry for healthy food! I'm starting to forget what life was like before vegetables tasted like burnt metal and sadness. 

OK my question, and I know I'm thinking ahead, but it's stressing me out. STMs who don't live near family, let's talk. I don't want all of both of our families here for the birth. I don't want them all here at the same time, period. I need my fucking space. What I want is my mom here but not my MIL until a few weeks later. Our relationship is fine, but she's needy and I can only handle her for limited periods of time. (My dad is going to be out of the country probably and my FIL can't travel because of health problems so really just my MIL is an issue). It'll be her first (and second) grandkids. I am so worried she is going to burrow up my ass and try to live there the second she finds out I'm pregnant. I don't want to keep her from her grandkids, but I know if she has it her way and is breathing down my neck in the hospital in March there are gonna be problems. I'm also worried she will quit her job and "retire early" and try to move in with us. MH agrees that would suck but he doesn't want to bluntly tell her no because he says it will break her and make her sad. Does anyone here have a similar situation with your MIL that you already went through for kid #1? Hellllpppp meeeee. 

ShawnnaO

@crossfitbabybump buy a couple cheap bras that are comfortable now, but keep in mind that when you're farther along/actually nursing your baby, you'll probably go up in size again. I was a B/C before my daughter and I'm currently a D. 

crossfitbabybump

@vflux33 HAHA! Burnt metal and sadness! That's so true!

@ShawnnaO - dang! I didn't think mine were actually capable of getting this big... ever. Definitely taking some getting adjusted to. I will check out Goodwill and see what they've got lying around for now! Thanks!

pbtoast

crossfitbabybump said:

Here's a weird one and not sure if it was in another thread? I am (or was) a very small chested woman. We're talking barely a B cup.. maybe A... I don't really know because I always wear sports bras or lace bralettes. But now nothing fits and it's very uncomfortable to shove my girls into a tiny sports bra.

So bra suggestions? HELP!

I switched to Bravado nursing bras at about 20 weeks. They are stretchy and fit the rest of my pregnancy and through nursing. Sooo comfy. 

crossfitbabybump

@pbtoast where can I find these? Amazon? Target?

HappyMonkey817

Speaking of bras, is there such a thing as a cheap, comfy bra that comes in huge sizes? I went from an F to a J with my first baby, and they only went down to an I after we were done with nursing. Bras are killing me, and I feel like my boobs enter a room before the rest of me.

Gingermom15

crossfitbabybump said:

@vflux33 HAHA! Burnt metal and sadness! That's so true!

@ShawnnaO - dang! I didn't think mine were actually capable of getting this big... ever. Definitely taking some getting adjusted to. I will check out Goodwill and see what they've got lying around for now! Thanks!

Be forewarned that I went from an A pre-preg to a D while nursing. They went back to a B and regained a good amount of perkiness. 
Second the cheap, comfortable bras. You will likely continue going up in sizes. As for nursing bras, I recommend getting 1 near the end of your pregnancy that fits and 1 thats slightly big. When your milk comes in they will get bigger. Just some experience from me if you do breastfeed. 

garnetmama

@vflux33 I had a rule that nobody was to come to the hospital until after the baby was born. And then we only told a couple of people we were even at the hospital until after I delivered! I loved it that way and will do it again. Also, we pre-determined the order of who could visit us in the hospital and that was that. I have a MIL who has plenty of opinions and likes to share them so we just told her early and often that was the plan. It also set the tone for how we are as parents; we make the rules and we protect our little family of three (soon to be four) above all else!

ETA: our family is all local which means that we didn't have any overnight guests, but I would recommend insisting on hotel rooms (not staying with you) if possible. I had some crazy baby blues the first month and I would get overwhelmed with visitors at times and it was so nice to just be able to relax and nurse wherever in my house without visitors when they left. If you feel like your MIL will hurt more than help, then protect yourself from that craziness by just setting the rules early on!

heatherdubrow

@vflux33 That's tough. I didn't live near family, but don't have in laws so it was just my parents anyway. But it's important to set clear and firm boundaries. You want your mom there for the birth and first few weeks, tell mil that's what's happening. If she insists on still coming she needs to get a hotel. It's hard to set these limits but the earlier you do it the better. Especially with the first grandkids...and you don't have to do it in an unkind way. You can phrase it as wanting to make sure each grandparent has undivided time with the babies. And spacing out the help.
Having said that, you are having twins so you may want the extra help!

day38

Sleep position - I'm not a stomach sleeper so that was never a problem for me. I tend to fluctuate between back and side, but I never made a conscious effort to focus on sleeping on my side. Basically, sleep however is comfortable and that will be safe. I also highly recommend the snoogle. I think I started using it around 20 weeks? Maybe later, don't really remember.

Baby bump - Everyone is different when they start showing. I never had a large bump with my son (he was only 5 lb 12 oz at birth) and I'm 5'2 with a medium build. Around 15-16 weeks my regular pants got uncomfortable, and if you knew I was pregnant you could see I "popped" but it wasn't obvious I was pregnant (vs eating a big lunch) until I was about 19-20 weeks.

Weight gain - 1st trimester first time, I was never nauseous but I had no appetite and generally never wanted to eat. I think I ended up losing about 2-4 lbs, which is completely normal and some women lose more. I started gaining steadily (usually more than 1 lb a week) around some point 2nd trimester, but then drastically slowed down after 34ish weeks, until I started eating all the pizza and ice cream. My fundal height also stopped increasing around 36 weeks, but it was just a case of small baby.

day38

As for my question, even though I'm not a FTM.

