IF/testing check in - week of 4/3

eggplantface

@JuneRoseRuby You'd think OBs would be more sensitive given they deal with IF ladies all the time, but no. Sorry you had to hear that.

Anna_1021

@JuneRoseRuby Ugh, sorry for that. An OB should really know better.. Although mine started his speach about unexplained IF with the thought of evolutionary natural selection... that felt good. (He put a nice save at the end of his long speach but hey) Hugs. 

JuneRoseRuby

@zwink1 Sorry for such a shitty week. I really hope things sort out for you. 

vflux33

@JuneRoseRuby Sorry if my last comment came off insensitive to you or anyone else in here. I read it over and realized it may have been a bit harsh (I can be like that sometimes). I guess I'm just starting to get sick of the "you'll get it next time" semi-fake, dismissive "supportive" attitude I'm getting from some ppl in my real life but I probably shouldn't have said something quite that dark/pessimistic here. 

TravelingCouple

@vflux33 I don't think there's anything too pessimistic for this thread I think we all fight the pessimism daily, I know I do.

It's kind of depressing that the people close to me have stopped saying "oh I'm sure it'll happen" or "By THIS I'm sure you'll be pregnant again" I used to have those milestones in my head but I had to stop. It's been so long I've done passed like 40 milestones. I think they know how hard it's been for me and when they would say that I'd just give a look or roll my eyes and say "yeah sure." I don't miss the comments though so I guess it's better. Just sucks that they've stopped coming because of how long we've been trying. 

Another pregnancy announcement yesterday from my social circle...I didn't handle it so well, but I didn't wallow in it as long as I usually do. Instead I took Facebook and Instagram off my phone. They are not doing me any good. Every time I open it's a new announcement or baby pics. Goodbye, so long social media. I'll log in from my desktop if need be.

LoveInDC

@Avrilmai I second @TravelingCouple that your comment wasn't out of line at all.

@TravelingCouple I'm sorry social media is such an asshole. I'm glad you were able to take the step to walk away from it for now. Hopefully that helps you stay in a good head space.

AFM, I think the biggest punch to my gut was when I was telling my sister about my tentative dx and how the doc wants to try Clomid for 3 months before moving to the next step. She was trying to help me get positive, but it came out as "So in 3 months you'll probably be pregnant?! Eeep! That's so exciting! Are you ready?!" (1) I was ready months ago. (2) That's not what I said. (3) Stop talking and celebrating like I'm already KTFU, because I'm not and it sucks.

zwink1

Thanks for all of the love and support ladies.  @madspunk, we almost have to. H doesn't make enough solo to cover all of our bills, though he would if I didn't have student loans. We're by no means in any immediate financial distress. The bigger problem is that I now have to figure out how to explain my dismissal under this completely ridiculous set of circumstances (that will never be duplicated again) to potential employers.  Adding a pregnancy to that would likely make me all but unemployable - despite anti-discrimination regulations.

@JuneRoseRuby last time I was in for an ultrasound the tech said something similar. As everyone else has noted, it's so tough because you know they're not trying to be hurtful, it's just also not at all helpful.

vflux33

@TravelingCouple Thanks for being understanding about my blunt pessimism (and sorry you're not getting the dismissive comments anymore--it didn't even occur to me yet how equally disturbing it will be when those end). Social media ... oh man I'm not going into this totally again because I have already so many times here, but yeah, not a good place for dealing with IF. Taking the apps off the phone is a smart move. 

@LoveinDC that is exactly the same conversation (minus the tentative dx) that I've been having with my sister. She can't get it into her head that I have IF because she didn't have trouble getting KU. That's 100% what I meant with the whole trying to be or come off as supportive but actually being dismissive thing. Sorry to hear your sister is like that too. 

LoveInDC

@vflux33 My sister has a whole set of issues on her own (depression, anxiety, marital problems, medication side effects, etc.). So the fact that she was even trying to be there for me was a huge thing. It just sucks that she did it so poorly and I didn't have the heart to call her out on it. Ugh. Thank goodness for TB ladies, right? At least we can have a frank discussion with people who get it. I can't imagine going through this alone.

