June 2017 Moms

Baby's First Days

2

Re: Baby's First Days

  • meilaymeilay member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I've just nailed this down (for now) with DH. I'm likely to have a scheduled c-section so I'm just going to talk about it from that perspective. I assume I'll stay a minimum of 3 nights. The day of the surgery I only want our parents at the hospital. DH will be in the OR with me and then I want the first hour or two after to just be the three of us. Once I'm comfortable with it our parents can come in and meet her. I was going back and forth on having visitors in the hospital but after reading several perspectives both for and against, I decided on a handful of visitors while we’re in the hospital and no one coming by at least the first week at home. MIL plans to stay a couple weeks to help, which may sound nuts but I'm actually looking forward to having someone who will happily cook and clean for us in those early days. My mom will also be helping in the evenings/on weekends but baby is coming during her busiest time at work so she can't take off until about a month after she's born. This is one time in my life where I'm grateful my family and social circle are very small and there won't a lot of people on my side clamoring to meet her. The issues will come in making sure DH doesn't invite everyone he knows over, which for now he's saying he understands can't happen. 
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  • kdanjoukdanjou member
    Long-Lasting Membership 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Hopefully we will be back at home as soon as possible after the birth.  I loved the hospital room service after my c-section but I could NOT sleep because of the nurses and docs coming in all the time.  I only stayed 2 nights for my c-section when I had DD.  Once they told me it was okay to leave I was like "yes please!" and opted out of the third night.  This time we are hoping for a VBAC.  We'll have MIL come watch DD while DH is with me during labor.  If we have a VBAC, after the baby is born DH can go home and be with DD.  If I need a repeat-c then we'll call my mom to come over and stay for a couple days to take care of DD and DH will just go home periodically to check on them and come back to help me in the hospital during the day.  Then he can bring DD with him to the hospital and we can all go home together as a family.  MIL and my mom can both f*ck off before I get home.  I don't want any visitors for at least a week.  Last time my IL's showed up to visit at the hospital on the second day and I was not pleased. 
    MC Sept 2010
    BFP Oct 2011 - DD born July 2012
    TTC again since July 2014
    First IUI 9/26/16:  BFP!
    EDD 6/19/2017
    It's a girl!
    Born 6/26/17, 9lb 5oz
    silliegirlie143
  • This has been a tough topic at home. My ILs live 2 hours away and my parents are 3.5 hrs away. I would prefer my IL's  watch DD1, and then DH goes home at night to get some good rest, but he wants to be there. I guess what will happen is my IL's will stay in our home and watch DD1 during the whole time. 

    I already asked about being discharged early, but due to the fact that I most likely will have GD again, they said it's against policy to let us leave early. Looks like it'll be 2 days there.

    We had a bunch of visitors against my wishes last time and I hated it. All of our parents were in the waiting room when I delivered, so I felt like I didn't get enough bonding time. This time we will only have them and DD1 visit at the hospital, but won't take any visitors until the second day. Everyone else will be allowed to visit probably a week after, unless I feel up to it this time.
  • Any tips on how to kindly limit visitors? I don't know how I will feel, but I'm guessing that I don't want very many visitors. The only person I want at the hospital during delivery is DH. I am okay with our parents coming the first day for short periods of time. I'm considering not telling anyone when I'm on labor, but I think DH wants to send updates. 
    Both sets of parents and tons of aunts and uncles live nearby. When my SIL had a baby several of DH's aunts came to visit and I don't really want any of my or DHs aunts to come visit in the hospital (I'm not close to any of mine and not close enough to DH's). How do I express to these people I don't know that well that I'd rather they wait a week or two? 
    Also, I'm okay with my BIL and SIL coming, but my SIL has already made comments that she's bringing 3yo niece (also probably 1yo nephew). I love my little niece, but I'd rather my SIL and BIL come without the kids to decrease stress and commotion. 
    I'm very nervous about crying when other people hold the baby and I just want some time to bond and work on breastfeeding. DH can't really understand this and it is mostly his family. I can't seem to get him on board with a no visitor (or parents only) policy and don't know how to express my wishes even if DH did agree. 
    neludelu
  • kyreno11 said:
    Any tips on how to kindly limit visitors? I don't know how I will feel, but I'm guessing that I don't want very many visitors. The only person I want at the hospital during delivery is DH. I am okay with our parents coming the first day for short periods of time. I'm considering not telling anyone when I'm on labor, but I think DH wants to send updates. 
    Both sets of parents and tons of aunts and uncles live nearby. When my SIL had a baby several of DH's aunts came to visit and I don't really want any of my or DHs aunts to come visit in the hospital (I'm not close to any of mine and not close enough to DH's). How do I express to these people I don't know that well that I'd rather they wait a week or two? 
    Also, I'm okay with my BIL and SIL coming, but my SIL has already made comments that she's bringing 3yo niece (also probably 1yo nephew). I love my little niece, but I'd rather my SIL and BIL come without the kids to decrease stress and commotion. 
    I'm very nervous about crying when other people hold the baby and I just want some time to bond and work on breastfeeding. DH can't really understand this and it is mostly his family. I can't seem to get him on board with a no visitor (or parents only) policy and don't know how to express my wishes even if DH did agree. 
    I'm pretty much in your boat. I'm hoping the doula I eventually get will help broker negotiations between me and DH so that I don't come across like it's my way or the highway lol. 