Has anyone here had a precipitous labor? I'm very worried about 1) making it to the hospital 2) who will watch my son and 3) the combo - either of our parents driving middle of the night to watch my son which doesn't give me enough time to make it to the hospital. We might ask my mom to sleep at our house at the end of pregnancy, but ugh. I love her, but we will all drive each other crazy.

For context.... I didn't start feeling contractions until about 6:30/7pm, but they were completely irregular with no pattern, and can be best described by slightly uncomfortable. Around 11 pm I was taking a bath and talking on the phone completely through my contractions (which started to develop into a rhythm at that point). At 12:15am I called the hospital to talk through if it made sense to come in (left closer to 12:50), got to the main door for L&D at 1:30 am, and my son was born at 1:50 am. I'm fairly certain I went into transition in the car because I had to fight the urge to push. The 2nd one is supposed to go faster :-/ 

becausescience

GG620 said:

With your first, when did you actually begin to show?

I thought I was showing personally around 16ish weeks.  But I doubt anybody else could tell until maybe like 22ish weeks.

muggle621 said:

I want a Snoogle by the second tri. The thing is I sleep with my husband and a 35 lb french bulldog in a queen sized bed. Will we all fit or will I need to take it to the guest room? 
( I promise I will have better questions as time goes on!)

We have a queen size bed and I can attest that there is room for two adults humans, a snoogle, and a (20 lbs in our case) dog.  It was tight, but very doable.  Pup got banished to the foot of the bed instead of wedged between us.

crossfitbabybump said:

Here's a weird one and not sure if it was in another thread? I am (or was) a very small chested woman. We're talking barely a B cup.. maybe A... I don't really know because I always wear sports bras or lace bralettes. But now nothing fits and it's very uncomfortable to shove my girls into a tiny sports bra.

So bra suggestions? HELP!

I got a wireless bra that doesn't really have regular cups so that if my boobs changed size the bra could handle it.  I can't find the exact one I got but these two are close: one two.  This worked until my ribcage got bigger, then I had to get a size up.

GG620

@vflux33 I am very interested in the responses you get, as I am in the exact same position. Plus DH has two sisters who live very close with their families, plus I have a sister who will be living with us at the time. I am a very private person and know that i am going to want alone time with just DH and baby. But DH is super close with his mom and pretty much never says no to her. I love my MIL, but she is a do-whatever-she-wants MIL and I know it's going to put me in a tough spot. I'm dreading that...  

becausescience

@vflux33 Ugh that is tough.  I guess I'd just be careful about hurting her feelings - which it seems like you are.  I'm assuming due to distance it wouldn't be an option to have her fly out to meet baby, go back home, and then come back for a longer visit after your mom leaves.  Maybe a couple baby Skype sessions would placate her until her time to visit comes?

vflux33

Thanks @garnetmama, @heatherdubrow, and @becausescience. I am a very blunt person and a planner so I actually tried to nip this in the bud before I got pregnant and suggested we make our needs etc clear to her, but that didn't go over well, MH just wants it all to happen naturally (??). I don't want to go against him about stuff involving his family, but I need to be more pushy about it with him and deal with the consequences. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she is an overdependent person--one of those pity party "woe is me" types-- and I'm worried if she's here too much it'll be dealing with her feelings etc. all the time and less of the her helping (I could be wrong, this is new ground for us obviously). Thanks for your input and sorry for the DD!

@GG620 I'm sorry your situation is similar! Maybe as things develop with our MILs we should exchange ideas a bit and brainstorm. Does she know yet about your pregnancy? 

crossfitbabybump

@becausescience thank you! Those look incredibly comfy!

@vflux33 my MIL is still being sketchy towards us since we've told her we are expecting. The nurse asked me my birth plan and who I wanted in the room. Just my mom and my DH. She asked about MIL and my DH and I both agreed, absolutely not. They should most certainly be involved but that doesn't mean that she has to be up your butt the whole time. Maybe try having a nice conversation with her about how she can come up after the babies are born and with you having twins, it can be a lot to handle all at once, so she should at least understand that you'll want some space for sure! How far away does she live from you?

ShawnnaO

@vflux33 having a baby is a lot of work. You're going to be exhausted, and you're going to want to just be able to relax and spend time with your babies. I would just nicely tell her that you want your space for a little while. I had to do that with my mother in law who told me she would get on a plane as soon as I told her I was in labor. No thank you. If she doesn't understand that now, I assure you, she'll get over it real quick when the time comes that you are ready for visitors and she gets to see them. Do what's best for you. You're going to spend the rest of your life being selfless when it comes to your children. 

vflux33

@crossfitbabybump She is in another state: a 1-2 day drive or a flight plus a half day drive away, but like I said she's talked about retiring early and moving here (my biggest fear of all!). I've brought up the idea to MH of not sharing our EDD with her as a way of delaying her visit (but that's kinda moot now anyway because I'll probably have them early since there are 2). 

@ShawnnaO I think you're right. I'm gonna have to talk to her directly and not count on MH to. That's gonna be a fun conversation! Almost as fun as the conversation I'll have to have with MH about having the conversation with MIL...

crossfitbabybump

@vflux33 just tell her an "extended" due date then.. maybe 2-3 weeks out from your actual date. That way it's ensured she'll be late! (Does this make us awful DIL's?)