Look, I know I don't go here right now but it really all boils down to:
Try to be as authentic as possible while thinking about how the things you say might affect other people. It's cool to mention your kids. They're a big part of your life. But step back and ask yourself if you're in the territory of doing it while being gentle and kind to your friends or if the way you're doing it is more in the rubbing it in their faces territory. It's also good practice to try to talk about things outside of your kids. You're still people with your own things going on. Find the balance.
On the other side, try to focus on the fact that it's worth experiencing the sting to keep the group that we have going together. Kind of like going swimming in a lake that's too cold. It's got its unpleasant parts but is worth it. *TW* I remember the first time I went out to dinner with one of my pregnant friend after my loss last year. It was both excruciating and filling to spend time with her. Would it have been easier initially to just avoid her (and my other pregnant friend)? Absolutely. But, bearing that pain (and the sobbing in my car as soon as I was safely inside) was worth it.
If someone seems to be consistently on the AW side, just send them a nice PM asking them to tone it down.
As for the TWs, this was discussed extensively a year ago (almost to the date) if you're interested in looking back. Essentially it came down to if adding a TW helps even a handful of our friends, it's worth it. Mostly, I go ahead and read TW things (but I do think it helps sometimes to be mentally prepared) but there have been a few times that I saw the TW and realized I wasn't up to it at the moment and quit reading.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
I wasn't going to post here because I know a tad bit sensitive. The board culture talk comes up in a cyclical fashion and it's just a reminder to me that I've been here forever. But after reading through this thread, TFAS thread and getting through WTO, I have to say something. This is really turning into us vs them, and that is so not okay. This thread is alright, and it doesn't seem too bad at first glance, but I can't with the TFAS thread.
I know, I don't belong there. So I'm not gonna say what can and can't be said, even if I hate some of the things I saw (really, tennis shoes?). But when you start saying that this board isn't the place for IFers, we are gonna have a problem. Yes, there are other boards (IF, T-TTC, etc), but this thread is still TTGP. Even if I am IF or TTCAL, I still am trying to get pregnant. I chose this board because I "grew up" here. I didn't know I was IF at first. But by the time I had losses and diagnosis, I made friends. I got comfortable. For you to (extrapolating based on feelings and vibe here) tell me to go somewhere else or deal with being hurt... I don't have words for that. That's seriously wrong.
Furthermore, to add to that, When you say that you are upset that IF grads are celebrated more... give me a break?! All regulars are celebrated. But yes, IFers get a damn parade. Because they effing deserve it. That just goes to show what a divide there is-that you can participate daily with women dealing with losses and IF on this board but you can't see how they deserve fanfair proves that clearly you aren't even trying to get it. I have never been so disgusted. Nevermind the fact that IFers have been around longer. They have more friends. Most people recognize them, so yeah, they're gonna say something. If you aren't gonna get as many comments, maybe it's because you don't have as many friends as we've made.
TLDR; go for it. Make a weekly TFAS thread. drop whatever TW you want. But don't you dare tell me that me and my friends don't belong here, and don't you dare even allude to the idea that my friends don't deserve a freaking trophy.
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
Just some more thoughts, a couple people mentioned not having the rant/rave in the dailies. I personally like it, but if the general population didn't like it, could it be it's own daily thread. Or could weekday random become a daily thread? I personally have a hard time keeping up with the week long thread.
And as I suggest more threads, are there enough of us for a secondary infertility thread?
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
I have many thoughts. Several of them are angry and unkind. Since I am on the verge of being banned I will refrain.
However, I do want to talk about the weekly grad thread because some ...people... seem to not understand.
ANYONE who has been posting regularly for a few months gets fully celebrated on there. It doesn't matter how long you have been TTC - it matters how long you have been participating. There have been a few women with IF who had been trying for a very long time before coming to this board, and just happened to get KU that same month, or even a few days later. Those women do NOT post on the grad thread because - I will say it again - it doesn't matter how long you have been TTC, it matters how long you have been participating.
And lastly, I have been regularly participating on this board since February of 2015. If you want to step up to me and tell me that this is not my board then please take several seats.
And please, dear lord, let me never suffer from the delusion that I am being marginalized because I am being sensitive to those suffering.
I have many thoughts. Several of them are angry and unkind. Since I am on the verge of being banned I will refrain.
