UO Thursday

neludelu

lets make this one memorable 

delujm0

I'll try to get this started.

 

I get really annoyed when people start complaining about "wanting the baby to be born already" when they're not even 39 weeks into it yet.  Yes, you're uncomfortable.  Yes, it will be great to hold your baby.  But it's still in there because it's not ready to come out yet.  So unless there is medical reason to take it out of you early, I think it's incredibly selfish to be like "I want my baby to come out before it's ready simply because I don't want to be pregnant anymore."

kdanjou

I don't know if this is unpopular or not, but it is my opinion.  I have the greatest sympathy for anyone who has gone through a miscarriage, as I have, but it offends me when I hear them say "I didn't think I'd ever get pregnant again" when they got pregnant again within 6 months of the miscarriage.  6 months is NOT a long time to try.  We had secondary IF and tried for 26 months before going to IUI to get pregnant with this baby.
Sorry not sorry.

Kylieslip24

kdanjou said:

I don't know if this is unpopular or not, but it is my opinion.  I have the greatest sympathy for anyone who has gone through a miscarriage, as I have, but it offends me when I hear them say "I didn't think I'd ever get pregnant again" when they got pregnant again within 6 months of the miscarriage.  6 months is NOT a long time to try.  We had secondary IF and tried for 26 months before going to IUI to get pregnant with this baby.
Sorry not sorry.

I agree. I've had 2 miscarriages and 2 healthy pregnancies. I get pregnant so easily, the problem is I lose them easily too. After my 2 loses I said I don't know if I ever WANT to get pregnant again. 
We were talking to my inlaws the other day about our friends that have true infertility tried for 10 years or something. My fil said oh it's not that big of a deal we went through that. Um no you didn't. You had 1 miscarriage. But you also had 5 unplanned pregnancies and 1 planned. That's the opposite of infertility. I wanted to shake him! 

delujm0

I feel like we're really trying to get something going here, and it is NOT WORKING OUT.

neludelu

delujm0 said:

I feel like we're really trying to get something going here, and it is NOT WORKING OUT.

This 

JennMof3

It's my opinion that if you decide to get married and want everything to be perfect regardless of the cost you need to help pitch in. My Brother is getting married and they of course asked my whole family to be in the wedding. With 4 people asked it comes out to $800 for dresses and men's wear. WTH on a single income that's obsurd! No consideration for the bridal party on if they have that kinda money to spend. We feel like a$$holes but someone has to speak up and say umm no this isn't reasonable for 1 family to pay. I'm so over being in weddings I think the next person who asks we'll respectful decline. That's my grocery bill for an entire month! 

Kylieslip24

I don't think sahm have it just as hard as working moms, even wahm. Yesterday I was talking to a working mom and she was telling me I have it just as hard as her. No I really don't. I sleep in with my dd, I don't have to rush out the door and deal with traffic, I can make appts anytime. Dd and I basically play all day. Yes I have to clean the house. Yes I get lonely sometimes and I have the no income guilt, But I know I'm privileged to stay home.  Working moms totally have it harder. Not sure why no one wants to admit it. 

neludelu

Kylieslip24 said:

I don't think sahm have it just as hard as working moms, even wahm. Yesterday I was talking to a working mom and she was telling me I have it just as hard as her. No I really don't. I sleep in with my dd, I don't have to rush out the door and deal with traffic, I can make appts anytime. Dd and I basically play all day. Yes I have to clean the house. Yes I get lonely sometimes and I have the no income guilt, But I know I'm privileged to stay home.  Working moms totally have it harder. Not sure why no one wants to admit it. 

I agree. I think that there are different struggles to overcome in both camps but I have a hard time being sympathetic to someone who doesn't have to chose between their kid and work when the crap hits the fan. 

Wino0920

@JennMof3 I have to disagree. You are asked and when you agree, you agree to buying the outfits and donating your time. You absolutely have the right to ask what the price/time would be before agreeing or flat out saying "it's not in the cards financially for you." I actually think it sucks that people ask others and they do nothing but complain behind the couples back. Just don't be in it. It's called being mature and saying what you mean. 

