TTCAL Check-In Week 5/22/17

vlagrl29

@captainfoxtrot - sorry you are here. I think most people would have announced by 12 weeks on FB. You'll probably notice a lot of support.

MooFish2364

@jchpg @tlq0726 @allowachick @Mack2342 @SP128 thanks so much for your well wishes!!

@amberruka sorry for the BFN. That sucks. 

@justsuzie that sounds like a ton of work! I'll have to check out Beach House. 

@Chawk17 halarious that your first graders sing that!

@ladipale I hope everything goes smoothly for DD. 

@weareturtles I'm sorry to hear about the scar tissue. I wish I had advice. I have heard that castor oil packs are really good at dissolving scar tissue but not sure if there are any medical studies to confirm. 

@captainfoxtrot I'm so sorry about your loss. 

dpjennifer

@captainfoxtrot Sorry for your loss. I understand the hesitation to mention anything online, but 1 convo is better than a zillion.  Also, usually earlier is better than later (since I know I wouldn't want to run into anyone and have them ask me how my PG is going.) The whole situation just sucks and I'm sorry you're going through it. However, I've announced my 2nd and 4th losses on FB and become a big advocate about MC on social media and the outpouring of support I've found has been pretty great. You'd be surprised at the people who come out of the woodwork to talk to you about their experiences and to lend support. 
Also, this board operates a tad differently than some of the others, in that you don't really need to TW anything pertaining to your loss. Just an FYI. If you feel more comfortable doing it, you totally can, but you don't have to. Unfortunately, it's why we're all here so we're pretty open about our situations and feelings for it. We usually (or used to) TW when we talked about live children, which I know is totally different from most of the other boards.
I hope your stay here is short! Good Luck on your journey!

tlq0726

I finally got around to uploading pics of DD's newly decorated room.

vlagrl29

@tlq0726 - I love it.  Dang that bed looks so little compared to the full size my 6 year old has.  Just wait half the room will be gone once you get a real bed in there.  Looks like you guys have plenty of stuffed animals too just like we do!  I love owls!  When I found out I was pregnant in December I went to babies r us and saw they had an owl crib bedding that was more neutral colors if you had a boy.  When I look at stuff like this in our house I feel really lucky that at least we have 1 kid if we aren't meant to have any more.

Mack2342

@tlq0726 love the room.  I like the bookshelf. Did you make it?

amberruka

@captainfoxtrot I made a thread for when I came out on FB lower on the TTCAL page... thread called "International Bereaved Mother's Day." I got a TON of positive responses and stories when I posted it.

Chawk17

@tlq0726 love the room thanks for sharing!

splashmountain

So cute @tlq0726

justsuzie

So my doctor said nothing about having us wait before ttc which was surprising. I have heard a lot of people saying their doctors said wait 1-3 cycles. The only thing my doctor said is emotionally I need time to grieve.  She didn't tell us to use protection.  So even though I haven't had my first AF after the D&C we are just living life normally and not preventing.  I stopped opks because I was only using them to track my HCG.  I will start temping and opk-ing when AF comes but now I am going to be in a world of anxiety up until AF because I hate not knowing where I am in my cycle. 

SP128

My docs office told me two different things. One was to wait for or cycle and one was to not wait if we didn't want to. 

ladipale

@justsuzie - i got conflicting answers as well. My OB told me to just do it whenever but the OB who did my D&E said we should wait 2 cycles at a minimum. I eventually asked her why and she had a good reason! My D&E was my 3rd surgery in an 11 month span that required artificial dilation of my cervix and she thought it needed time to heal. I appreciated the answer. We didn't ait 2 cycles to try but also didn't get pregnant! ha!

captainfoxtrot

@dpjenniferYou (and everyone else was right) - everyone on FB was really cool and supportive about it.  It's still not something I wanted to announce on FB though just because it's hard for me to even think about right now, but I'm glad I got it out of the way.