However, I do want to talk about the weekly grad thread because some ...people... seem to not understand.
ANYONE who has been posting regularly for a few months gets fully celebrated on there. It doesn't matter how long you have been TTC - it matters how long you have been participating. There have been a few women with IF who had been trying for a very long time before coming to this board, and just happened to get KU that same month, or even a few days later. Those women do NOT post on the grad thread because - I will say it again - it doesn't matter how long you have been TTC, it matters how long you have been participating.
And lastly, I have been regularly participating on this board since February of 2015. If you want to step up to me and tell me that this is not my board then please take several seats.
THISSSSSSSS
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
I just want to point out something @KristoKekerooni said. The us vs. them thing is a problem. Several of you have mentioned additional threads where we can ALL mingle, and I am definitely on board with that! There are so many of you that I think are super freaking awesome, and I want to chat more with you but I don't feel comfortable commenting on the IF/TFAS threads. Let's get some more GTKY threads going, that's a great place to get everybody together.
@holly321 - I'd definitely be interested in a secondary IF thread. I feel like I'm in many different categories here and feel a bit awkward posting in all of them, but a secondary IF thread could be a good solution.
I was active on this board 2 years ago, and I've been recently lurking as I plan to TTC soon and I hope to participate here. So here is somewhat of an outside in perspective.
This board has changed a lot. That is expected and normal. It would be great to have an updated newbie thread, but anyone who lurks long enough can figure out the norms fairly easily.
TFAS Weekly thread? Great idea!
I think one issue with the daily threads is that they are used as a randoms thread for many people. Rants and raves are fine, but if they aren't TTC related, why are they there?
One possible solution may be to have 2 randoms threads - one that is guaranteed trigger free for anyone having a hard day, and then one where all bets are off.
If you all want to get to know each other, start GTKY threads more! When I was here before there were much more of them.
Those are just a few observations I have from noticing how the board has changed in the past few years. Feel free to take it or ignore it.
I thought since we are sort of on the topic of creating understanding for one another's struggles and journeys, I would share this article that just came out. TW for lots of deep feels about MC and pregnancy mentioned (and I'm only including that because it actually brought tears to my eyes to read it, but also some great laughs): https://www.glamour.com/story/actress-melissa-rauch-announces-pregnancy-and-reflects-on-miscarriage My favorite quote was "in my heart until you're in my arms." That really spoke to me today.
@KristoKekerooni, hugs lady. Thanks for saying that. I'm trying to step away from making it an us vs them since I was part of creating that environment yesterday in the WTO thread and I guess by creating this thread, but it needed to be said.
Me: 30 | DH: 31 Met: August 2006 Married: July 2012 TTC #1 since June 2016
@icecubeinthedesert - hugs friend, I certainly wasn't blaming you. I can see what you're trying to do. I called out those I'm blaming and those I'm pissed at. I don't play games.
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
@KristoKekerooni I was like "What are you talking about?" then went and read the WTO and TFAS threads and now am sitting here like "Why did I read that... why did I read that???" *sigh*
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks) MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP) RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017 MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP) RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017 MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023. Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing. Surgery for endometriosis January 2024 Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months. Hopefully FET after that.
You guys are making it hard to fall asleep today. TTGP is abuzz with change, which I expected to come because the influx of newbies. Someone (but I can't remember who - maybe @izza2) referred to them as growing pains. I think that's a great way to put it. I have made some great friends here and I know we will come out on the other side stronger. My favorite threads happen when everyone from all the little TTGP subgroups come together. The CS/Q has been a dumping ground of TTC knowledge lately! The craft thread was so cool! I want more people to feel comfortable and happy and I don't want to be divided by IF vs non-IF or TFAF vs TFAS. I think getting more community GTKY threads is good. And send the rants/races to the randoms?
Anyway.... That's all I have to contribute at this time because it's way past my bedtime. I love you guys.
Me: 29 | DH: 29
Married 12/2016 DSS born 01/2016 TTC since 01/2017 Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
@dpjennifer - Yeah... sorry. TW? But Yeah, I'm pissed and thought everyone should know it. because I can't allow anyone to mess with my IF friends just so they can talk about how horrible December birthdays and the plight of children stealing shoes are. Nope.