@Kylieslip24 I agree. No one has ever given me a point of view to change my mind on this. SAHMs have it easier. But since we live in a world of everyone gets an award, we aren't allowed to say it. 

I cringe when I see on FB "I can't wait for summer so I don't have to pack one more lunch!" Are you kidding me? That's the hardest part of your day?? Eye roll. You do realize you still have to make your kids a lunch when they are home for the summer, right? 

ashleyl31

JennMof3 said:

It's my opinion that if you decide to get married and want everything to be perfect regardless of the cost you need to help pitch in. My Brother is getting married and they of course asked my whole family to be in the wedding. With 4 people asked it comes out to $800 for dresses and men's wear. WTH on a single income that's obsurd! No consideration for the bridal party on if they have that kinda money to spend. We feel like a$$holes but someone has to speak up and say umm no this isn't reasonable for 1 family to pay. I'm so over being in weddings I think the next person who asks we'll respectful decline. That's my grocery bill for an entire month! 

It is so hard. My brother and sister got married 10 months apart. My, DH, and DS were in both. Between dresses, tux rentals, outfits for DS, showers, bachelorette trips, etc, it was a lot. I've said that I'm done with weddings, 

lmudra

I work part time and SAH part time.  So do I get an award for having the worst of both worlds?!!  *sarcasm

shmarpler

Kylieslip24 said:

I don't think sahm have it just as hard as working moms, even wahm. Yesterday I was talking to a working mom and she was telling me I have it just as hard as her. No I really don't. I sleep in with my dd, I don't have to rush out the door and deal with traffic, I can make appts anytime. Dd and I basically play all day. Yes I have to clean the house. Yes I get lonely sometimes and I have the no income guilt, But I know I'm privileged to stay home.  Working moms totally have it harder. Not sure why no one wants to admit it. 

I agree. SAHM here. I honestly don't know how moms who work full dinner do it all. DD had a rough day yesterday, and if I'd had to come home from my old job and then had deal with her, it would have been bad. Especially pregnant. While working, I'd come home and sleep through whatever DH did for dinner. This time, I can nap when she does, and have the energy to make dinner and clean up. Working mom's totally have a more difficult role.

Kylieslip24 said:

kdanjou said:

I don't know if this is unpopular or not, but it is my opinion.  I have the greatest sympathy for anyone who has gone through a miscarriage, as I have, but it offends me when I hear them say "I didn't think I'd ever get pregnant again" when they got pregnant again within 6 months of the miscarriage.  6 months is NOT a long time to try.  We had secondary IF and tried for 26 months before going to IUI to get pregnant with this baby.
Sorry not sorry.

I agree. I've had 2 miscarriages and 2 healthy pregnancies. I get pregnant so easily, the problem is I lose them easily too. After my 2 loses I said I don't know if I ever WANT to get pregnant again. 
We were talking to my inlaws the other day about our friends that have true infertility tried for 10 years or something. My fil said oh it's not that big of a deal we went through that. Um no you didn't. You had 1 miscarriage. But you also had 5 unplanned pregnancies and 1 planned. That's the opposite of infertility. I wanted to shake him! 

Same. I'm also 2 for 2, and none were planned. We wanted 3 kids, but I might be afraid to try. Also, my last loss was just a few weeks before I got pregnant with this baby, so by the time she'd born I'll have been pregnant almost a whole year. It also made this pregnancy more difficult.

ladylolly89

@Kylieslip24 I agree! I have been both a working mom and a SAHM, and as a SAHM I definitely have it easier. Not to say that it's easy (it's not!) but most SAHMs of littles at least have the possibility of a nap or two a week, plus you don't have to get yourself ready and out the door at a specific time on a daily basis. (Unless you're my SIL, who I think makes being a SAHM way harder than it needs to be and constantly looks exhausted.)
I would never complain about my role to a working mom, especially another pregnant one.