    Other than that, no clue other than DH and his snoreface will have to spend nights at a hotel or go back home to sleep and my mom and MIL will probably be helping me at home.
    halfthetree
  • @kyreno11, honestly, you're just going to have to put your foot down. Set the tone now. IMO, it's a very crucial time for you post-partum, it can quickly become overwhelming, between visitors, BFing (if you intend to) nurses, wanting to bond, wanting to rest, etc. It's important for you to say 'you can come between this time and this time' or 'we would appreciate time to bond as a new family and ask that visitors hold off until we are home.'

    I know some hospitals limit visiting hours, I believe mine has a no visitors rule or quiet time from a certain period.
    silliegirlie143
  • @kyreno11 I did not tell anyone when I went into labor with DS (actually, I was induced, but I didn't even share that info), and it was so nice for no one to know until DS was actually here!
    We only let a few people know that he was born day of, and then we just would add to the end of texts something like "just wanted to share our happy news, but mommy and baby need to rest and we aren't having visitors at this time" even if it wasn't completely true, as we were having some visitors. 
    Though I honestly don't feel the need to be all that "nice" about it. You will have just had a baby, for goodness' sake. You don't really need any other excuses. If people are offended, that is their problem. Invite who you like and are comfortable with. And you definitely don't have to let anyone hold the baby if you don't feel okay with it. You won't know that until the time comes. 
    Heliumgirl717silliegirlie143
  • I'm having a repeat csection so I will probably stay the absolute minimum which is 48hrs on the dot.  I can't decide whether to get my parents to watch all 3 kids or split the kids up and send 2 to SIL's house.  DH will be off 10 days to help then I am home alone with 4 kids 5 and under all summer. I'm scared.


    TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!!  Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui) 
    #1 born December 2011
    TTC#2 - Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo
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  • @kyreno11 I'm in the same boat too. I'm trying really hard to keep the balance between nice but firm. I told my cousins that I'm really close to that I want all visitors to wait a week and they were totally offended. Telling me with their kids they were having to run errands and school drop offs at 3 days postpartum surely I can just have visitors?? With dd we didn't tell anyone I was in labor. She was born at 3 am so that was convenient too. Dh texted our moms after she safely arrived with a pic. We lucked out because a nasty cold was going around at the time, even though it was June so that limited visitors. Plus with my complications the nurses wanted us to have no visitors the first day. I was very grateful for that. Mil and littlest (teen) bil came to visit less than an hour that first evening. Dh older bro also came sometime that evening for a quick visit too. The next day we had more visitors, most unannounced and I didn't really like it. After we had tons everyday for her first month. (Partly because sil set up a meal train for us). This time we're having no shower, no sip n see, no meal train. So I don't really feel obligated. I think my rule will be only dhs parents and siblings at the hospital. No posting pics and maybe keep it a secret that they saw him? No more visitors until 1 week old. Then we will announce on Instagram and let whoever come. I think that's reasonable and the most private I can go with out looking like a super jerk.
    Ashcicle
  • kdanjoukdanjou member
    Long-Lasting Membership 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    @jesselayne8 ; I am scared for you!
    MC Sept 2010
    BFP Oct 2011 - DD born July 2012
    TTC again since July 2014
    First IUI 9/26/16:  BFP!
    EDD 6/19/2017
    It's a girl!
    Born 6/26/17, 9lb 5oz
  • tjvantjvan member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    As of right now, I feel like I would be happy to have visitors at the hospital after a bit of a rest following the birth. My parents will be there as soon as I know I'm going into labor, and I'm perfectly happy with that. Can't imagine doing it all without them a little close by! My mom will come and stay with us for a few days when we head home. My husband's family lives a few hours away, so I'm hoping they'll give us a week or two at home before visiting. They all have kids of their own, so it makes it a little more challenging.
  • kyreno11 said:
    Any tips on how to kindly limit visitors? I don't know how I will feel, but I'm guessing that I don't want very many visitors. The only person I want at the hospital during delivery is DH. I am okay with our parents coming the first day for short periods of time. I'm considering not telling anyone when I'm on labor, but I think DH wants to send updates. 
    Both sets of parents and tons of aunts and uncles live nearby. When my SIL had a baby several of DH's aunts came to visit and I don't really want any of my or DHs aunts to come visit in the hospital (I'm not close to any of mine and not close enough to DH's). How do I express to these people I don't know that well that I'd rather they wait a week or two? 
    Also, I'm okay with my BIL and SIL coming, but my SIL has already made comments that she's bringing 3yo niece (also probably 1yo nephew). I love my little niece, but I'd rather my SIL and BIL come without the kids to decrease stress and commotion. 
    I'm very nervous about crying when other people hold the baby and I just want some time to bond and work on breastfeeding. DH can't really understand this and it is mostly his family. I can't seem to get him on board with a no visitor (or parents only) policy and don't know how to express my wishes even if DH did agree. 
    So most hospitals have a policy where no kids unless they are siblings can visit. 
    LAMCH1980kyreno11
  • lmudralmudra member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I feel like this is going to be so different for us this time.  With my son I wanted everyone to come see him and didn't care how long they stayed etc...I even cooked a Sunday family dinner two days after we got home from AZ with him (for 12 people).  It was just so exciting to finally be a family of three after waiting for almost 5 years!  
    This time- I will have given birth in some form or another so I might not want people at my house right away simply bc I'll be physically uncomfortable.  I think we'll do just parents at the hospital and then friends and other family after I feel up to it.  If people ask if they can come over I'm going to tell them I'll let them know when I'm up to it (probably a week after we get home).  As far as how long someone stays, with my son I didn't care.  I was happy for the visitors.  This time I might feel weird about the breastfeeding thing.  
  • My hospital does 48 hours for vaginal and 72 for c-section unless I have complications. Last time, DD was in the NICU and I needed transfusions so I was there from Monday to Thursday and even though I was discharged at 11 am on Thursday, they let me keep the room until 7 PM so I could be close to DD and have a place to lay down while she was in the NICU since I was still a mess as well. I love my hospital and I will stay as long as they let me. Great food and they give massages to all moms if you want them.

    The hospital is only .8 miles from our house so I will probably send DH home unless I feel I need him and just have him on-call if I need him to come back. We are calling MIL and FIL at the first signs of labor so they can come down and watch DD and our dog (they are 2.5 hours away). If they cannot make it in time, my mom is on stand-by since she is 15 minutes away. She walks with a cane and my dog is blind so it makes it hard for her to care for DD or our dog, but she can do it if need be. Our neighbor is also on stand-by. 

