FFFC 5/5

lulu1180

My original FFFC was completely tame compared to all these lol.  I'm into some pretty kinky stuff, some of which I didn't get into until I met DH.  I won't tell the kinkiest thing I've ever done (although if you've been around a while, I alluded to it on an after dark thread a while back ).

I guess my sex related FFFC is that a part of me wishes DH was at his old job that he was miserable at because his constant anger at his boss and job made our sex life a whole lot better!!!!  Now it's just kinda meh and I hate having to have the "I want to get off more often during penetration" talk because he at least makes sure he gets me off beforehand using his hands.

Also, I now feel the need to edit the OP to label it NSFW lol

LoveInDC

@lulu1180 Sorry for taking this to an "after dark" place lol Although, to be fair, we all talk about sex every day. We just tend to use numbers, acronyms, and euphemisms

[Deleted User]

@LoveInDC This board should be renamed "The place where you detail your sex life to internet strangers"

elisek

I've never had an orgasm with DH.

It's why we kept moving back our TTC timeline because we wanted to work on it. Buuuuuut turns out those conversations and attempts are suuuper difficult. I alternate between really wanting to work on it and just not wanting to bring it up because it makes everything so stressful and I do enjoy things, just not overmuch lol.

To be honest, it's probably something I should bring up in the therapy I should be going to because I'm sure 85% of the problem is my anxiety and self-consciousness. When we first got married I even tried to just get off by myself in front of him and couldn't do it, so yeah. I've never worked up the nerve to ask DH how things were with his xgf of 5 years, but I really want to know. I def. need him to get better at manual/oral, but after 2.5 years he is very sensitive about it all. I only had one prior experience - no big o there either - with one ex when I was 18 and it was quite terrible (he literally told me after that he was in love with his ex) so I probably have some lingering issues there. Bleh.

lund

I'm so waiting for our drive-by newbie to stumble in here

Also, I just really like using this gif

lulu1180

lol very true @LoveInDC although we rarely talk about it in such an in-depth way lol

lund

@elisek girl, I'd never gotten off with ANY guy until a few months ago. I've been with DH for 11 years, and we just finally figured out the magic combination that works for me. And, even still, I have to really focus and it only happens during oral. Also, it's much more likely to happen when my hormones are lined up (close to ovulation), AND it helps if I get myself worked up beforehand by reading literotica or something. 

I think 99.99999% of it was mental for me. I was raised very conservative Christian, so sex was "bad". 

Keep trying! If DH and I can figure it out after 11 years (and a total of 17ish sexually active years for me), then you guys can figure it out too!


ETA left out a word

doxiemoxie212

@elisek have you tried omgyes.com? I joined a couple months ago because I was curious, and I wanted to support their business model (it's not that expensive), but I thought it was interesting because it demonstrated some ways of giving feedback to partners that made sense once I saw/heard but wasn't something I'd considered before. It also made me fee a lot more confident that what I want is not weird. I made DH watch a few videos, and he thought it was super weird, but I have noticed him incorporate some of it so... it might help! 

AlohaKumu

I know everyone here likes poop and sex stories, so here's a FFFC that combines both. Back when I was still a virgin, my high school sweetheart and I were experimenting with different kinks/items to see if we liked any of them. We tried all the usual things, like tying each other up, feathers, masks, etc. But one day the HSS buys a dildo and wants me to use it on him. So I told him I would try it and inserted it with some lube. He seemed to really like it, but when I removed it, there was this awful poop+lube slime mixture on it and we didn't know what to do. I could not hide the look of disgust on my face and he got totally embarrassed. His whole family was home, so he couldn't just run to the bathroom to wash it off without covering it with something. I think he ended up finding a old towel to wrap it in and threw all of it away, since I never saw it again. Needless to say, that did not help my aversion to "butt stuff" and I still get nauseated thinking about it from this experience.

lulu1180

OMG @AlohaKumu That's hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!

A friend of mine once admitted to me that she once pooped after anal.  Like immediately after and it didn't sound like she made it to the toilet.  