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
As to TWW and WTO I see that a lot of longtime regulars avoid those threads. Part of it is probably that it's hard to see people cycle in and out. Unfortunately, I don't think that can be helped. But to the extent people are avoiding them because of content we need to better address that content. I think those two threads should be as safe as possible for as many posters as possible. For one thing, long time posters have an EPIC level of knowledge and while they do not have to share that with everyone, we all benefit when they feel comfortable doing so.
@KristoKekerooni That pretty much sums up my feelings for what you wrote.
I also went back and quickly browsed WTO and TFAS. Not cool to talk shit about IFers who have been trying for ages to have a baby (most for the first time).
As for GTKY threads, there used to be a lot more as well as more "games" (ie never have I ever and I'm having a brain fart and can't think of the others) that everyone could participate in. But when I've seen them, they seem to fall flat a lot more than they used to.
And as for the reason I no longer participate in or even lurk the dailies is because sometimes the newbies are a little too bright eyed and bushy tailed than I can currently handle so I just stopped.
@kmalls Please join us in the IF thread. I know it sucks realizing you "belong" there but we always welcome those dealing with IF with open arms and never want others to feel excluded. FWIW, it took me nearly 6 months after my RE appointment to finally post in there so I kind of get it, but I don't want you to shy away.
"It's time to try defying gravity."
Me: 38 DH: 38 Married 6/11/16 TTC Since 6/2016 12/2016 RE appt; 1/2017 SA & HSG results - all normal 3/2017 Dx Hyperprolactinemia; 5/2017 Prolactin levels normal; 8/2017 Low Ovarian Reserve 8/2017 TTA for personal reasons; 10/2017 NTNP; 12/2017 Re-start TTC 7/2018 Clomid+IUI 11/2018 Letrozole+TI 12/2018 Letrozole+IUI 2/2019 NTNP 5/2019 Stopping all TTC efforts; living Childfree
I agree with @pebbledam - it's more fun when everyone participates. So whatever we do, I'd like to find a way for there to be more threads that more people participate in on a regular basis.
(And honestly, if folks only participate in one sub-group and never come out to play in any others, are those folks really participating on TTGP? I know there aren't many that fit that mold, but some do, and all I have to say is COME PLAY WITH ME! Post a stupid gif on WCW! Sometimes it gets dead AF here, and that's boring and dumb.)
@lulu1180 - "And as for the reason I no longer participate in or even lurk the dailies is because sometimes the newbies are a little too bright eyed and bushy tailed than I can currently handle so I just stopped." You just explained my feelings exactly. We took different paths to get there, but ended up in the same place.
Nothing against the newbies though! I'm still happy to get to know newbies and I'm happy they are excited and I lurk and love tit their intros on BMBs if/when I see them graduate. I just personally don't want to be a Debbie Downer on the dailies.
@doxiemoxie212 - I pretty much fit that mold. I still think of myself as a lurker and newbie because of that. It's another reason I love the random/fun threads, I get to hang out with you there! For the record, you are always coming up with awesome GTKY threads!
@msmeeseeks I mean, I feel like I see you pop up on the randoms threads, etc.? (Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this is when it becomes clear that I am terrible with names both IRL and online?) Like, I don't care if people don't participate in the dailies, honestly, because people bop around between TWW/WTO, it's hard to even tell who does those.
To @KristoKekerooni and everyone else, I apologize for the hurt I caused you. That was not my intent nor did I mean to imply anyone didn't belong here, but obviously I messed up. I am sorry.
One thing I'm reading is that we all want more general interaction with each other, so it seems like adding on a new plain GTKY thread (maybe daily?) might help. Like a few weeks ago, when we played the gif game. That was dumb and really fun.
What's the point of the WTO/TWW threads? Like, legit question - what function do they serve for you individually (if you participate)? What is everyone trying to get out of them?
Whoa, I'm catching up a lot from last night. I'm going to go read the updates from the other threads but I wanted to post here first:
@izza2, @looeeze I majorly overreacted last night. I had had a very shitty 24 hours (which I won't bore you with) and was 1.5 glasses of wine in (which doesn't make me more rational). I see now that those posts were in no way related. I apologize for overreacting and hope you can forgive me.
I agree with weekly TFAS and more GTKY posts (I love GTKY games).
