No one ever told me how isolating the newborn phase is. I'm not talking about PPD, I'm talking about how difficult it is to be solely responsible for a tiny human who does nothing but sleep, poop, and eat. When they are newborns they have no personality yet, so they're really not fun to be around other than watching them sleep and how cute they are. They don't smile at you yet, or show any adoration or love for you yet. They don't hug you or kiss you back, they really don't even make eye contact with you.
No one told me that in just a short few months that my baby would begin blossoming and having a little personality, smiling at me, becoming curious about things, hitting milestones. I never knew how much more enjoyable babies are once they start developing those wonderful personalities, and I wish someone would've told me even though that first month was really dark that it would get so much better so quickly.
And I definitely never knew how much my heart could open up for another human being... being a mom really is wearing your heart on your sleeve for your little one.
I know what you mean about the beginning. But one thing I miss is how she would fall asleep on my chest... That stopped around 3 months. Now I'm lucky if she leans on me while we read. But yeah, I love her so much more now that she's growing. It's the most incredible thing to witness and she's so freaking cute.
No one ever told me that sometimes I would feel self conscious about being conspicuously pregnant. I mean, DH is having a baby too, but he doesn't have to advertise it 24 hours a day to everyone he sees.
Yes!!!! I've been so self-conscience and was not expecting feel so "on display." If I could, I would hide my entire pregnancy, but of course, you can only hide it for so long.
Nobody told me about all the crazy hairloss that happens months after delivery when the hormone levels are still whacky but trying to go back to normal. After DS1, I sat in the corner of the shower sobbing hysterically because I thought I was losing all my hair. I have very long curly hair, and so much of it was falling it, but because it's long and curly, it all ended up in a giant knot and my whole head was one ball of hair. My DH had to come in and dump a whole bottle of conditioner on my head and try to brush it out for me as I sobbed hysterically.
Also, nobody told me how humiliating it was going to be to have a nurse change your pad for you after a c-section. Before you regain ability to get out of bed, the nurses come and roll you over to change the pad that soaks up all the blood underneath, and they clean you up....it was mortifying and I did not expect it at all, which made it all so much worse. I just didn't think about that...
Nobody ever told me that my feet would change sizes and never go back. I don't mean swelling, I mean my feet grew.
Nobody ever told me that you might not feel the "spark of love" moment when you hold your newborn for the first time, and nobody ever told me how much you could love and resent the same little human at the same time. I relate to @tripledaggerWed95976 so very much!
And the poop is super scary, and so is that after-care of your "self." I did know about it, but it was still nowhere near what I had expected!
No one told me as a FTM how resentful I'd feel towards everyone, especially DH. After he went back to work once DD was born, he was back to his "regular life". Going to work, working, socializing at work, etc. He also worked side jobs so some nights he wouldn't be home until 9 or 10 pm. Meanwhile I was at home, taking care of a screaming baby and trying to figure out how I could brush my teeth and possibly eat something. It was hard to see everyone I knew going about their day like normal, and my life was being controlled by a 7lb tyrant.
Married 8 years - Aug 23/08 DD - 6 years old, March 17/11 #2 due July 19th! (It's a boy!)
Nobody ever told me that my feet would change sizes and never go back. I don't mean swelling, I mean my feet grew.
Nobody ever told me that you might not feel the "spark of love" moment when you hold your newborn for the first time, and nobody ever told me how much you could love and resent the same little human at the same time. I relate to @tripledaggerWed95976 so very much!
And the poop is super scary, and so is that after-care of your "self." I did know about it, but it was still nowhere near what I had expected!
YES! We were team green with DD, and I was just so shocked when they said it was a girl (not disappointed just really thought it was a boy the whole time) it took like a week for it to really sink in. I felt like a terrible mama for not connecting with her and being as excited as I thought that I would be in that moment.
TTM- no one told me how my first would feel like the hulk sitting in my arms, after coming home with baby. I didn't hold my 3 yr old while in the hospital bc of csection and she didn't like the bed. So I didn't hold her for 4 days. First night home and her sitting next to me she felt gigantic.
