UO Thursday 6.8.17

AdaByron

What do you got?

AdaByron

I think some people are too hard on their MILs. Not everyone, some MILs are really BSC. But sometimes it seems like they're nice people with good intentions and deserve to be cut a little slack. 

virginiaunicorn11

I don't get the obsession with packing for the hospital.  Or "coming home" outfits. The clothes in that thread are super cute, and you do you. It's just not for me. 

lph4248

virginiaunicorn11 said:

I don't get the obsession with packing for the hospital.  Or "coming home" outfits. The clothes in that thread are super cute, and you do you. It's just not for me. 

I understand the obsession from an "omg what am I supposed to bring, and what will the baby fit in?!" FTM perspective. But it's something that gives me anxiety - I'm not in an "omg YAY" place about it. I think I'll be more excited about baby clothes once I understand how to dress my baby (as in, stop thinking it's more complicated than it is) and know what size she is. Right now it's all part of the big black box of having a first child. Edit to fix spelling.

abmommy15

virginiaunicorn11 said:

I don't get the obsession with packing for the hospital.  Or "coming home" outfits. The clothes in that thread are super cute, and you do you. It's just not for me. 

Totally agree.  Unless you are delivering in the middle of nowhere your hospital and/or local target or wal-Mart will have anything you might need.  I didn't even open my hospital bag until I needed my clothes to go home.  

DS went through a couple outfits within a few minutes because he spit up all over everything.  He came home in a sleeper from Carter's and DD will as well.  

ginger1228

Re: coming home outfits. I never did understand having a special outfit just to drive home in. But one of my friends has always talked about how sad it is when babies go home in "normal" clothes and it made me feel like I'm not doing something right or I'll be judged if I just put baby in a normal sleeper! 
I'm just taking onesies and gowns to the hospital and I do have one cute outfit I'm also taking. I'm taking my own gowns/onesies bc I've been told what our hospital puts them in isn't great and the hospital is really cold. I figure even if I don't need them, a couple onesies won't take up much room in my bag so no harm in taking them even if I don't need them. 

hyperangel_8509

I love latino/reggaeton music. I've been listening to it all morning here at work. Something about the nice weather and summer coming up  

Dcwtada

I plan a coming home outfit since the hospital takes a picture of them before they go home and they display it on the big digital sign outside the hospital and then again on the hospitals website, they have a reel of the newborn babies that week. Sometimes I lurk on it to get baby name ideas (they only show first and middle) and see the cute squishies. Plus I do obsess and take some pictures of them in their car seat and at home for the first time. Granted they'd look just as adorable in a hospital onesie 

kat0607

Re: hospital packing - as a FTM I was more nervous with the initial thought of packing the hospital bag, but after taking the hospital tour and actually thinking about what I'll need/what they will provide, I definitely have a more laid back approach now. I can't think of a UO...

manillabar

AdaByron said:

I think some people are too hard on their MILs. Not everyone, some MILs are really BSC. But sometimes it seems like they're nice people with good intentions and deserve to be cut a little slack. 

I will agree, and say that I'm probably one of those people. I am always kind and polite to her because I do think she means well most of the time but I do find some of the things she does/says annoying and grating and we've been seeing a lot of her lately so I've probably been complaining a lot lately. 

AdaByron

manillabar said:

AdaByron said:

I think some people are too hard on their MILs. Not everyone, some MILs are really BSC. But sometimes it seems like they're nice people with good intentions and deserve to be cut a little slack. 

I will agree, and say that I'm probably one of those people. I am always kind and polite to her because I do think she means well most of the time but I do find some of the things she does/says annoying and grating and we've been seeing a lot of her lately so I've probably been complaining a lot lately. 

I didn't have anyone in particular in mind when I said that. So it was definitely not about you. Probably the reason I'm able to tolerate my MIL's quirks is that she lives 5 hours away. All she wants to do is spoil the crap out of her grandchildren, and I let her do whatever she wants and just laugh it off bc it's not that often. 

hyperangel_8509

My MIL is too busy with her 3 other grandchildren to remember DD and this baby. Even though they live a whopping 30 minutes away....SOOOO far  I don't even bother with her 99% of the time. Less drama that way. 

squirttheturtle

AdaByron said:

manillabar said:

AdaByron said:

I think some people are too hard on their MILs. Not everyone, some MILs are really BSC. But sometimes it seems like they're nice people with good intentions and deserve to be cut a little slack. 

I will agree, and say that I'm probably one of those people. I am always kind and polite to her because I do think she means well most of the time but I do find some of the things she does/says annoying and grating and we've been seeing a lot of her lately so I've probably been complaining a lot lately. 

