Can we talk third babies?

JAGinMI

I honestly haven't spent a lot of time thinking about how much life will change with adding #3 to the mix and it's starting to hit me now. (I think I might just officially have accepted that this baby will be coming home with us!) My first two are a little older and will both be in school full time by the time I go back to work, so I think that makes it a little easier (i.e., they don't need me to do every little thing for them like the little ones do). I guess the only thing I have really given much thought to is how my sweet son will become the "middle child" and all of the negative stuff people say about them, and how they kind of get lost between the oldest and the baby and I just get so sad thinking about that possibility. I think I need to pick up one of those birth order books. But I am hoping to hear some thoughts about the transition from those that have been there, and then just where everyone else's head is at regarding the transition to 3.

If you are a lurker from another board, please feel free to comment, too!

EmeraldNC

I am technically having my 2nd biological child, but with SD5 this will make baby #3.  I, like you, am having a hard time thinking about DD3 being a "middle child."  She is my first born, and my pride and joy.  It is really strange about the birth order characteristics though... because when SD5 is around, my DD3 VERY much takes on the "2nd child" characteristics... but when SD5 is with her mother and DD3 is here with us alone, she very much acts like a 1st child.  Our extended family has commented on the difference in her personality based on if SD5 is around or not.  I am just so very thankful they get along so well.  I am hoping that this will continue, but worry throwing a boy into this mix will spice things up a bit!

Wino0920

I am a middle child!! I have two older and two younger. I always joke that my second and I have a special bond because of this. 

I dont really think there is much truth to "middle child syndrome" even though it's a huge joke in our family. 

I tend not to worry about that stuff. I will just do my best as a mom and make sure each is loved, and I pay attention to each child's different gifts and special needs. You'll drive yourself nuts trying to figure everything out. I am more of a let's just do this and take it as it comes. 

FSUNole31

I am most concerned about how this one will fit in with my first two.  They are 16 months apart and this baby will be 3 years younger than my daughter and 4.5 years younger than my son.  I am hoping they all will still be able to play together well and be interested in the same types of things so this one doesn't feel left out.  Besides that my first two seem excited, so hopefully that continues once the baby is here.

Stankonia2014

I honestly think it's a mentality thing, as far as the 'middle child syndrome' goes. To say I didn't have the exact same feelings as you when making the transition would be a lie though. I literally cried everyday thinking DD2 would get lost in the shuffle, but honestly, I don't feel like she has. 

i think adding a child in any case is difficult, but I honestly thought the transition from 1 to 2 was harder than 2 to 3. 

Just ensure each child gets their individual attention (date days, one-on-one time). I think being in school will help with the transition too.

mirdamae03

Adding the third to the mix feels like just one more dose of crazy to the pile. I'm not too concerned about it in general, but the logistics will be harder for sure. Especially once they're all school age and start having conflicting activities. Thankfully we've got a great support system nearby, and our parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. are always willing to help out.

Kylieslip24

I am the middle child and first born because of a step kid family. At my dad and smoms house I was the oldest. At my moms and sdads house (11 months of the year)I was #3 of 5. My biggest advice is to talk to all your kids one on one. Do dates, go on walks, treat them as people. My mom did not do this. I was the only girl so I was just a pretty thing to show her friends my whole life. I didn't actually have feelings or opinions. My brothers were all really needy and I was not so I understand how I got lost in the shuffle, but it really shouldn't happen and it came back to bite them. They had no idea when I because a teenager who I was or what I did all day until I got kicked out of high school and cops started showing up at the door. All I needed was a little attention from my mom and this wouldn't of happened. 
Im only having my second. But I think no matter how many you have always try to get to know them on an individual level and carve out special time for each one. Kids really crave their parents time more than anything else. IMO 

JAGinMI

Stankonia2014 said:

i think adding a child in any case is difficult, but I honestly thought the transition from 1 to 2 was harder than 2 to 3. 

