6 weeks postpartum & Husband wants to leave — The Bump
March 2017 Moms

6 weeks postpartum & Husband wants to leave

I don't post much, but I am in desperate need of advice and support.

6 weeks ago we welcomed our perfect baby boy into the world!

Now, my husband says he doesn't know if he wants to be with me or not. He says he's not happy and hasn't been since before I got pregnant. Which makes me angry that he would bring a  child into the world when he wasn't happy. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade him for anything.  There have been a few instances over the years and even during my pregnancy of him talking to other girls (not innocently) and I've considered leaving him and the one during the pregnancy he convinced me to stay.  

I'm heartbroken that he can even bear the thought of not seeing our son every day. And I'm stressed because now I need to find a job asap  and I'm dreading leaving my baby. I'm a teacher and had planned on being home with him until August, so the thought of finding a job and having to leave him every day within the next few weeks is too much to bear on top of everything else.  He says he's willing to try counseling, but I honestly feel like the only reason he wants to is so his family doesn't say he didn't even try to save his marriage.  

I'm sorry for rambling, I can't talk to friends and family because I don't want them to know, just in case we do work things out. And it's pretty embarrassing.  Plus, I figured you ladies would understand how emotional, hormonal and exhausted I am.

Re: 6 weeks postpartum & Husband wants to leave

  • I'm so sorry you are going through this, I can't imagine how confusing things must feel for you right now. Just wanted you to know I'm sending *virtual hugs* and pray that you and your husband are able to work things out, if that's still a possibility. If not, I pray for strength and wisdom for you, and that you'd be surrounded by friends and family who will help & support you and your baby boy during this time. 
  • Thank you so much, it means a lot and I really appreciate it.  
  • @1stontheway I am so sorry you are going through this. My first son was 4 weeks old when his bio father decided "he wasn't ready for a family" and that he wanted to "become famous in a band". Yeah I definitely understand why you'd be upset. My ex also told me he didn't love our son. Like wtf how is that possible?!? My advice is to contact an attorney asap and figure out what you really want. Don't let the emotional nitty gritty get involved - you are literally the only one looking out for your sons best interests. Looking back if I could have done it I would have asked for my ex to sign over his rights. Instead after two years he took me to court to get 50/50 custody - which after not seeing our son in two years - the court granted him that right! My son who's my heart and soul and looked at me like a super hero had to be taken to a place he never remembered with someone he had no idea who he was. It lasted a year and then my ex physically abused him. Like my son came home with over 17 bruises. The courts made my ex take a parenting class and then gave him his rights back again - except this time he didn't want them fully back. Essentially now he only gets him two nights a week. My son is 7 now and still hates his dad. He doesn't comprehend why we send him there every week. He thinks we do it because he was bad and it is heartbreaking to see him cry and stress over something we aren't able to control. Seriously - protect your son. Do it now. This is your chance. I hope everything works out for you but honestly - I hope you and your son get the happy ending you truly deserve. 
    Me: 32 DH: 34
    Baby #1 - January 2010
    Baby #2 - March 2017

  • @1stontheway I'm so sorry you are going through this now.  We are already so stressed out as moms of newborns I can't imagine how hard it is to add this on top of everything else.  I wish I had some advice for you but all I can say is whatever happens you will be ok.  You will do what is best for your son and he will look at you as the rock star Mama you are.  Everything will work out for the best no matter what that is in the end.  Stay strong, Mama...sending internet hugs your way!
  • kjd291kjd291 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Big creepy internet hugs! It's such a stressful, emotional, crazy time right now no matter the extra life drama. Try to be positive and hopeful that things will work out.  Not at all excusing him for his behavior--but remember this is a big stressful transition for him too-with time I pray he will see how selfish he is being and realize how much he loves you and will grow to love your little one. My DH is wonderful with our babies, and committed to our family... but he was the same exact way the first few months of baby. He was scared of growing up more, giving up his freedoms and selfish desires. I hope uourDH will come around too and realize it's SOOO worth it to give up those things because what you get is even better.

    i know it seems embarrassing, but it's not! Everyone has been there.even if things do workout, you won't regret sharing your struggles with a close friend or family member. You need support right now. And counciling sounds like a great idea! Anything that could help is worth it for your baby to have parents with a healthy relationship--even if it's apart he needs you to be in a good place with eachother. 

    Again-sorry you're going through this. Big hugs and prayers for you as you figure out what the next step is.
  • I'm so sorry. :(
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • vino831vino831 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments First Answer
    I'm so very sorry you're going through this. I know this is a late reply.  I was told recently that a study said that the first 6 months after a child is born are the typically the toughest in a marriage.

    How are you guys doing?
  • Thank you for asking.  We have been going to counseling and today she asked him if his 5 year vision includes me and he said no.  She told him to think about it and not answer it right then but he said he already knew the answer.   When we got in the car I was looking up divorce info and he kept asking what I was doing so I told him I'm filing for divorce. I think he was relieved because he was scared to do it himself. My heart is breaking. I feel like such a failure. It's not fair to my son. 
  • I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I wish I could offer some advice that would really help.  At least you can say that you tried.  You went to counseling and did what you could.  Your son is better off with two parents that are happy apart than unhappy together.  You aren't happy now and it is probably hard to picture yourself being happy but you will be.  This board isn't super active anymore but you could come over to the FB board if you need support...we are very active over there!  Again, wish I could do more...sending creepy internet hugs to you!
  • Thank you. I appreciate the kind words and support.  I know deep down that I wouldn't want my son to grow up around an unhappy marriage but it breaks my heart to think about the fact that he will never know what it's like to have his parents together.  
  • I understand...but think of it this way...he'll also never know what it's like to see his parents unhappy together!
  • Well ladies it all makes sense now. I found out he's been cheating on me with me with a girl from work.  I suspected it, so I'm not surprised. The worst part is he wasn't even man enough to admit it I found out from the girls husband. He moved out a week ago and is staying with family.  He's already applied for a loan to get a new place,  and he's told her he will help her with her bills if she can't afford them since her and her husband are also going to be getting divorced and they've talked about moving in together!  Of course he lied to her and told her we've been working on a divorce for a few years and only had our son to save our marriage.  This ticked me off! Complete bs and I don't want my son to EVER think anything like that.  I just don't get how he can choose her over us. She also has young kids.  The weird thing is, this kinda makes me feel better, I kept telling him if there was someone else to tell me because it would make it easier for me, I'm just glad that's proving to be true, unless the hurt comes after the initial anger.

  • That motherf*cker!
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