Also, I personally don't feel comfortable doing anal if I have pooped in the last 24 hours, don't ask why.

doxiemoxie212

@AlohaKumu hahahahahaha oh man. First of all, that is literally the reason why I don't like experimenting with butt stuff. I don't understand why DH thinks poop is like NBD but if I'm spotting just a little bit even it's the grossest experience in the history of the world for him. Second, in college I tied DH to my dorm bed and was on top, and my roommate came home with all her friends, and I still laugh about it. DH... not so much. He bought my roommate cake and flowers to apologize. I ate the cake.  

AlohaKumu

@lulu1180 - one of my very open friends admits that she once pooped everywhere while having an orgasm. All of her muscles relaxed at the same time and it just happened! (Her bf was cool with it, because he said it proved that he made her orgasm so hard.)
It sounds like you have a good rule to live by, although I have such a high-fiber diet that it's a rare day that my body isn't on schedule like clockwork.

starla

lulu1180 said:

OMG @AlohaKumu That's hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!

A friend of mine once admitted to me that she once pooped after anal.  Like immediately after and it didn't sound like she made it to the toilet.  

Also, I personally don't feel comfortable doing anal if I have pooped in the last 24 hours, don't ask why.

Wait... wouldn't you want to have empty bowels before anal?

pebbledam

@lulu1180 - I'm the opposite with anal - I'm much more comfortable if I've cleared out the plumbing fairly recently! 

@AlohaKumu - I was so shy and scared to try stuff in HS! I wonder if that guy has ever done any butt stuff since then or if he was as traumatized as you!

lulu1180

@starla @pebbledam I won't do anal if I feel like I may need to poop soon for obvious reasons but I don't like to do it within 12-24 hours afterward because I'm afraid there may be "residue" left that will end up on his peen and it just grosses me out thinking about it

starla

I had a friend in high school that once fingered me in a hot tub with other people in the hot tub with us. He then lifted me up and put me down on his dick. I got off him because I thought that was too far. He once told me that his gf would poop on a glass table with him underneath the table, watching. He was super cute and awesome, but needless to say, I'm glad it didn't go anywhere with him... I'm pretty sure he was also into golden showers. 

JennyColada

@pebbledam I'm on FL too! It was funny that DH and I are both "kinky" because neither of us mentioned it on our OkC profiles and when I mentioned it to him he's just like "um, I have to show you something" and opened up a side closet and it in were all sorts of floggers and whips and ropes and all that fun stuff. Haha.

vflux33

@lulu1180 @starla @pebbledam I feel like for anal you need 2 things: 1) The Goldilocks of pooping scenarios --pretty regular lately but at least 8 hours where there has been no risk of pooping + 2) Targeted shower using a handheld shower head. If I don't have a handheld shower head, anal is off limits. 

lund

So...

Does anyone else feel like they can't trust a fart for about 24 hours after anal? 

vflux33

@lund YES and also I feel like some are less like farts and more like butt queefs. Which feels funny to say since queefs are like vagina farts. 

zwink1

antoto said:

FFFC: **Snip**
So every time a dude brags about how big he is it's an enormous turn off to me and every time a girl friend talks about how huge a guy was that she was with I just deeply do not understand.

Sooooo much this!  I do not know why men think that it's some massive (pun intended) badge of honor or something.  Though, to be fair to the menfolk, I have serious deep internal pain during sex, so I'm biased.

Neither H or I has ever been particularly adventurous, per say, but I didn't realize how vanilla we had gotten until reading some of these!  I'm sort of jealous of some of you...though pimple popping is a hard, HARD no for me.

JennyColada

@lund @vflux33 my DH and I are pretty open with each other, and we both totally "pass gas" around each other, but post anal farts are a NO GO for me. We are open and all, but that is just crossing a line of comfort that I'm not ready to pass.

50Wife

@lund omg yesssss!! 

JennyColada

@vflux33

sunniegrly

FFFC: I'm a total prude. Extra plain vanilla topped with Nilla Wafers. 

doxiemoxie212

Can I ask some Qs about the open marriage/relationship stuff? I'm nosey. 

jsnakehole

@sunniegrly fellow vanilla wafer! That can be the name of our girl band

JennyColada

doxiemoxie212 said:

Can I ask some Qs about the open marriage/relationship stuff? I'm nosey. 

Oooo go for it. I love questions!

