Proposed Changes to the Weekly Grad Thread

LoveInDC

Hi ladies! Due to some troubles we've had on the Grad Threads lately, I whipped something up that may help out. The goal is to hear all those BFPs we look forward to and cut back on the flybys. My thought is that we can add this to the Grad Thread description to grab attention and answer the burning question: "What is a contributing member?" I'm also proposing we remove the "rule violation" paragraph as it's outdated and covered by "board rules apply."

The new threads would look like this:

-------------------------------------------------------------
If you are a contributing member with a BFP this week, please share your success with us here!  

Not sure if you're a "contributing member"?


---------------------------------------------------------------

This thread has mild restrictions - thread is primarily BFP announcements but does allow for direct questions or lengthy/personalized congrats in the comments. Use the "Love It" button to indicate "congrats!", "H&H 9 months!", "I was hoping this was your month!" and other short & sweet notes. Questions as well as longer personal congratulatory notes can be posted in the thread.

Regular board rules apply - this is not the place to ask if you are pregnant based off your symptoms or for second opinions on your tests. We do invite you to contribute in the daily TWW and WTO threads and discussions.  This community gives back tenfold what you put into it!

CD/DPO of first BFP?

How many months/cycles had you been TTGP?

What did your chart look like?

What were you doing TGKU?

How was your timing?

What symptoms did you have, if any (CS & CD breakdowns welcome)?

How are you going to/did you tell your partner?

Anything else to add?

doula-mama

I like it! Thanks @LoveInDC for putting this together!

MJDsquared

I've always wondered about the "use the love it button and don't post short comments" because tons of people post short comments like that. I actually avoided doing it at first because I thought I would get flamed but once I realized pretty much everyone does it, I started to do it too.

That said, even with that in there, I think people will do what they do. And this flow chart is such an awesome addition to the grad thread, so I'm so down!

[Deleted User]

I always approve a good flow chart.

Avrilmai

flow charts for the win! 

I started the weekly grad thread this week, so if y'all want me to edit it let me know and i will

haylsbayls-2

Love this! I couldn't sleep last night (stalking the grad threads) and thinking there should be additional questions.
How long did you lay down after intercourse? Did you do a handstand? What did you do differently this month?

I'm half kidding of course... 

lulu1180

@MJDsquared That happens because we'll have some long time regs get their BFP and all their friends will want to give an extended message to them in the thread and then all the newbies think it's normal so they do the same for every BFP.  That's actually one of the reasons I will sometimes only love-tit the comment instead of leaving a comment of my own 

Aurora1973

This is nerdy wonderfulness to me.  I love a good flow chart!  Thanks @loveindc!!!

alysapuggles

I love it. I think there will still be those who don't bother to read and post anyway, but this should definitely help!

MJDsquared

@lulu1180 This is true. It did work when I was a newbie, and I still only love-tit if I don't really know the poster that well. So it makes sense!

LoveInDC

Thanks for all the love everyone! @Avrilmai that is totally your call. I'd at least give this poll a few more hours so that people can give their opinions before we make it official

GG620

@loveindc giiirrrlll the OCD perfectionist in me LOVES this! 

Augusta108

I really like this, the question of "what exactly constitutes a contributing member?" was one of the trickiest things for me to figure out when I was lurking and trying to get a feel for how things worked here. This makes it really clear. 

(I had also been wondering about the comments vs. Love it question, since it feels a little weird and unfriendly not to comment when it seems like everyone else is but I often don't know the grads super well...)

kiki75

I think I would add a bit to the green. IF/TTCAL/Benched + sundry posts throughout the week such as Randoms, UO, welcoming newbies, etc. count to me. (As long as there is actual support and interaction. We all have busy days/weeks but if you're always just blasting your stuff to the world without any interaction, no.)  

As for all of the comments... I wish I had been counting all of the times we've gone around on this since I've been here. Here's my thing. If everyone just responds with little things, the BFPs get lost. You see 42 new posts and assume that is more just "H&H 9 mo!" when maybe it isn't. When there are 42 new posts on there, there should either be a few BFPs or it should be someone who fought hard for that BFP. Instead of one BFP from someone I kinda recognize. BBC OG over here, but someone who tried for three months or less with just a normal, straightforward easy peasy P in V approach doesn't need every participant and lurker here coming out of the woodwork to congratulate them. 

LoveInDC

@kiki75 I went through a couple edits where I included randoms. I left it at WTO/TWW/IF/TTCAL because those are the threads where we get invested in your TTC journey. (I left out Benched/TTA because those are members not TTC that cycle and most would be more recognizable from their time on WTO/TWW/IF/TTCAL.)

In my mind, you can post FFFCs and OUs every week, but that doesn't get me invested in your TTC journey. Some of your posts need to be in those update threads. As for members who posted on WTO/TWW/IF/TTCAL at some point, but have taken a step back outside of randoms (like many LFAF members), I consider them in the yellow category.

