Baby shower question

Breath_Easy92

is it rude if my mom does my baby shower? She's convinced it is unacceptable but I don't think anyone else will do it in my family.  DH's mom is throwing us one (big surprise since she hates me lol) and she's having it at the local bar (no surprise there she also had her last wedding there and I in 5 years have never seen her sober) but she's not inviting my family just her friends from the bar and his family.

wyomama0427

She's not throwing you a baby shower... she's using the title but really she's throwing herself a baby shower. At a bar, only inviting her friends and their family? Yup that's a party for her. I think if she wants to do that, it's only fair your mom does one for your side of the family. Or you could tell your MIL that you want your family invited as well (if you do, I know that getting two sides of family together can really go wrong lol) and if you don't want it at the bar, tell her! 

Edited for spelling

kaylaakosua

Honestly, I know it might sound rude but I wouldn't go to the "baby shower" at the bar I don't care how much more hate it brings to me. I think it's fine if your Mother hosts a baby shower.

HollyGolightly09

I don't see a problem with your mom doing it at all... it isn't like you're throwing it yourself! 

And I agree about the bar one... that sounds more like an excuse for her to throw a party, without any consideration to you. 

Breath_Easy92

Well, honestly I'm not real happy about it being in a bar but we need the stuff and my husband is really excited that she's even remotely interested so I'm kinda just going along with it. Surprisingly she's the better of his two parents so I try to let him take what parent type things  he can get from them.

But anyways I know Emily Post says you can't throw your daughter a baby shower but I just need a well structured defense to talk my mom into it.

wyomama0427

Who is Emily Post?

Breath_Easy92

@wyomama0427 she wrote a very famous book on manners and social conduct. It's used for social etiquette like Roberts rules are used for business.

mrsvp614

I personally think the idea of moms not throwing a shower is outdated. I think the idea is that it's rude for family to ask for gifts on your behalf, but I feel like it's pretty common now for grandmothers-to-be to throw showers. 

wyomama0427

@Breath_Easy92 I am very familiar with Roberts! I was on a parliamentary procedure team in high school, we won state and placed seventh at nationals. I haven't heard of her though, maybe I should look into that. Why does she say mothers can't throw a shower for their daughter? That doesn't make sense to me 

DPandMB

I know lots of people whose mom threw the shower. I don't think it's odd at all. 

Breath_Easy92

@wyomama0427 I'm not sure why, finishing school and cotillion never really stuck with me haha. 

wyomama0427

@Breath_Easy92 it sounds like it's a southern thing... is it a southern thing? I've heard of cotillion but idk what it really is. I had an etiquette class when I took culinary arts but it wasn't anything crazy, mostly just table settings and eating lol. 

Breath_Easy92

@wyomama0427 haha yeah it is. I was raised in Ohio but my family is all southern. Around here only rich kids do it but we weren't rich my parents were just use to it being a thing.

Swazzle

I think as long as you're not throwing it yourself you're totally fine! I've never been to any shower (bridal or baby) that wasn't at least partially hosted by the person's mom/MIL. 

HollyGolightly09

Swazzle said:

I think as long as you're not throwing it yourself you're totally fine! I've never been to any shower (bridal or baby) that wasn't at least partially hosted by the person's mom/MIL. 

Same here. I'm definitely in the south (Alabama) and I honestly can't think of a shower that the mom didn't help in some way. 

Breath_Easy92

Yeah she wants to help she just doesn't want to send the invitations out or have her be the RSVP person .... she's complicated lol 

Breath_Easy92

Well my friends just said she'd do it, but added she doesn't like babies and not to expect much because she's not that excited lol I'm just kinda done with the idea at this point. My graduation party was terrible because my aunt and cousin got arrested at it and my wedding got canceled because my dad got sick and I had to elope and I just wanted this to turn out decent. I'm going to throw my pity party for a day or two then just get over it I think. Or I had a cousin whoes husband did it for her. 

Becky012016

What about your mom and friend co-hosting the shower? Its completely normal to have your mom host nowadays though!

Breath_Easy92

@Becky012016 that might work... it's a good idea I just have to talk to them, my husband actually might be better at mediating this since I have the hormones from hell lol... I just wish it was easier than this 

jena333-2

Wait, am I misreading that, or did the cousin's husband throw the shower? THAT I would side eye, because it's his kid too. 

But I think your mom and your unexcited friend co hosting is a good balance. You can tell your mom the friend will do the formal hosting duties (invites, RSVPs) but that "she's inexperienced and could so use your guidance!" 

Breath_Easy92

@jena333-2 yeah I think that'll be the best solution, thanks guys

Souptin

what a crap situation. I would never side eye a shower thrown by the expectants mother. I am in Canada so perhaps its regional. You're MIL sounds peachy, hosting a baby shower at a bar for her friends? What kind of stuff would you get? babies first whiskey? Babies for Keg tap? ...newp!  If your mom is not ok to send invites perhaps a friend  of your could "co-host" so the invites have her name and people would RSVP to her but the event location could be " graciously provided by Breath easys mother"  All the friend would be responsible for is the invites and rsvp's your mom could do the rest. 

Ae_Lovely321

@Breath_Easy92 you don't have to have a baby shower.  It sounds like it is causing you more headaches/heartaches than it should.  I get the whole wanting something special for once, I didn't have a graduation party for high school or college,  I had zero parties for my wedding like no engagement, bridal shower, bachelorette parties. I also am not going to have a baby shower as a FTM because I moved to a different country away from family and friends for work. Yeah I was a little bummed at the idea because I am a sucker for stupid baby games and all that stuff, but life goes on. I say take advantage of all the free baby grab bags for registries, maybe look at local events like baby expos to attend, and find other ways to make it special and ease the financial burden. 

wyomama0427

Souptin said:

what a crap situation. I would never side eye a shower thrown by the expectants mother. I am in Canada so perhaps its regional. You're MIL sounds peachy, hosting a baby shower at a bar for her friends? What kind of stuff would you get? babies first whiskey? Babies for Keg tap? ...newp!  If your mom is not ok to send invites perhaps a friend  of your could "co-host" so the invites have her name and people would RSVP to her but the event location could be " graciously provided by Breath easys mother"  All the friend would be responsible for is the invites and rsvp's your mom could do the rest. 

I wish I could bold right now, it's not letting me, but LOL-ing @ baby's first whisky

Souptin

Gah my auto fill did me so dirty. Please pretend I know how to word. That post is a mess. 

wyomama0427

Souptin said:

Gah my auto fill did me so dirty. Please pretend I know how to word. That post is a mess. 

Every time you post, I imagine the real life you with Jim Carrey face

Ae_Lovely321

@wyomama I tend to on occasion read @souptin posts in my head with a Jim Carrey  voice. 

lap018

Kind of have a bump crush on @Souptin not even gunna lie 

labby18

i think we all have girl crushes on on @souptin

Souptin

I can't gif because I'm mobile right now just know the feeling is mutual. 

Breath_Easy92

@Souptin yeah it is crap but it is better crap than I'm use to lol plus I pissed my mom off because I dont want a peter rabbit or saffari nursery so she im pretty sure doesnt want to discuss it any more anyway 

@Ae_Lovely321 im sorry, sounds like you got kinda the short end of the stick too. 

Ae_Lovely321

@breath_easy92 eh they were just parties and it goes with military life. I knew that my friends and family were as excited as I was about my graduations and wedding. They all made it to the wedding which is what I really wanted. Not having a party didn't make the events any less special for me.  I hope your situation works out to be what you want it to be.