Maybe I don't get it because I didn't make it far enough to find out the gender and I'm not there yet this time but in my FB Jan/Feb2018 group it seems NO ONE is happy with what they are having.
Is this a real thing? Being so upset about it that you're not even happy to be pregnant any more? This will be my Rainbow (Lord willing it all goes as planned) so no, I haven't felt whatever you feel after finding out the gender but I THINK I'm going to be super excited either way?
It is ridiculous, but I am sure there will be some posting in a couple months about how upset they are because they are carrying a perfectly healthy baby... that does not pee the way they wanted.
I remember in my birth month club with my son girls saying they were so sad and crying and even detached from the baby they were so disappointed in the sex. I think it's nuts. I think smorzandoj is right, not getting what exactly they want is a very upsetting to some people.
Saw the title of this thread and was ready to come in guns blazing if it was somebody preparing to be disappointed already at this point.... glad to see that isn't the case! Lol
Seriously I could rant all day about "gender disappointment". After being told that we would never be able to have kids and now expecting number three we are super thrilled! We are happy with every baby that God is choosing to bless us with. The gender does not matter! Totally agree that I think it really comes down to people being way too used to getting whatever they want, whenever they want it. Absolutely ridiculous.
I guess I just never really thought about it veing THAT big of a deal. Like I know it's normal to ask what are you hoping for, and it is completely normal to want one over the other, but I guess I just never realized that people got this severely disappointed if they found out it wasn't what they were hoping for. I like most people would like to have one of each but at the end of the day if I end up with two of the same that just means they're I'm going to be saving big time on hand-me-downs and have a good idea of what to expect.
After TTC for 2 years, 2 IVF cycles, 3 failed transfer (TW - 2 that ended in chemical) all I want is a healthy sibling for my son. And it just is mind boggling to see gender disappointment, and I seriously side eye it whenever I see it. There is no guarantee that your daughter would want to wear frilly dresses or go to prom etc, and your son might hate sports. A healthy baby is the goal. Not a gender.
Me: 33 DH: 31 DS: 5 years old TTC #2 since August 2015 July 2016: Testing cycle with 100 mg Clomid = BFN August 2016: 50 mg Clomid + IUI = BFN October 2016: IVF#1 - 13 retrieved / 12 mature / 9 fertilized / 2 blasts November 2016: FET#1 = chemical January 2017: FET#2 = chemical March 2017: IVF#2 - 18 retrieved / 18 mature / 16 fertilized / 5 blasts
April 24, 2017: FET#3 - BFN May 24, 2017: FET#4 - BFP! - Beta #1 151 - Beta #2 503 - Due date 2/9/18
I was also ready to come in with some choice gifs if this was someone truly upset about their baby's genitalia, but I'll save those for the inevitable disappointment threads we'll get in about 10-14 weeks, hopefully from newbs who don't know better. My BFF's mom just absolutely hates boys, only wants girls, and this woman has a grandson who she clearly does not like as much as her granddaughter. I said to my mom "What did [friend's mom] really say when you told her I'm having a boy? For real." And she said she expressed her sorrow that my mom wouldn't have a granddaughter. I want to throttle this woman and will definitely have some words ready when I see her in person if she dares say anything about my boy.
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
I have had hoped one way or the other but when baby turned out to be a different sex than I had hoped I just jumped on the new train. I also cannot understand the intense disappointment.
DD born Oct 2011 - DS#1 born Jan 2014 - DS#2 born Apr 2015 - DS#3 born Sept 2016 - LO#5 due Feb 7, 2018
p.s. if you want to read some quality drama threads about sex disappointment, search for momofboys, she was in June 17. She was a peach.
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
I'm going to be the odd ball here. Zero kids, infertility patient, 4 years of trying, took out a fallopian tube to get pregnant. So went through the ringer for this kid. Monthly labs and pelvic checks, and meds..ect
HOWEVER I do want a boy. I've had my kids name picked out for 6 years. I have a boys name (chawk) and a girls name (HJ). And a back up boys in case of twins (sfox). But I am in love which chawk and will be slightly Disappointed if I don't get it. Oh well. Not sorry.
@Chawk17 I understand being disappointed it wasn't what you hoped and taking a moment to mourn that, but like @sabriel1 said, I'd hop on the other train real quick. I think this is more talking about the ones who are crying and freaking out and just can't get on board with the other sex.
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
I'm not about to tell some how they should feel. They feel what they feel, and once it sets in, they move past the initial disappointment and accept the sex they're carrying.