In my initial comment, it probably seemed like I am worried mostly/only about the middle child thing but, actually, the thing I was meaning I haven't given much thought to is what you mentioned here.  I am really curious to see if I find it difficult to transition from 2 to 3. I didn't think the transition from 1 to 2 was huge, and I have heard that 2 to 3 can be quite rough (and that it is all gravy no matter how many from there, haha). Like @mirdamae03 mentioned, the logistics of life are going to be interesting. 

@Kylieslip24 That is good advice. Of course, I plan to do my best and give them all individual attention, but your story is good reinforcement of how important it will be.

JAGinMI

Wino0920 said:

I tend not to worry about that stuff. I will just do my best as a mom and make sure each is loved, and I pay attention to each child's different gifts and special needs. You'll drive yourself nuts trying to figure everything out. I am more of a let's just do this and take it as it comes. 

I agree! I was just saying that as far as having a 3rd child goes, it's the only thing I've really thought about but I didn't mean that I've been thinking about it a ton or stressing a bunch about it. Believe me, I am very much of the same mindset as you as far as taking things as they come and doing my best to figure it out. I just thought this might be an interesting conversation for those of us embarking on #3, both the middle child idea and the thoughts on transitioning from 2 to 3.

mrt

Stankonia2014 said:

i think adding a child in any case is difficult, but I honestly thought the transition from 1 to 2 was harder than 2 to 3. 

I'm happy to see that you think this, because everyone in my family said that the worst transition was from 2 to 3. Our transition from one to 2 was somewhat rough, and continues to be because my 2nd is not easy. I'm hoping things are smoother adding this kid in, but I guess it all depends on the personalities involved.

JAGinMI

@mrt I mostly hear that 2 to 3 was the hardest, too. I am the opposite from you, where 1 to 2 wasn't that bad. However, #2 was a very easy baby (and has just generally been a very easy kid) so maybe the level of difficulty of the transition is quite dependent on the personality of the kid versus just the simple fact of adding a third child.

Stankonia2014

I honestly thought the hardest thing about the transition from 2 to 3 was being outnumbered. It was very easy for DH and I to mind our respective child when we only had two, at the zoo or store, wherever. Also the individual attention was easier, he could take one, I could take the other, now there's the additional child in the mix. 

I felt like the addition of another child into their little world wasn't a big deal because they've already kind of lived not being the center of attention. My DD was an only child for four years, so that could explain why the transition from 1 to 2 was harder, but I agree it also depends on the kids themselves and their personalities. 

Elyse1384

This will be #3 for me.  DS just turned 3 this month and DD is 16 months.  I'm mostly worried about logistics. When I had DD, I could wear her or carry her in the bucket seat and still have at least one hand free for DS.  Now I worry about not having enough hands!  I worry about little things like a grocery store trip and getting all safely secured between the car and store.  I worry about any child feeling hurt by my further divided attention. 

That said, I come from a large extended family and as someone else said, I have learned that solo time is key for emotional adjustments and well-being for all kids.  I personally save vacation time for mini dates with each child individually.  On each child's birthday we celebrate as a family, but as of this year have started 2:1 dates (DH, me and bday child) to celebrate as well.  I want to ensure each child gets enough 1:1 from me, but I do worry about when I'm flying solo or the overall logistics of tending to 3.

ETA:  Anyone else have one or both kids surprisingly excited for the baby?  DS is all about this baby already.  He tells me all the time he wants to hold the baby and take care of the baby.  He tells people about the baby in my belly and how it is his. Haha

JessyKV

I'm most nervous for the logistics and adjusting our lifestyle.  Going from 1-2 wasn't that hard for me but my oldest was super independent and easy.  My second is super clingy and needy and I don't think he's going to take the baby that well.  I'm worried about him a lot because he's my little buddy.  DD is super excited and talks about how much she is going to help.  Sometimes I worry she doesn't get enough attention because my son is needier so I really want to make sure she still gets one on one time.  

Im also a little nervous about being due in the summer and DD not having preschool to keep her busy.  She loves going and doing things and we do a lot of activities outside of the house.  I worry it's going to be so hard with a baby too but I know we will adjust.  

Im so excited about another baby it almost makes me feel guilty.  I love the baby stage so so much.  