@KristoKekerooni As someone who posts in TFAS, (but haven't read the posts you're talking about yet) I would never in a million years imply that IF'ers don't belong here. Fuck, if anything I don't belong here and I know it. And I am totally fine with IF'ers getting celebrated more in the graduation thread, because they went through a mental, emotional and physical hell that I can't relate to. I've seen what's involved (from the other side of the white coat) and I just can't imagine. You women are much stronger than I am.
Me: 35, Hubbie: 33 Married DH: 2013 DD: Dec 2015 BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018
@fishsticks-n-custard - I have no issues with TFAS. I recognize I don't belong there and if you guys need that support, I'm not gonna tell you you can't have it. So it's not like I hate everyone there. One of my very best friends on TB (and let's be real, IRL; too) is also TFAS. I don't have issue with that! I have issues with someone telling me my friends and I should go elsewhere or that we don't deserve to be celebrated. That's BS. I'm good with you as long as you aren't gonna try to boot me outta here or try to silence IF grad's joy.
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
@fishsticks-n-custard don't even worry about it. I figured it was just a misunderstanding. I'm sorry you had a shitt day PM me if you wanna vent about anything.
@KristoKekerooni and to anyone else who may have been hurt by my comments, I am sorry. It wasn't my intent to imply that anyone doesn't belong here. We are all TTC and have a seat at the table and I'm sorry if I was hurtful in anyway.
I haven't read the TFAS thread since yesterday, but now I'm not sure I even want to.
I have nothing to add because other's have said things that I'd say and did it much better than I could. So I'm just gonna day that, without reading the TFAS thread again, I definitely don't agree that ladies with IF struggles or who have been TTC longer shouldn't post here. Most of the ladies that fit those categories are ones that I've lurked hardcore and cheered for from the sidelines and even cried with when they had bad news. If there's one thread I always try to catch up on if my time is limited, it's the IF thread.
It seems like some people don't venture out of the dailies or threads that apply to them. We're all on here because we're TTGP or almost ready to start. There are a lot of things you can learn about people in those "specialty" threads that you may not in the dailies. I highly suggest it.
I hate that this is going down when I'm so busy with work cause I would love to give more input but
@doxiemoxie212 I love the daily wto/tww because it's the only place I actually get to talk about TTC and I get to give and get support from people who are near me in CD and DPO.
I think some newbies and perhaps some regs are unclear about when talking about LOs are frowned upon and when it's fine.
While technically I can only speak for myself, I can say that from a stupid amount of time on here this is what it is and has been for years:
If something about your LO is affecting your TTC stuff (breast feeding, not getting enough sleep etc etc) then that is FINE. If something about your LO is having a huge impact on your day/week/whatever and you need some support from us (Your LO is in the hospital, your LO got diagnosed with something, etc) then that is FINE. The stuff that is genuinely unnecessary is stuff like "omgeee LO turned one yesterday and did a smashcake and squeeee" or that kind of thing - something that you don't need support for, isn't impacting TTC in anyway, then it can come off as bragging. This isn't a mommy group. This is a board for TTC. We talk about other stuff to get to know each other but hearing about your kid having a favorite barbie isn't helping me to get to know YOU, and it's simultaneously making me feel that I cannot relate to you. It's unproductive in this space.
So if you are needing support with something we are happy to do so. Don't be scared to say "Oh, I can't temp right now because I'm up every 2 hours with LO". I don't know a single person on this board that would be angry at that response. If you think otherwise then I would suggest that problem is in your own head and your own perception, not in anything we have done.
@KristoKekerooni I think there might be a misunderstanding brewing with the TFAS thread. I don't know if you read the combo with WTO yesterday, so maybe that's where it's stemming from, but the way I read it was that some of the ladies are concerned they are not in the right place because this board, in many ways, skews pretty hard toward T-TTC or IF. I think it is helpful for folks to have more insight into why those other boards are not utilized and TTGP is (which I feel you and others have explained) because it can be counter intuitive from a user experience standpoint for newbs.
I think it goes back to that a lot of the newbies right now who are posting really did lurk a long time, but as we've discussed earlier today, sometimes it's hard to know when you've lurked long enough to really know the ins and outs of a board. For those who really pride themselves on the fact that they lurked properly, it can be disconcerting to feel like perhaps they misjudged the culture of the board. They start thinking, maybe I don't belong here, maybe I'm upsetting people, maybe I should leave. Etc.