Also so that my recovery with the second csection would be better . Hoping third is too!!
@AdaByron I held my poop in the entire hospital stay because I was so nervous. Finally the morning of discharge I couldn't hold it anymore because I was so uncomfortable. I knew it was gonna be bad but holy shit I thought I was meeting my maker right there in the dingy hospital bathroom..
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
Nobody ever told me that my feet would change sizes and never go back. I don't mean swelling, I mean my feet grew.
Nobody ever told me that you might not feel the "spark of love" moment when you hold your newborn for the first time, and nobody ever told me how much you could love and resent the same little human at the same time. I relate to @tripledaggerWed95976 so very much!
And the poop is super scary, and so is that after-care of your "self." I did know about it, but it was still nowhere near what I had expected!
This. I'll be a FTM but what I remember most about my sister's first was when she told me this. She sat there crying and said these words almost verbatim. How she loved him sooo much but also resented him for the exhaustion and the crying (he was colicky) and then how when she looked at him she felt soooo guilty for ever feeling the resentment in the first place. I will never forget that moment. It was the point where I was like, 'Whoa. This shit is hard.' And subsequently I'm glad we waited a few more years to start ttc. Still makes me nervous to this day. Not gonna lie! haha
@Cejiml I know everyone is different, but did you really find that the 2nd csection recovery wasn't as bad? I'm hoping for a vbac, but don't know if it'll happen. I'm so nervous for a 2nd csection, only because of recovery.
I didn't feel the spark either. But it's completely insignificant. I felt a spark in my first ultrasound. I constantly walk around with a goofy smile thinking how cute DD is. I love her more every day. Who cares if you do or don't feel a spark when holding her for the first time.
For the second time mom's who brought up the hair loss - YES! I had no idea that was coming. I remember being so freaked out in the shower when clumps of my hair would just fall out into my hand. I wish someone would have told me that. I called friends thinking I had something really wrong with me only to find out it was totally normal.
For me so far - the pain. I didn't really have any until about 18 weeks, but it's been pretty constant since then, and only getting worse as things continue to expand!
Also I'm so worried about the hair loss - I've already got such thin hair to begin with and it's been falling out for years.
And the sense of I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING is such a constant thing these days. I feel like I can read and try to understand all these things ahead of time but I'm such a hands on type that nothing can really prepare me for the baby once its here. Even though it's painful at times, at least while I'm pregnant, I can just do my thing and my body takes care of the rest for me!
For me so far - the pain. I didn't really have any until about 18 weeks, but it's been pretty constant since then, and only getting worse as things continue to expand!
Also I'm so worried about the hair loss - I've already got such thin hair to begin with and it's been falling out for years.
And the sense of I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING is such a constant thing these days. I feel like I can read and try to understand all these things ahead of time but I'm such a hands on type that nothing can really prepare me for the baby once its here. Even though it's painful at times, at least while I'm pregnant, I can just do my thing and my body takes care of the rest for me!
Girl, I can say (almost 4 years into parenting and 10+ years of teaching the tiny humans) that I STILL have NO IDEA what I'm doing. My mantra is "fake it till ya make it". Yeah, I have a few tricks I can pull out of my bag, but my kids throw me for a loop daily. Just when I think I've got this parenting/pregnancy/teaching/life thing all figured out, something comes and slaps me flat on my ass. You just gotta do your best to keep afloat and keep the kiddo (and yourself) alive, and occasionally happy!
No one told me how irrational and insecure I would be. Pre-pregnant me wouldn't worry if DH wasn't home on time; pregnant me gets so worked up over 15 minutes of not knowing where he is. The constant need to be reassured is exhausting.
I am dealing with the same thing! I was explaining to DH last night how I constantly feel paranoid that something is going to happen to him. I've never been one of those people who stresses about these types of things. I thought it was just me and not something related to pregnancy.