lovesclimbing

JennMof3 said:

It's my opinion that if you decide to get married and want everything to be perfect regardless of the cost you need to help pitch in. My Brother is getting married and they of course asked my whole family to be in the wedding. With 4 people asked it comes out to $800 for dresses and men's wear. WTH on a single income that's obsurd! No consideration for the bridal party on if they have that kinda money to spend. We feel like a$$holes but someone has to speak up and say umm no this isn't reasonable for 1 family to pay. I'm so over being in weddings I think the next person who asks we'll respectful decline. That's my grocery bill for an entire month! 

You should go post this over on The Knot because the ladies over there will set you straight! And by set you straight, I mean they will tell you that you absolutely have the right to set a budget for how much you can spend and the bride and groom are out of line to tell you you have to spend $200 apiece on wedding attire. 

Proper etiquette is to ask people to be in your wedding and then privately ask each person how much they are comfortable spending. Then, you pick attire within the lowest budget provided. Or, if you absolutely have to have that perfect outfit, you make up the difference. 

You should speak up. You are perfectly within your rights to tell them, "I'm afraid that's out of our budget. We can spend up to x apiece."

When you agree to be in a wedding, you do not agree to spend whatever the bride and groom ask. I've seen stories over on TK of people being told to spend hundreds on attire plus hundreds on destination pre-wedding parties on top of the standard costs just to get the wedding. That is completely out of line and rude. 

JennMof3

@Wino0920 I can appreciate your perspective. I have no issue with donating my time as it's free. We've been asking for months what the plan was for the clothing to get rentals set up and dresses shipped. They have drug their feet on all details. Now they expect everyone to ask how high and far to jump. The wedding is less than 2 months away and we're finally getting costs. We've expressed our situation so they know where we sit with costs being high. It feels as if they never considered how such expensive items could put those in the wedding in a bind. If I expected people to rent/purchase things last minute and for a high than normal price I'd at least offer to help pay some of the associated costs. 

JennMof3

ashleyl31 said:

JennMof3 said:

It's my opinion that if you decide to get married and want everything to be perfect regardless of the cost you need to help pitch in. My Brother is getting married and they of course asked my whole family to be in the wedding. With 4 people asked it comes out to $800 for dresses and men's wear. WTH on a single income that's obsurd! No consideration for the bridal party on if they have that kinda money to spend. We feel like a$$holes but someone has to speak up and say umm no this isn't reasonable for 1 family to pay. I'm so over being in weddings I think the next person who asks we'll respectful decline. That's my grocery bill for an entire month! 

It is so hard. My brother and sister got married 10 months apart. My, DH, and DS were in both. Between dresses, tux rentals, outfits for DS, showers, bachelorette trips, etc, it was a lot. I've said that I'm done with weddings, 

I'm done with them too. It was ok on two incomes but with one its just not feasible. 

meilay

delujm0 said:

I'll try to get this started.

 

I get really annoyed when people start complaining about "wanting the baby to be born already" when they're not even 39 weeks into it yet.  Yes, you're uncomfortable.  Yes, it will be great to hold your baby.  But it's still in there because it's not ready to come out yet.  So unless there is medical reason to take it out of you early, I think it's incredibly selfish to be like "I want my baby to come out before it's ready simply because I don't want to be pregnant anymore."

I think it's possible to want my baby out now and also to want her to stay in as long as she needs to be healthy. I realize it's a contradiction but pregnancy and life are ripe with those. At 37 weeks I have to sit with the fact that I could very well be pregnant for another whole 4 weeks and I don't think it's selfish to dread that fact nor do I feel I shouldn't get to complain for two more weeks. I won't be over here drinking castor oil or anything but at the tail end of a difficult pregnancy I think it's fair to be ready for it to end and get to the rewards of meeting and caring for my baby. Maybe you were speaking more to people actively trying to get their babies to come early rather than just passive complaining, but I don't see what's wrong with the latter if that's what you meant. 

