November 2017 Moms
DuchessOfCambridge
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FTM Questions for STMs Week of 3/26
DuchessOfCambridge
member
The last one of these I saw was for 3/11 and buried on pg 2 so I figured I'd start a new one. Thanks to all you STMs+ for answering FTM questions and sharing your knowledge!
Re: FTM Questions for STMs Week of 3/26
1) What was the hardest part about having a newborn in your opinion?
2) Kind of a gross question but what happens after you give birth? You have the baby, they let you see it, and then what? Do you stay in that bed with whatever came out of you? Do you get a shower? This is one of the most mysterious parts of birth to me.
2) This can vary - and some people are very passionate about it. With both of mine, I pushed out the baby, they showed me, then went and did some quick wiping off/apgar score/wrapping up/auctioning since both of mine were born with merconium and handed them back to me. Once I delivered the placenta and needed to be stitched up, they took baby again and did another apgar and more toweling off. Baby was back in my arms once I was stitched and we started trying to nurse. All the baby stuff happened in the room, just in a little crib thing a few feet from me.
2. I can only speak from a csection birth. I didn't know about gentle csections before I had my emergency CS. Once the docs got him out, they cleaned him up real quick, wrapped him and brought him over to me. My husband held him up to me the entire time they were finishing. I didn't shower until the day after (since I wasn't walking until then). CS or vaginal birth, push yourself (BUT know your limits). I'm positive that's what made my recovery easier than anticipated.
1) The hardest part for me was that we had no idea what we were doing. We were terrified to even go to the store with him. It was hard to get over the "I'm going to break him" mentality.
2) The nurses took DS and bathed him, weighed him, and measured him while DH watched. I delivered my placenta & got stitched up. After I was stitched up, they brought DS over for skin to skin and to nurse him. I was allowed to stay there as long as I wanted. Once we were finished, the nurses helped me to the bathroom and an entire staff of folks came barging into the room. They had my sheets changed, the floor mopped and the room spotless before I even had my mesh panties on. It was actually really cool how quickly they operated. If I bled on my bed they would change the linens any time I went to the bathroom. I had extremely high blood pressure post-delivery so I couldn't shower until the next day due to my IV meds. If I didn't have the IV, I could have showered immediately.
2. If you give birth in a hospital bed, it all kind of folds down with a big disposable plastic covering at the end. While youre holding baby, they'll bundle that up and throw it away. You won't even really notice or care what's happening though:)
This is what I am looking at it. Would this be safe for infant?
https://www.gracobaby.com/products/pages/travel-lite-crib-with-stages-peyton.aspx
2. I had a c-section after a 24 hour labor so life was a blur. I know I didn't get a "shower" until the next day or so? One of the most painful (a little humiliating too) experiences of my life. I cried the entire time and the nurse couldn't have been sweeter. You'll need to use a peri-bottle (a squirt bottle) every time you use the bathroom after delivery. I don't remember how long I used it for but it oddly made me feel better about my life.
@kissthesky32 birth story is about the same as mine.
@jess0211 I use something similar for my son when we travel.
@MississippiCatfish you're so spot on! During pregnancy everyone is so focused on you. Once the baby comes it's like you're a non entity. I had traumatic births as well and no one was terribly interested.
I do do all of the nighttime wake ups as my H has a mentally demanding job (pediatric anesthesia) and works long hours and I stay at home. So the sleep deprivation was something I had to get used to.
2. I didn't shower until I went home (quick turn around with both and I prefered my own shower), but they do a great job of keeping the gross stuff cleaned up! Also, I thought I'd want the baby all cleaned off before I held it but when you see your BABY for the first time, you most likely won't care about the gross stuff! I iust wanted to snuggle them!
Eta clarification
1) The first 6-8 weeks were the hardest for me. It took a while to get in the groove, get used to sleep deprivation, work out the kinks of breastfeeding, and just honestly figure out WTF I was doing. I def agree with the ladies who said that it's about the baby and not you, that is 100% how I felt too. It can feel a little isolating at times so just speak up!
2) With my son, they thought he might have swallowed some of his own meconium stool (poop) during delivery so they whisked him away as soon as he came out. He was still in the room with me, just a few feet away being checked out. I got him in my arms a few minutes later and all was fine. By that point they had cleaned him up.
It made me so so so so sad I didnt get to hold him right away. I wanted to hold him the second him came out, goo and slimy and all!! I know it was necessary, just really broke my heart.