[Deleted User]

Oh dear @LoveInDC that's super annoying.  My sister does that all the time to me as well about IVF ("So in 5 months when you're pregnant...etc".  They think they are being supportive and they think they are saying the right thing.  But it's just not.  *hug*

GG620

Hello ladies. I have lurked here awhile and posted very sparingly, but I think this is where I belong now. I posted in the daily threads a lot, but given recent updates I just don't feel motivated to post there right now/too difficult.  I hope to join this wonderful community of ladies who are strong and inspiring and start chatting with all of you

Diagnosis (If you've been): Unexplained infertility

Cycle/CD: 17 / 3

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA):  WTO

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?) Right now still just PNV's, OPK's, EOD

  

How are things going? Yesterday was a huge ball of emotion. I went back to my RE for follow-up ultrasounds to check on my cysts (all good) and he laid out a plan moving forward. He pretty much feels we should try on our own for 2 more months, then proceed with clomid and an IUI - or totally up to us just be more aggressive and go IVF. I spent the day breaking down over the frustration, sadness, etc. involved with all of this. Once it processed, began researching insurance (something we have avoided thus far) and was hit with the fact that my insurance only pays for infertility testing - zero treatment/prescriptions/etc. So that just absolutely sucks. 

  

Any questions? No questions, but any advice or anecdotes would be welcome (especially from ladies in the NJ/NE area). Thanks for reading my book and sorry if its a bit downing.

GTKY: Do/did you have Easter egg hunt traditions in your family? Would you participate in one as an adult with friends (or even strangers)? 

No traditions here - Easter isn't really something DH and I celebrate much haha.

TravelingCouple

@LoveInDC Ugh that is so not helpful to hear, I'm sorry Yeah people really try to be nice but it's really hard because there's really nothing anyone can say. Most of time I just tell my friends "I'm going to vent for a second, just listen and tell me 'wow, that sucks.' I'm not looking for advice." Because, you know what? Sometimes I don't want everyone to fix it, no words are going to fix it. Just listen and agree at how sucky the situation is.

I try to put myself in their shoes, having never experienced IF their self, and wonder what I would say. I will say it's made me much more understanding in how I respond to other people's crises, tragedies and bad news. I will now just say "wow, I'm so sorry" rather than try to analyze and fix everything for them.

wabash15

@GG620 i'm so sorry you find yourself here, but we do have an amazing group of women. Our insurance is the same way, the diagnostics are covered but not the monitoring/procedures so we are OOP for that.  Is that part of why the RE recommended 2 more cycles on your own? The whole IF process sucks and I'm sending you big hugs. You'll find a broad range of experiences here. AFM the last time we did fertility treatments we had partial coverage and did 6 rounds of IUI TW*** on IUI #3 we had a BFP and late first trimester loss, on IUI #6 we got our rainbow twins. end TW*** we are trying again but as I said above don't have any further coverage. This time we have decided to give it a max of 3 rounds of IUI before taking a break and pursuing adoption. Typically with IUI success rates max out at IUI #3. 
     These ladies here are amazing, ask any question you want and we'll try to help you out. 

JuneRoseRuby

@vflux33 totally not too dark. Comments were spot on. 

@TravelingCouple I took FB offf my phone in November and I love it. I haven't looked back. I check on my laptop if I am at work, but otherwise I go days without looking. When  I do look,  I regret it. So I love being removed from social media. I also only have limited friends on my insta. 

@GG620 I also have the same type of insurance. All of my testing is covered but no treatments.  

GG620

@wabash15 @JuneRoseRuby thank you so much for the welcome and information. I was wondering how women decide what to do/when, when nothing is covered. My RE pretty much said we can be as aggressive as we want (aka skip the IUI and just go straight to IVF if we want) and I sit here and add up numbers and wonder if its worth it to do IUI (less cost if its successful) or just go straight for IVF (more upfront cost but perhaps more successful?)

[Deleted User]

GG620 said:

@wabash15 @JuneRoseRuby thank you so much for the welcome and information. I was wondering how women decide what to do/when, when nothing is covered. My RE pretty much said we can be as aggressive as we want (aka skip the IUI and just go straight to IVF if we want) and I sit here and add up numbers and wonder if its worth it to do IUI (less cost if its successful) or just go straight for IVF (more upfront cost but perhaps more successful?)

This is a REALLY hard question that unfortunately has no good answer.  I did 3 IUIs that were unsuccessful.  There are days I wish I had skipped them and put all that $$$ towards IVF instead.  BUT what if one of those IUIs had worked?  They are wayyyy cheaper than IVF so obviously that's ideal.  There is just no way to know.  If you have the money for IVF and want the best possible odds then skip IUIs.  If the cost of IVF would be destabilizing for your home then do IUI.

tamalahoops

@GG620 I'm sorry you find yourself here. I think as far as when to start which treatment it is very personal and there is no wrong answer. We did 2 medicated timed intercourse cycles, and 3 IUIs before moving on to IVF and we are also entirely out of pocket. I think I would do IUI's again even though they were unsuccessful but I wouldn't waste my time with medicated timed intercourse. But I think if I asked my husband he would do everything exactly the same, in fact he might've even tried more IUI's before moving onto IVF. 