Also, this was touched on in a few previous posts, but no one told me how being pregnant would be an open invitation to comment on my body, bump size, etc.. I don't mind it on occasion when people ask me about my pregnancy, but in general it's not something I want to discuss with every random stranger or in professional settings. It makes me feel self-concious in a way I've never experienced before.
No one told me that in a 24 hour period I would feel every emotion possible, that I would be so ready to put them to bed for the night, then strangely miss late night feedings as they got older, but most importantly that it is okay to nap when you have visitors, especially if your baby like them, they will wake you up if the baby needs you. Take a nap, a shower whatever you need!
no one ever really told me how getting check for dilation feels! ouch! and also how overwhelming some days can feel, bedtime will become your best friend some days!
No one told me how difficult sleeping through the night would be. I fully expected to be kept up all night with a newborn, but was not prepared for waking up halfway through the night at (then) 23 weeks and not being able to go back to sleep. Last night (at 25 weeks) I woke up covered in sweat at about 3am! I threw the covers off and opened the window, but there was no chance I was getting a restful sleep after that.
FTM and the most surprising thing so far has been second trimester pelvic pain.
In WK12 it kicked in so strongly that I couldn't even walk to the bathroom without help. It stayed like that, only to disappear overnight in WK19.
Physiotherapist says it was hormone related, and can happen with Relaxin peaks in that window.
I'd heard nothing of it, and assumed that pelvic pain came later on with the bigger bump.
Now, off to google birth aftercare because yeah... people don't really tell you about that.
ETA something positive: nobody told me that pregnancy would rewire my brain to help it worry less about insignificant stuff. Like, a statement or glance from a colleague that previously would have wound me up for days, I can now let go of pretty quickly.
@cait32 It truly does get better so quickly! That first month is beyond hard, and when you're in it, it feels like it will go on FOREVER like that... but then suddenly you will see that first smile, or look of recognition, or glimmer of personality and it is beyond exciting and rewarding. I feel like not many people talk about how quickly that really does happen!
@SaphireSweetie88@maybeitsmadeline & anyone else worried about bathroom after baby... take the stool softener and keep taking it until you feel safe to go poop again on your own! lol as for peeing, they give you a little squirt bottle to "rinse" with, use warm water and dab the area dry with toilet paper.
It's just the fact that no one tells you about your vagina being on fire after delivery.
Fun fact: I also "over healed" and it caused all sorts of problems down there. My doctor almost died when I came back after being cleared at my 6 week checkup because it was so painful I almost passed out during sex the first couple times. I just thought it was normal. Newsflash: IT'S NOT! Uncomfortable, yes, painful, no! So if anyone has that problem, go to your doctor right away!!
Yes to all of the above especially the poop from hell, the ginormous boobs post delivery, and the horrible uterine massage WTF! Also, the post delivery crime scene is truly horrifying.
I would add - no one tells you that it will never look the same again. I didn't tear but thought I may have because things looked crazy down there and the nurse just informed me in a matter of fact manner that it never goes back to being the same. So get a good look ladies! Also, it took a long time afterwards for sex to feel 'normal' again - because things are all rearranged and stuff you know...
@BusyZee I would say I used the squirt bottle for the first 2 weeks. Everything down there is really swollen after delivery and since I tore a little giving birth I couldn't wipe until my stitches healed so that's how I cleaned up after going to the bathroom.
And no my doctor didn't die. lol Just a figure of speech. He was just shocked that I was trying to have sex with the overhealing. He said it's so painful he can't believe I didn't stop immediately. But I just thought it was normal for sex to hurt the first couple times post partum.
@LuLiLaEv ohh...ugh... I find sex painful on and off otherwise too I can't imagine how painful it could possibly be...i would honestly almost die... I have a hand bidet attached to all my toilets not sure the pressure would be too much? but maybe getting those would help aswell for afterwards.
@Cejiml I know everyone is different, but did you really find that the 2nd csection recovery wasn't as bad? I'm hoping for a vbac, but don't know if it'll happen. I'm so nervous for a 2nd csection, only because of recovery.