I agree when the other ladies said they do a good job of cleaning you up. They don't tell you when you poop (yes, YOU WILL POOP but YOU WILL NOT CARE) and hide the blood and stuff from you. The bed I was on kind of folded up at the end and they just have a big ole container underneath and drop all the stuff and that is that!
For showering- I took a shower in the hospital the next morning.
1 SLEEP DERIVATION. Enough said.
2....for me it has been.....push baby out, baby straight to mum. Apgars etc can be done in the 5 seconds it takes to be handed baby. That is, as long as baby is obviously well. You get to hold bub and lay there in some kind lala land while midwife helps you deliver the placenta. Daddy gets to cut cord. Baby is quickly checked over and tagged by peadiatrician in the same room. Nurses quickly strip bed while you are in it..... no idea how this magic happens. Then a few different options. If you can walk and there's no hemorraging or heavy bleeding or stitches......shower! Or the other option is you are too exhausted and fall asleep for a bit with bub. The other options is you get moved to a different room and can shower there. Ive done all 3. Obviously there are other little differences..... stitches, does baby need oxygen, do you, c-sections, epidurals, plus a thousand other small changes will change outcomes. The main one we seem to forget.....YOU HAVE TO BIRTH THE PLACENTA.
Cant wait!
All three of my babies spent at least 1 night in the NICU. Honestly, this prepares you for caring for a infant like nothing else. You see the balance between how frail they are and how hearty they are! Plus, you know you have nurses there to help if/when needed!
2) C-section momma here. I tell people I have my children surgically removed. Honestly, at 35 and after 3 sections...the idea of vaginal birth still bumfussles me!
2. I had an unplanned c-section. I had a failed induction. Immediately after c-section I was able to see/hold baby with one arm. I went to recovery until I was able to move my legs and the baby was with my HB and a nurse. I didnt get to see her until the pediatrician saw her first and I was highly pissed because all I wanted was to see her. I was told not to get out of bed for the first 24 hrs so some very nice person cleaned me up during that time. I don't have a good recollection of what they did but at that point shyness wasnt a thing anymore for me. I think some of the bfing problems arose from not being able to have those first snuggles.
In regards to what others are saying about marriage, I highly recommend looking up what happens to men's and women's brain chemistry when an infant cries loudly. A new mom is pumped full of hormones that cause her to jump into full alert mode, like an adrenaline rush, when her baby makes the smallest of sounds, whereas dad might be able to sleep through a little crying. In addition, loud crying or screaming generally causes emotions of caring in the mother, whereas it causes emotions of anger in men. I was so glad I had read that beforehand, because I had never seen my husband that angry before.
2) If the hospital's general policy is to do skin to skin contact right away (generally for about an hour), they'll tell you. (Or you can ask). Obviously it won't be guaranteed, because emergencies happen. DH and I were both surprised when they put DD on my chest because we expected her to be a lot grosser than she was. I had to wait a bit for a postpartum room to open up, so after trying to breastfeed I ended up having a meal brought to me in the delivery room, which I attempted to eat, but wasn't the least bit hungry. I showered once I got settled in the postpartum room; in fact, it may have been several hours later. In both rooms, DD was always in the room with me. They bathed her and gave her her shot right there in the delivery room. The only time she left the room was for her hearing test (and then when we asked the nurses to take her for a couple hours so we could sleep, but I don't like to talk about that). To be honest, everything post pushing is kind of a blur. Even at the time, I remember thinking, "I don't even know what's happening right now."
Tl;dr: it's a relief to push it out and feels like birthing an octopus. DH said it was one of the weirdest things he's ever seen.
I second the feeling of delivering the placenta being like birthing an octopus. Totally. Good one.
2. I'm a big fan of skin to skin contact as soon as delivery happens. My hospital cleans them up on your chest and let's you hold them for a bit. Then they clean them up better (in the same room) while you deliver the placenta. I thought this part was awful. It's this weird boggy pulling feeling from your ob yanking on it. Then afterwards the nurses push on your now, deflated-balloo-looking belly to help get all the afterbirth out. Yuck. But then they clean it up and show you your hopefully intact placenta. And then you get your baby back. Our hospital does everything in the room unless there is something wrong like baby has a low apgar score or something. I remember very clearly my husband and baby going to the nursery with one of ours, while I was still trying to get cleaned up with some nurse I had never met and feeling very empty and very alone. It was not a feeling I enjoyed, but then husband and baby are back pretty quick and you will never be alone again for pretty much the rest of your life! Hahaha
2. C section under general anesthetic so I don't really know what happened!