FFFC* 04/21

av2323

*not guaranteed to be flame free

emucoleman

If all the regs just ignored the Facebook group posts, they would die quickly. There's no reason to explain nicely to the drive-by OPs why we want to wait. They don't care and they get offended over nothing. Let's ignore them!

eta My fffc is that I think these randoms are stupid and they don't deserve how nice people have been. 

ElizabethSchuyler

emucoleman said:

If all the regs just ignored the Facebook group posts, they would die quickly. There's no reason to explain nicely to the drive-by OPs why we want to wait. They don't care and they get offended over nothing. Let's ignore them!

eta My fffc is that I think these randoms are stupid and they don't deserve how nice people have been. 

But I want to post gifs from my arsenal!!!!

emucoleman

@ElizabethSchuyler Oh, you're right...we don't need fewer replies, we just need more gifs!

adirat

@emucoleman I'm sure you're right but what about the gifs? 

edit - @ElizabethSchuyler beat me to it.

cmessamore

Here we go...I have two for today!! (Warning: I'm feeling extra moody and snarky today! Probably the sleep deprivation from last night's misery)

1. I very quickly make up my opinion of someone. Usually within minutes of meeting them or in this group, reading their posts. The things they say, the way they treat others, their tone and demeanor all lead me right down the path of quickly deciding if I like someone or not. First impressions are huge for me and I feel like if I don't like you in that first minute, I probably never will. 

2. I believe people in this world coddle their kids too much. Kids aren't supposed to be kept in a bubble from the world. Let them explore, get dirty, climb trees, experience free play using their imagination, try new foods, meet new people and even get hurt on occasion. Take them places and give them experiences, not more toys and video games. (I'm not saying let them juggle knives and hang out with strangers-but seriously, let them be kids)

av2323

@cmessamore you are a woman after my own heart.  I've been judged for how lax we are with Henry.  I feel like you have to be tough if you're going to be dumb.  If he wants to roll on the couch, I'm going to let him fall off so he learns.  Now, I draw the line when he tries to run with sharp objects.  But for the most part, we let him do his thing and learn life lessons in the process.

sushisuzi

When your husband takes the day off work for an apppintment..that you yold him is next week..you get there and ding ding ding...wife is right...now hess in a bind because he cant take off next friday...ughh fffc 

emucoleman

@cmessamore @av2323 I agree with you. My DH is a little protective of DD (it's sweet), and sometimes we disagree on rules for her. Sometimes if she falls off a chair or something, DH wants to make a rule that she can't sit on that chair anymore. My argument is, she's a 2 year old and one of the things she has to learn is how to sit on things without falling off. She won't learn if she doesn't get to do it. (Also, it makes me laugh sometimes because DH wants to ban her from a certain chair because she fell off it once, when she's sat in it probably 50 times without falling off.) 

kissthesky32

I'm with you on both of your confessions, @cmessamore, especially the first impressions one. 

zigzag8412

emucoleman said:

@cmessamore @av2323 I agree with you. My DH is a little protective of DD (it's sweet), and sometimes we disagree on rules for her. Sometimes if she falls off a chair or something, DH wants to make a rule that she can't sit on that chair anymore. My argument is, she's a 2 year old and one of the things she has to learn is how to sit on things without falling off. She won't learn if she doesn't get to do it. (Also, it makes me laugh sometimes because DH wants to ban her from a certain chair because she fell off it once, when she's sat in it probably 50 times without falling off.) 

This.  Parenting is hard.  It's even harder when there are two of you with differing opinions.  DD told me this past week that her "vagina hurt."  DH immediately responded that "vagina" wasn't a word we were suppose to use in public or in front of boys and I'm sitting there thinking "1.Why not? (I mean I get why not if she's running around yelling vagina and laughing, but she wasn't) 2. we weren't in public 3. you're the only boy here, and 4. I've been working on her using the correct term 'vagina' for weeks now because she use to say her 'bottom' hurt and it was very confusing for me re the actual issue." (She has a bad habit of not wiping when she uses the restroom that I think is the problem and we're working on this.)  

Agreed with the concept of natural consequences too.  Sometimes I worry since we started with a 5yo that we're too strict on her and don't give her much needed opportunities to make stupid mistakes...  I'm a big believer in free play and plan on signing her up for gymnastics classes (she's shown an interest in balancing on things and doing cartwheels and hand stands- none of which she can actually currently do but it's cute to watch her put her hand on the floor and lift a leg and call it a hand stand) after school's out for the summer.

DuchessOfCambridge

@cmessamore my mom was once cooking while holding me when I was little and I was being the MOST ANNOYING about touching the pot. She obviously said no multiple times but I screamed for it so she let me. I learned my lesson after that.

