I was incensed to find that my husband slept on my pillows after I left for work on Monday morning so I locked a mosquito in the guest room (his room during the weekdays because we are on opposite schedules for a while) to bite him upon his return. I sent him pictures of his assassin to taunt him and blocked his path to the bed with Amazon boxes. Childish...yes. Worth it? Also yes.
I pack DH's lunch daily (if I didn't, it wouldn't get done and he'd spend $100+ a week on food) and I give him stuff I won't eat or don't have the appetite for. If he doesn't like it, too bad! He knows better than to complain.
***TW in Siggy*** Me: 34 / DH: 33 Married: Nov 2011 TTC #1: Jan 2013, BFP Sept 2013, DD: June 2014 TTC #2: Aug 2016, BFP Nov 2016, DS: August 2017
@bumpybump DH makes my lunch every day. Im a lot like your DH and would just end up buying lunch every day. We almost always take left overs from dinner the night before, so its usually stuff I would eat anyway.
My FFFC is related to my comment above. There have been a few days where DH has packed my lunch, and then I got to lunch time and couldn't stomach the idea of eating what he packed, so I buy lunch anyway! I feel bad for wasting the food, but I have to eat.
**TW Loss/pregnancy mentioned** Married: 7/21/12
BFP: 5/30/16 and MC on 7/6/16 BFP: 12/4/16 Due 8/8/17 -- Its a boy! Born 8/14/17 BFP: 5/19/19 and MC on 5/27/19 BFP: 6/24/19, MC on 7/24/19 BFP: 10/24, no heartbeat on 11/27, D&C 12/2 Officially diagnosed with Secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriage IVF started Feb 2020 retrieval and PGT testing: 18 retrieved, 17 mature, 16 fertilized, 9 to blast, 8 PGT normal. Transfer #1: June 14, 2020
Mommy to a super cute havanesse puppy and baby boy!
I know this topic has been brought up before, but as I'm getting close to actually scheduling a c-section, it has been on my mind a lot. I'm nervous about a third c-section and worried about going into labor before my scheduled c-section especially during a time when we won't have someone to take care of the kids. However, the thing that's causing me the most anxiety/stress is that my hospital now has a rooming in policy. I didn't feel guilty at all for sending my kids to the nursery at night and it didn't affect BFing or bonding. The nurses would just bring my son in when he was hungry and then we'd spend some time together before I wanted to rest for a little bit.
DH will be home at night with the kids. I know how rough the recovery is the first few nights. I can barely shuffle the very short walk to the bathroom let alone quickly and comfortably tend to a crying baby. It's difficult to get in a comfortable BFing position before someone hands the baby to me during the first few days let alone trying to maneuver getting in and out of the bed and then getting into a feeding position while holding the baby. The whole idea of a one size fits all policy is ridiculous and there should at the very least be exceptions or accommodations for those recovering from major surgery and difficult deliveries.
@littlebug2010 - I am the exact.same.way. Typically DH sends me with leftovers, and sometimes I still buy lunch . We live in a very Italian part of our city, and my options are delicious.
@MetsGirl18 they may still take the baby for a few hours if you ask. Hospitals should still have a nursery room for bili babies and special cases. Where I delivered, it was a room in facility, but by 2am the second night I was dying and my sweet nurse came in and offered to take him to the nursery so I could get some rest. Next thing I know, 4 hours had passed and they were waking me up to feed him.
I had every intention of filling our whole week with activities and not depending on the tv to entertain us, but then we got sick and though I'm feeling slightly better today, I'm still just going to lay here and watch movies.
@littlebug2010 I totally send leftovers and half the time he's "spoiled" according to his coworkers. But half the time it's just stuff I don't want anymore.
***TW in Siggy*** Me: 34 / DH: 33 Married: Nov 2011 TTC #1: Jan 2013, BFP Sept 2013, DD: June 2014 TTC #2: Aug 2016, BFP Nov 2016, DS: August 2017
@bumpybump my office has lunch catered daily (tech startup-in an area w/o many food options). So, when there are leftovers (pretty much always), I bring some home for DH to have for dinner or lunch the next day. Saves $, he gets variety, and I don't have to make anything.
It might be a Flame that I'm a little sad to be going on maternity leave bc it means figuring out so much more food for us. My office has snacks, drinks, lunch! I haven't bought weekday breakfast or lunch since I started...being home is going to be hard!
TW: 1 infant loss 8/17: Our daughter was born 8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass 2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old 4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
@MetsGirl18 yikes that sounds stressful. I bet some of the nurses would gladly hold LO for a little while if it's slow.