(good to know about the TW as well)

I was gonna wait for AF, but I think I'm gonna try to sneak in an attempt when I ovulate.  I'm pretty miserable right now and not in a good place at all, but I know me and I know I'm only going to get past this when I get pregnant again.

dpjennifer

captainfoxtrot Good!  I'm glad you had positive reception. It's a hard thing to do, but personally I feel more liberated being able to talk about it. No more crying at my desk at work with people having no idea what is wrong. I can be open and honest about my journey and my experiences and if I'm having a bad day where I'm depressed or super angry or whatnot, I can just say I'm having a bad day, and everyone just knows. No 20 questions about "Why? What's wrong..." I don't even have to talk about it. I can simply just say that I'm having a rough day and they nod and leave me to it.

tlq0726

@vlagrl29, @Mack2342, @Chawk17, and @pumpkin0913 Thanks ladies! 

@vlagrl29 The bed does look tiny, doesn’t it? We thought about just getting her a new bedroom suit, but we’re planning to move this summer so we decided to wait and see what we’d have room for at the new place.

@Mack2342 I did make the bookshelf.  It’s just those wooden crates from Walmart.  We used wood glue and clamped them together, then painted them to match the dresser.  I still really like it, and there’s so much room for all of her books.

pghren

@captainfoxtrot
I'm glad you got so much support! I wished I had told people about my first pregnancy, so I could tell them about the loss when it happened instead of having to tell the whole story. I still got some great support on social media from friends I knew who went through it. One even sent me a video message because she had so much to say to encourage me. The biggest thing for me was this board and telling people I knew who had experienced losses; it helped to know I wasn't alone. 

pghren

@justsuzie I've only had natural mc, but the first time they said I didn't have to wait if I didn't want to. The second one was pretty much back to back, so that's when they said to wait 2-3 cycles to ley my body recover. I don't know how it works after D&C, but I'm happy they're leaving it up to you.

@tlq0726
I love that chair! Seems like a comfy book reading spot

captainfoxtrot

Anyone else get breast pain after a m/c? I am taking methergine. Feels like someone keeps punching me in the boob.

Mack2342

@tlq0726.  I might have to steal that idea. I love it.  I have painted or stained several and used throughout my house for various things 

ladipale

@captainfoxtrot - My milk came in after my loss at 16 weeks... not fun, but for me, not painful. Its possible it could be that? Methergine, from my understanding is used to get uterus back to its original size? 

tlq0726

It was super easy @Mack2342.  And like I said, tons of room.  When she was a baby, before all the books, I had baskets in three of the sections that held pajamas, onesies, and leggings.  I would suggest painting/staining before putting it together though, cuz it was a bi-otch to get in all those tight spaces once it was stuck.

@allowachick I think I got it on sale at Wayfair.  There or Overstock.  It's super comfy, but a mother to wash when it gets spit up on

captainfoxtrot

@ladipale yeah, I also think I read something about it affecting breasts too. It's real weird... they feel normal and then all the sudden the sides tighten sharply and gets really sore. Might just be them shrinking again.

rklinge0

I was thinking it could be your milk coming in too. That's exactly how it felt after I had dd and because there wasn't much time inbetween weaning, I produced a little after m/c. 

rklinge0

@justsuzie I was actually encouraged to ttc immediately. I chose not to because I wasn't ready. This was after an ultrasound to let me know how my uterus looks. 

justsuzie

I think because I am ama (gulp) we are going to try one last time.  I don't think we can deal with any more losses. 

ladipale

@justsuzie -that's me too. I think I can endure one more first trimester and then I'm tapping out. Assuming I get pregnant. 

vlagrl29

Don't give up guyz! Guess I'm AMA too but I'm willing to give it the rest of my 30s

amberruka

me too @vlagrl29

vlagrl29

people keep telling me about adoption @amberruka - it's annoying.  We don't have 20k laying around to adopt a baby.  I'll just be satisfied with our one and only.

ladipale

@vlagrl29 it's not about giving up for me. It's about choosing to be happy with two and using our time and resources on them. It's been hard for my 6 year old- I lose 12+ weeks with them feeling like absolute death and then to lose he baby? So hard. I can't keep explaining loss to them (they also lost their great grandpa and their grandpa has cancer and we lost 2 neighbors/friends). I don't give up easily- but three 2nd tri losses might make me decide on a different path.

vlagrl29

well when you put it that way @ladipale that makes total sense.  My DD had a hard time with my very early loss - I can't imagine a 2nd tri loss let alone 2.  I really hope your next one is a take home and completes your family.

