So this just happened. I'm at a wedding. A member of the bride's family that I saw at the bridal shower a month ago says to me "I wasn't sure I was going to see you here!" As in I must've been so close to birth a month ago, at 25 weeks. I say "nope, she's got a couple more months to hang out." "Really?! Well, you don't look that much bigger. Then again you were so huge last time..." I gave an awkward laugh and tried not to start crying. What bothers me the most about all these things people say is the amount of people that brush it off as ok because "they don't mean anything by it." I live by intention doesn't negate impact. Just because people aren't out to hurt feelings doesn't mean it doesn't happen and I really wish it was as unacceptable to comment on my pregnant body as it would be to comment on my non-pregnant body.
@meilay I have told more than a few people this week that literally the only acceptable thing to say about a pregnant woman's body is "you look awesome" - same as we should be saying all of the time!!!
@kfitz1900 there is an older teacher that works me with that has said that since I was pregnant with my second. Every time I saw him, you haven't figured out how that happens yet? Every. Time. I just smile awkwardly and walk away.
Married 12/17/2011 K born 8/31/12 C born 1/11/14 BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015 BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
@FSUNole31. I could give your co-worker a real good answer. "Why, yes I do. First my husband jizzes into a cup, they put his soliders in a centrifuge......."
Me: 34 DH: 35 Married: July 2009 BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013 Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016 3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3 First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
I get all the time, "well my parents drank all the time and I turned out fine". I wasn't a huge drinker before and I have decided that I am not consuming alcohol during this pregnancy. But it never fails when I turn down a glass of wine at dinner, someone makes a comment about how it's no big deal because so and so did it and were fine. I don't judge others for making different decisions, but I thought the whole not drinking during pregnancy was pretty well practiced? It just amazes me when people try and convince me to drink over and over! Why do they care if I drink or not!?
@mtvkv5 I get the opposite, I've thought about having a half glass of wine maybe once a week after 30w, because I've found out so many Mom's do it, but even when I mention having some champagne when the baby is born people comment on whether that is safe if I'm breastfeeding etc.
I haven't ready had many comments this time, but when I was pregnant with dd there was a woman at my church who was constantly comparing the size of my stomach to hers, commenting when my bump got bigger then her old lady belly, and trying to touch me all the time. She even did it post partum trying to see if I was smaller than her again yet. Don't touch my post-baby flab, lady!
I think this is probably overly sensitive, but I also hate comments and questions about the rest of the makeup of my family, because they always require that I either discuss a really painful chapter of my past or pretend that my living children are my only children/pregnancies. I totally get why people think "is this your first?" or "do you have other children?" is innocuous though.
This is too true! People are always asking how many...I had a full term stillbirth October 2015...So, this is my third. Two living.
Sometimes I say this is my second. And they say, "That's just perfect. One boy and one girl."
Other times I say that we unexpectedly lost our last child and this is my third.
It depends on my mood and what situation I'm in. I am a cosmetologist, so it's not really something I want to talk about at work, to protect my clients from feeling uncomfortable. If it didn't make people squeamish, I would pretty much tell everyone.
I had a lady at church come up to me yesterday and congratulate me on our 2nd girl- she shared with me that she has a new grand-niece in her family now (born yesterday morning) and that she was so excited because she already has a grand-nephew and this baby was supposed to be a boy, so she said it was such a nice surprise. She then went on to tell me how sorry she felt for me that we were having a 2nd girl and don't have "one of each" and said she hopes the ultrasound techs were wrong so I could have a daughter and a son... before I was able to respond, she walked away and said she would "pray for our situation". First of all- not something "prayer worthy", second of all- I'm extremely happy that we're having a 2nd girl! I don't understand why some people think it's so unfortunate that we're having another girl. My husband and I would like to have 3-4 kids and I would be thrilled if we had a boy at some point, but would be equally excited if all of them were girls! We definitely don't need "one of each" to complete our family.
@momma2char That is so rude! We are team green and will be excited either way, but the idea of having two little girls feels really nice. I mean, I won't be remotely sad either way, but I don't get assuming that you would be disappointed about a second girl. I love thinking about dd potentially having a sister to grow up with, and my husband has said multiple times that he could see himself being really happy as dad to only girls if that is what ends up happening. I think that is awesome!
@momma2char people are so weird! We planned this pregnancy hoping for another girl. I really wanted dd to have a sister. And there is definitely something to be said for all the hand me downs you can use with 2 of the same. I'm really excited to have a little boy, but I don't understand the big deal of having to have one of each.