If I'm wrong and everyone agrees that randoms/OU/FFFC threads count, then I'll add it to the green

hartmich

@kiki75 I too remember the endless debates re: comments on the grad thread (remember when BFPs were in the TWW?) I have no idea what the best answer to this is because I think it's silly to say "you can't comment" but I also agree that there are some consequences (for lack of a better term) for that. 

beachbunnyxo123

@hartmich I know it seems so long ago that bfps got posted right in the TWW!! I agree sometimes I feel really connected to someone and want to do more than a love-tit but it doesn't stink to see a new comment and it's just wishing a h&h 9 months so I see both sides of it as well. 

jenotontx

MJDsquared said:

I've always wondered about the "use the love it button and don't post short comments" because tons of people post short comments like that. I actually avoided doing it at first because I thought I would get flamed but once I realized pretty much everyone does it, I started to do it too.

This! I was (and have continued to be) confused by this statement as well. After reading the explanation here it makes sense but I've always posted a comment because I thought that's what everyone else did. 

[Deleted User]

I agree with your thought process re: the randoms, @LoveInDC

RVAmom315

I'm definitely guilty of posting "love tit" comments in the grad thread, but like @JJMNO1616 said, that's what everyone else did.  But on the flip side would get excited when there were new comments but bummed when no BFP.

Just a thought, in the BMBs they have their birth announcement threads that are ONLY for birth announcements and they shut down anyone who comments (and you know the love tits are the proper congrats, he/she is beautiful, etc etc). What about that?  Maybe PM the person if you are friends with additional comments?

LoveInDC

Re commenting: I always lovetit a BFP, and comment to some degree if I had some level of friendship with the person. I don't want to take away commenting, because unlike birth announcements (that @RVAmom315 brought up), you never know if/when someone's BFP is going to show up. That thread is a time for everyone to celebrate together and throw mini gif parties of excitement. Getting rid of that would leave the thread feeling cold. Maybe we should change the way we describe/communicate LTs v. commenting?

RVAmom315

@LoveInDC Good point - I didn't think of it that way

cdnrunning

Love it. Fantastic work @LoveInDC

jsnakehole

I'm loving the chart and I cast my vote, but I need to add that as a Parks and Rec fan, I'm loving the Public Forum feel of this thread.

hartmich

Anyone else wondering who voted no? Just me? 

LoveInDC

I just realized I didn't give an option for hating all the options and me for suggesting them Hopefully that wasn't what people were secretly thinking...

Redpuma119

What if there was a grad thread where it was open to anyone but there was also a "stealth thread" that we all paid attention to. Give it a super mundane name  that no drive by would ever post in but the regulars knew what to look for? Just a thought.

 

lulu1180

I don't like the idea of having a thread where any drive by or 1/1 SS can post.  We have guidelines for a reason and I think they should be kept as is

[Deleted User]

<blockquote class="Quote">
<div class="QuoteAuthor"><a href="/profile/lulu1180">lulu1180</a> said:</div>
<div class="QuoteText">I don't like the idea of having a thread where any drive by or 1/1 SS can post.  We have guidelines for a reason and I think they should be kept as is</div>
</blockquote>
I think she means like a decoy. ;) ;) lol

That said, I wouldn't change anything, and honestly the randos don't bother me that much. 1) they are going to happen anyway 2) even if you could magically stop them from posting here, they are still happening so it's silly to try in vain to protect ourselves from every little thing that - ultimately has absolutely nothing to do with me.  In general, I think it's good for my chatacter to learn to let things that might otherwise hurt me just roll off and KIM 3) not going to lie, I still enjoy reaming a fool out when need be ;)
<img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/24/6hn1osvdrvu4.gif" alt="">

pebbledam

@BusinessWife - The drive-bys don't bother me much either, but it makes me mad that they happen when we are celebrating a BFP from a longtime member. You know? It's not fair to them, but then again life isn't fair, so I get it. 

eggplantface

Everything @kiki75 and @BusinessWife said.

I wouldn't change anything; trying to control the internet is a losing battle. I say congratulate the legit BFPs, flame the drive-bys, and let the chips fall where they may. 

pebbledam

Every time I read this thread title I see "Preseed" instead of "Proposed." I think I might have TTC-itis.

LoveInDC

Well based on my failure to make a poll, and the support behind comments like @BusinessWife's, let's table this one for now. If it's helpful, we can use the chart as needed to educate our active members, but we won't make it part of the board.

As far as other edits the grad thread, I still maintain we get rid of that giant paragraph that only reiterates the rules of the forum. We'll keep the LTs v. commenting description.

Thoughts? We obviously don't want this conversation going on forever, but everyone should get a chance to express their opinions.