Kylieslip24

lovesclimbing said:

JennMof3 said:

It's my opinion that if you decide to get married and want everything to be perfect regardless of the cost you need to help pitch in. My Brother is getting married and they of course asked my whole family to be in the wedding. With 4 people asked it comes out to $800 for dresses and men's wear. WTH on a single income that's obsurd! No consideration for the bridal party on if they have that kinda money to spend. We feel like a$$holes but someone has to speak up and say umm no this isn't reasonable for 1 family to pay. I'm so over being in weddings I think the next person who asks we'll respectful decline. That's my grocery bill for an entire month! 

You should go post this over on The Knot because the ladies over there will set you straight! And by set you straight, I mean they will tell you that you absolutely have the right to set a budget for how much you can spend and the bride and groom are out of line to tell you you have to spend $200 apiece on wedding attire. 

Proper etiquette is to ask people to be in your wedding and then privately ask each person how much they are comfortable spending. Then, you pick attire within the lowest budget provided. Or, if you absolutely have to have that perfect outfit, you make up the difference. 

You should speak up. You are perfectly within your rights to tell them, "I'm afraid that's out of our budget. We can spend up to x apiece."

When you agree to be in a wedding, you do not agree to spend whatever the bride and groom ask. I've seen stories over on TK of people being told to spend hundreds on attire plus hundreds on destination pre-wedding parties on top of the standard costs just to get the wedding. That is completely out of line and rude. 

I agree. Maybe I was just a weird bride, because I wanted simple everything, but I had a day out with my bridesmaid and moh and told them my only wish was eggplant colored dresses, as long as their colors matched it was totally up to them. I don't know how much their dresses were even, but they were able to pick dresses they liked and were in their budget. I did the same with my flower girl and her mom too. I just wanted her sash to be that color. You shouldn't be breaking the bank to be in a wedding. 

mishmosh26

I can definately commiserate with family weddings getting expensive.  This year we have 4 family weddings (2 down, 2 to go) and 3 of those are out of town.  I was/am matron of honor for two of them and DD is flower girl for 3 of the weddings.  DH and I were both in his sisters wedding, and all in for that we spent about $1000.  Luckily other than travel expenses for the other weddings the bridge/groom covered the cost of the flower girl, and my sister bought the dresses for all her bridesmaids.  Still gets expensive between showers and bachelorette parties though.  Looking forward for this wedding season to be over!

JennMof3

@lovesclimbing Thank you! 

@Kylieslip24 I did pick bridesmaid dresses for my wedding but I talked to everyone to determine a price everyone could handle. I was very flexible I was only picky about the color too. My flower girls had two different dresses because it was what worked. 

I think the big thing is considering others, and while they want to be there for you, you have to consider the impact on them and their families. I suppose it's easy for us to get caught up in our own 4 walls. 

EmeraldNC

I'm a teacher, so I'm a working mom for 10 months, then DD3 stays with me the 2 months of summer. SAHM status (during the summer) has its difficulties but is definitely easier than the school year. I'll even go further and say that I think my job is one of the easier ones as a mom because I can make appointment pretty much anytime in the afternoons, say after 2. I have every holiday off with my kids, as well as (as much as planning sucks) I can get a sub to cover my job when my kids need me.

JennMof3

I worked while Prego with all 3 of my current kids and after. It was exhausting! Getting them to school/daycare, getting to work on time, after school activities. I was a walking zombie by the time I delivered #3. I worked OT and saved every ounce of time I could to give me more paid time after baby came. Finally we decided working with 3 kids just wasn't making sense anymore. This pregnancy I'm home and I can't even imagine working. It's stressful and my swelling was awful while working. Being a SAHM this time is wonderful and I think my family likes me lot more too! 

Props to all the working Momma's especially those with other kids at home. 

lovesclimbing

delujm0 said:

I'll try to get this started.