I didn't have anyone in particular in mind when I said that. So it was definitely not about you. Probably the reason I'm able to tolerate my MIL's quirks is that she lives 5 hours away. All she wants to do is spoil the crap out of her grandchildren, and I let her do whatever she wants and just laugh it off bc it's not that often. 

I'm one of these people, too.  I love my MIL, we have a good relationship and she accepted me from day one when she had many reasons to be hesitant after DH's ex but she loves me like her own (way more than BIL), still, she isn't 'my mom' and it is still difficult navigating the IL relationship because I don't ever want to do anything that would upset her, so I complain way more than I should. 

Dcwtada

manillabar said

I will agree, and say that I'm probably one of those people. I am always kind and polite to her because I do think she means well most of the time but I do find some of the things she does/says annoying and grating and we've been seeing a lot of her lately so I've probably been complaining a lot lately. 

I completely feel you on this, I know my MIL is not a bad person and I do try not to complain too much, but she lives across the street. I see her almost every day. It gets tough to handle sometimes especially since she employs an open door policy. 

My UO is I like my kids to be dirty. They get baths 2 times a week and I do wipe them down but I don't not make a huge deal of it or even care if they run around with sand in their hair, dirt stained cheeks or sticky fingers. I do not have hand sanitizer in the house, only my purse. I keep a very clean house but I feel like my kids are enjoying life more if they are dirt stained. I don't mind wiping up dirty hand prints, I want them to explore, mess around and not worry about having a bath every time they play or being doused in sanitizer. I don't think germs are a bad thing, not in that regard. I will bleach the heck out of my kitchen after having raw chicken in it though. Clean house and messy kids is my mantra.

oh and can we please stop putting "gluten-free" on things that obviously don't have gluten?? I bought a bag of apples that said gluten free. I don't know if it is people not even understanding gluten or companies jumping on the gluten-free bandwagon, but come on!

manillabar

@adabyron no worries, I didn't think you were speaking only to/about me but what you said just struck a chord so to speak lol

@SquirttheTurtle  I also get that "she's not MY mom" feeling. And probably most of the stuff she does that annoys me wouldn't if it were my mom doing it.

@dcwtada omg I know I hate that everything has to be labeled "gluten free!" I think I saw it on vegetables the other day.

ginger1228

I complain about my MIL and mother equally.

chiquita928

AdaByron said:

I think some people are too hard on their MILs. Not everyone, some MILs are really BSC. But sometimes it seems like they're nice people with good intentions and deserve to be cut a little slack. 

I've talked about this before, but I agree with you.  My husband and I started dating when we were 16, so my MIL relationship went through some drastically different stages.  She went through a very judgy period, because I didn't even attempt to go to an Ivy League college, despite my grades and abilities.  (I wanted to be a teacher...why would I do that?)  She eventually got over that, and then I stuck around through thick and thin with her son.  After his illness, she got a little too mama bear for my liking, but once I realized the bolded, we have a great relationship.  I wouldn't say she's like my own mom, but it's still pretty great.  It was definitely a learning curve.

abmommy15 said:

virginiaunicorn11 said:

I don't get the obsession with packing for the hospital.  Or "coming home" outfits. The clothes in that thread are super cute, and you do you. It's just not for me. 

Totally agree.  Unless you are delivering in the middle of nowhere your hospital and/or local target or wal-Mart will have anything you might need.  I didn't even open my hospital bag until I needed my clothes to go home.  

DS went through a couple outfits within a few minutes because he spit up all over everything.  He came home in a sleeper from Carter's and DD will as well.  

A-MEN.  I am more worried about the outfit for the pictures.  There is a professional photographer who comes around in my hospital to do newborn photo shoots.  I want to make sure these photos come out good, so that I don't have to do that process twice.

nktrodden826

snip snip.

oh and can we please stop putting "gluten-free" on things that obviously don't have gluten?? I bought a bag of apples that said gluten free. I don't know if it is people not even understanding gluten or companies jumping on the gluten-free bandwagon, but come on!

So, I'm torn on this one...I am gluten free and have been for over 7 years and roll my eyes every single time I see the bag of onions labeled gluten free. It's annoying. I've also seen it on baking potatoes. BUT for my grandparents who like to cook for us occasionally I will say it's nice for them if I say don't buy anything that doesn't specifically say gluten free on it, it just makes it easier for them. Now I won't eat anything that isn't 'certified gluten free' meaning it's been tested and the product contains less than 20 parts per million of gluten. However, (unless things have changed recently) the FDA doesn't require a product to put Contains wheat milk or whatever in bold at the bottom of the ingredient list if it's less than 30 ppm which would make someone with a true allergy sick.  Some products say "may contain wheat" which for me means "may cause you to vomit and swell up and be covered in hives" and I'd rather not play that kind of Russian roulette so sometimes I appreciate the excessive GF labeling ONLY because it makes it more commonly known and people want to jump on that band wagon so they can charge more but I saw NOT GLUTEN FREE labeled on an organic bread mix at the store the other day so if that starts that will be reeeeeally annoying. 

mrsla0512

I like my MIL more than my own mom sometimes. My mom is BSC.