I know I would have been sad, initially, had ds2 been a girl. I had a son, and then we lost him. I felt I missed out on the dynamic of parenting a son. I had a feeling I was having another boy, and was beyond ecstatic to find out I was right. I'll be damned if someone tries to tell me how I should feel, and not everyone believes in a deity bestowing offspring, so that sentiment is rather meaningless to some individuals.
I'd be happy either way this time. I've had three girls and two boys. There are times I lean toward wanting a boy to balance things out and I know ds2 wants a little brother.
G 12.04 | E 11.06 | D 11.08 | H 12.09 | R 11.14 | Expecting #6 2.16.18.
I want a healthy baby however i would be dissappointed i know it sounds horrible of me but ever sense i was 8 i wanted a little girl i have my son and yes a step daughter but in my mind a baby girl will give me the opportunity to prove to myself that i am better than my mother. I have had a rough life faci g physical mental and even sexyal abuse all before the age of 12 so for me to have a little girl gives me the ability to give her all i wanted and never had. Now i love my son to death but for the last 8 yrs he has been my one and only son. With my step daughter i came in her life at 8 and her mother is a lot like mine and so i had to guide her and she grew up to fast i thi k a girl gives her and i both an even bigger bond. So yes i would be dissappointed if i didnt have a girl that being said i know its out of my hands to know what i will have as long as its healthy. Besides i have name for both genders picked out just incase
@Chawk17 I understand being disappointed it wasn't what you hoped and taking a moment to mourn that, but like @sabriel1 said, I'd hop on the other train real quick. I think this is more talking about the ones who are crying and freaking out and just can't get on board with the other sex.
Oh no, I'm not going to throw a tantrum. If it's a girl and I get HJ I'll love her and be happy. I'll mourn the boy name...but move on haha!
It's against TOU to come to another board to complain about a different BMB. If you're Jan, stay in Jan with these concerns.
Once you find out the sex of your baby, it's normal to have a lot of different feelings. It sounds like your board felt it was a safe place to work thru those feelings and emotions.
Its still really early for people who aren't doing genetic testing to find out the sex, so maybe also be mindful of that.
@TattoosandLace For some reason I read the OP as being in a Facebook group for Jan/Feb18 moms, but now I realize I completely made that up because FB is never mentioned. And you're right, if this is talking about the Bump Jan18 group, we can't bash what they're saying.
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
*Jan18 lurker, not attempting to stir up any drama, also hey @TattoosandLace, you were in July 16, right??*
I haven't seen too many ladies in Jan complaining about what they're having, in fact a lot of them seem really excited. I wouldn't use the broad term "no one" when the vast majority of us haven't found out yet since we're just getting into 2nd tri. Like it was said above, if you have any concerns with us in Jan, let us know instead of taking it to a different BMB. That being said, I can't get on board with sex disappointment taken too far. I've seen some users on TB get deservedly flamed for being crazy upset about it.
I didn't read every comment to its extent and kind of skimmed. I'm a mom of three girls and I would be lying if I didn't say I hope that this baby is a boy. Now if this baby is a girl, which I'm about 90% sure it already is because the statistics aren't in my favor, then I'll be upset for a good 5 minutes or so. I think it's okay if you hope the sex of your baby is X or Y but to be honestly disappointed about it enough to rant about it for days or weeks is ridiculous.
We are team green and will be happy either way. I never had a sister so in that aspect I think it would be nice for DD. But it would also be great to have a boy and girl. I don't think I would be disappointed either way. Maybe if they told me it was twins at my first appointment on Monday. I would freak.
It's against TOU to come to another board to complain about a different BMB. If you're Jan, stay in Jan with these concerns.
Once you find out the sex of your baby, it's normal to have a lot of different feelings. It sounds like your board felt it was a safe place to work thru those feelings and emotions.
Its still really early for people who aren't doing genetic testing to find out the sex, so maybe also be mindful of that.
I think that it's unrealistic to expect moms who haven't experienced IF or loss to react the same way about anything. I agree that crying for days is a little over the top, but it's not "wrong" to experience gender disappointment just because some people think you should just be happy that you're having a baby at all. Being pregnant can be scary. The unknown can be scary. I would be lying if I said I didn't experience disappointment when I found out my first wouldn't be a boy. That does not mean I love or did love her any less. It took a little adjusting to get excited, but I got there.
As my wise 5 yo says, "You get what you get and you don't get upset."
That at being said, I understand a little disappointment for a short period of time. You may have been picturing your future and imagining life a certain way. It might take a little while, but I would hope people would be able to adjust.