 

I get really annoyed when people start complaining about "wanting the baby to be born already" when they're not even 39 weeks into it yet.  Yes, you're uncomfortable.  Yes, it will be great to hold your baby.  But it's still in there because it's not ready to come out yet.  So unless there is medical reason to take it out of you early, I think it's incredibly selfish to be like "I want my baby to come out before it's ready simply because I don't want to be pregnant anymore."

I think you're either misunderstanding or misrepresenting what people mean when they say they want the baby born already. I was saying that to H last night. I'm having my baby at a birth center, so if my baby comes before 37 weeks, I have to have him at the hospital, which I DO NOT want. So no, when I tell H, "I want the baby to be here already," it doesn't literally mean I want the baby to come today. I don't think anyone wants their baby in the NICU or to have issues from coming to early. 

When I say that, it means I want time to have gone by faster or for it to be my due date already or for me to have gotten pregnant sooner and be further along right now or all of the above. It certainly doesn't mean I literally want the baby to be born at 34, 35, whatever weeks. 

Knottie42089123

I've been working since I graduated college, so that makes it about 14 years straight of full time work. Never took a sabbatical and never had any period of unemployment. I'm really curious to see how I feel about being at home during my 10 weeks of leave. Granted it's a newborn, but will I feel like SAHMs have it just as bad? 

EmeraldNC

@knottie42089123 I loved loved loved maternity leave.  However, I was EXTREMELY blessed to have an easy easy baby.  She slept through the night from Day 2, loved to nap, we learned to breastfeed relatively quickly... so I very much enjoyed mine.  It is not like that for everyone.

neludelu

Knottie42089123 said:

I've been working since I graduated college, so that makes it about 14 years straight of full time work. Never took a sabbatical and never had any period of unemployment. I'm really curious to see how I feel about being at home during my 10 weeks of leave. Granted it's a newborn, but will I feel like SAHMs have it just as bad? 

maternity leave was the best time of my life. I had a great time just relaxing with no responsibilities other than loving this perfect squish I brought home. I can't wait for this ine

Stankonia2014

I hate when people use 'preggers', 'prego', or some variation. 

I'll the odd ball out and say I think SAHMs have it harder. I think it depends on the mother and their personality. I'm not a person that enjoys entertaining children all day, everyday. I need adult interaction and such. While it's true that SAHMs don't have to get out of bed at a certain time, commute, etc., they never really get a break from kids. SAHM is not the life for me and I think you're all saints and my DH is a saint for being a SAHD. 

EmeraldNC

@Stankonia2014 It is not the life for me full time.  I love it during breaks and summer, but by the end of summer... I am READY to go back to work!

delujm0

I am referring to all of the posts we are about to get, about how to make labor start or how to get the baby to come out ASAP when there is no medical reason for it to happen.  I am also excited for the baby to be here, but I'm not going to ask about eating spicy food or other "natural induction" advice anytime soon.

I'm gearing up to get snarky with random posts basically haha.  The worst ones are "the doctor says the baby might be big, I need it to come out immediately!"  Ok, the baby might be big, so?  You knew there was a chance of that when you got pregnant, right?  It'll come out when it's ready.

Kylieslip24

Stankonia2014 said:

I hate when people use 'preggers', 'prego', or some variation. 

I'll the odd ball out and say I think SAHMs have it harder. I think it depends on the mother and their personality. I'm not a person that enjoys entertaining children all day, everyday. I need adult interaction and such. While it's true that SAHMs don't have to get out of bed at a certain time, commute, etc., they never really get a break from kids. SAHM is not the life for me and I think you're all saints and my DH is a saint for being a SAHD. 

This is very true. I totally take for granted that I have the right personality for it. I've known my whole life I would be a sahm. I had other interests, but I knew in my heart they wouldn't fulfill me like just being a mom. I was a nanny before so transitioning from hanging out with other kids all day to mine made it even easier. I'm also kind of a hermit and totally don't mind being home for a week straight. I think it's got to be harder for most other new moms to adjust and balance going out and staying in to save their sanity. And I love that there are more and more dads sah. My little bro who is also kind of "hermity" was a sahd for a year and was really happy to do it, he still is home with her more than her mom is I think because of work schedules. 