I hope I can handle them all and give them the time they need.  I'm excited to see their relationships grow.  

mrt

@Elyse1384 my 5 year old is so excited, he rubs my belly all the time and asks when she's going to come, and talks about how he's going to give her kisses and hold her hand. My 2 year old says "it's too hard to wait for her to come", but I think that's because he wants to play with the Moana doll they bought for her, and I told him we had to put it away until she was born.

awoodruff27

I'm so nervous about this. The transition from 1-2 was rough. My oldest hated me for a good few weeks. She wouldn't let me put her to bed, she wouldn't say she loved me and wouldn't even touch the baby. The mom guilt I felt was unreal. Now of course they are best friends. I guess I'm sacred from that experience and I'm scared my 2 yo will do the same thing. I guess we will see in June! 

LAMCH1980

I'm currently seeing the impact that this baby is having on my kids and it worries me. My teenage daughter needs me to bring her on college visits, and go to see her track meets and such and I keep having conflicting appointments or the doctor doesn't want me to travel for one reason or another. Her dad is in Germany and dh isn't as involved with her as he should so she needs me to be there. Junior year is so important. Last night I missed her PR in two events because my doctor's appointment was late. I walked to the field as she finished. It will only get harder with a 3 year old and a newborn. The guilt is strong. She was my only one for 13 years...we were inseperable. 

MetsGirl18

Lurking from August, but I'm also nervous about the transition from 2 to 3.  I try not to really think about it, but the further along I get, it's becoming more real.  DS2 has a larger than life personality and is very spirited so he certainly won't get lost in the shuffle.  He's so excited for a sibling and loves babies, but he's going through major changes of getting a new sibling and starting kindergarten within a very short period of time.  He's also very attached to me and is already a handful.  I'm worried about him acting out even more.  I'm not worried about DS1.  He'll be almost 9, is very gentle, loves babies and will probably be very helpful.  He plays 2 very involved sports each season though so I'm worried about balancing that with a newborn and still being able to entertain DS2 at practices or games.  DS2 is also going to be getting more involved in sports so things will be hectic.  

I've heard so many people say that the third pushed them over the edge, but I'm hoping with the age gap that the transition will be a little smoother.  Good luck to everyone!  

JAGinMI

@Elyse1384 I have been continually surprised at how excited my 6yo DD is! She has to hug my belly every night and kiss it and it's just so sweet. Whenever I talk about the baby being home, she gets giddy. She has never been the type of little girl to be into dolls or playing "mommy" so this has shocked me. I guess she just likes the real thing more!  My son is only 4 so he gets it, but not as much. He is excited when we talk about it, but not of his own volition. I am sure my DD will not love reality as much as she thinks, but I am loving getting to experience a pregnancy where my kids get what's happening.

@JessyKV I am also a little nervous about my whole maternity leave being during the summer and the kids being home every single day. They also benefit from and love the activity of the school day and it would be nice to acclimate to baby with some alone time.  I might but them in a few camps in July to have them go do something fun and give me some alone time with baby.

@LAMCH1980 That is a really hard situation! I obviously have no experience with what you are going through, but I feel for you and the difficulty of juggling the next year or so as your daughter finishes HS. 

JessyKV

@JAGinMI camps are a good idea! We have a children's art/music studio that does a 3 hour drop off class so I'm looking into that.  It's hard to find drop off activities for under Kinder kids I feel like.  Most are for school age.  

cmread

One of my biggest concerns is that, especially since this pregnancy, I just feel really old.  The last 6 months have been so hard on my body, and I don't know how I'm going to have the energy to take care of a baby the way I did with my other two.  I keep thinking about how my almost 6 and 4 year old are pretty independent, play together, and like the same things.  Introducing a baby into that and having to be "on" all the time again makes me nervous.

That said, I'm excited that my kids will be old enough to help out and to entertain themselves a lot.  They're both really excited for the baby, and DS2 is THRILLED that he will no longer be the youngest.  We talked a lot about how he is very special because he's the only one who gets to be both a big and a little brother.  He loves to say, "I won't be the littlest for long.  I'll be the middlest!"