I'd "like" another girl because less shopping and saving some moolah, but I would never ever use the word dissapointed if it turns out taco is a boy. But for that reason, we will find out the sex so I have time to sell off a sh*t ton of clothes lol
Andrea (31), married Aaron (36) September 2012
Parents to fur babies Tiki and Gizzmo and 2yr old Georgia IF veterans; #1 conceived on second clomid+HCG+IUI, #2 conceived on 1st Letrozole+HCG+IUI EDD: Feb 5, 2018
p.s. if you want to read some quality drama threads about sex disappointment, search for momofboys, she was in June 17. She was a peach.
I don't know how I missed this comment but OMG yes. And she WOULD. NOT. STOP.
Meanwhile, we had several members who were facing pretty awful news, and she couldn't see why her constant posts were upsetting.
I have an IRL friend who was preg with boy #4.... pitched a holy fit.... went to 3 Drs and a few elective ultrasound places.... still believed it was a Girl because God told her it was and ordained it in her story.... Baby #4 was still a boy.... smh
I have 5 boys and will honestly kinda panic of this is a girl. Like.... we do boys. No idea how the gurl would throw us off
I will be sad for one day if we are having another boy, but then will be happy. I just have so much girl stuff to pass on! Course we would try once more if that is the case!
I'd "like" another girl because less shopping and saving some moolah, but I would never ever use the word dissapointed if it turns out taco is a boy. But for that reason, we will find out the sex so I have time to sell off a sh*t ton of clothes lol
I understand both sides. Even without infertilit. experience, I feel very, very lucky to have kids, period, so I've always been one to be very excited for whatever I get to have.
But, I completely understand that people can experience worry. I was so excited to find out we were having a boy and I also wondered how I would successfully raise a self confident person with a different sex and set of social pressures than me.
Now, my son is who he is and I am seeing how it all falls into place, but I did worry I would ruin him. Sometimes, I wonder if some (not all) people with "gender disappointment" are experiencing this but aren't sharing what's on their hearts?
For me, I have 2 wants: #1 want is a healthy baby. Duh. #2 want is a girl
If it's another boy, cool. I have experience in that area so it's whatever. Yeah, I'll be sad cuz this is our last and I so badly want a girl in our boy clan. But I'm not going to go into a depression about it.
DH wants a girl and i want a boy... there will be happiness either way as long as baby comed out healthy! Plus side fir me if it is a girl: we can reuse my beautifully girly childhood furniture lol! But I'd still love a boy ha... we are really just praying for healthy and happy though!
It is unfair to trivialize how other people feel. When someone gets attached to a certain gender, I think it goes deeper than that. They are already starting to form a bond with the child they think they are having, and finding out that they are getting a different child can feel like a true loss. It doesn't mean they can't form a bond with the "new" child or that they won't love that child, but they can certainly miss what might have been.
I know that I want a girl. I've always envisioned myself with daughters. I really really want this baby to be a girl...but I think it's a boy. I'll be honest, there will be that feeling of disappointment if it is a boy, but I'll move on and I'll find the joy in having a boy, and yes, I will love him.
It is unfair to trivialize how other people feel. When someone gets attached to a certain gender, I think it goes deeper than that. They are already starting to form a bond with the child they think they are having, and finding out that they are getting a different child can feel like a true loss. It doesn't mean they can't form a bond with the "new" child or that they won't love that child, but they can certainly miss what might have been.
I know that I want a girl. I've always envisioned myself with daughters. I really really want this baby to be a girl...but I think it's a boy. I'll be honest, there will be that feeling of disappointment if it is a boy, but I'll move on and I'll find the joy in having a boy, and yes, I will love him.
That's an interesting perspective and I've never thought of it in those terms. I "felt" my son was a girl during pregnancy. I honestly didn't have a preference at all, but when I found out he was a boy, it took me a few days to change my brain. I really had bonded with the idea of a girl and didn't even know it! I found joy very quickly.
It is unfair to trivialize how other people feel. When someone gets attached to a certain gender, I think it goes deeper than that. They are already starting to form a bond with the child they think they are having, and finding out that they are getting a different child can feel like a true loss. It doesn't mean they can't form a bond with the "new" child or that they won't love that child, but they can certainly miss what might have been.
I know that I want a girl. I've always envisioned myself with daughters. I really really want this baby to be a girl...but I think it's a boy. I'll be honest, there will be that feeling of disappointment if it is a boy, but I'll move on and I'll find the joy in having a boy, and yes, I will love him.
***TW*** That is not a loss. A healthy baby of any gender is a beautiful, wonderful miracle. I don't understand how you could compare that to any type of loss (MC, CP, stillbirth, child loss, etc..