Also, not sure what your financial situation is and if this is even feasible, but maybe look into a postpartum doula. Postpartum doulas essentially "mother the mother" and provide help in the first days after birth. This could be a good option for you and your husband to have an extra set of hands around following your delivery. Here's an article about PP doulas:
@MetsGirl18 The hospital should still be able to assist you with baby after your c-section, especially if/when your husband is gone. Our hospital built a new maternity wing a couple years ago, and it is also mommy/baby suites without a nursery. The nurses were very accommodating, and we had no problems. I'll be in the same boat as you, this is my 4th c-section. My hubby will more than likely spend nights at home with our 3 kids rather than at the hospital. I'll be counting on the nurses to help me & baby overnight. Remember you are not just a patient, but also a paying costumer, and it's the nurses job to assist you in your recovery. Best of luck.
@MetsGirl18 I think you should talk to your hospital. Ours didn't have a "nursery" but they did have a little area in the baby care station they'd keep babies at while the moms slept. If you plan on doing a tour just write down a list of things like this to ask. Also if your DH can't be there with you overnight just give the nurses a heads up that you'll need some extra help and I'm sure they'll be happy to accommodate.
@smallbutmighty77 I'm so jelly over here thinking about catered meals & free drinks! The office I used to work for had a weekly meeting that was catered & I never had to worry about lunch/drinks on Thursdays. It was glorious.
@smallbutmighty77 My work offers some of what yours does. We have a stocked kitchen with snacks and some drinks, there is almost always beer in the fridge (which is annoying right now), we have vending machines that have super unhealthy snacks (like candy bars) that are only 25 cents, and on Mondays we get free bagels! They also have a full service cafeteria on the lower level, and food trucks come every day that its not raining. DH also works at a company that offers similar things. Your comment made me realize that we are going to have to think about having a slightly more stocked kitchen before baby comes. We never have breakfast food or anything but dinner left overs in the kitchen! Hmm time to start planning!
**TW Loss/pregnancy mentioned** Married: 7/21/12
BFP: 5/30/16 and MC on 7/6/16 BFP: 12/4/16 Due 8/8/17 -- Its a boy! Born 8/14/17 BFP: 5/19/19 and MC on 5/27/19 BFP: 6/24/19, MC on 7/24/19 BFP: 10/24, no heartbeat on 11/27, D&C 12/2 Officially diagnosed with Secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriage IVF started Feb 2020 retrieval and PGT testing: 18 retrieved, 17 mature, 16 fertilized, 9 to blast, 8 PGT normal. Transfer #1: June 14, 2020
Mommy to a super cute havanesse puppy and baby boy!
@littlebug2010 - that sounds awesome - DH and I eat out way too often for lunches. I'm going to also have to revamp my grocery planning, especially living in a rural community with a 30 min drive to a decent grocery store!
Me: 37 DH: 37 - Married 10.2015 ❤️ Canadian DX: Endometriosis - Stage 4, DOR, RPL
@JWatt5 It is a nice perk, but I can say that I would give it all up to get rid of my commute!
New FFFC, I ate DHs chocolate bunny from easter today! He hadnt touched it, and I needed chocolate! I feel slightly bad, but mostly I feel like that was the best chocolate I have eaten in a while!
**TW Loss/pregnancy mentioned** Married: 7/21/12
BFP: 5/30/16 and MC on 7/6/16 BFP: 12/4/16 Due 8/8/17 -- Its a boy! Born 8/14/17 BFP: 5/19/19 and MC on 5/27/19 BFP: 6/24/19, MC on 7/24/19 BFP: 10/24, no heartbeat on 11/27, D&C 12/2 Officially diagnosed with Secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriage IVF started Feb 2020 retrieval and PGT testing: 18 retrieved, 17 mature, 16 fertilized, 9 to blast, 8 PGT normal. Transfer #1: June 14, 2020
Mommy to a super cute havanesse puppy and baby boy!
@MetsGirl18 that is stressful. DH had to leave for work the day after DS was born, but my mom was able to come stay with me until he got back into town. I'm slightly panicked this time because my doctor moved practices and it's an 45 minutes to an hour and 15 away depending on traffic. DH works an hour and a half away. I'm terrified I'm going to go into labor before my scheduled c section and won't have anyone to watch DS or get me to the hospital. Mil is great in a pinch, but her daughter is due 10 days before my scheduled c section and if she's had her baby, mil will most likely be at her house 45 minutes away. My family is 2 hours away and my mom keeps my 3 year old niece and nephew who will be 5 months then. All will be smooth as long as I don't go into labor, but I'm having major anxiety about it.
