Still battling PPD

andimegie325

I went back several pages and haven't seen anything recent posted, so I figured I'd ask... is anyone else still dealing with PPD? I feel like it's still hitting me hard, maybe the worst my depression has ever been. It feels like everything I do and every decision I make is wrong... every small comment feels like a personal attack on my ability to parent... I ended up forgetting an appointment with my last therapist and was too embarrassed to go back. I'm not against seeing someone, but with DH and my schedule, I'd have to bring the baby with me to an appointment and that just doesn't feel appropriate. Are there any other ways of coping with this? I'm just so done. 

BarrettJ89

I don't know that mine would be considered post partum, or just depression in general... I've never been diagnosed, but this past year seems to have had a huge black cloud. Between Brynlee's digestive issues/food allergies, an entire year of sleepless nights, my son having no speech, potential diagnosis for him, other family and financial issues... I'm just drained. I feel like everything is wrong. Some days I'm amazed (and blessed) that SO and I have stayed together through all of this...

Cricket99

Definitely see someone! Don't be embarrassed about it because everyone has their low points and needs help. Also, bring the baby if you have to. They aren't old enough to understand that you're going to therapy (and it's actually better to teach them to get help when they need it) and will be happy to go somewhere new. I feel like most therapists will work with you bringing your child with you to get you the help you need. 

TRA0816

I am..but I am also pregnant again so that makes it difficult to decipher. I have thought about taking anti depressants again. I totally feel your "black cloud" and I think I have a ton of anxiety to go with it.

KFrob

I've never talked about my PPD with anyone but a therapist and my husband.  I finally realized around 9 or 10 months that what I was feeling was PPD.  I was always fighting with my husband, he was constantly telling me that I was being mean, snapping, not myself, kept asking me if I was happy.  I always felt like a zombie, lost interest in everything and took no time to myself.  Every time we would fight about it I would spiral and started to get scared when I was having thoughts that my family would be better off with out me, not suicidal but thinking if there was an accident or something my husband wouldn't have to deal with me anymore and financially my family would be better off with my insurance and investments.  I finally started to do some research and realized that you can have PPD without feeling disconnected from baby and the typical questions they ask you at the Drs office.  I finally feel like I'm out of it for the most part but it was really hard.  I felt like my husband had a really hard understanding my point of view.  He kept talking about how miserable I was and was thinking I regretted or hated my life.  Its so hard to try to explain that you can be happy with baby and love being a mom but be depressed at the same time.  Becoming a mom and still trying to be yourself is hard to balance. I definitely lost my old identity and had to find myself again.  The hardest part has been knowing that I need to sacrifice time with baby and my husband to take time for myself, and most importantly I need to exercise for my mental health.  Taking that time and doing things that I sometimes think are selfish makes me a better mom and wife.      

andimegie325

@KFrob exactly! I'm not unhappy with my life or motherhood, but there is no more me. I feel like I'm constantly shirking my responsibilities, even just to take time for a shower. There is no more me. The needs of us supercede my needs, so mine don't get addressed. And maybe that's why I feel so unfulfilled, like I'm flailing to get a foothold in this new reality. 

kaym6

I don't have postpartum depression but can definitely identify with a lot of these feelings! I really hope anyone struggling with it is able to get the help they need and am sending you all positive vibes! I know mentally that I need to take time for myself but find it so hard to actually do. My husband is gone a lot for work and we live far from all family and friends so when he's gone it's just me and baby. This means my only real chance to take time for myself is when he is home and I really struggle because since he's gone so often when he is home I want to spend time together with him and our son. I def have times where I feel like the person I was is gone and now I am "just a mom" I don't mean just a mom in a negative way at all so maybe that's not the right phrase. I guess I just mean my identity is consumed by it at times. It's weird to look back on the past 6 months or so and think every single activity I have done or thought I have had is related to being a mom. I really need to make getting time to myself a priority especially now that I'm pregnant again but man is it hard! 

Hipshaker

This is the thread I needed to read. 

mrsgetz4000

Wow. I didn't know PPD could still rear its ugly head. I've dealt with a lot of things some of you ladies described. I actually have an appointment Thursday to see a therapist

nackie

mrsgetz4000 said:

Wow. I didn't know PPD could still rear its ugly head. I've dealt with a lot of things some of you ladies described. I actually have an appointment Thursday to see a therapist

A friend of mine didn't get hit with it until she weaned at a year.  Everyone talks about it in the first month or two but it can last (or show up) at long time past that.  Hope the therapist helps!

l4rk

I also read an article that it's common for women to experience postnatal depression anywhere up to 4 years:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/10843213/Depression-affects-mothers-most-when-child-is-four-years-old.html

KFrob

How is everyone feeling?  I had a glass of wine while I was hanging out with my husband the other day.  I was telling him how I read on The Bump that a new study showed that the best question to ask to determine if someone had PPD was how they were doing at work.  And then I burst into tears.  My husband hugged me and said that I must not be completely better if I was getting that upset.  Some days are still hard but most days I'm feeling back to myself.  Making time for myself, regardless of how much more crazy it makes our schedule, has helped the most.