My question--did your doctor allow you to eat or drink water during labor? I am asking about this at my next appt. Food doesn't bother me as much, but I need my water! (And really don't want to be hooked up to IV fluids).
i realize that this is absurd and hopefully in prenatal classes i will learn about what to do. but what the f do you do when you bring the baby home??? i am having these horrible thoughts of having a baby in a bassinet and just staring at it blanky and it staring back at me. i realize that this is a big question but maybe normalize these terrifying thoughts for me? was anyone helpful in showing you the way?!
@whatwillanndo Totally understandable concern--the thought of having a newborn can be overwhelming! Most hospitals offer a newborn care class, I think. I am much more interested in this class than the childbirth one!! Ask your OB.
@whatwillanndo I've thought about that same thing lol. I feel like the hospital is made out to be all excitement and then yay you get to go home with the baby but...then what do you do? It'll just be DH and me so I imagine us staring at the baby for a while kind of in disbelief that we are now responsible for this little life. And then I picture baby crying and us reacting to that and maybe napping when the baby is napping. Or just staring forever. Idk. Would love to hear everyone's experiences coming home with baby!
@whatwillanndo that's exactly what we have done after bringing baby home!! There is definitely an adjustment phase! I remember thinking how weird it is but then exhaustion takes over and you just decide not to waste energy thinking. Lol
@liz4382 they let me have ice during labor but tried to limit fluid intake. I can't stand the IV either which is the main reason I will labor at home as long as possible! That restriction is very frustrating for me. They always try to do the IV as soon as you're admitted to the hospital. (At least at the two hospitals that we used)
ETA @DuchessOfCambridge I'm always taken aback when baby first comes home, at how much they sleep! We would just stare at him and feel a little guilty for not playing with him or trying to keep him entertained. Turns out, newborns are kinda boring and don't require any entertainment beside the occasional eye contact with mom or dad.
@liz4382 It was against hospital policy with my first, but I'm super pumped because it's not at the hospital I'm using this time. Refueling is so important to maintain endurance.
@whatwillanndo That's so funny that you say that because that's exactly how I felt before my first. I had thoughts like "what am I even going to do all day?" and "are newborns similar to pet goldfish?" Definitely read up and take any classes you feel like you need, but nothing can fully prepare you besides the experience itself. It's totally normal to feel like you have no idea what you're doing.
ETA: I was very surprised by how busy I stayed after bringing baby home. But due to several complications my experience wasn't the norm, apparently.
@liz4382 I was able to eat ice galore during both my labors. Also you can usually bring things like hard candy and lollipops for a little something extra. No food though.
@whatwillanndo@DuchessOfCambridge Your baby will most likely sleep most of the time for a while. The baby will require food every few hours and lots of diaper changes and that will be about it....you should be able to get plenty of rest to recover while he/she sleeps. Enjoy that phase while it lasts.
thanks everyone for the encouragement! more irrational thoughts ... i'm scared of breaking or really hurting the baby somehow. picking up in a way i shouldn't. putting it in a sleep position it shouldn't be. my cat clawing it in its face. can i just be heavily sedated on strong anti-anxiety medication for the first six months of baby's life? that's a cool coping mechanism right? (no jabs at all against anyone who takes anti-anxiety meds - thank goodness they exist)
@liz4382 I was allowed to have water, ice, and popsicles. I regretted both not eating on the way to the hospital (DH has some crazy anesthesia fears about choking *eyeroll* and wouldn't stop) and those popsicles.
@whatwillanndo I was scared of that the first time too! But, really, they're pretty durable little creatures. As long as you aren't trying to hurt the baby, chances are that you won't - at least not badly.
My question--did your doctor allow you to eat or drink water during labor? I am asking about this at my next appt. Food doesn't bother me as much, but I need my water! (And really don't want to be hooked up to IV fluids).
I wasn't supposed to eat anything as a precaution in case of C-Section. I had jello and clear liquids after awhile because I was in labor for 36 hours.