Regarding coming home outfits: DD came home from the hospital in a t-shirt they gave her and diaper, I threw a big bow on her for good measure tho. 

julybaby17-2

I also don't get the going home outfits. They are super cute, but we have so many cute onesies. I have a couple packed in my hospital bag and will just see how I feel that day. I saw a super cute outfit that I could've added baby's name to, but I couldn't wrap my head around spending $20. I don't even spend that much on my own clothes! 

lph4248

AdaByron said:

I think some people are too hard on their MILs. Not everyone, some MILs are really BSC. But sometimes it seems like they're nice people with good intentions and deserve to be cut a little slack. 

I have this but with my FIL. He drives me crazy. DH skips [should be Skypes but this autocorrect is too good] with his parents once a week and afterwards I always ask what his father said so that I can take some of my irritability out on him from afar. DH agrees he can be extremely aggravating, so no harm, no foul. We also talk about my parents' bizarre behavior and awkwardness to balance it out. And I don't complain about him in front of anyone else so I feel like it's okay... but I could try to dial it back a bit. He won't be around forever.

Itsnotyourturn

People who try to put off their pregnancy/infant crap off on others are jerks.  I'm talking about "my infant won't sleep so there for, your infant won't sleep and since I am incapable of getting less than 8 hours of sleep you must be too, so you have no other option than to be miserable when your baby arrives".   Let me be very clear, if someone is having a rough time and needs support/hair pats/help, I will definitely be very happy to give all the support.  Just don't project your stuff onto my situation.  Maybe my son will cry all night, but I've never needed much sleep so being awake all night doesn't bother me so I wish people would stop assuming our situations will be exactly the same.

ETA RE: Going home outfits

I have a super cute summer theme romper from carters that Dominic will have on for pictures.  I personally couldn't justify spending $50+ on a personalized outfit from etsy but to each their own.  Also, I don't get the big deal over packing in general, so going to the hospital three blocks from my house it seems silly to pack a bag.  DH can just run home and grab anything I forgot.

BusyZee

@Itsnotyourturn I've been getting a lot of "your screwed ha ha can't wait to see you get screwed" these past few months too. It's annoying as hell. 

RE: dirty children. I understand children need to explore and have fun etc and I'm not big into sanitizing but I have strong opinions about forming hygienic habits from very early on. Also, everyone has different standards of hygiene so there's that. 

UO: I think you only come home for the first time once and even though the baby won't remember, I find take home outfits welcoming. I'd rather have my baby get excited vibes from me. Nothing over the top is necessary but I feel like babies can sense that stuff and it matters to me.  

chamomile-2

hyperangel_8509 said:

I love latino/reggaeton music. I've been listening to it all morning here at work. Something about the nice weather and summer coming up  

Why on earth would this be an unpopular opinion??

squirttheturtle

@Itsnotyourturn I agree.  My SIL has said to me, multiple times 'just you wait'.  Children are a product of their environment and while you can't control them, you can mold them into acceptable humans.  I don't believe that children are born wild, unmannered, rude, etc so if your child is acting in such a way and you tell me to 'just wait', I will side eye the shit out of you because kids only know what they see and are taught. Maybe that's a UO.

etc: words are hard

ginger1228

My cousin constantly complains about her kids and makes motherhood sound terrible. She isn't too condescending, but she'll make comments like "this is what you have to look forward to." And says how her kids suck and stuff. She's very short tempered with them. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt bc she's a SAHM so I'm sure she's just over messing with them all day. But she can be super crabby with them and it makes me sad. 

clio

I assume that many of the know-it-alls claiming "just you wait" are projecting their own parenting regrets. I mean, everyone knows that being a parent is hard and that it will change your life. Why state the obvious? Misery loves company, I guess. I think the flip side of the coin are the parents who overstate how much they just love parenting. Obviously, there's nothing wrong with loving your role as a parent, but some people take it to the extreme. It also makes me wonder if they have something to prove.