    My ILs, mom, local friends, BIL and his family, and probably my sister and her family will come to visit me in the hospital/at home soon after since they all live pretty close. My brothers and their families and DH's brother and sister will probably be down within the first 2 weeks. MIL stayed for 2 weeks after DD to help out, but that was because I was put on bedrest and DD was in the NICU so we could use all the help we could get. This time, she will probably stay a week, but honestly, she is amazing and I would love for her to stay forever :smiley:

    Kylieslip24
  • neludelu said:
    So I'm a STM and my BIGGEST piece of advice I can give you FTMs. Follow your gut and put your foot down for what YOU want. 
    Yes. So much this! I cannot stress enough how important this is. You may not have any idea now how much you might regret giving in later, even weeks after baby comes. Postpartum hormones are no joke.
    Do what YOU are comfortable with, and if that comes down to telling hospital staff to not allow visitors so you don't have to be the bad guy, so be it. 
    Kylieslip24neludeluflyingncmamasilliegirlie143
  • I'm having a repeat csection so I will probably stay the absolute minimum which is 48hrs on the dot.  I can't decide whether to get my parents to watch all 3 kids or split the kids up and send 2 to SIL's house.  DH will be off 10 days to help then I am home alone with 4 kids 5 and under all summer. I'm scared.
    Will you have any help at all? My doctor told me if I lifted my toddler prior to 4-6 weeks that I could split my stomach lining and get a hernia, which would require another surgery. 
  • merrylea said:
    Am i the only person that really doesn't have a clue as I haven't given birth before!  In talking with DH, I'd like some time with just us and the baby right after he's born, but other than that, who knows how I will feel!  
    I agree. I have NO IDEA!
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  • Exactly what @ladylolly89 says. Tell the nurses you don't want visitors. They are totally used to being bouncers and no one will fight with a nurse saying no visitors right now. 
    Stankonia2014
  • The plan is to stay two nights. Both of our parents live in our town, so DS will stay with one of them and my husband will stay with me at the hospital. DS (4) has no problem staying with them. I'm sure our family will be up at the hospital, but nobody will be in the room for delivery but DH. Last time we only had immediate family at the hospital, and that's my plan this time as well. I don't want a bunch of random people. They can wait until we get home. DH will stay home for a week, then both my mom and MIL will be home all summer, so they can help a lot with DS. 
    Married my best friend May 24, 2008
    BFP #1 9/1/11, EDD 5/15/12, Missed M/C at 9w4d, discovered at 11w3d, D&C 11/2/11
    BFP #2 6/20/12, Baby Boy born 3/2/13
    BFP #3 October 2016, EDD 6/11/17
  • MKRLTXMKRLTX member
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    @merrylea @jennas312  I am having a hard time with not knowing how I'll feel either. I am generally so laid back, but then I read about pp hormones and can also picture myself getting possesive of our new baby and irritated by people. I guess we will just go with the flow, and if our visitors are bugging me and DH isn't being assertive I will just tell everyone what I need to. I do plan to mention right away that I want to be succesful in BFing so that means if she starts crying she needs to come back to me immediately so I can try to feed her. I figure it will also give me an out of I am overwhelmed and can lock myself away with her. This will also be my excuse for frequent naps...
    merrylea
  • I thought the length of hospital stay for vaginal vs c-section was insurance driven, not hospital policy.  I know my insurance covers 2 days for vaginal and 5 days for c-section.  Assuming everything goes as planned and there are no complications, I will stay the 2 days, and DH will stay with me (hospital is 35-45 minutes without traffic and in June/July there could be some serious traffic).  DS will stay with my mom, and be signed up for camp in town so she does not have to miss work during the day if it's mid-week.

    I will most likely be after the last day of school (as long as I go into labor later than 37 weeks 4 days - I was induced at 37 weeks exactly with DS) so I will be off for the summer and then starting my 8 week leave with the start of my contract.  I can be home with this baby until October 16 unless I deliver before 6/15, then I will have to start backing the days off the return date to make it a few days earlier.