I think we've all agreed, though, that they shouldn't leave, you shouldn't leave, no one should leave, everyone should stay, and we should all post more gifs. ALL THE GIFS!
I think some newbies and perhaps some regs are unclear about when talking about LOs are frowned upon and when it's fine.
While technically I can only speak for myself, I can say that from a stupid amount of time on here this is what it is and has been for years:
If something about your LO is affecting your TTC stuff (breast feeding, not getting enough sleep etc etc) then that is FINE. If something about your LO is having a huge impact on your day/week/whatever and you need some support from us (Your LO is in the hospital, your LO got diagnosed with something, etc) then that is FINE. The stuff that is genuinely unnecessary is stuff like "omgeee LO turned one yesterday and did a smashcake and squeeee" or that kind of thing - something that you don't need support for, isn't impacting TTC in anyway, then it can come off as bragging. This isn't a mommy group. This is a board for TTC. We talk about other stuff to get to know each other but hearing about your kid having a favorite barbie isn't helping me to get to know YOU, and it's simultaneously making me feel that I cannot relate to you. It's unproductive in this space.
So if you are needing support with something we are happy to do so. Don't be scared to say "Oh, I can't temp right now because I'm up every 2 hours with LO". I don't know a single person on this board that would be angry at that response. If you think otherwise then I would suggest that problem is in your own head and your own perception, not in anything we have done.
^^^^this 10,000%. That's all I was trying to say yesterday and several people took it to mean that I don't ever want to hear mention of kids, ever. I thought I was very careful to make that clear, and I'm sorry if that point didn't come across well enough.
Me: 30 | DH: 31 Met: August 2006 Married: July 2012 TTC #1 since June 2016
**snip** So if you are needing support with something we are happy to do so. Don't be scared to say "Oh, I can't temp right now because I'm up every 2 hours with LO". I don't know a single person on this board that would be angry at that response. If you think otherwise then I would suggest that problem is in your own head and your own perception, not in anything we have done.
Just to clarify since it relates to what I posted in TFAS, but it wasn't that I was worried someone would be angry about me posting about the sleep issue, it was that I was worried it would come across as complaining (which it wasn't meant to be) and that would hurt someone. Sometimes I struggle with where that line is and erring on the side of not saying anything if it might be hurtful.
Me: 35, Hubbie: 33 Married DH: 2013 DD: Dec 2015 BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018
@antoto IDK, I guess I didn't notice anyone was going above and beyond that in the dailies (maybe I'm just not reading carefully), and it seemed like people were hurt, so I think that's where the confusion is stemming from.
@doxiemoxie212 nope. No misunderstanding over here. We understand and read all the threads.
@fishsticks-n-custard Okay and I am very understanding to your desire to not hurt us! That desire is kind. But it can turn unkind when it turns into an assumption, which maybe then turns into (I'm not necessarily saying this happened with you personally) a victimization stance. For what it's worth, I personally don't get hurt by someone just matter of factly saying "Nope can't temp, because xyz" and I haven't ever read a comment in any IF thread that would indicate anyone else would.
Re: IMPORTANT Re: Newbie guides
DSS born 01/2016
TTC since 01/2017
Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
Try to be as authentic as possible while thinking about how the things you say might affect other people. It's cool to mention your kids. They're a big part of your life. But step back and ask yourself if you're in the territory of doing it while being gentle and kind to your friends or if the way you're doing it is more in the rubbing it in their faces territory. It's also good practice to try to talk about things outside of your kids. You're still people with your own things going on. Find the balance.
On the other side, try to focus on the fact that it's worth experiencing the sting to keep the group that we have going together. Kind of like going swimming in a lake that's too cold. It's got its unpleasant parts but is worth it. *TW* I remember the first time I went out to dinner with one of my pregnant friend after my loss last year. It was both excruciating and filling to spend time with her. Would it have been easier initially to just avoid her (and my other pregnant friend)? Absolutely. But, bearing that pain (and the sobbing in my car as soon as I was safely inside) was worth it.
If someone seems to be consistently on the AW side, just send them a nice PM asking them to tone it down.