Not saying I will let my child touch a hot pot, but letting kids learn their own lessons is sometimes the most effective.

emucoleman

@zigzag8412 No offense to your DH, but WHAT? It irks me when people act like the correct words for private parts are "bad words"--and the idea that you would "shield" boys from the word vagina is just ridiculous to me. In my opinion, boys and girls should be learning at a young age the correct words for body parts, both male and female. And exactly like you said, as long as they are not using the words disrespectfully or with an intention to make other people uncomfortable, they should be encouraged to use correct words when they have a good reason to talk about that stuff (and in your situation your DD obviously did have a good reason). Teaching girls to never speak about their private parts in front of other people communicates to them that there is something wrong or gross about their bodies. I'm not of the opinion that women/girls should be parading their bodies around or goofing around about private things, but I think that they should know there is nothing wrong with their bodies and it's okay to talk about these things matter-of-factly, with the appropriate people, at appropriate times. 

P.S. I find that with issues like these, my DH sometimes just literally has never thought about them in this way (because he's a man and has never HAD to think about them). Maybe your DH just hasn't realized how outdated his views on this subject are and you can just have a gentle conversation with him about it. 

ElizabethSchuyler

I worry family thinks H and I don't do enough to watch our son at home/their homes. Do I want him to fall off the chair? No. He's not throwing his hand in fire, relax. At the park I probably come across as a helicopter parent. I will follow my son around to make sure he's not falling off the highest level of the jungle gym. He's 2 and has no fear. We definitely have a balance. 

kissthesky32

@zigzag8412 and @emucoleman - our pediatrician strongly encouraged using the correct words. Apparently it's a good marker of sexual abuse - if your kid starts using cutesie names for their body parts hat you have never said to them. Abusers rarely use anatomical names.

ArtificialRed

I'm am 100% for appropriate anatomy words.

But damn if I am not an immature little shit who has the hardest time with testicles. Definitely my fffc right there. 

PS anybody have the age appropriate way to share how the baby gets in mama's belly (which is actually a uterus, but doesn't bother me if it's easier to say belly as long as it was explained) for the 4-5 year old range? He hasn't asked yet and I'm still unprepared for when he does. 

cmessamore

Our now 5, 6, 7, and 10 year old never asked and we haven't explained yet. I know, we're probably waiting a little too long, but I'm a firm believer in letting kids lead these sensitive conversations. They all asked how the baby comes out and that I was very honest about. My oldest goes to middle school next year and his dad is planning on having the talk with him over the summer about it, but for the others, I'm just following their lead. 

emucoleman

@kissthesky32 Good to know...freaks me out a little, but good to know. 

Tourmalily

1)I think the Chainsmokers are way overrated.

2) I feel like the world's saltiest pregnant woman. I am not feeling the magic. I'm not eagerly anticipating my due date. I'm just, meh. I thought I'd feel more excited overall, but really I'm just bored with the whole thing.  

zigzag8412

@emucoleman I don't think he meant it like it came out.  I tried explaining to him my issues with it but apparently the day before (when I wasn't around) she had been running around laughing and saying "I have a vagina" and they had that conversation.  He said he was just trying to remind her about that conversation they had had but I probably do need to re-visit it again now that I've cooled off a few days.  It's also a delicate situation as she is currently a foster placement we're on high alert to scenarios which could be accidentally misconstrued as inappropriate.  For example, DH didn't bathe her for the first few months.  If I wasn't there she either didn't get a bath or his sister came over specifically to give her one. He's started giving her baths recently, but with a bathing suit on.  We don't let him help her get dressed or anything else like that.  Which puts a lot of work on me... In retrospect, we had good intentions (not giving her the opportunity to every tell anyone "Daddy touched me naked") but the reality is, I'm afraid it's made it MORE weird as he also won't do things like give her a kiss on the lips or other things that would never have been second thoughts with a biokid.  The line is weird and not easy to walk/balance on.  Definitely still learning on the job.

JDW0325

@Tourmalily
Yessss to the chainsmokers! Did you see the funny youtube video of a kid breaking down how to write a chainsmokers song? SO FUNNY!
I'll try to find and send to you if you want.

DuchessOfCambridge

I think tropical vacations where you're on the beach all day or a resort or whatever are the worst.

av2323

@DuchessOfCambridge  Me too.  I want to be in a National Park. Give me all the forests, mountains, streams, lakes, and so on.  
Edited to add:  I am also interested in museums and historical places.
I will take the kids to see the beach at least once though.

av2323

My confession is I have not picked up Henry's birth certificate from the health department.  As this rate I will just be picking up both kids at the same time.  Oops.

sushisuzi

Fffc know it alls...aka my husband 

BayCamp

@av2323 "if you're gonna be dumb you gotta be tough" is my life's motto and totally my parenting style! I'm so glad to hear someone else say that. And I agree with @cmessamore I was raised as an outside kid and unless you were bleeding you didn't come inside until it was dark. 