vflux33

@GG620 Welcome and sorry you're here. I agree with @antoto that there is no right answer to your question as it's too particular to your financial situation/diagnosis/age/general health/timeline, but FWIW I'm about to start IUI (and plan to stick with it for 3-4 cycles) and although I may change my tune if it doesn't work I'm glad not to be going directly to IVF without trying IUI first. Although IVF has much higher success rates, in addition to being more expensive it is also a lot more invasive. I don't like the idea of taking BCPs for 3 weeks (I get why it's done and I'll do it if I'm told to but the idea of throwing yet more meds at my body makes me wary), and they also put you under anesthesia for IVF ER --I don't think it's general anesthesia at least, but still (again, another thing I'll go along with but don't feel awesome about it and would like to avoid if possible--I have been diagnosed with a mild heart condition that complicates anesthesia for me a bit--but not everyone is as scared of anesthesia as I am). If you're in a big hurry due to age then that's definitely a consideration. I'd be interested in your case in knowing if the IUI success rates are higher for people with unexplained IF as opposed to people with a specific diagnosis--if the success rate is higher for unexplained, I'd be more likely to consider it if I was you. Maybe someone here with unexplained IF has looked into that and can share their info with you. 

KristoKekerooni

JuneRoseRuby said:

@vflux33 yeah I get that too. My OB scoffed when I told her H only had three sperm.  I was like come on! Filter your MFing reaction B!  Then she goes, well you only need one! Ugh, not helpful.... 

UGH. this is the thing i hate more than anything else. People don't know the difference between medicine and statistics and how they work together. 

Yes, medically, it takes one, but statistically, it takes 40 million+.

Last time I said that, some smartass had to say "well statistics have no place in medicine, medicine is used to beat statistics" 

uhm. 

Wut. 

Aurora1973

@vflux33 That's such a great explanation...thanks for taking the time to do that for me

@madspunk Thanks!  I'm definitely trying to enjoy this one short, peaceful time.  LOL, it doesn't help that we're trying to get OH's swimmers frozen before he gets another job, and everything seems to take forever.  There are so many hoops to jump through.  It's making me think too much about all this when I just want to ignore it until it's time to test (or cry when AF shows up). 

Sorry, suddenly this is me:



ETA:  welcome @GG620!  So sorry you find yourself here, but you're in lovely company.

vflux33

You're welcome @Aurora1973. Sorry it was so long--I guess I could have just said "it's high in minerals!" lol, but I think the background is useful. 

JuneRoseRuby

@KristoKekerooni yeah its never helpful. Just tell me I'm sorry, that really sucks.  Don't offer advice, or tell me "at least...." (at least you're young, at least you can adopt, at least you only need one sperm). And if stats didn't exist in medicine, there would be no reason we would choose IVF over IUI. Morons. ugh...

@GG620 Sorry, I definitely can't help guide you. It is definitely a choice you and your H have to make. I didn't have any choice in the matter due to H's diagnosis, but it doesn't make it any easier because I know we only have it in us to do one round of IVF because of the OOP and the extra steps we need to take.  My one shred of hope is that we can get a buttload (official term) of embies in our one round of IVF and then have "extras" to possibly use in FETs later. If you have multiple REs and clinics in your area, you can shop around for prices. I personally went to an RE near me that is really well known and highly successful, but I have had plenty of girl friends that didn't like him and went somewhere else.  You have to be "all in" with whatever you decide.  Doubt has a terrible way of sneaking in when the BSC envelops you, so you want to make sure you and H are a strong team and you can support each other with whatever decision you make. 

madspunk

@zwink1 I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you are able to find a new job quickly. It's unfair that pregnancy throws a wrench into career plans. And it's even more unfair that even just TTC can throw a wrench into career plans because you don't know when that positive test will finally happen.

@GG620 Sorry you are here.Just getting the IF diagnosis and learning you should pursue treatment is a lot to take in. As others have said, treatment depends so much on so many different factors, that it's a very personal decision what you choose to do. I don't know much about unexplained IF and treatment for it, so I don't feel I can offer any sound advice there. But, be good to yourself, and welcome to this community.

@aurora1973 Ugh - IF never truly leaves you completely alone, does it?