@whatwillanndo I've thought about that same thing lol. I feel like the hospital is made out to be all excitement and then yay you get to go home with the baby but...then what do you do? It'll just be DH and me so I imagine us staring at the baby for a while kind of in disbelief that we are now responsible for this little life. And then I picture baby crying and us reacting to that and maybe napping when the baby is napping. Or just staring forever. Idk. Would love to hear everyone's experiences coming home with baby!
Not to scare anyone but coming home for me was so stressful because he wouldn't latch at home, I had only a hand pump and was getting nothing, we were making emergent trips to the pedi and lactation to get a rental pump and weight check because not eating. I was a ball of stress and hormones. I don't have fond memories of coming home.
@lancomechica Glad it wasn't just me. We had breastfeeding probs galore, I was in and out of doctor appointments myself, and worst of all our plumbing wasn't working when we got home. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
For me, coming home is this weird mixture of tranquility and chaos. Baby sleeps a lot. But as soon as they wake up, it feels like there is so much to do IMMEDIATELY. Basically they wake up, eat on one side, change baby, eat on other side, they usually poop while eating, change them again, decide halfway through that change they actually need a bath, give them a bath, get baby dry and dressed, baby is crying, you realize baby's been up for an hour and a half and is ready to nap again, takes 20 minutes to get them back to sleep, and then all the sudden SILENCE and you have no idea where the last 2 hours is and whether you should nap or eat or get something done!
I'll just say, and please don't flame me - I haven't said this once here because I don't want to offend. I've had really great experiences with breastfeeding. I know that BF can sound really scary as a FTM because a lot of women share their struggles to help temper your expectations - which I think is great, too! But I've really had only a few bumps in the road, and it has been SO manageable and convenient for me, so try to not to be discouraged! There are women out there who have had "easy" experiences, but I think we stay quiet a lot of the time as not to offend those who have had more challenging ones. Most likely, your BF experience will have at least a few challenges, just like every other aspect of life, but they might be very manageable!!
@liz4382 my hospital lets you have clear liquids. Water, ice chips, apple juice, Popsicles, jello. Buttttttttt I know this already and I'm a rebel, so I pack a bunch of small quick snacks in my bag to munch on during the earlier stages of labor.
@whatwillanndo your fears are completely normal. With my first, I was terrified! Terrified of everything! Was I feeding him right? Burping him right? Changing his diaper right? Bathing him right? My fears got the best of me in the beginning when my milk hadn't come in yet and he was crying, a lot! I switched to formula feeding really quickly. But aside from that, I felt the rest came really naturally. The internet wasn't as easily available then (no quick googling a question on your phone), so I really enjoyed having the "What to Expect in the First Year" book for reference.
With my second, he came home after a couple weeks in the NICU, so the basics were already well established and I had lactation consultants readily available at the hospital to help me with my fears after my first. But his care was different as a preterm baby with respiratory problems.
With my third, I came home from the hospital as a pro! lol I had no reservations about diaper changes, umbilical cord stumps, circumcision care, etc. I was out and about with him very early and breastfeeding him was a wonderful experience. I did worry about his weight gain issues, because of his reflux-new challenge with him.
With this baby, I'm terrified because I legitimately don't know how to change a little girl's diaper-not joking!! I have 3 boys, my step daughter was potty trained when I met her, I had two brother, 4 boy cousins, and I was the last girl born into my family! I'm terrified of all those nooks and crannies! My point is, there will ALWAYS be things to worry about with new babies!
Take a class on infant care, including CPR and first aid. Get a well respected book with good information. Stay off the Internet, unless you're looking at the AAP website. And go with the flow, I can tell you'll be a great mom, because you're taking the time to think about these things already!!
@MississippiCatfish - I will second that about breastfeeding. For me it was very smooth and easy - I didn't like pumping (at all) but breastfeeding was good. I had a good friend have a baby at the same time I had DS1. Her pregnancy was easier and her delivery was easier than mine. But she had a nightmare trying to breastfeed - she went through so much and she kept at it. If I were her I would have given up way sooner. She was upset and complaining why was it so easy for me and didn't I feel any pain. Those are just the breaks and we do our best with them - some get pregnant easily, some don't; some have easy pregnancies some don't and so on. But if you want to breastfeed give it a shot - hope for the best and don't stress if the outcome isn't perfect.