LAMCH1980

Stankonia2014 said:

I hate when people use 'preggers', 'prego', or some variation. 

I'll the odd ball out and say I think SAHMs have it harder. I think it depends on the mother and their personality. I'm not a person that enjoys entertaining children all day, everyday. I need adult interaction and such. While it's true that SAHMs don't have to get out of bed at a certain time, commute, etc., they never really get a break from kids. SAHM is not the life for me and I think you're all saints and my DH is a saint for being a SAHD. 

Amen to both. 

I'm a better mom when I can change gears for a little bit and then come back to being with my kids. If it were day in and day out of nonstop toddler mayhem, my patience wears thin. Maybe having a strong support system helps sahm moms who love it too. I do not have a village, so without work I would never have a spare moment and I couldn't afford to pay a sitter to help if I wanted to go out to dinner with DH or if I really needed help with something like dr's appointments with my other kids. 

teacher mom-2

My UO is so random and bitchy. Sucky mood tonight. I don't find really chubby babies cute. I love the little baby fat, but roll upon roll freaks me out. I don't know why either. It literally freaks me though. Maybe all the dents freak out my trypophobia. 

shmarpler

Teacher Mom said:

My UO is so random and bitchy. Sucky mood tonight. I don't find really chubby babies cute. I love the little baby fat, but roll upon roll freaks me out. I don't know why either. It literally freaks me though. Maybe all the dents freak out my trypophobia. 

LOL! I like chubby babies, but I always wondered if they were difficult to bathe.

ellie111227

Stankonia2014 said:

I hate when people use 'preggers', 'prego', or some variation. 

This. I feel the same way about "hubby" and "hubs." It just makes me cringe.

erinh84

ellie111227 said:

Stankonia2014 said:

I hate when people use 'preggers', 'prego', or some variation. 

This. I feel the same way about "hubby" and "hubs." It just makes me cringe.

+1 to all of this.

I hate when people use the word bae or adulting. It drives me nuts.

delujm0

shmarpler said:

Teacher Mom said:

My UO is so random and bitchy. Sucky mood tonight. I don't find really chubby babies cute. I love the little baby fat, but roll upon roll freaks me out. I don't know why either. It literally freaks me though. Maybe all the dents freak out my trypophobia. 

LOL! I like chubby babies, but I always wondered if they were difficult to bathe.

Haha the answer is yes.  DD weighed 20lbs at 6 months and we had to take extra care to get into all of what we called her "crevasses" when we bathed her.  In summer she got rashes in her fat rolls where her sweat would accumulate if we weren't all over it at bath time.

She's about to turn 2 now and is about 30 lbs so she's not a chubster anymore.  For the record, she gained 12.5lbs in the first 6 months and then only 10 lbs in the next 18 months haha.  

kdanjou

My niece was 13(!) lbs when she was born.  She looked like a little troll.  Now she is a perfectly normal looking 6 year old but for a few months she was hideous.

ladylolly89

erinh84 said:

ellie111227 said:

Stankonia2014 said:

I hate when people use 'preggers', 'prego', or some variation. 

This. I feel the same way about "hubby" and "hubs." It just makes me cringe.

+1 to all of this.

I hate when people use the word bae or adulting. It drives me nuts.

Yes! They sound like tweens and I immediately cannot take them or anything else they have to say seriously. 

mirdamae03

kdanjou said:

My niece was 13(!) lbs when she was born.  She looked like a little troll.  Now she is a perfectly normal looking 6 year old but for a few months she was hideous.

That hurts just thinking about birthing a 13lb baby!! I'm grateful mine were always about half that size.

neludelu

I hope my baby isn't fat. There I said it.