BusyZee

ginger1228 said:

My cousin constantly complains about her kids and makes motherhood sound terrible. She isn't too condescending, but she'll make comments like "this is what you have to look forward to." And says how her kids suck and stuff. She's very short tempered with them. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt bc she's a SAHM so I'm sure she's just over messing with them all day. But she can be super crabby with them and it makes me sad. 

Same! My first cousin does that, she's a little older than me. She did the same when I got married too though. I usually just ignore anyone who says that to me if their lifestyle is different than mine. If they are complaining about things that don't bother me I just assume the rest of the stuff they "predict" for me won't drive me crazy either. 

virginiaunicorn11

@BusyZee your attitude about the Coming Home outfit is the popular one. It's a Thing, for sure. And I know you did not mean it this way at all (really!), but not focusing on the outfit doesn't mean I'm not excited.  (Or that my baby will get any non-excited vibes from me...which...I guess I hear what you're saying, but on the other hand, no. Women who are exhausted or depressed or whatever aren't giving their newborns bad vibes.)

I may be touchy today. But I've said before that this is my Cause. It's ok for women not to be blissed out after birth. Your baby won't take it personally, I promise. 

lanie1000

I'm not sure if this is really an UO or not, but I get annoyed when people refer to their spouse as another child and expect me to relate. As though they believe all husbands act like giant man-babies all the time. I may be in the minority, but my husband is very capable of taking care of himself and (as he's proven time and time again during this pregnancy) taking care of ME! 

BusyZee

@virginiaunicorn11 I completely understand where your coming from! And I can see how this kind of approach spoken out loud can be pressurizing as well!
I'm sorry if it came across that way! I'm thinking more on the line of things that make me happy. ftm so it's just what I imagine it to be! Fingers crossed:)

Xath

**TW** Loss

My approach to "coming home" outfits.  When we had our AS with DS1 and found out he was a boy, we stopped on the way and bought him an outfit.  It sort of morphed into the coming home outfit but that wasn't the intent. We did the same thing when we found out DD1 was a girl.  When she died, it was one of the few things I had that was just for her.  It's in her memory box, and it's one of the few things I have for her.  Since then, the special hospital outfit has become a PGAL outlet for me.  When I find out the sex I buy an outfit.  DS2's even had custom embroidery.  It's like a coping mechanism; I know that even if the worst happens I'll have something concrete for each of them that's just theirs and no one else's.  

nktrodden826

lanie1000 said:

I'm not sure if this is really an UO or not, but I get annoyed when people refer to their spouse as another child and expect me to relate. As though they believe all husbands act like giant man-babies all the time. I may be in the minority, but my husband is very capable of taking care of himself and (as he's proven time and time again during this pregnancy) taking care of ME! 

Although my husband is currently getting over a man cold I couldn't agree more. He's pretty needy when he gets sick and complains constantly he rarely, RARELY gets sick so I give him those two days to bitch and moan. 

BusyZee

@lanie1000 hear, hear! 

My husband is five years older than me, and there's some areas where I'm just completely dependent on him, and there's some very basic things where he is dependent on me too. But I've never felt like he's a baby At All. No man colds thank God. 

My dad on the the other hand, is quite the baby. My mum does everything for him. I can understand why my mum complains though but I also feel like it's her fault. Same with my brother in law, my sister is like super woman and he's just... a baby. I can understand when people complain but I feel like in the certain cases I know of, it's kiiiindaaa their fault? Not always but sometimes...  That's my UO! 

Itsnotyourturn

*hugs* @Xath

SpongeWorthy

@Xath I totally feel this way too.  Buying things for the baby is a way to get more attached.  My therapist just recommended to me to start buying more things for the baby because I have been avoiding it as a way to distance myself if the worst should happen.  So today I spent much more money than I should have on a seriously cute "going home" outfit on Etsy 

crzyforbabies

I get projected on a lot too. My friend has a deadbeat husband that she's currently separated from, and she expects my DH to not help with the baby. In reality he will be a very hands-on dad. Then again, my husband doesn't believe in traditional gender roles and he cooks and cleans more than I do. 

hyperangel_8509

chamomile-2 said:

hyperangel_8509 said:

I love latino/reggaeton music. I've been listening to it all morning here at work. Something about the nice weather and summer coming up  

Why on earth would this be an unpopular opinion??

chamomile-2  so many people I know don't share the same love for that kind of music. Growing up it was a huge part of our family culture (latin music, my parents are Portuguese and my dad grew up in Brasil) and I didn't realize that not everyone likes samba and latin music until I was an adult. LOL

WeddingNotes13

I have a difficult time tracking conversations in some of the giant threads. It is annoying to have 20 separate threads of people asking if they are in labor (or other pregnancy symptoms), but I didn't mind having a few more individual threads.