As for the TWs, this was discussed extensively a year ago (almost to the date) if you're interested in looking back. Essentially it came down to if adding a TW helps even a handful of our friends, it's worth it. Mostly, I go ahead and read TW things (but I do think it helps sometimes to be mentally prepared) but there have been a few times that I saw the TW and realized I wasn't up to it at the moment and quit reading.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
I know, I don't belong there. So I'm not gonna say what can and can't be said, even if I hate some of the things I saw (really, tennis shoes?). But when you start saying that this board isn't the place for IFers, we are gonna have a problem. Yes, there are other boards (IF, T-TTC, etc), but this thread is still TTGP. Even if I am IF or TTCAL, I still am trying to get pregnant. I chose this board because I "grew up" here. I didn't know I was IF at first. But by the time I had losses and diagnosis, I made friends. I got comfortable. For you to (extrapolating based on feelings and vibe here) tell me to go somewhere else or deal with being hurt... I don't have words for that. That's seriously wrong.
Furthermore, to add to that, When you say that you are upset that IF grads are celebrated more... give me a break?! All regulars are celebrated. But yes, IFers get a damn parade. Because they effing deserve it. That just goes to show what a divide there is-that you can participate daily with women dealing with losses and IF on this board but you can't see how they deserve fanfair proves that clearly you aren't even trying to get it. I have never been so disgusted. Nevermind the fact that IFers have been around longer. They have more friends. Most people recognize them, so yeah, they're gonna say something. If you aren't gonna get as many comments, maybe it's because you don't have as many friends as we've made.
TLDR; go for it. Make a weekly TFAS thread. drop whatever TW you want. But don't you dare tell me that me and my friends don't belong here, and don't you dare even allude to the idea that my friends don't deserve a freaking trophy.
edit for tags:
@JNCPro3130 , @LazyCrane , @mileswithmyles , @nanilani04 , and anyone else who agrees with this crap.
edit again for clarity
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
And as I suggest more threads, are there enough of us for a secondary infertility thread?
Dating: 2/2007 Married: 4/2011
TTC #1: 9/2016
*TW*
BFP #2: 3/9/2017 - CP: 3/10/2017
08/2017: DH's SA = normal
08/2017: Low progesterone (4.6) all other BW normal
11/2017: HSG Clear; Pelvic Ultrasound Normal; and AMH, FSH, and Estradiol normal
12/2017: 1,000mg Metformin
12/2017: 50mg Clomid + TI = BFN
01/2018: 100mg Clomid + TI = BFN
01/2018: RE Consult
03/2018: 5mg Letrozole + 50 units Gonal-F + 500 μg Ovidrel + IUI = BFP #3: 4/1/2018 - CP: 4/4/2018
04/2018: 5mg Letrozole + Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI = BFP #4: 5/2/18
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
However, I do want to talk about the weekly grad thread because some ...people... seem to not understand.
ANYONE who has been posting regularly for a few months gets fully celebrated on there. It doesn't matter how long you have been TTC - it matters how long you have been participating. There have been a few women with IF who had been trying for a very long time before coming to this board, and just happened to get KU that same month, or even a few days later. Those women do NOT post on the grad thread because - I will say it again - it doesn't matter how long you have been TTC, it matters how long you have been participating.
And lastly, I have been regularly participating on this board since February of 2015. If you want to step up to me and tell me that this is not my board then please take several seats.
And please, dear lord, let me never suffer from the delusion that I am being marginalized because I am being sensitive to those suffering.
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
ETA: spelling is hard
I was active on this board 2 years ago, and I've been recently lurking as I plan to TTC soon and I hope to participate here. So here is somewhat of an outside in perspective.
This board has changed a lot. That is expected and normal. It would be great to have an updated newbie thread, but anyone who lurks long enough can figure out the norms fairly easily.
TFAS Weekly thread? Great idea!
I think one issue with the daily threads is that they are used as a randoms thread for many people. Rants and raves are fine, but if they aren't TTC related, why are they there?
One possible solution may be to have 2 randoms threads - one that is guaranteed trigger free for anyone having a hard day, and then one where all bets are off.
If you all want to get to know each other, start GTKY threads more! When I was here before there were much more of them.
Those are just a few observations I have from noticing how the board has changed in the past few years. Feel free to take it or ignore it.
My favorite quote was "in my heart until you're in my arms." That really spoke to me today.
@KristoKekerooni, hugs lady. Thanks for saying that. I'm trying to step away from making it an us vs them since I was part of creating that environment yesterday in the WTO thread and I guess by creating this thread, but it needed to be said.