SoldiersMom

So someone mentioned queefs and that made me think of an FFFC that may actually fit into this after dark thread...a few weeks ago, after a quicky, I stood up and literally queefed everything right back out. The whole load. It made me laugh hysterically but the more I laughed, the more I queefed and ya know, vicious cycle. 

doxiemoxie212

okay, so like, logistically - how does it work? like date nights? or just play it by ear? 

JennyColada

doxiemoxie212 said:

okay, so like, logistically - how does it work? like date nights? or just play it by ear? 

First, there is no "one size fits all" style of open relationship. Every relationship is going to be different, just as every monogamous relationship is slightly different. In my experience, we just play it by ear. If there was someone that I wanted to go out with I'd mention to DH that I'm going out XYZ day with a rough time that I'd be home - the same as I would for if I were going out with a girl friend or such. For DH, he is pretty much a "don't ask don't tell" person. With some of my exes, they enjoyed hearing who I'm going out with and how the date went, etc. It really just varies depending on the comfort level of each person. Some people even have "live in" partners (one of my married friends has a girlfriend who lives with them, another married couple has a boyfriend who lives with them. But there can even be multiple couples who share housing.). While I don't think that Sister Wives is really the best example of open/poly relationships, it does show one example as well.

lund

@SoldiersMom a few months ago I was dutifully laying on my back with my legs up after BD, and DH and I were chatting as he put his clothes back on, etc. He had full view of my *TMI* "creampie".  I laughed at something he said, which made me queef and spurt some of the goods. I was momentarily mortified, but couldn't stop giggling which made the queef storm 10x worse.

It was gross. And funny. Marriage is fun. 

SoldiersMom

@lund lol creampie!  You have the best euphemisms.

lund

JennyColada said:

@lund @vflux33 my DH and I are pretty open with each other, and we both totally "pass gas" around each other, but post anal farts are a NO GO for me. We are open and all, but that is just crossing a line of comfort that I'm not ready to pass.

Yup. If he finishes during anal, I have to immediately go sit on the toilet for a while because I have no idea what sinful concoction is about to spew forth  

doxiemoxie212

JennyColada said:

doxiemoxie212 said:

okay, so like, logistically - how does it work? like date nights? or just play it by ear? 

First, there is no "one size fits all" style of open relationship. Every relationship is going to be different, just as every monogamous relationship is slightly different. In my experience, we just play it by ear. If there was someone that I wanted to go out with I'd mention to DH that I'm going out XYZ day with a rough time that I'd be home - the same as I would for if I were going out with a girl friend or such. For DH, he is pretty much a "don't ask don't tell" person. With some of my exes, they enjoyed hearing who I'm going out with and how the date went, etc. It really just varies depending on the comfort level of each person. Some people even have "live in" partners (one of my married friends has a girlfriend who lives with them, another married couple has a boyfriend who lives with them. But there can even be multiple couples who share housing.). While I don't think that Sister Wives is really the best example of open/poly relationships, it does show one example as well.

Right, right. I have more questions, but I just realized that they're all related to "traditional" dating as well - eep! DH and I were best friends before we started dating (ie, hooking up), and we were 19. So, I don't even know how regular dating works! Like meeting people, etc. My best friend was with her boyfriend (who she met at the same time) for like 8 years, and then they broke up. So when she first started dating new guys (again, as an adult now), she'd be like, "Uh... so how does it work if we want to have sex with each other? Do we just ask?" And I was like IDK. And then it would happen and she'd be like, "Okay, so this is how it works!" and explain it to me. Absurd. 

JennyColada

@doxiemoxie212 Lol, I think that's common. At one point we all "learn" how to date and have relationships, whether open or mono or casual or married or whatever.

mschanandlerbong1214

FFFC DH is pretty vanilla and definitely smaller than most guys I've been with but he's the only guy I've ever orgasmed with. I wish he was bigger but he knows how to work what he's got and that works for me. 

Also, butt stuff...

sunniegrly

This thread has me like....
But of course I can't look away. 

AlohaKumu

Yep, my eyes have certainly been opened slow loris-style today!

pebbledam

@doxiemoxie212 - I was with my ex-wife from the time I was 18 until 26, so I basically learned how to date and be in an open relationship at the same time. 

@vflux33- "butt queefs" is the perfect term for it!

I'm a pretty open person, but for some reason queefing totally embarasses me!