@2dash I honestly don't know how I would have reacted if I'd experienced big hurdles. I would hope that I would have quit when it was necessary for my mental health, but I totally understand why women don't with the pressure that the mommy society puts on each other sometimes. I do know that I was TERRIFIED of breastfeeding going in as a FTM - like TERRIFIED! Basically every woman in my family had had major supply/other issues and it was a big thing for me. I still had a few bumps in the road (oversupply, fast letdown, mastitis once with each kid, excess lipase so i've had to scald all my BM before freezing with 2/3 babies), but even with those it has been a pretty easy road. I hope I can encourage women to take it one day at a time vs freaking out like I did when I read these boards as a FTM
Oh, and I forgot. I have no idea about my hospitals liquid/solids intake rules. I don't think I've ever wanted either during my labors - and I've had long labors! Weird.
I hate the no food policy but I get it. If anything were to go wrong and you needed to be intubated emergently they don't want you to aspirate the food into your lungs, which does happen, which leads to pneumonia. It's also common to become nauseous and throw up during labor. And the reason they place an IV right away is usually policy. They may not need to use the IV but it's much easier to put one in while it's calm rather than in an emergent situation. I get an IV for antibiotics since I am always positive for group B.
Definitely eat before you go to the hospital if you can! I was in such a panic when my doctor sent me to the hospital to be induced that I didn't think to stop and get something to eat on the way there. All they would let me have was ice and by the time I gave birth it had been over 24 hours since I had eaten and all i could think about was food.
About coming home, every baby and every experience is different. Everything was a blur for me after my son came home after 5 days in NICU. I couldn't get him to latch right and I do remember him crying the entire first night home and I was so exhausted and just didn't know what to do. I'm really hoping it will be easier this time around especially after all the knowledge I gained working in the infant room at the daycare!
I definitely don't mean to scare anyone about breastfeeding or recovery. I just didn't have anyone really tell me what made those times hard for them, so I went into it thinking it would all come naturally. I thought labor and delivery would be the hardest part and for me it wasn't, and that made me feel really isolated or like I was doing everything wrong.
For me, coming home is this weird mixture of tranquility and chaos. Baby sleeps a lot. But as soon as they wake up, it feels like there is so much to do IMMEDIATELY. Basically they wake up, eat on one side, change baby, eat on other side, they usually poop while eating, change them again, decide halfway through that change they actually need a bath, give them a bath, get baby dry and dressed, baby is crying, you realize baby's been up for an hour and a half and is ready to nap again, takes 20 minutes to get them back to sleep, and then all the sudden SILENCE and you have no idea where the last 2 hours is and whether you should nap or eat or get something done!
I'll just say, and please don't flame me - I haven't said this once here because I don't want to offend. I've had really great experiences with breastfeeding. I know that BF can sound really scary as a FTM because a lot of women share their struggles to help temper your expectations - which I think is great, too! But I've really had only a few bumps in the road, and it has been SO manageable and convenient for me, so try to not to be discouraged! There are women out there who have had "easy" experiences, but I think we stay quiet a lot of the time as not to offend those who have had more challenging ones. Most likely, your BF experience will have at least a few challenges, just like every other aspect of life, but they might be very manageable!!
This exactly for me too. You'll figure out what to do. It just kind of happens super fast when the baby is awake and you get the hang of it. Don't hesitate to take a class to ease your nerves. I also had bad anxiety with my baby blues. It was a strange combination, but talking and singing to DS while he was awake helped.
I also had a positive BF experience but I had really good LCs at the hospital that helped me find the best hold to feed DS. I also ended up having overactive letdown, but had a wonderful group of moms to help me through it. Surround yourself with support and you'll be a great mom!
I definitely don't mean to scare anyone about breastfeeding or recovery. I just didn't have anyone really tell me what made those times hard for them, so I went into it thinking it would all come naturally. I thought labor and delivery would be the hardest part and for me it wasn't, and that made me feel really isolated or like I was doing everything wrong.