So.... A FFC for me is that I don't really want DH witnessing childbirth. He doesn't want to be there either. At first I was like, "Just stay where my head is and don't look," but lately he's said he doesn't want to be there at all... He's more afraid of something going wrong and not being able to emotionally deal. He likes the old fashioned idea of being in the waiting room and just being told when the baby's out. I think he should at least be around during most of labor but at pushing time, he doesn't need to watch my vagina get massacred or me poop all over. And, in fact, if he slept while I'm awake laboring that's probably not a bad idea, I think. One of us has to have our wits about us once the baby comes out and needs feeding and changing; one of us not being delirious with exhaustion sounds pretty good.
I think these days it's expected that the father be very involved and very supportive, but honestly I think his mom (who's a nurse) would be better company. I'm thinking about looking into a doula.
@deansgirl14I try really hard not to complain too much about DH being gone because this is the life we decided to have but.. I'm not even sure DH will be home for this baby to be born and you don't even want yours in the room?? I can't wrap my head around it.
@DeansGirl14 I was very much of the 'stay by my head' but then I saw the videos and it does not matter-he will see it all. At first I debated about it, maybe he could be in the waiting room, but I decided this is his child. He didn't carry her, he won't give birth to her, but he can be there when she makes her debut into this world. I am all for him sleeping while some of the other stuff if happening, b/c I do want him to be a bit coherent etc when family comes and if I can take a shower etc. Plus he is a grumpy person with no sleep. But, he will be in the room and he will take my mind off of things when it is slow and he will see what I got through to get this child into the world. I want us to be the first people (outside of medical) who see her-and that was a big thought when I realized he should be the one in the room with me.
TW: 1 infant loss 8/17: Our daughter was born 8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass 2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old 4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
I think daggers would shoot out my eyes if DH tried to say he'd just wait outside. I get not wanting to be all up in the action, but I think this is one of those situations that you really don't know how you (or he) will feel in the moment. I remember thinking I would insist he stayed behind me and that I wouldn't need him there for support. Turned out I needed him to hold me down so I could stop shaking from the contractions long enough for the epidural to go in and during the actual pushing, his head was right there with the nurse and he walked away saying it was the most incredible experience of his life.
@deansgirl14I try really hard not to complain too much about DH being gone because this is the life we decided to have but.. I'm not even sure DH will be home for this baby to be born and you don't even want yours in the room?? I can't wrap my head around it.
My husband is one of those guys that would probably have been better in the waiting room cigar past.
That said he's 100% been in the room with me on both deliveries. 1st one he did almost pass out and he had his own nurse feeding him juice.(insert eye roll here) 2nd one he almost passed out during my epidural then did pretty good after that. @DeansGirl14 just let the nurses know your husband isn't great in those situations. They are totally prepared for that. Dr asked if my husband wanted to cut the cord and half the nurses yelled "No!" because they were aware of the situation. I heard doulas are amazing...I have quick labors (knock on wood) so I've been good just bonding with the nurses as my husband looks scared from the sidelines.
He's still freaked out but always thought the experience was pretty amazing after.
@deansgirl14I try really hard not to complain too much about DH being gone because this is the life we decided to have but.. I'm not even sure DH will be home for this baby to be born and you don't even want yours in the room?? I can't wrap my head around it.
This. Alllllll this.
To each his own, but I cannot fathom not having my husband at least in the room as our child takes her first breath. I just don't get it, on his side or yours.
So I guess my FFFC is that I hate when men don't man up during childbirth. I'm not saying they need to have a headlamp on inspecting your lacerated vajay, but considering the work and pain we go through and the love both mother and father *should* have for their child, grab your cojones and some smelling salt and buck up, pal. Most men who are prepared for what childbirth is (meaning they're educated beforehand) say it's one of the most amazing experiences of their lives. Get in the damn room.
@mrsmatt1212 Preach! I was just reading some of these to my husband whose exact response was, "Man up". He's witnessed 3 c-sections now, and wouldn't miss his child coming into the world for anything.
DH is a stand by my head type of guy which I am fine with. I somewhat jokingly say if he saw the actual birth we may never DTD again. He does not to well with that sort of thing and it would be permanently ingrained in his memory. That is why we hire a Douala.
My FFFC after yesterday's U/O is that I just cut DS is hair myself. It looks meh right now but I know in a week or two it will be fine. He has bad anxiety and I just don't see the point in making him miserable for a hair cut.
@mrsmatt212 Haha. I always spell it Doula to start and then the bump gives it the red squiggly line and suggests Douala. I know I can't trust myself so I have to trust the computer. But again the bump's spell check fails me.
I'm still mystified by the whole not being able to "emotionally deal" if something happens. Does he know what YOU are going through? So much selfishness that my mind is blown.