Chawk17

I'm AMA too, but no kids. DH says we will pull the plug in December. There has to be a cutoff. I'll be 35 in September and he just turned 31. July will be our 4th year wedding anniversary and September will be our 4th year TTC. I don't want to adopt. So come December if no miracle then it's me and him for life:)!

vlagrl29

4 years is a long time @chawk17 but you guys are so young!

Mack2342

I totally understand having to set some limit.  After two losses im not sure how many more I can go through.  I haven't given up yet and I'm not sure when it will happen but I can't keep doing this with losses.  I'm 42 on Monday so that also keeps playing in mind.   @Chawk17 4 years is a long time.  I can't remember if you have used treatments or not.  Is that an option?  @ladipale 2 2nd tri losses would be difficult on children so I get your decision.  This process just sucks. Since we have DS we are limiting our treatment option to just IUI. If this doesn't work or another loss I may accept that he is are one blessing and devote all to him.  

SP128

Everything about this is so hard.  @ladipale I hear you on how difficult the losses are to you and your children.  @Chawk17  4 years is definitely a long time.  

Personally for me, I'm not going to give up until I exhaust my options to have biological children.  Like you ladies, I just want them so bad.  I think 40 would be my cut off.... 

I went to my ob/gyn yesterday for an annual.  I told her I was pursuing IVF.  I asked if she thought it was too early for me to do so and she assured me it isn't.  The RE I'm using is supposed to be the best.  I have friends that have used him and my doctor herself referred her brother in law to him.  She told me that "they can get anyone pregnant." 

Chawk17

@Mack2342 we've had a rough road with Ob. The first OB said I needed to lose weight.we saw him after a year and  nothing. That was insulting. I'm 5'3 and weigh 130. My weight is fine. So we left that ob. And just tracked with opks for a year. Then we went to another ob. He said I was being impatient and that tests wouldn't show anything. But he did test DH and he came out fine.  Then we did opks for awhile.
Found this OB he ran all sorts of tests. Found I had a dilated tube and low egg quality.  He took the tube in October and told us if we havent got pregnant by June we would have to do IVF. Ob put me on clomid and now we just monitor ovulation monthly. We can't afford/ and don't want IVF...too stressful/ too expensive .. We got pregnant in February so IT is possible.   we don't want to take it to where we are in debt..we are both teachers with only 4 me and 6DH years experience. We have masters but still not a lot of money.
Ugh.

tlq0726

AMA here as well, 37 in September  I'm giving myself until 40 like you @vlagrl29.  I have only had the one mc so far though, so that plan may change if there are more.  The worst part for me is not being able to give DD a sibling.  She loves babies so much.  It kills me.  I'd also love to give all the grandparents a boy grandchild.  There are only girls in our immediate in-state family on both sides.  And obviously I'd love for DH to have a son.

dpjennifer

I'm not AMA but am about at the end of the game. Plan is to lose the 20 lbs, have the progesterone biopsy, then try one (maybe 2) more times. If no live birth then we'll probably be living childless not by choice. But that's about all I can do at this point. I can't take much more and I think 5-6 MC with no live births when we've done every test they could suggest would be my limit. And I can't see spending the exorbitant cost of IVF if REIs don't even think that it would actually help us. 

Mack2342

@Chawk17.  I totally understand the financial aspect.  I only asked because IVF is not option for us either but we are doing IUI process and using femara instead of clomid.  My doctor said that process is no more than $800 out of pocket with medication.  My medication was covered so I'm expecting out of pocket to be a little less. 

amberruka

Reading all these makes me so sad. Big hugs to each and every one of you. I'll be 39 at the end of August, no kids. I haven't given myself any definite timeline (since I do read a lot of positive AMA stories here that give me hope), but if I ever do get lucky again and get PG that ends in a loss, I would consider stopping timing/opk's at that point. I am so, so sorry @dpjennifer. And I do agree on the exorbitant cost of adoption, IVF, etc.