I had a wonderful breastfeeding relationship with my son with some bumps, but damn it's really really hard. I didn't have one of those "sleep all the time" newborns. My son was alert and needed to take everything in and with that he was eating CONSTANTLY. DH had no idea what went into breastfeeding and told me constantly what I was doing couldn't be "normal." Without the support of the moms in my BMB, I don't know how I would have mentally made it through.
@linz4382 definitely a good idea to eat before. I didn't and regretted it. I ended up having a C-section and the meds they put me on made me nauseous on an empty stomach. I barely remember but I was high as a kite and told the PCA that I felt like I was going to throw up. As a result, I was on a liquid diet while they were still giving me medicine. I remember telling my nurse that it made no sense to withhold my food but still give me the meds that were making me nauseous on an empty stomach. She then wrote that I was refusing meds. But 24hrs after my C-section and 48hrs after I got to the hospital, I finally got to eat.
@ooodalollly I sure didn't mean to pick at what you said - I think you know that, but I'm sorry if I did come off that way. It so good to hear a variety of experiences!
@MississippiCatfish No, you didn't come off that way at all! I just wanted to clarify my intentions. I don't make a habit of intimidating moms-to-be, I just don't want anyone else to feel alone.
@MississippiCatfish I found your perspective really helpful. This is not at all directed at what you said @ooodalollly (I actually need to go back and see what you wrote haha) but it does get old really fast as a FTM to have plans and immediately be shot down with "well just you wait because this or this or this could happen". I understand it can be really hard and not go my way but I don't want to preface everything I say with "I know things can go wrong and I need to be flexible". Hearing stories where it wasn't so bad is really nice because then I don't feel doomed that everything that can go wrong, will.
Again, this is not directed at anyone here. It's actually mostly my IRL friend who does this a lot and it drives me bonkers. I know she's gone through this twice before but her experiences won't necessarily be mine. My other friend who just had a baby is such a supportive person. Instead of telling me my plans of natural birth may not work out, she tells me I can definitely do it and even if it doesn't happen that way I'm still a superhero because birth is hard no matter what. Just a more positive way of preparing moms-to-be for things not going their way.
That turned into a novel. My point is, encouragement and positivity is nice. So thank you @MississippiCatfish!
It is encouraging to hear positive stories because I do have hopes of things going differently for me this time. I will never tell moms that their plans aren't going to work out, because it's just as likely that they will. And if someone is having a great time enjoying their baby I do not understand people squelching that with warnings of things getting worse. And I certainly don't share details of my experience with people who don't ask.
I definitely don't mean to scare anyone about breastfeeding or recovery. I just didn't have anyone really tell me what made those times hard for them, so I went into it thinking it would all come naturally. I thought labor and delivery would be the hardest part and for me it wasn't, and that made me feel really isolated or like I was doing everything wrong.
Yes. That's why I was so glad I had my BMB then because I was beside myself re: the feeding issues, not sleeping, could never put him down, needing my own space.
There are good experiences but also really shitty ones and I'd rather have all the info going in before thinking everything is going to be pooping unicorn rainbows and know that stuff could actually be really bad. It's not to develop fear but reality beyond your hopes and dreams of what it will be like. I'm a realist and I don't believe in sugar coating shit to make someone feel good or optimistic. Sorry.
I definitely don't mean to scare anyone about breastfeeding or recovery. I just didn't have anyone really tell me what made those times hard for them, so I went into it thinking it would all come naturally. I thought labor and delivery would be the hardest part and for me it wasn't, and that made me feel really isolated or like I was doing everything wrong.
Yes. That's why I was so glad I had my BMB then because I was beside myself re: the feeding issues, not sleeping, could never put him down, needing my own space.
There are SO many other parenting issues, like some of those you just listed, that I would be more on the "it might be really hard" side. No one is lucky enough to get easy babies in every single category (except my SIL). Gosh I love this BMB. Seriously the most civil and supportive one I've ever seen!