Me: 30 | DH: 31
Met: August 2006
Married: July 2012
TTC #1 since June 2016
***TW***
BFP: 7/12/16 | MC: 9/12/16
BFP: 1/18/17 | MMC: 2/13/17
BFP: 10/7/17 | EDD: 6/21/17
MTHFR: homozygous A1298C
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months. Hopefully FET after that.
#BitterHagPartyOf1
Anyway.... That's all I have to contribute at this time because it's way past my bedtime. I love you guys.
DSS born 01/2016
TTC since 01/2017
Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
But Yeah, I'm pissed and thought everyone should know it. because I can't allow anyone to mess with my IF friends just so they can talk about how horrible December birthdays and the plight of children stealing shoes are. Nope.
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
As to TWW and WTO I see that a lot of longtime regulars avoid those threads. Part of it is probably that it's hard to see people cycle in and out. Unfortunately, I don't think that can be helped. But to the extent people are avoiding them because of content we need to better address that content. I think those two threads should be as safe as possible for as many posters as possible. For one thing, long time posters have an EPIC level of knowledge and while they do not have to share that with everyone, we all benefit when they feel comfortable doing so.
I also went back and quickly browsed WTO and TFAS. Not cool to talk shit about IFers who have been trying for ages to have a baby (most for the first time).
As for GTKY threads, there used to be a lot more as well as more "games" (ie never have I ever and I'm having a brain fart and can't think of the others) that everyone could participate in. But when I've seen them, they seem to fall flat a lot more than they used to.
And as for the reason I no longer participate in or even lurk the dailies is because sometimes the newbies are a little too bright eyed and bushy tailed than I can currently handle so I just stopped.
@kmalls Please join us in the IF thread. I know it sucks realizing you "belong" there but we always welcome those dealing with IF with open arms and never want others to feel excluded. FWIW, it took me nearly 6 months after my RE appointment to finally post in there so I kind of get it, but I don't want you to shy away.
"It's time to try defying gravity."
Married 6/11/16
TTC Since 6/2016
12/2016 RE appt; 1/2017 SA & HSG results - all normal
3/2017 Dx Hyperprolactinemia; 5/2017 Prolactin levels normal; 8/2017 Low Ovarian Reserve
8/2017 TTA for personal reasons; 10/2017 NTNP; 12/2017 Re-start TTC
7/2018 Clomid+IUI
11/2018 Letrozole+TI
12/2018 Letrozole+IUI
2/2019 NTNP
5/2019 Stopping all TTC efforts; living Childfree
(And honestly, if folks only participate in one sub-group and never come out to play in any others, are those folks really participating on TTGP? I know there aren't many that fit that mold, but some do, and all I have to say is COME PLAY WITH ME! Post a stupid gif on WCW! Sometimes it gets dead AF here, and that's boring and dumb.)
Nothing against the newbies though! I'm still happy to get to know newbies and I'm happy they are excited and I lurk and love tit their intros on BMBs if/when I see them graduate. I just personally don't want to be a Debbie Downer on the dailies.
@doxiemoxie212 - I pretty much fit that mold. I still think of myself as a lurker and newbie because of that. It's another reason I love the random/fun threads, I get to hang out with you there!
"It's time to try defying gravity."
Married 6/11/16
TTC Since 6/2016
12/2016 RE appt; 1/2017 SA & HSG results - all normal
3/2017 Dx Hyperprolactinemia; 5/2017 Prolactin levels normal; 8/2017 Low Ovarian Reserve
8/2017 TTA for personal reasons; 10/2017 NTNP; 12/2017 Re-start TTC
7/2018 Clomid+IUI
11/2018 Letrozole+TI
12/2018 Letrozole+IUI
2/2019 NTNP
5/2019 Stopping all TTC efforts; living Childfree
@izza2, @looeeze I majorly overreacted last night. I had had a very shitty 24 hours (which I won't bore you with) and was 1.5 glasses of wine in (which doesn't make me more rational). I see now that those posts were in no way related. I apologize for overreacting and hope you can forgive me.
I agree with weekly TFAS and more GTKY posts (I love GTKY games).