Tennis11785

@hartmich - the switch from bfp in the tww to its own thread occurred when I was over in bmb land, and it was one of the big things that confused me when I came back. Now I'm all about them having their own place. 

labgrand2012

I was hoping for clarification on one thing as it would relate to me, but when you say 1st/2nd cycle in your flow chart, do you mean TTC cycle or cycle that you have been participating on this board? 

lulu1180

@5099peperk Generally most members move right on to their BMB if they get a BFP their first cycle on the board and some still don't post on their second cycle even in they have been TTC for longer than that.  Definitely not suggested if you are in your 1st/2nd cycle TTC

labgrand2012

@lulu1180 thank you for clarifying, just wanted to make sure I understood. 

BitterBetty12

**dirty lurker**

I hate to be a bitter Betty (pun intended) but changes like these have been discussed over and over again since the dawn of TTGP, and there's never really a GOOD answer. Adding that graphic won't deter anyone, because let's be honest, the people you most want to stop posting won't read it anyway. And you will alienate people who did their best to be an active member of the board, even if it was only 1/2 cycles. Yes, I know, seeing someone come and go before you hurts. But it's not their fault. And if they participated and did their best to offer support for their time here, even if it was short, let them have their moment. They deserve it. Some of the people I'm closest too got their BFPs very quickly, and I don't begrudge them that, I appreciate the support they offered during their time. 

Just some wisdom from a long graduated person who has been there and done that, and who most of you probably don't know anymore, so take it for what it is.

Either way, good luck!

[Deleted User]

BitterBetty12 said:

**dirty lurker**

I hate to be a bitter Betty (pun intended) but changes like these have been discussed over and over again since the dawn of TTGP, and there's never really a GOOD answer. Adding that graphic won't deter anyone, because let's be honest, the people you most want to stop posting won't read it anyway. And you will alienate people who did their best to be an active member of the board, even if it was only 1/2 cycles. Yes, I know, seeing someone come and go before you hurts. But it's not their fault. And if they participated and did their best to offer support for their time here, even if it was short, let them have their moment. They deserve it. Some of the people I'm closest too got their BFPs very quickly, and I don't begrudge them that, I appreciate the support they offered during their time. 

Just some wisdom from a long graduated person who has been there and done that, and who most of you probably don't know anymore, so take it for what it is.

Either way, good luck!

@BitterBetty12 I'm a little surprised by this response.

As someone who has unfortunately been around even longer I would respectfully offer a different opinion.

If someone has only been around for 3-4 weeks then it is unlikely that they have made significant ties to this community - likely half the board has never even seen their username before since we are usually split pretty evenly between TWW and WTO.  That's just the reality.  There hasn't been enough time to get to know them.  

By requesting that they not post in the grad thread we are not taking away from "their moment".  The really awesome thing about posting in that thread is that people who you have formed relationships with get to celebrate it - getting to celebrate with your friends is something that people with BFPs deserve.  But if you haven't formed friendships on here then what are you actually missing out on by not posting on the grad thread?  Why would you even want to?

And let's be honest.  99% of the time when we get pissed when someone posts in there it's not that they participated every day for 2 months straight and we're just being ass holes - it's that they posted like 3 times TOTAL.  

Do I think this flow chart will stop 100% of random people from posting?  Hell no.  I don't believe any of us think that.  I think we just enjoy flow charts in general and this seemed both fun and informative!

Also, I have to be totally, bare naked honest with you.  I don't really love that someone who is currently pregnant came back to TTGP,  when many of us have been struggling for a long time, to wag your finger at us and tell us how our feelings are wrong and we are doing a disservice to women who get KU really quickly.  I do not understand where you are coming from and I'm a little confused about why you think you get a say in this.  I don't go to your BMB and tell you how to run things and what to post and how to feel.

Anyways, good luck to you too.

BitterBetty12

@antoto I apologize that I have offended you, it was not my intention to come back and wag a finger. I love this board and like to see it successful, and things like this have absolutely torn it apart in the past.That's all I really have to say on the matter, though I totally understand it was probably inappropriate of me to speak on the subject at all regardless of my intentions. I regret the post now knowing the outcome was the exact opposite effect of what I was hopping for, so I will completely bow out of it now! Thanks.

Edits for clarity

Neikoda

**Dirty lurker/someone who spent over a year on this board religiously**

Just wanted to throw my support behind @BitterBetty12 and her response. 


Oh and @antoto you really need to get off of your high horse. Don't attack her for giving an honest opinion just because you don't agree with it. And your TTA time for non medical reasons doesnt allow you to hold grudges against grads. We paid our dues and had our struggles. Undermining that and saying she shouldn't post here is ignorant. People come back and contribute because they care about the board even after leaving believe it or not. And someone may even want to come back and TTGP again at some point. Overall, you aren't an admin and this is a public platform that can only maintain so much structure. I suggest you realize that sooner than later and stop attempting to control every aspect of this board.