    In terms of L&D, I don't want anyone else in there.  I didn't last time either, and somehow that didn't happen until I asked the nurses to intervene and kick everyone out once they broke my water.  Thank goodness for L&D nurses being the "bad guys" when your family just won't listen!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I plan to stay 2 days. Our hospital is brand new, it has amazing food, a Starbucks, and they serve warm cookies and milk everyday at 2:00! They also send you home with a lasagna and salad. 

    I will I'll call my parents when I go to into labor so they can head in to stay with DD. DH's mom also lives in the garage apartment so she can help as well. 

    They will stay with DD until the baby is born, and then probably bring her up to the hospital. We live pretty close, so DH will be able to go home and shower, check in on DD, etc. 

     

     

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  • MKRLTXMKRLTX member
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    @Ahutch428 Do you mind if I ask what hospital that is???
  • @doodleoodle I won't have help past 10-14 days.  It's completely unrealistic to expect moms to not lift a toddler for 4-6wks.  When I had my 2nd csection by first was only 17 months.  She had to be lifted in and out of her crib, high chair, car seat, etc.  No hernias.  I did have the edge of my incision open up after my 3rd child but it didn't happen until 8wks after my csection.  


    TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!!  Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui) 
    #1 born December 2011
    TTC#2 - Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo
    #2 born May 2013
    TTC # 3 June 2014 BFP 12-1-14
    #3 born August 2015 
    #4!!!!!!! due June 2017 
  • ellie111227ellie111227 member
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    edited March 17
    I am uncomfortable having anyone but dh in the hospital, let alone the delivery room, when I am in labor. I never thought that was weird until reading how many people have their moms, mils, sisters, etc there. I guess I am just really private about it, and I would feel really pressured to let them come meet the baby soon after birth if they had been there waiting, which i am not ok with. I was pissed last time at my best friend just for texting dh for updates lol. I 100% will not allow anyone to be there, waiting room or delivery room, and I won't let dh tell anyone but immediate family (and his secretary, I guess) when I am in labor.

    I think the best thing we did was tell MIL and FIL that we didn't know when we would want visitors, that it would probably be a couple days, and not to start driving until we told them to. I ended up being ok with them coming the evening of the day dd was born, but I'm glad we kept the pressure off by laying down the law ahead of time. We'll say something similar to my parents this time since we now live with an easy drive of them instead.
    ladylolly89
  • Assuming I deliver vaginally again, we'll get 2 days in the hospital.  My mom will join us in the delivery room and my dad will stay with the kids while we're at the hospital.  I'm hoping to get discharged early as we were when delivering DD (LO #2).  My hospital usually lets that happen assuming the baby is doing well, nursing (or taking a bottle well) and has already had the necessary assessments from the team.  I just don't like being away from my kids and can't wait to get home and start settling into life as a complete family.  We typically ask family and friends to refrain from visiting for our first few days home so we can recover and bond as a family.  
  • @kyreno11 When we took our hospital tour the nurse giving the tour said that all we need to do is communicate to the staff who is/is not allowed to visit and they will take it from there. So DH and I don't actually need to communicate anything if we don't want to. Of course, we plan to tell everyone that we don't want visiting right away that visitors will be welcome once we get things squared away at home and feel ready.
    Me: 31, DH: 35, Diagnosis: MFI
    Nov 2015, Feb, 2016, May 2016: 3 IUIs = BFN
    July 2016: IVF (20R, 12M, 10F, 8B) = 7 PGS Normal
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       Beta #1 = 179 (9/26), Beta #2 = 480 (9/28)
       EDD: June 3, 2017
       DD Born: May 30, 2017
  • Most insurance companies follow the 48/96 hour rule.  Meaning for a vaginal delivery they'll pay for a maximum of 48 hours and a C-section section 96 hours.  It's less about the hours though since hospitals get paid for inpatient stays by the day.  So a vaginal delivery affords you two midnights and a C-section up to four midnights.
    This is the first delivery where we'll be living by family.  I haven't figured out how to coordinate visitors yet.  I also work at the hospital I'm delivering at and I've already had co-workers ask if they can come to my room post-delivery.  That's a little weird for me.
    I'd love to leave after one night but I'm having a C-section and I know that the doctors aren't going to be happy with me if I do that.