@KristoKekerooni As someone who posts in TFAS, (but haven't read the posts you're talking about yet) I would never in a million years imply that IF'ers don't belong here. Fuck, if anything I don't belong here and I know it. And I am totally fine with IF'ers getting celebrated more in the graduation thread, because they went through a mental, emotional and physical hell that I can't relate to. I've seen what's involved (from the other side of the white coat) and I just can't imagine. You women are much stronger than I am.
Married DH: 2013
DD: Dec 2015
BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018
"It's time to try defying gravity."
Married 6/11/16
TTC Since 6/2016
12/2016 RE appt; 1/2017 SA & HSG results - all normal
3/2017 Dx Hyperprolactinemia; 5/2017 Prolactin levels normal; 8/2017 Low Ovarian Reserve
8/2017 TTA for personal reasons; 10/2017 NTNP; 12/2017 Re-start TTC
7/2018 Clomid+IUI
11/2018 Letrozole+TI
12/2018 Letrozole+IUI
2/2019 NTNP
5/2019 Stopping all TTC efforts; living Childfree
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
I have nothing to add because other's have said things that I'd say and did it much better than I could.
So I'm just gonna day that, without reading the TFAS thread again, I definitely don't agree that ladies with IF struggles or who have been TTC longer shouldn't post here. Most of the ladies that fit those categories are ones that I've lurked hardcore and cheered for from the sidelines and even cried with when they had bad news. If there's one thread I always try to catch up on if my time is limited, it's the IF thread.
It seems like some people don't venture out of the dailies or threads that apply to them. We're all on here because we're TTGP or almost ready to start. There are a lot of things you can learn about people in those "specialty" threads that you may not in the dailies. I highly suggest it.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
@doxiemoxie212 I love the daily wto/tww because it's the only place I actually get to talk about TTC and I get to give and get support from people who are near me in CD and DPO.
I think some newbies and perhaps some regs are unclear about when talking about LOs are frowned upon and when it's fine.
While technically I can only speak for myself, I can say that from a stupid amount of time on here this is what it is and has been for years:
If something about your LO is affecting your TTC stuff (breast feeding, not getting enough sleep etc etc) then that is FINE. If something about your LO is having a huge impact on your day/week/whatever and you need some support from us (Your LO is in the hospital, your LO got diagnosed with something, etc) then that is FINE. The stuff that is genuinely unnecessary is stuff like "omgeee LO turned one yesterday and did a smashcake and squeeee" or that kind of thing - something that you don't need support for, isn't impacting TTC in anyway, then it can come off as bragging. This isn't a mommy group. This is a board for TTC. We talk about other stuff to get to know each other but hearing about your kid having a favorite barbie isn't helping me to get to know YOU, and it's simultaneously making me feel that I cannot relate to you. It's unproductive in this space.
So if you are needing support with something we are happy to do so. Don't be scared to say "Oh, I can't temp right now because I'm up every 2 hours with LO". I don't know a single person on this board that would be angry at that response. If you think otherwise then I would suggest that problem is in your own head and your own perception, not in anything we have done.
I think it goes back to that a lot of the newbies right now who are posting really did lurk a long time, but as we've discussed earlier today, sometimes it's hard to know when you've lurked long enough to really know the ins and outs of a board. For those who really pride themselves on the fact that they lurked properly, it can be disconcerting to feel like perhaps they misjudged the culture of the board. They start thinking, maybe I don't belong here, maybe I'm upsetting people, maybe I should leave. Etc.
I think we've all agreed, though, that they shouldn't leave, you shouldn't leave, no one should leave, everyone should stay, and we should all post more gifs. ALL THE GIFS!
Me: 30 | DH: 31
Met: August 2006
Married: July 2012
TTC #1 since June 2016
***TW***
BFP: 7/12/16 | MC: 9/12/16
BFP: 1/18/17 | MMC: 2/13/17
BFP: 10/7/17 | EDD: 6/21/17
MTHFR: homozygous A1298C
Married DH: 2013
DD: Dec 2015
BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018
@fishsticks-n-custard Okay and I am very understanding to your desire to not hurt us! That desire is kind. But it can turn unkind when it turns into an assumption, which maybe then turns into (I'm not necessarily saying this happened with you personally) a victimization stance. For what it's worth, I personally don't get hurt by someone just matter of factly saying "Nope can't temp, because xyz" and I haven't ever read a comment in any IF thread that would indicate anyone else would.