Anna_1021

@JuneRoseRuby just wanted to mention that the end of your answer to GG620, that was beautifully put. How important it is to be sure of our decisions and support each other strongly. It moved me  

@GG620 I can only repeat all the lovely ladies: the decision you and YH has to make now is specific to your circumstances, and there is no obviuos right answer, however if you base it on your situation, there are no wrong answers either. My thinking in our situation is: we'll start IUIs this cycle. Even though it does not have such a high success rate, I have hope it might work for us, since all of our tests came back good. So who knows, perhaps the guys just couldn't get up there, you know? Or maybe, knowing MH, they got lost/wandered away on the way  
I want to try IUI, because for me it is easier to handle mentally/emotionally, since it is a smaller leap. Maybe i'm too sensitive, but through all the struggle, it is easrier for me to take it step by step. Also, financial reasons aside, IVF has much bigger demand on your body, which is also important to consider. So think about it, talk it over w DH, and chose whatever suits you two the most. 

kiwi2628

So I had my RE appt yesterday and it went really well! My doctor looks like Anderson Cooper (WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY THE MOST IMPORTANT THING). He was really nice and went through everything. Luckily I was CD3 yesterday so I was able to start BW and got an ultrasound and my H was able to give his blood and jizz for his SA so we are getting this ball rolling! I have my SHG and my HSG scheduled for next week, barring I don't O early. My Re is currently (just based on history and my u/s today) leaning towards a mild ovulation disorder and/or unexplained so we shall see! now my computer is making me tag someone so I will tag @beachbunnyxo123

@beachbunnyxo123 talking to my RE yesterday, he said he would try IUI with us even if my H SA is normal for exactly why @antoto said- sometime sperm just dont like the cervix and get stuck there in the CM and by putting them in the uterus can really make a huge difference for some people

@kiki75 your description of the dailies is so accurate. I only post there once or twice a week now because it is just exhausting for me

@zwink1 I am so, so sorry about your job. I really hope you find something soon

@JuneRoseRuby omg foot in mouth is so real. My uncle and his wife went through IVF (many many many years ago), so you would think my mom would be a bit sensitive about infertility testing but NOPE. she keeps telling me 'you are being dramatic, youll get pregnant!'...ok mom. Youre right. My OB is crazy or sending me to an RE when she thinks I have a problem. I just need to try harder. *cue stabby eyes*

LoveInDC

@kiwi2628 That's awesome your appointment went so well!!! Way to get the ball rolling Can't wait to see your update next week! FX you get some answers, but can plan a way forward either way

wabash15

@kiwi2628 I'm so glad your appointment went well and your able to get rolling on all your testing!

JuneRoseRuby

@kiwi2628 ugh! So frustrating with your mom. I waited a long time to tell my parents for that exact reason. She scoffed when she found out people "used APPS to make babies. What happened to the old days of just having sex and waiting to find out?!" When she said that about a co-worker of hers, I knew I would wait until I had a diagnosis. I am sorry she is being that way. It's even harder when your mom can't be supportive. My only suggestion is actually tell her what it is you need her to do or what you need to hear.  She won't know if you don't tell her. 

vflux33

@kiwi2628 That is great news about your appointment! Maybe you have the same mysterious ovulation disorder that I have. FX for you.

[Deleted User]

@kiwi2628 Glad your appointment went well and I hope you get some helpful information this month!  I'll be keeping an eye out for your updates 

TravelingCouple

My timely 10dpo period cramps have settled in and I just know I'm out. I know it. I am crushed. I wish I could crawl into a hole right now. I am so done you guys. Now we take off for 2 months and I'm so torn up about it.

JuneRoseRuby

@TravelingCouple maybe this break is going to be a good mental break for you. You and your H can just take time to be with one another and get  back a little bit of life. I hope that is what happens for you. I am sorry you are having a rough day. You're not out until you're out! 

LoveInDC

@TravelingCouple I am so so sorry friend FX it isn't what you think. If it is, please take care of yourself

kiwi2628

@TravelingCouple I am so incredibly sorry. I know how much it sucks to know you are out before its truly official, but you still know. Hugs hugs hugs.

Anna_1021

@TravelingCouple I'm so sorry that you feel like that Hope this break helps you finding yourself again, cause IF struggle can be so demanding emotionally. Hope you can check out of this if nonsense a little bit with DH and enjoy each other's company and life in general. Hugs, girl. 

vflux33

Ugh really sorry @TravelingCouple. Hopefully you're wrong, but if you're not I'm with @JuneRoseRuby that a mental break and vacation will be a nice change of pace. 

magnolia131

I'm late to reply to a lot of you this week. Please consider my love tits giant hugs.