@DuchessOfCambridge 2 nights ago DS touched a hot pot while I was cooking. He got a minor blister and we put burn cream on it, now he steers clear of the stove while it's on. Glad he wasn't seriously hurt but I agree, sometimes kids have to figure out for themselves that things hurt. Prior to that if you'd asked him why not to touch the stove he'd say "hot" well now he knows why hot is bad. 

I think my lack of hovering is why my SIL won't let me watch my niece. They completely bubble wrap her and it freaks her out that DS rough houses with his older cousins. I mean, I don't let him do anything that would seriously injure him but I give him the freedom to get dirty and scraped up. I don't think she quite trusts my parenting choices lol 

JDW0325

My son was having a rough night sleeping and my husband and I always take turns getting up to go to him.
I may have woke my husband up at 3am (my son crying wakes me up in 3 seconds, it would take my husband 10 minutes to wake up) saying it was his turn because I was in there last. Nope, definitely my turn. 

emucoleman

@DuchessOfCambridge I hate the idea of a beach vacation! When I go on a trip, I like to do interesting things, not just lie on a beach. But I also have weird feelings about beaches because I grew up right by the beach...I loved it as a kid and my family would go all the time in the summer. I still think it's nice, it just seems old hat to me. 

cmessamore

@BayCamp you can babysit my kiddos! Lol My grandmother used to say "God made dirt, dirt don't hurt." We also believe in "natural consequences". I baby proofed our house to the point of knives aren't kept where they are within reach, DH has his LTC and we're ridiculously strict about his guns being kept in his safe, I don't keep loose wires where kids could pull something on top of them, we have sturdy babygates at the top of our stairs, and we bolted tall furniture to the wall. But, I do not childproof our stove, kids need to learn not to go near a stove unless mom or dad says it's okay, otherwise they go to other peoples' houses and think they can play with the stove. We also don't put little cushy bumpers on every table or chair in the house. Unnecessary in my opinion. 

SweetMelissa4

GIVE ME ALL THE BEACH VACATIONS! 

BayCamp

My FFFC: until it was brought up here a few times, I didn't know Zika was still a thing. I haven't heard anything about it since last summer and I live in an area that had several cases. I remember getting eaten up on Halloween but that's probably the last time I saw my big spray. Whoops. 

lancomechica2

I've been working from home the last 3 days and have worn the same shirt/bra all three days. I may have also slept in it last night  . Flame away!!

cmessamore

@SweetMelissa4 I'm with you!! 

ElizabethSchuyler

SweetMelissa4 said:

GIVE ME ALL THE BEACH VACATIONS! 

YASSSS! 

I'm so far from a beach now it hurts my soul.

BayCamp

Beaching it tomorrow, I'll raise a non-alcoholic drink in yalls honor. 

cmessamore

@ElizabethSchuyler that saddens me!! we pretty much live at different beaches around us all summer long. The kids love it, they never fight while we're there, and we have found quite a few dog friendly beaches that we can bring our pups to! The smell of the ocean, the warm sand between your toes, and the sound of the waves...this is my happy place! 

SweetMelissa4

@ElizabethSchuyler I grew up in the midwest, so I miss lakes, but at least I have mountains.  Seriously, though, our lives can get so stressful that if we get a chance to go relax for a few days at a beach/pool/resort/yummy drink place, we're all about it.  We still do adventurous/touristy things when we go, but relaxing and connecting is definitely a focus of the vacation.  Stupid Zika has made that harder in the past few years, though.  

ArtificialRed

It's chilly and rainy today with a couple even colder days for the weekend. Can I just teleport to a warm beach for the weekend??? I don't like to sunbathe all day (my red hair might not be real, but I have the complexion for it!!) but there's always so many other fun things to do at and around beaches. 

ElizabethSchuyler

@cmessamore We are THREE HOURS from the coast. The bay doesn't count IMO. It's the farthest we've ever lived from a beach and we both strongly dislike it in the summer! 

alparodi

@cmessamore and @av2323 Yesterday, DH and I watched my almost 2 years old daughter wielding with Glee a branch longer than I am tall. She had to 2 hand it and was spinning and poking trees. Eventually she fell and scraped up her knee on the driveway. I'm sure plenty of people would be horrified. I think my neighbor was, but didn't approach us. Kids need to explore, and you have to learn to pay attention to what the feet are doing so you don't trip. Most today the time she falls anymore, it's because she isn't paying ANY attention to the ground.

She's also fallen off of the big girl swing. Don't get me wrong, I go for the catch, but she needs and craves some independence!

hopeful87-2

I don't work on Fridays. Often times I will either keep DD home with me on Fridays or bring her to daycare and spend the day grocery shopping/cleaning etc. Today I brought her to daycare and then came home and got back into bed for 3 hours. The mom guilt it real but DAMN did that rest feel good!

I work with kiddos that have been sexually abused and really think teaching kids the correct terminology is a safety issue. God forbid anything ever happened to one of our children, you really want them to have the correct terminology to explain things.