There are good experiences but also really shitty ones and I'd rather have all the info going in before thinking everything is going to be pooping unicorn rainbows and know that stuff could actually be really bad. It's not to develop fear but reality beyond your hopes and dreams of what it will be like. I'm a realist and I don't believe in sugar coating shit to make someone feel good or optimistic. Sorry.
It's not that FTMs need everything sugar coated, it's that we don't need someone jumping down our throats EVERY TIME we say something like "I am hoping to breastfeed" or "I am hoping to avoid a c-section" etc. That's all. I want to know all the info and all the things that can happen to be prepared, but there's no need to set me up for failure before I've even begun. Sometimes it's nice to hear "things could be easy for you/I hope they are" instead of "just you wait until you're in labor for 38 hours and begging for an epidural!" etc. Like stahp. (Again, IRL friend example, not anyone here)
ETA: That being said, it's wonderful to look forward to having supportive people around when things ARE hard. I just think there needs to be a better balance of "everything is easy and fantastic and if not you're a failure" and "everything will be hard so LOL to all your plans". That's really my point.
There are good experiences but also really shitty ones and I'd rather have all the info going in before thinking everything is going to be pooping unicorn rainbows and know that stuff could actually be really bad. It's not to develop fear but reality beyond your hopes and dreams of what it will be like. I'm a realist and I don't believe in sugar coating shit to make someone feel good or optimistic. Sorry.
I think the point the earlier posters were trying to make was that it's not always "shit". Sometimes it is actually "sugar" and not just a coating. No FTM should go into any situation with the idea that it's going to be awful. While different aspects of parenting can be really difficult for some, they come easily to others.
I just want to add, about the food/drink situation... I have a rule for visitors!! If you're coming to see our adorable bundle of joy soon after delivery, you better bring me food! I have always had people bring me a big Italian Sub to inhale, moments after delivery and it's been heaven!
I just want to add, about the food/drink situation... I have a rule for visitors!! If you're coming to see our adorable bundle of joy soon after delivery, you better bring me food! I have always had people bring me a big Italian Sub to inhale, moments after delivery and it's been heaven!
SAME. I wouldn't say it's a "rule" for me, but my visitors know me well enough to know the way to my heart. Especially in the hospital - DNW hospital food.
@kissthesky32 yeah, my family and friends know me pretty darn well! But the minute they text or call to say "we're on our way to visit, need anything?" YES, yes I do! All the food I couldn't have when pregnant please! And a double quarter pounder from McD's for good measure please!
Also, I don't like when I go to talk you and the first "kiss" name that pops up is "kissyfishlips"...who is that mysterious stranger with the odd name?!
liz4382
member
Re: FTM questions for STM+ week of 5/30
@liz4382 they let me have ice during labor but tried to limit fluid intake. I can't stand the IV either which is the main reason I will labor at home as long as possible! That restriction is very frustrating for me. They always try to do the IV as soon as you're admitted to the hospital. (At least at the two hospitals that we used)
ETA @DuchessOfCambridge I'm always taken aback when baby first comes home, at how much they sleep! We would just stare at him and feel a little guilty for not playing with him or trying to keep him entertained. Turns out, newborns are kinda boring and don't require any entertainment beside the occasional eye contact with mom or dad.
@whatwillanndo That's so funny that you say that because that's exactly how I felt before my first. I had thoughts like "what am I even going to do all day?" and "are newborns similar to pet goldfish?" Definitely read up and take any classes you feel like you need, but nothing can fully prepare you besides the experience itself. It's totally normal to feel like you have no idea what you're doing.
ETA: I was very surprised by how busy I stayed after bringing baby home. But due to several complications my experience wasn't the norm, apparently.
@whatwillanndo @DuchessOfCambridge Your baby will most likely sleep most of the time for a while. The baby will require food every few hours and lots of diaper changes and that will be about it....you should be able to get plenty of rest to recover while he/she sleeps. Enjoy that phase while it lasts.
I was a ball of stress and hormones. I don't have fond memories of coming home.