@Vamason89 Exactly my thoughts. To miss the birth of your child is sad enough..but to not be there to support your wife/SO who went through 9 months of incredibly hard physical and emotional changes is just awful to me.
I mostly lurk - but i had to put my two cents in for this one. My DH used to joke about being at the pub when in was in labor and i could tell there was a bit of truth there. But when the time actually came i wouldnt have been able to get him to stay away if i wanted to. Its actually so eye opening for them to see what we go through to bring our babes into the world, and i couldnt imagine doing it again without him. I agree that he needs to suck it up and be there!
Maybe not very flame worthy, but I will completely judge you as a parent if I hear you cussing at your kid. If you can't maintain enough self-control while disciplining your children to not use curse words, you have an issue.
All of us have some not-so-proud parenting moments, but I can honestly say I've never cussed at my kids.
It makes me want to scream that even The Bump articles say "vagina" when referring to the vulva! I'm picky about proper word usage. I mean, in public conversation say cooter or vajayjay or whatever your want, but an informative article should use proper vernacular! Maybe this is a UO or random, speaking of proper usage...
We had a wedding last night and went to eat for FILs bday after. I had on my support band under my dress and after I ate my meal, I went to check out the desert case. When I sat down again, it was too tight, so I un-velcroed it under my dress and pulled it out while at the table. Took my bra off out from under my dress sitting at a red light.
@AdvoCyndi30 my sil does that to my nephew. He's 2.5 you don't need to be cruising at him for anything! Now I'll admit that upon occasion I curse at DD in my head. But the wtf in my head turns into something much more toddler friendly on the way out of my mouth.
@Nxy Totally acceptable. That's called "survival". Lol!
I was in the store and I heard a mom yell, "STOP IT! You are about to get your ass beat!" And then the dad said, "Yep. We're about to play a game of Kick The Baby!" And they both laughed.
Um...what?! I walked past them and said, "Awesome. Parents of the year!"
I think husband in the room or not isn't a right vs wrong decision. There's so much in the world that really matters in terms of morality or safety, that it's hard for me to judge or condemn a decision that's just a preference. @DeansGirl14 you do you! No one should make you and your husband feel bad for the childbirth experience that is best for you. You will both love on your baby and that's what's important!
Re: FFFC 4/28
***TW in Siggy***
Me: 34 / DH: 33
Married: Nov 2011
TTC #1: Jan 2013, BFP Sept 2013, DD: June 2014
TTC #2: Aug 2016, BFP Nov 2016, DS: August 2017
@PinkPrincessPiper Your breakfast sounds fantastic!
My FFFC is related to my comment above. There have been a few days where DH has packed my lunch, and then I got to lunch time and couldn't stomach the idea of eating what he packed, so I buy lunch anyway! I feel bad for wasting the food, but I have to eat.
Married: 7/21/12
BFP: 12/4/16 Due 8/8/17 -- Its a boy! Born 8/14/17
BFP: 5/19/19 and MC on 5/27/19
BFP: 6/24/19, MC on 7/24/19
BFP: 10/24, no heartbeat on 11/27, D&C 12/2
Officially diagnosed with Secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriage
IVF started Feb 2020
retrieval and PGT testing: 18 retrieved, 17 mature, 16 fertilized, 9 to blast, 8 PGT normal.
Transfer #1: June 14, 2020
DH will be home at night with the kids. I know how rough the recovery is the first few nights. I can barely shuffle the very short walk to the bathroom let alone quickly and comfortably tend to a crying baby. It's difficult to get in a comfortable BFing position before someone hands the baby to me during the first few days let alone trying to maneuver getting in and out of the bed and then getting into a feeding position while holding the baby. The whole idea of a one size fits all policy is ridiculous and there should at the very least be exceptions or accommodations for those recovering from major surgery and difficult deliveries.
***TW in Siggy***
Me: 34 / DH: 33
Married: Nov 2011
TTC #1: Jan 2013, BFP Sept 2013, DD: June 2014
TTC #2: Aug 2016, BFP Nov 2016, DS: August 2017
It might be a Flame that I'm a little sad to be going on maternity leave bc it means figuring out so much more food for us. My office has snacks, drinks, lunch! I haven't bought weekday breakfast or lunch since I started...being home is going to be hard!