There is a lady at school that every time she sees me says "Oh wow look at that belly!" And nothing else. Yes, I am aware I have a belly lady. So do you.
My mother in law looooves to try to calculate our conception dates. It's awkward.
@CurlyMommy416 I have a few people that have to exclaim "You're having a baby!" every time they see me. I've begun to respond with "yea, that's the consensus!"
I feel like I've gotten some awkward comments here and there (mostly from men who don't understand how to talk to a pregnant woman), but overwhelmingly I have been really humbled by this pregnancy. I feel like people have been so kind, even strangers, with wanting to talk and ask about it. I've been trying to not get annoyed by little comments that come off wrong. I'm sorry that some of you are having to deal with worse!
My male urologist doc randomly said "just you wait until you get the pain from breastfeeding" then went on to describe the first week or two of breastfeeding... and I was thinking you have no personal experience with this, I'm already nervous about breastfeeding so thanks, and what does this have to do with my bladder and kidneys. Just so random and awkward. Also I really like people telling me I'm huge or rather large.. I'm short and have a short torso. Ugh.
The guy at subway today asked me how many weeks I have left. When I said 13 he replied "Dang. Twins?". Men have no idea when it comes to pregnancy. I'm not even that big! In fact I'm measuring slightly smaller than I should!
So we're standing at the sporting counter at Walmart waiting on another employee to come unlock the amo cabinet. The employee at the counter (guy in his 60s) said out of nowhere, "you must have been swimming". I started looking at what I was wearing (jeans and a hoodie. My hair was NOT wet. I had not been swimming) and he responds, "that's how you get pregnant". He continued on to tell me and DH that he knows bc he went swimming on his honeymoon and his wife got pregnant. She didn't get pregnant again until the next time they went swimming. It was so awkward I couldn't even come up with a response.
So we're standing at the sporting counter at Walmart waiting on another employee to come unlock the amo cabinet. The employee at the counter (guy in his 60s) said out of nowhere, "you must have been swimming". I started looking at what I was wearing (jeans and a hoodie. My hair was NOT wet. I had not been swimming) and he responds, "that's how you get pregnant". He continued on to tell me and DH that he knows bc he went swimming on his honeymoon and his wife got pregnant. She didn't get pregnant again until the next time they went swimming. It was so awkward I couldn't even come up with a response.
So I just found out my grandma thinks I'm having a girl because of how I'm carrying. And I'm irrationally super happy because now I have one person who said girl because of how I'm carrying and one person who says boy because of how I'm carrying, which just reinforces my belief that how I'm carrying as a prediction method is a load of crap.
Double post, but it's been a few days so I guess it doesn't matter.
I forgot one. My cousin said to me, "the only time it's ok to say this to a woman, you're getting fat!" I was super annoyed. It's not even the first time he's called me fat. He also did back when we were teens, and my dad gave him a 10-minute lecture on why you don't ever call women fat. I was somewhere between 14-16 weeks and hadn't gained a pound so far, which I informed him. My mom was there and gave him this disbelieving look and said, "I can't believe (wife) lets you say stuff like that." She was sitting right there and chimed in with, "Oh, haha, my family calls me a cow when I'm pregnant." BECAUSE APPARENTLY THAT'S OK!
If he does it again, I'm going to light into him and tell him it's not funny, it's not a joke, it's not ok to say that to women ever and especially not when they're pregnant, and I certainly hope he's not teaching his son it's ok to say things like that to women.
@lovesclimbing 2 of my male cousins were always assholes, especially one of them. Luckily, we don't talk to them anymore since my mom doesn't talk to her siblings.
Today my mil told my dh that we should pick a certain middle name to go along with our name choice and it would be close to his grandparents' names. No lady. I'm not naming my kids after a set of married grandparents. Only one I even know. Dh is not even close to grandparent Ughhhhhh The more and more pregnant I get the more I feel like not compromising with anything. However, that's not in my nature. Fatigue brings out the bitch in me though. My husband needs to pick one of my name choices other than only the one. It pisses me off. I want to change my username on here so i can bitch more...I guess I would just have to start over? Idk
@jennas312. I had something similar with the name. DD will be Lucille Charlotte after two people on my side of the family and because we love the names. My SIL announced that we should change the middle name to hers because my family shouldn't get all the credit. 1. You are not my favorite person and 2. How nice of you to offer up your own name, not self-centered at all.