I'll just say, and please don't flame me - I haven't said this once here because I don't want to offend. I've had really great experiences with breastfeeding. I know that BF can sound really scary as a FTM because a lot of women share their struggles to help temper your expectations - which I think is great, too! But I've really had only a few bumps in the road, and it has been SO manageable and convenient for me, so try to not to be discouraged! There are women out there who have had "easy" experiences, but I think we stay quiet a lot of the time as not to offend those who have had more challenging ones. Most likely, your BF experience will have at least a few challenges, just like every other aspect of life, but they might be very manageable!!
@whatwillanndo your fears are completely normal. With my first, I was terrified! Terrified of everything! Was I feeding him right? Burping him right? Changing his diaper right? Bathing him right? My fears got the best of me in the beginning when my milk hadn't come in yet and he was crying, a lot! I switched to formula feeding really quickly. But aside from that, I felt the rest came really naturally. The internet wasn't as easily available then (no quick googling a question on your phone), so I really enjoyed having the "What to Expect in the First Year" book for reference.
With my second, he came home after a couple weeks in the NICU, so the basics were already well established and I had lactation consultants readily available at the hospital to help me with my fears after my first. But his care was different as a preterm baby with respiratory problems.
With my third, I came home from the hospital as a pro! lol I had no reservations about diaper changes, umbilical cord stumps, circumcision care, etc. I was out and about with him very early and breastfeeding him was a wonderful experience. I did worry about his weight gain issues, because of his reflux-new challenge with him.
With this baby, I'm terrified because I legitimately don't know how to change a little girl's diaper-not joking!! I have 3 boys, my step daughter was potty trained when I met her, I had two brother, 4 boy cousins, and I was the last girl born into my family! I'm terrified of all those nooks and crannies! My point is, there will ALWAYS be things to worry about with new babies!
Take a class on infant care, including CPR and first aid. Get a well respected book with good information. Stay off the Internet, unless you're looking at the AAP website. And go with the flow, I can tell you'll be a great mom, because you're taking the time to think about these things already!!
And the reason they place an IV right away is usually policy. They may not need to use the IV but it's much easier to put one in while it's calm rather than in an emergent situation. I get an IV for antibiotics since I am always positive for group B.
This exactly for me too. You'll figure out what to do. It just kind of happens super fast when the baby is awake and you get the hang of it. Don't hesitate to take a class to ease your nerves. I also had bad anxiety with my baby blues. It was a strange combination, but talking and singing to DS while he was awake helped.
I also had a positive BF experience but I had really good LCs at the hospital that helped me find the best hold to feed DS. I also ended up having overactive letdown, but had a wonderful group of moms to help me through it. Surround yourself with support and you'll be a great mom!
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
Support is crucial for having a baby. It just is.
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
Again, this is not directed at anyone here. It's actually mostly my IRL friend who does this a lot and it drives me bonkers. I know she's gone through this twice before but her experiences won't necessarily be mine. My other friend who just had a baby is such a supportive person. Instead of telling me my plans of natural birth may not work out, she tells me I can definitely do it and even if it doesn't happen that way I'm still a superhero because birth is hard no matter what. Just a more positive way of preparing moms-to-be for things not going their way.
That turned into a novel. My point is, encouragement and positivity is nice. So thank you @MississippiCatfish!
It is encouraging to hear positive stories because I do have hopes of things going differently for me this time. I will never tell moms that their plans aren't going to work out, because it's just as likely that they will. And if someone is having a great time enjoying their baby I do not understand people squelching that with warnings of things getting worse. And I certainly don't share details of my experience with people who don't ask.
I'm a realist and I don't believe in sugar coating shit to make someone feel good or optimistic. Sorry.
ETA: That being said, it's wonderful to look forward to having supportive people around when things ARE hard. I just think there needs to be a better balance of "everything is easy and fantastic and if not you're a failure" and "everything will be hard so LOL to all your plans". That's really my point.
Also, I don't like when I go to talk you and the first "kiss" name that pops up is "kissyfishlips"...who is that mysterious stranger with the odd name?!