Absolutely. The pain with my first was shocking and unbearable. With my second I was up and moving way faster and the tenderness went away faster. I was walking the halls more too. I'm not a candidate for a vbac or I would have wanted one. Hoping it goes smoothly for you either way
Oh my gosh, the vag swelling! I wish someone had told me about it. I should have known, but I didn't realize just how DIFFERENT and huge it would be after my delivery. Whatever you do, don't feel it or look at if for a few weeks! I will say though, I do feel like it bounced back to pretty 'normal' after some time. Maybe it's that mommy amnesia, but I really feel like it was close to normal again (despite my episiotomy).
Oh my gosh, the vag swelling! I wish someone had told me about it. I should have known, but I didn't realize just how DIFFERENT and huge it would be after my delivery. Whatever you do, don't feel it or look at if for a few weeks! I will say though, I do feel like it bounced back to pretty 'normal' after some time. Maybe it's that mommy amnesia, but I really feel like it was close to normal again (despite my episiotomy).
Second pregnancy: how emotional it is looking at your current only child and realizing they won't be your only baby for long and wondering to yourself how it's possible to love a second baby as much as you love your first. (I know it will happen but it's hard to fathom that kind of love!)
I have been feeling this sooooo much the last few weeks.
If it's reassuring to anyone, for as many bowel issues as I had during pregnancy (culminating in thrombosed hemorrhoids), my first post partum poop was not as painful as I thought it would be. I took colace regularly, and although it was definitely uncomfortable, it was very manageable!
No one ever told me the sheer amount of blood that comes out of you for weeks after you birth a baby. And yes, it happens even if you have a csection. It's just incredible.
@LarkSparkle I am in that boat as we speak... to add to my "no one ever..." in the original post of the discussion. Both my hips are causing me pain so sleeping is a task at this point. Lay on one side until it hurts, switch to the other till it hurts, switch back to the first and so on and so forth. I'm tossing and turning all night long. The vaginal pain is not something I was expecting at ALL and is accompanied by a left sided groin pain as well. I said to my sis, "Did you not tell me because you A) Forgot or B ) Didn't experience it?" LOL. I have been told to start seeing a chiropractor asap.
I guess starting this thread was good and bad. Some of this stuff is seriously freaking me out haha!
No one ever told me just how tired I would be that first trimester. I guess everyone is different but I felt like I couldn't function. I was going home from work early lots of days, taking time off because I was (legitimately) sick. I don't get sick and yet this pregnancy knocked out any semblance of an immune system that I had. Poor DH came home to crappy meals or no meals at all. I was exhausted 24/7 and to think it gets waaaayyy worse with a newborn has got me wondering how in the hell I'm going to survive!
Yes to all of the above especially the poop from hell, the ginormous boobs post delivery, and the horrible uterine massage WTF! Also, the post delivery crime scene is truly horrifying.
I would add - no one tells you that it will never look the same again. I didn't tear but thought I may have because things looked crazy down there and the nurse just informed me in a matter of fact manner that it never goes back to being the same. So get a good look ladies! Also, it took a long time afterwards for sex to feel 'normal' again - because things are all rearranged and stuff you know...
A friend of DH's advice to him re: the labor and delivery process: when it's all over, whatever you do, don't look on the bucket. I have a feeling this is what he was getting at.
@oheliza44@caribbeanmama I was chuckling reading this because my days are spent cleaning the crime scenes that follow delivery. This is great advice because I'm used to it but seriously...don't look!
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
Re: No one ever told me ...
Also, nobody told me how humiliating it was going to be to have a nurse change your pad for you after a c-section. Before you regain ability to get out of bed, the nurses come and roll you over to change the pad that soaks up all the blood underneath, and they clean you up....it was mortifying and I did not expect it at all, which made it all so much worse. I just didn't think about that...
Nobody ever told me that you might not feel the "spark of love" moment when you hold your newborn for the first time, and nobody ever told me how much you could love and resent the same little human at the same time. I relate to @tripledaggerWed95976 so very much!