  • @Stankonia2014 @MKRLTX

    haha it's the Baylor Scott and White in McKinney. I loved it! It was like a hotel. The Baylor in Frisco does a Steak and Lobster dinner for the parents on their last night. I thought about switching to that hospital just for the lobster! 

     

     

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  • MKRLTXMKRLTX member
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    @Ahutch428 that sounds amazing. My OB is down in Plano so I'll be at THR. I heard they do the steak and lobster too, but we'll see. 
  • MKRLTX said:
    @Ahutch428 that sounds amazing. My OB is down in Plano so I'll be at THR. I heard they do the steak and lobster too, but we'll see. 
    I have heard great things about that hospital! 

     

     

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  • @jesselayne8 oh I'm right there with you. DD will only be 19 months when baby is born. I have to lift her constantly. She still flat out refuses to walk on the daily. I think regardless of help you'll still end up having to lift some. I just thought some help would be better than none. Do you mind if I ask if you had any indication your incision was in danger of opening prior to it doing so?
  • I was on the verge of violence over the medical staff not leaving us alone in the middle of the night when we were in the hospital after having DD.
    No, you do not need to come into my room at 4am to do a hearing test 
    No, you do not need to come check my LOs diaper 15 minutes after the other nurse came in to log our vitals... at 4:45AM
    NO, you do not need to come in to draw baby's blood after she FINALLY fell back asleep... at 5:20AM
    GTFO everyone! I turned into the worst patient. I complained to everyone. FInally the night charge nurse set up outside my room and said nobody was allowed in between midnight and 5:30. God bless that woman!!

    Hopefully I will have this LO at home, but if I need a CS I plan on leaving as soon as humanly possible. This time I'll be better equipped to put my foot down too. 

    As for visitors: I would like a couple of days before people start coming by to visit and nobody except my sisters will be staying with us. They will be helpful. Everyone else will just want to holding the baby and have me host them. I just can't... so they will be staying in a hotel if they want to come and visit 



  • I'm glad this post got so many replies!

    I guess I'm the odd one out because I actually don't mind visitors. We're close to our extended family and had a lot of them stop by the hospital the day after DD was born. They didn't stay too long and only people who I specifically handed the baby to held her. Once we were home we had more visitors, but I'm someone who needs social interaction so I think it kept me from going crazy. I also still wore my sweats or pjs and didn't get up from the couch, if someone needed to "host", my mom or mother in law or whoever was there stepped up so it wasn't stressful. Most people understood the need for short visits and for anyone who doesn't get it nursing is a great excuse. "I'm taking the baby inside to nurse so I'll say goodbye now" really gets everyone heading out the door. 

    @MKRLTX I wouldn't bank on using a nursing cover in the hospital. Your modesty will go out the window with the hospital staff, but if you want to be modest with your family I'd just politely ask them to step out. There's so much to sort out logistically with breastfeeding, I don't think you could do it covered in those first few days.

    @kyreno11 I would use the nurses as your allies against too many visitors. Even if there isn't any official hospital policy, you can ask them to not allow more than a certain number of people, or to have people call up before coming in. You can always tell people you are sleeping or nursing if you just can't handle visitors at that moment. Also, someone else mentioned this but many hospitals have rules against children who aren't siblings, so you can use that to keep little kids out. My sister is due soon and I'd never bring my 18 month old to visit her in the hospital or in her first couple weeks at home, I just don't think that's a toddler's place.
    Kylieslip24kyreno11
  • I really don't want visitors at the hospital either unless I invite you. Little boy is my first and I know that sleep/rest is hard to come by when you're in the hospital. My mom, sister (w/ my niece), brother, a few other selected people will come see us but I don't want folks just dropping by. My mom and sister are my support people and will be in l&d with me as well as my doula. I'm not an overly social person so being left alone is fine by me. I mentioned to my mom once that I really didn't want visitors like that but I don't know if she took me seriously. Guess we need to chat and be on the same page. 
  • @Ahutch428 McKinney is one of my favorite Texas towns. Doesn't surprise me they have a great new hospital.
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