Me: 34 | DH: 33 Married Aug. 2013 TTC #1 Sep. 2016 ***TW***
BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF. BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
Re: Gender Disappointment?
DD angel baby 10/16
Rainbow Due 02/20/18
Seriously I could rant all day about "gender disappointment". After being told that we would never be able to have kids and now expecting number three we are super thrilled! We are happy with every baby that God is choosing to bless us with. The gender does not matter!
Totally agree that I think it really comes down to people being way too used to getting whatever they want, whenever they want it. Absolutely ridiculous.
*end rant*
DS: 5 years old
TTC #2 since August 2015
July 2016: Testing cycle with 100 mg Clomid = BFN
August 2016: 50 mg Clomid + IUI = BFN
October 2016: IVF#1 - 13 retrieved / 12 mature / 9 fertilized / 2 blasts
November 2016: FET#1 = chemical
January 2017: FET#2 = chemical
March 2017: IVF#2 - 18 retrieved / 18 mature / 16 fertilized / 5 blasts
May 24, 2017: FET#4 - BFP! - Beta #1 151 - Beta #2 503 - Due date 2/9/18
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
HOWEVER I do want a boy. I've had my kids name picked out for 6 years. I have a boys name (chawk) and a girls name (HJ). And a back up boys in case of twins (sfox).
But I am in love which chawk and will be slightly
Disappointed if I don't get it. Oh well. Not sorry.
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
I know I would have been sad, initially, had ds2 been a girl. I had a son, and then we lost him. I felt I missed out on the dynamic of parenting a son. I had a feeling I was having another boy, and was beyond ecstatic to find out I was right. I'll be damned if someone tries to tell me how I should feel, and not everyone believes in a deity bestowing offspring, so that sentiment is rather meaningless to some individuals.
I'd be happy either way this time. I've had three girls and two boys. There are times I lean toward wanting a boy to balance things out and I know ds2 wants a little brother.
If it's a girl and I get HJ I'll love her and be happy.
I'll mourn the boy name...but move on haha!
Once you find out the sex of your baby, it's normal to have a lot of different feelings. It sounds like your board felt it was a safe place to work thru those feelings and emotions.
Its still really early for people who aren't doing genetic testing to find out the sex, so maybe also be mindful of that.
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
I haven't seen too many ladies in Jan complaining about what they're having, in fact a lot of them seem really excited. I wouldn't use the broad term "no one" when the vast majority of us haven't found out yet since we're just getting into 2nd tri. Like it was said above, if you have any concerns with us in Jan, let us know instead of taking it to a different BMB. That being said, I can't get on board with sex disappointment taken too far. I've seen some users on TB get deservedly flamed for being crazy upset about it.
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
I can't understand the reaction. I mean, you had to have known going into this that it was a 50/50 shot.
And I agree with the PPs, I'm just praying this is our rainbow baby.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
That at being said, I understand a little disappointment for a short period of time. You may have been picturing your future and imagining life a certain way. It might take a little while, but I would hope people would be able to adjust.
IF veterans; #1 conceived on second clomid+HCG+IUI, #2 conceived on 1st Letrozole+HCG+IUI
EDD: Feb 5, 2018
My DD keeps saying I'm having a girl though and DH thinks we are having another girl.
I just want to know so the shopping can begin! Haha
Meanwhile, we had several members who were facing pretty awful news, and she couldn't see why her constant posts were upsetting.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Baby #4 was still a boy.... smh
I have 5 boys and will honestly kinda panic of this is a girl. Like.... we do boys. No idea how the gurl would throw us off
But, I completely understand that people can experience worry. I was so excited to find out we were having a boy and I also wondered how I would successfully raise a self confident person with a different sex and set of social pressures than me.
Now, my son is who he is and I am seeing how it all falls into place, but I did worry I would ruin him. Sometimes, I wonder if some (not all) people with "gender disappointment" are experiencing this but aren't sharing what's on their hearts?
#1 want is a healthy baby. Duh.
#2 want is a girl
If it's another boy, cool. I have experience in that area so it's whatever. Yeah, I'll be sad cuz this is our last and I so badly want a girl in our boy clan. But I'm not going to go into a depression about it.
I know that I want a girl. I've always envisioned myself with daughters. I really really want this baby to be a girl...but I think it's a boy. I'll be honest, there will be that feeling of disappointment if it is a boy, but I'll move on and I'll find the joy in having a boy, and yes, I will love him.
That is not a loss. A healthy baby of any gender is a beautiful, wonderful miracle. I don't understand how you could compare that to any type of loss (MC, CP, stillbirth, child loss, etc..
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d