@antoto I'm sorry that you're moving onto your IVF phase but also am so hopeful for you and eager to follow your journey. I get you, though. I get cold feet about taking steps forward in this process all.the.time. There's just a realization of "oh snap this is really happening." I'm sure in your position that hope/fear has to be amplified by a thousand. Sending lots of love and light your way. 

@kiki75 You summed up my feelings towards the dailies so perfectly. This is my first time back at them in a long time and already so many of people I've had back and forth exchanges with have moved on. I'm going to keep making an effort to post in them though on days when I feel like it's not too challenging to do so. This week has not been the easiest for me.

@zwink1 Sorry for such a terrible week. I'm glad you were not injured. I remember (I think) you having doubts about your job when we were in the TTA thread once upon a time? I could be mistaken. Either way, that's just the worst and I'm so sorry. It's easy to say everything happens for a reason but in the heat of the moment, I know that doesn't really help as much as we'd like it to. I'm sorry for the terrible and inopportune timing of it all.  

I agree with others that I hate how people assume or imply that these treatments are a sure path to pregnancy. I remember so naively thinking that on my first couple of medicated cycles only to be crushed when the BFNs rolled around. At the same time, as @TravelingCouple pointed out, it also hurts to see the optimism of those around you wane. The morning of my SIL's baby shower my MIL made one of her infamous "wait until you have kids" comments around me and then paused and continued on to say "...or a pet, whichever." I think I've mentioned that on here before so I don't mean to sound like a broken record but damn if it didn't sting to hear.

@kiwi2628 I'm happy to hear your appointment went smoothly and that you are moving forward!

@TravelingCouple I'm so sorry that you're feeling out. I know that we are so hyper aware of our bodies in this TTC process and are usually correct, but I'll still say a little prayer that maybe you're mistaken in your thinking. All of the love

KristoKekerooni

@TravelingCouple - I have a few things to say to you, dear friend. 

1. Don't you dare count yourself out just yet. how many times does someone post in grad thread saying something along the lines of "I had my normal pre-AF symptoms so I swore I was out!" ?? You aren't out till you are out. 

2. If AF does show, it's always the hardest to swallow before a break. Always. It sucks. Cry. Scream, if you want. Be angry and sad and everything else you want, and don't feel guilty for feeling it. We were given emotions to feel, good and bad. You are allowed to feel, you don't have to shove the emotions away. 

3. *TW-religion talk- When you are ready, and you have cried it out, or reached the max anger and come back down, try to realign your thoughts. Remember that God is loudest when we are quiet. I'm not saying you have to expect some profound answers from God. But maybe, just maybe, this next few months is what you need. Maybe it's to get closer to your H. maybe it's to let it go. Maybe it's just to heal your mind a little. Maybe it's simply to remind you why you are fighting. Maybe you'll come back a little refreshed with more energy to tackle it. whether you want to or not, something always comes from a break, even if it's just the renewed vigor. Be open to mental/physical/relationship changes in this time. After you are angry, have a "come-to-Jesus" moment, and just ask what you can do in this time? Where should you align your thoughts? Should you volunteer? Should you research more on your options (I would say this is probably not it, normally, for purposes of mental relaxation), should you just spend quality time with H? Bible study? Something. 

Anyway, I am so sorry if it's not your month. Oh, how I wish it were. Hugs, friend. I'm here for you, and praying for you always.

GG620

@ann_1021 @juneroseruby @aurora1973 @vflux33 @tamalahoops @antoto @madspunk Thank all of you ladies so much.  I feel so welcome and some of your words of encouragement and support moved me to tears I agree that I think this will just be some really long, tough conversations with DH. Of course a large part of me is maybe it will just happen and we won't need to worry about it (can't hurt to hope, right? ha). We are getting an updated sperm analysis done and want to see what that says before we make any decisions. Along with what the other ladies have said, my RE also feels that IVF is such a tough process on the body that he would rather me try the IUI first. I am slightly leaning toward the IUIs for the reasons stated (cost, maybe the spermies just took a wrong turn, not as strenuous on the body) but then it seems DH is more on the straight to IVF train ha. 

@TravelingCouple I am so sorry with how you are feeling. I truly hope that this break allows you to find some stability emotionally and enjoy life and time with your DH. I know that is much easier said than done as this is something we all think about on a daily basis. *Hugs*

@kiwi2628 so happy that you had a great RE appointment! (hooray for good-locking docs Good luck with your SHG and HSG next week!! When do you get the SA results back?

beachbunnyxo123

@TravelingCouple I'm so sorry that you are feeling that way. I totally second everything that @KristoKekerooni said.  Whatever the outcome is you know we are here for you however you need us to be. Hugs