Me: 34 DH: 35 Married: July 2009 BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013 Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016 3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3 First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
The way I see it, all my kids are going to get dh's last name, so they can have first and/or middle names from mine without being "unfair." Dd has my grandmother's first name, and this baby will have my grandfather's middle name if it is a boy. If they have a problem with that I care not at all. The kid will have their freaking surname. That's huge.
Most of my stupid comments have come from students at school and from the way they come out, you know theyve heard them around their house... "You're having ANOTHER kid!" (Yes, honey, this is only my 2nd child) "Don't give into the snack temptation, Mrs. B. It's bad for the baby." (What?) "Your legs jiggle when you walk!"
Okay the last one wasn't a preggo comment. I'm just now embracing this body that God gave me and appreciating all that it can do. It took me 34 yrs to do so! Im also just now realizing the impact of things we say in front of our kids and how they come across. They are always listening (as annoying as that is!)!!!
Comment from a coworker to a group: "she still hasn't picked a name!! That poor baby!!"
Maybe they should consider that I'm just not gonna share with them and saying "we haven't decided" really means "none of your business, Tourette's face"
@ellie111227. I just gave her a look and said, "nope." I wish I had thought of the surname argument during that moment.
Me: 34 DH: 35 Married: July 2009 BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013 Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016 3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3 First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
Re: Stupid stuff people say...
BFP #1 6/13 DD 3/14
Mirena 10/14-5/16
BFP #2 9/2/16, CP confirmed 9/8/16
BFP #3 10/10/16 EDD 6/22/17
K born 8/31/12
C born 1/11/14
BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015
BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
Me: 34 DH: 35
Married: July 2009
BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013
Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016
3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3
First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
Sometimes I say this is my second. And they say, "That's just perfect. One boy and one girl."
Other times I say that we unexpectedly lost our last child and this is my third.
It depends on my mood and what situation I'm in. I am a cosmetologist, so it's not really something I want to talk about at work, to protect my clients from feeling uncomfortable. If it didn't make people squeamish, I would pretty much tell everyone.
@CurlyMommy416 I have a few people that have to exclaim "You're having a baby!" every time they see me. I've begun to respond with "yea, that's the consensus!"
BFP #1 9/1999. DD Born 6/7/2000
BFP #2 10/2011. EDD 7/11/12. MMC discovered 11/2/11. D&C 11/4/11.
DX PCOS 10/2012.
BFP#3 1/11/13. DS Born 9/17/2013
BFP#4 9/30/17. Grow baby grow!
~Everyone Welcome~
I forgot one. My cousin said to me, "the only time it's ok to say this to a woman, you're getting fat!" I was super annoyed. It's not even the first time he's called me fat. He also did back when we were teens, and my dad gave him a 10-minute lecture on why you don't ever call women fat. I was somewhere between 14-16 weeks and hadn't gained a pound so far, which I informed him. My mom was there and gave him this disbelieving look and said, "I can't believe (wife) lets you say stuff like that." She was sitting right there and chimed in with, "Oh, haha, my family calls me a cow when I'm pregnant." BECAUSE APPARENTLY THAT'S OK!
If he does it again, I'm going to light into him and tell him it's not funny, it's not a joke, it's not ok to say that to women ever and especially not when they're pregnant, and I certainly hope he's not teaching his son it's ok to say things like that to women.
Today my mil told my dh that we should pick a certain middle name to go along with our name choice and it would be close to his grandparents' names. No lady. I'm not naming my kids after a set of married grandparents. Only one I even know. Dh is not even close to grandparent Ughhhhhh
The more and more pregnant I get the more I feel like not compromising with anything.
However, that's not in my nature. Fatigue brings out the bitch in me though.
My husband needs to pick one of my name choices other than only the one. It pisses me off.
I want to change my username on here so i can bitch more...I guess I would just have to start over? Idk
Me: 34 DH: 35
Married: July 2009
BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013
Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016
3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3
First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
"You're having ANOTHER kid!" (Yes, honey, this is only my 2nd child)
"Don't give into the snack temptation, Mrs. B. It's bad for the baby." (What?)
"Your legs jiggle when you walk!"
Okay the last one wasn't a preggo comment. I'm just now embracing this body that God gave me and appreciating all that it can do. It took me 34 yrs to do so! Im also just now realizing the impact of things we say in front of our kids and how they come across. They are always listening (as annoying as that is!)!!!
Maybe they should consider that I'm just not gonna share with them and saying "we haven't decided" really means "none of your business, Tourette's face"
Me: 34 DH: 35
Married: July 2009
BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013
Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016
3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3
First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17