1 infant loss
8/17: Our daughter was born
8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass
2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old
4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
Also, not sure what your financial situation is and if this is even feasible, but maybe look into a postpartum doula. Postpartum doulas essentially "mother the mother" and provide help in the first days after birth. This could be a good option for you and your husband to have an extra set of hands around following your delivery. Here's an article about PP doulas:
https://americanpregnancy.org/planning/post-partum-doula/
Married: 7/21/12
BFP: 12/4/16 Due 8/8/17 -- Its a boy! Born 8/14/17
BFP: 5/19/19 and MC on 5/27/19
BFP: 6/24/19, MC on 7/24/19
BFP: 10/24, no heartbeat on 11/27, D&C 12/2
Officially diagnosed with Secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriage
IVF started Feb 2020
retrieval and PGT testing: 18 retrieved, 17 mature, 16 fertilized, 9 to blast, 8 PGT normal.
Transfer #1: June 14, 2020
DX: Endometriosis - Stage 4, DOR, RPL
03.2016 - Natural BFP - MC 5w4d
04.2016 - Natural BFP - Chemical
10.2016 - IUI w/ Injections #1 = IUI Cancelled (cyst/no mature follicle)
11.2016 - IUI w/ Injections #2 = BFP, EDD 08.2017 - It's a BOY!
TTC #2 06.2019
08.2019 - IUI w/ Injections #1 = Chemical
09.2019 - IUI w/ Injections #2 = BFN
10.2019 - IUI w/ Injections #3 = BFN
01.2020 - IUI w/ Injections #4 = BFN
08.2020 - Natural BFP - MC 9w5d
11.2020 - IVF Retrieval - 3AB & 4BB
05.2021 - FET #1 = BFP, EDD 02.2022 - It's a BOY!
New FFFC, I ate DHs chocolate bunny from easter today! He hadnt touched it, and I needed chocolate! I feel slightly bad, but mostly I feel like that was the best chocolate I have eaten in a while!
Married: 7/21/12
BFP: 12/4/16 Due 8/8/17 -- Its a boy! Born 8/14/17
BFP: 5/19/19 and MC on 5/27/19
BFP: 6/24/19, MC on 7/24/19
BFP: 10/24, no heartbeat on 11/27, D&C 12/2
Officially diagnosed with Secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriage
IVF started Feb 2020
retrieval and PGT testing: 18 retrieved, 17 mature, 16 fertilized, 9 to blast, 8 PGT normal.
Transfer #1: June 14, 2020
And, in fact, if he slept while I'm awake laboring that's probably not a bad idea, I think. One of us has to have our wits about us once the baby comes out and needs feeding and changing; one of us not being delirious with exhaustion sounds pretty good.
I think these days it's expected that the father be very involved and very supportive, but honestly I think his mom (who's a nurse) would be better company. I'm thinking about looking into a doula.
I am all for him sleeping while some of the other stuff if happening, b/c I do want him to be a bit coherent etc when family comes and if I can take a shower etc. Plus he is a grumpy person with no sleep.
But, he will be in the room and he will take my mind off of things when it is slow and he will see what I got through to get this child into the world. I want us to be the first people (outside of medical) who see her-and that was a big thought when I realized he should be the one in the room with me.
1 infant loss
8/17: Our daughter was born
8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass
2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old
4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
That said he's 100% been in the room with me on both deliveries. 1st one he did almost pass out and he had his own nurse feeding him juice.(insert eye roll here) 2nd one he almost passed out during my epidural then did pretty good after that.
@DeansGirl14 just let the nurses know your husband isn't great in those situations. They are totally prepared for that. Dr asked if my husband wanted to cut the cord and half the nurses yelled "No!" because they were aware of the situation. I heard doulas are amazing...I have quick labors (knock on wood) so I've been good just bonding with the nurses as my husband looks scared from the sidelines.
He's still freaked out but always thought the experience was pretty amazing after.
To each his own, but I cannot fathom not having my husband at least in the room as our child takes her first breath. I just don't get it, on his side or yours.
So I guess my FFFC is that I hate when men don't man up during childbirth. I'm not saying they need to have a headlamp on inspecting your lacerated vajay, but considering the work and pain we go through and the love both mother and father *should* have for their child, grab your cojones and some smelling salt and buck up, pal. Most men who are prepared for what childbirth is (meaning they're educated beforehand) say it's one of the most amazing experiences of their lives. Get in the damn room.
My FFFC after yesterday's U/O is that I just cut DS is hair myself. It looks meh right now but I know in a week or two it will be fine. He has bad anxiety and I just don't see the point in making him miserable for a hair cut.
All of us have some not-so-proud parenting moments, but I can honestly say I've never cussed at my kids.
I was in the store and I heard a mom yell, "STOP IT! You are about to get your ass beat!" And then the dad said, "Yep. We're about to play a game of Kick The Baby!" And they both laughed.
Um...what?! I walked past them and said, "Awesome. Parents of the year!"