And the poop is super scary, and so is that after-care of your "self." I did know about it, but it was still nowhere near what I had expected!
Married 8 years - Aug 23/08
DD - 6 years old, March 17/11
#2 due July 19th! (It's a boy!)
Also so that my recovery with the second csection would be better . Hoping third is too!!
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
my happy boy
For me so far - the pain. I didn't really have any until about 18 weeks, but it's been pretty constant since then, and only getting worse as things continue to expand!
Also I'm so worried about the hair loss - I've already got such thin hair to begin with and it's been falling out for years.
And the sense of I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING is such a constant thing these days. I feel like I can read and try to understand all these things ahead of time but I'm such a hands on type that nothing can really prepare me for the baby once its here. Even though it's painful at times, at least while I'm pregnant, I can just do my thing and my body takes care of the rest for me!
my happy boy
Also, this was touched on in a few previous posts, but no one told me how being pregnant would be an open invitation to comment on my body, bump size, etc.. I don't mind it on occasion when people ask me about my pregnancy, but in general it's not something I want to discuss with every random stranger or in professional settings. It makes me feel self-concious in a way I've never experienced before.
and also how overwhelming some days can feel, bedtime will become your best friend some days!
In WK12 it kicked in so strongly that I couldn't even walk to the bathroom without help. It stayed like that, only to disappear overnight in WK19.
Physiotherapist says it was hormone related, and can happen with Relaxin peaks in that window.
I'd heard nothing of it, and assumed that pelvic pain came later on with the bigger bump.
Now, off to google birth aftercare because yeah... people don't really tell you about that.
ETA something positive: nobody told me that pregnancy would rewire my brain to help it worry less about insignificant stuff. Like, a statement or glance from a colleague that previously would have wound me up for days, I can now let go of pretty quickly.
Married: 06-2024
TTC #1: Since November 2015
Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
due to previous issues.
***TW***
BFP: 11/4/2016
BFP: 07/17/2024
take the stool softener and keep taking it until you feel safe to go poop again on your own! lol
as for peeing, they give you a little squirt bottle to "rinse" with, use warm water and dab the area dry with toilet paper.
It's just the fact that no one tells you about your vagina being on fire after delivery.
Fun fact: I also "over healed" and it caused all sorts of problems down there. My doctor almost died when I came back after being cleared at my 6 week checkup because it was so painful I almost passed out during sex the first couple times. I just thought it was normal. Newsflash: IT'S NOT! Uncomfortable, yes, painful, no! So if anyone has that problem, go to your doctor right away!!
i hope your doctor didnt almost die.. I'm confused lol
I would add - no one tells you that it will never look the same again. I didn't tear but thought I may have because things looked crazy down there and the nurse just informed me in a matter of fact manner that it never goes back to being the same. So get a good look ladies! Also, it took a long time afterwards for sex to feel 'normal' again - because things are all rearranged and stuff you know...
And no my doctor didn't die. lol Just a figure of speech. He was just shocked that I was trying to have sex with the overhealing. He said it's so painful he can't believe I didn't stop immediately. But I just thought it was normal for sex to hurt the first couple times post partum.
If it's reassuring to anyone, for as many bowel issues as I had during pregnancy (culminating in thrombosed hemorrhoids), my first post partum poop was not as painful as I thought it would be. I took colace regularly, and although it was definitely uncomfortable, it was very manageable!
I guess starting this thread was good and bad. Some of this stuff is seriously freaking me out haha!
No one ever told me just how tired I would be that first trimester. I guess everyone is different but I felt like I couldn't function. I was going home from work early lots of days, taking time off because I was (legitimately) sick. I don't get sick and yet this pregnancy knocked out any semblance of an immune system that I had. Poor DH came home to crappy meals or no meals at all. I was exhausted 24/7 and to think it gets waaaayyy worse with a newborn has got me wondering how in the hell I'm going to survive!
Edit: spelling issues
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie