@stokesm21, we're in that situation, mostly from my grandparents. We're in pregnancy number 2 but this will make 3 for us, and we've always wanted 4. I don't understand why my grandparents and others feel it's appropriate to look at me and tell me I may change my mind. All that does is piss me off, especially since it inevitably comes across as a vote of no confidence.
Married 25 May, 2013 William Alexander born 18 September, 2015 Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017 Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017 Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
@stokesm21@ktewart It's interesting to see that we get this from both sides. I'll be a FTM and I don't advertise it but we are one and done, and if someone really pushes I'll say that. They always make a comment about how I'll change my mind once this one is born.
@stokesm21@ktewart It's interesting to see that we get this from both sides. I'll be a FTM and I don't advertise it but we are one and done, and if someone really pushes I'll say that. They always make a comment about how I'll change my mind once this one is born.
I feel ya there too. My SIL does not want kids. People are constantly telling her she will change her mind. I know she won't and all her brothers know she won't either. She's honestly just not the type either haha! Her and her DH are very much on the same page about this. I feel bad for her taking crap about it all the time. Like yeah, we're women. Doesn't mean we have to have kids. Thankfully she's pretty laid back so she brushes it off but I'm sure she gets annoyed about it the odd time.
@CPR79, I agree. I genuinely believe that family planning is a topic no one has any right to bring up or weigh in on other than the people making and raising the baby/ies. One kid, ten kids, or no kids, no one has a right to tell me what is the right size or gender makeup for my family.
Married 25 May, 2013 William Alexander born 18 September, 2015 Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017 Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017 Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
@CPR79, I agree. I genuinely don't believe that family planning is a topic no one has any right to bring up or weigh in on other than the people making and raising the baby/ies. One kid, ten kids, or no kids, no one has a right to tell me what is the right size or gender makeup for my family.
@CPR79, I agree. I genuinely believe that family planning is a topic no one has any right to bring up or weigh in on other than the people making and raising the baby/ies. One kid, ten kids, or no kids, no one has a right to tell me what is the right size or gender makeup for my family.
Yes, yes to above statement!!! I knew I wanted two kids, but would have been just as happy with one, honestly! I'm baking number two, the opposite sex of my first born, and everyone assumes THAT is why we are finished. It's so annoying. I keep getting comments of "do you realize how lucky you are?!" and "oh wonderful, now you are finished!!" The comments are rude.
Re: People commenting about same/different gender of a baby.
I'm currently cooking boy #3, and I never once wanted a girl specifically or told anybody I want a girl or that I'm upset this is a boy. Actually, quite the opposite. We've been thrilled to be pregnant and are thrilled to welcome our baby, regardless of his sex and have been very vocal about it when someone brings it up. Yet every single person I speak to says "sorry" or "too bad", as if having three of each is something to be sorry for. I get livid, and pretty quickly. Yesterday I had my AS, and the technician told me "I can't perform any miracles. He's a boy. Sorry!" Even though DH and I didn't say a single word about wanting a girl or being upset this baby is a boy or indicating any of that ridiculous crap. I felt like screaming at her. I was in there shaking with concern hoping no issues would be found like they had with a previous pregnancy, and this lady had the balls to tell me she was sorry my perfectly healthy baby had a penis instead of a vagina. I seriously saw red. I didn't say anything because I was too mad to form any coherent words that were not just a string of swear words. You'd think someone who deals with parents and revealing abnormalities would be more sensitive when it came to telling parents about the sex, but nope, this lady just kept acting as if I was disappointed he was a boy or wanted a girl. Stop projecting your own warped feelings on me!
- totally judge people posting Bump photos on Facebook for their 1000 friends to see (also true for engagement ring pictures. Especially true for boudoir anything...)
Guilty haha! Except I only have about 150 friends on FB, 3/4 of who are family, a lot of which don't live here and we don't get to see often. I don't like the add-everyone-I-ever-knew approach to FB. It's not me. People try to add me all the time and most of the time I'm thinking, 'I didn't even like you!' I have 1 post that remains public that basically says if you're not a part of my life right now, don't bother.
Totally agree with the boudoir thing though. My husband would be mad and rightfully so. That shit is only for him (not like I've ever got them taken it but if I did)
Re: People commenting about same/different gender of a baby.
I'm currently cooking boy #3, and I never once wanted a girl specifically or told anybody I want a girl or that I'm upset this is a boy. Actually, quite the opposite. We've been thrilled to be pregnant and are thrilled to welcome our baby, regardless of his sex and have been very vocal about it when someone brings it up. Yet every single person I speak to says "sorry" or "too bad", as if having three of each is something to be sorry for. I get livid, and pretty quickly. Yesterday I had my AS, and the technician told me "I can't perform any miracles. He's a boy. Sorry!" Even though DH and I didn't say a single word about wanting a girl or being upset this baby is a boy or indicating any of that ridiculous crap. I felt like screaming at her. I was in there shaking with concern hoping no issues would be found like they had with a previous pregnancy, and this lady had the balls to tell me she was sorry my perfectly healthy baby had a penis instead of a vagina. I seriously saw red. I didn't say anything because I was too mad to form any coherent words that were not just a string of swear words. You'd think someone who deals with parents and revealing abnormalities would be more sensitive when it came to telling parents about the sex, but nope, this lady just kept acting as if I was disappointed he was a boy or wanted a girl. Stop projecting your own warped feelings on me!
Wow, to the untrasound lady!!! I probably would have called aftword and told them they might want to have a talk with her about apologizing for healthy babies. So rude.
CONGRATULATIONS on baby boy number 3!!!!! @supermom83
@supermom83 congratulations on baby boy #3! So happy for you. @stokesm21 sorry girl! I do differentiate though between having 150 friends and 1000 friends. I'm one of the 1000 friends people (prob deserve some judging for that lol). Whenever I see someone I'm not close to post a dozen fb bump / wedding planning / etc updates a day, I go check how many friends they have. If around 1000, I'm totally side eyeing
Yup, the comments are very anointing. My mom keeps making comments about how "when we have more kids." I got so annoyed that I just said we don't want more kids. I don't know if we will or won't, but I don't want it shoved down my throat. Can't I just enjoy this little one?
I have more FB friends than I need, but only about a third of them can see 99% of my posts. I heavily use the Share With Friends Except Limited Profile option. I still don't post bump pictures (just not my style), but I post a picture of DS sometimes - but never to the whole friends list.
Yes, yes to above statement!!! I knew I wanted two kids, but would have been just as happy with one, honestly! I'm baking number two, the opposite sex of my first born, and everyone assumes THAT is why we are finished. It's so annoying. I keep getting comments of "do you realize how lucky you are?!" and "oh wonderful, now you are finished!!" The comments are rude.
We're in this exact place. I always wanted 2, probably bc my sister and I were super close growing up 2.5 yrs apart. Then DH got sick, and we were not sure if even having a second was possible or wise for our family. We decided to go for it, since we'd take life as it came either way. Now that we're having a girl after a boy, it's all, "good for you, what a perfect little family! Perfect way to be done." (Looking at you, mom.)
PUHlease! I loved having a sister growing up. A brother/sister combo is a while different dynamic I know nothing about. Are we thrilled? Of course! But not bc it's one of each. Truth be told, I'm a little terrified, since raising a girl is a lot different than a boy. And if one more person tells me that "girls are so much harder...more drama!" I might puke. Back. Off. People.
Yes, yes to above statement!!! I knew I wanted two kids, but would have been just as happy with one, honestly! I'm baking number two, the opposite sex of my first born, and everyone assumes THAT is why we are finished. It's so annoying. I keep getting comments of "do you realize how lucky you are?!" and "oh wonderful, now you are finished!!" The comments are rude.
We're in this exact place. I always wanted 2, probably bc my sister and I were super close growing up 2.5 yrs apart. Then DH got sick, and we were not sure if even having a second was possible or wise for our family. We decided to go for it, since we'd take life as it came either way. Now that we're having a girl after a boy, it's all, "good for you, what a perfect little family! Perfect way to be done." (Looking at you, mom.)
PUHlease! I loved having a sister growing up. A brother/sister combo is a while different dynamic I know nothing about. Are we thrilled? Of course! But not bc it's one of each. Truth be told, I'm a little terrified, since raising a girl is a lot different than a boy. And if one more person tells me that "girls are so much harder...more drama!" I might puke. Back. Off. People.
Yesssss. We're having a boy after a girl and I'm so sick of those constant comments. "Oh man. Boys are so much easier." I call bull shit! I know nothing about boys. How the hell is this going to be "easier?" It's so annoying and it honestly makes me feel bad for my daughter. It comes across sometimes like she's not as wanted by extended family as this little boy I'm carrying right now.
My UO: Giving your baby a bath in the kitchen sink is utterly disgusting. A kitchen sink is one of the dirtiest places in a home, some argue that it's even dirtier than a toilet. Google it, I'm not making it up. Think of all the food particles that are lurking, all the raw chicken juices. Just EW!
I scrub my kitchen sink down with soap and water several times a day, and bleach it once a day and I STILL would never even dream of using it to bathe my baby no matter how convenient it may be. Just gross!
@chiquita928 and @PurplePoppy424 lol I get the exact opposite, that girls are so much easier than boys! In fact the only comment about this baby's sex that didn't bother me was from my mom who had said that she was hoping for my sake it would be a girl since girls are easier - just because she knows how much work 3 kids in 3 years can be on top of having DSS and the rest of our crazy lives to boot. DD1 has been a breeze but granted we are far from the preteen/teen years.
@chiquita928 omg I'm getting the same dang comments and I hate it!! Even before we had kids I was told: "Pray for all boys because it's so much easier. Girls are all drama..and they are sooooo expensive!!!" It drive me kind of crazy. I mean, some of the most dramatic, crazy kids/teens I know are boys!! LOL
I think it's just like how some people tell me going from one to two kids is so hard and a huge adjustment. Where others tell me it's easy because you have already been there, done that and felt it wasn't hard at all. It's all relative.
I have to say, it's an interesting discussion, though. While I'm not suggesting it's a kind or even fair thing to say to anyone, I can understand within individual families the desire to have certain mixes of genders. I can genuinely say that with my first, I didn't care either way. I actually wanted to smack my husband, though, because he (when pushed) vocalized that he really hoped for a boy first because he wanted any girls we had to have a big brother. I think the sentiment is sweet and don't mind at all that he feels that way. But when we found out we were having a son, I asked my husband if he was excited and his response was "I'm just glad he's healthy". I almost smacked him - all that talk about wanting a boy, he was getting his boy - you're allowed to be excited, dude! Haha.
I have to be honest, I'm really excited that one of our twins this time around is a girl, though. I read a Scary Mommy article not all that long ago that really struck a chord with me, written by a mom who had only boys, and the writer talked about how, as much as she adored her sons, a small part of her mourned the daughter she never had, mourned the milestones she wouldn't get to experience. While there are certainly exceptions to the rule, more often than not, girls don't run to their mother-in-law with questions about their first pregnancy or help with getting dressed at their wedding. That's a relationship that, theoretically at least, is fostered between mother and daughter (not to say you can't be close with your mother-in-law, but I think the point is valid). I think I have always thought of myself as a boy mom, but that article triggered a strong response for me, emotionally, and while I don't appreciate anyone else weighing in on what my perfect family should look like, if I'm being honest, I am very, very grateful for the chance to hopefully have that relationship and have those milestones with my daughter.
And I am aware that I am projecting, to some extent, but I think we do that with all children before they're born. We dream of their potential, of the memories we are hoping to make, of the people we imagine we will raise.
Again, though, those dreams, those hopes for a daughter or a son are between me and my husband, no one else, and the comments or judgements from friends and family and (I can't believe I'm saying this) tactless ultrasound techs are uninvited, unwelcome, and inappropriate.
Married 25 May, 2013 William Alexander born 18 September, 2015 Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017 Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017 Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
I have to say, it's an interesting discussion, though. While I'm not suggesting it's a kind or even fair thing to say to anyone, I can understand within individual families the desire to have certain mixes of genders. I can genuinely say that with my first, I didn't care either way. I actually wanted to smack my husband, though, because he (when pushed) vocalized that he really hoped for a boy first because he wanted any girls we had to have a big brother. I think the sentiment is sweet and don't mind at all that he feels that way. But when we found out we were having a son, I asked my husband if he was excited and his response was "I'm just glad he's healthy". I almost smacked him - all that talk about wanting a boy, he was getting his boy - you're allowed to be excited, dude! Haha.
I have to be honest, I'm really excited that one of our twins this time around is a girl, though. I read a Scary Mommy article not all that long ago that really struck a chord with me, written by a mom who had only boys, and the writer talked about how, as much as she adored her sons, a small part of her mourned the daughter she never had, mourned the milestones she wouldn't get to experience. While there are certainly exceptions to the rule, more often than not, girls don't run to their mother-in-law with questions about their first pregnancy or help with getting dressed at their wedding. That's a relationship that, theoretically at least, is fostered between mother and daughter (not to say you can't be close with your mother-in-law, but I think the point is valid). I think I have always thought of myself as a boy mom, but that article triggered a strong response for me, emotionally, and while I don't appreciate anyone else weighing in on what my perfect family should look like, if I'm being honest, I am very, very grateful for the chance to hopefully have that relationship and have those milestones with my daughter.
And I am aware that I am projecting, to some extent, but I think we do that with all children before they're born. We dream of their potential, of the memories we are hoping to make, of the people we imagine we will raise.
Again, though, those dreams, those hopes for a daughter or a son are between me and my husband, no one else, and the comments or judgements from friends and family and (I can't believe I'm saying this) tactless ultrasound techs are uninvited, unwelcome, and inappropriate.
The bolded is SUCH a good point and so true for me! I run to/call my mom about every little thing with this pregnancy, both good and bad, but I honestly rarely talk to my MIL about similar things. I don't keep the big stuff from her, but honestly even then, usually it's my husband who is telling her stuff. As sweet and caring as she is, I've always had this feeling of "she's not my mom." (Even though I do call her "mom"). But reading this makes me wonder if she has similar feelings to what you posted because she has two sons and no daughters. Whenever we're together she asks a lot of questions that of course I answer but it's never stuff I think to volunteer to tell her (meanwhile I sent my mom a pic the first time I actually looked pregnant in clothing, and I texted my mom immediately after feeling the first kick). This makes me want to try harder to do some of those things with my MIL, too.
TTC history in spoiler
Me: 31 Him: 37 Married: Oct 2015 Baby G born June 2017 TTC#2: July 2018 BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19 BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
I've heard girls are generally easier in the beginning and then they become more difficult as puberty rounds the corner. Who knows if that's true. Honestly any general statement is not that useful for a new parent because of individual differences. Sure, maybe girls are more expensive on average because of clothes and beauty products and such, but if you have a boy with an expensive hobby that goes out the window. General trends are helpful when you want to know "what are things like overall, for most people, in most situations?" ...not when you want to know "how exactly is this child going to be?"
I find it irritating that people make these statements and throw them in your direction as a way of saying how good or bad you have it, but people say stupid things sometimes. Please don't assume that just because I'm in the 2nd trimester I have tons of energy, feel totally like myself again, and have a raging sex drive. And please don't assume that just because I'm having a girl, she's going to be super obedient and docile and then that we're in for the drama.
@manillabar, it's definitely true, and there's another article that resonated with me (especially before I knew that Twin A was my girl, so I only had my son), but both of these are worth the read, if you're interested. They definitely made an impact on how I thought of my relationship with my mother-in-law.
The second made me cry, thinking about my own little boy who is currently asleep in his crib upstairs and who still needs me to rock him to sleep for his naps and who hugs my legs as I cook his dinner, so read at your own risk. But it made me re-evaluate my relationship with my own mother in law (who, I admit, drives me absolutely nuts). https://www.scarymommy.com/to-my-future-daughter-in-law/
Both were thought-provoking for me.
Married 25 May, 2013 William Alexander born 18 September, 2015 Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017 Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017 Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
@ktewart I definitely agree with your comment about being closer to your mom than your mother-in-law. It has been the biggest source of issues with me and my MIL because she has felt 'left out' or missing something because she had two boys. I go to my mom with everything. And while my husband and his brother include her in things, she just isn't as involved as my family is with me. Like you said, not everyone has the same circumstances- but I think it is a general rule.
Growing up I always pictured myself being a mom of two boys. I can't explain why, I just pictured it like that. After DS, and the close relationship we have, I was totally ready to have another boy. (The millions of 'I know this one is a boy' and the 'you just waits' from my MIL drove me UP THE WALL. She just KNEW #2 was a boy and that, since they would be four years apart just like her two boys, she knew EXACTLY what my future looked like. Gag.). When we found out this LO is a girl I was shocked. And so happy. I'd be happy either way. Boy or girl, this is a different baby and absolutely will be a different experience! (Although I won't lie, I am excited that I won't constantly be compared to her and her experience raising two boys).
In regards to girls being easier early on...my husband put it into perspective for me when DD was like 6 mo and we were just gushing over her and he turns to me and says "this is the face of someone who will one day tell you they hate you". And I was like YEP.
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
I had boudoir photos taken for my husband about 6 months after DD1 was born. I'd had 2 kids in 17 months; we knew we'd be trying again soon, and I figured it was only going to be harder to recover to a point where I liked my body enough to be photographed after each subsequent pregnancy.
I had a lot of fun at my session. The photos were amazing and I think I got more out of it than my husband did. It was really amazing to feel (after 2 years of feeling like a human incubator) that I could be sexy and feel fantastic about my body. I bought myself some really pretty underwear for the shoot and got a major confidence boost every time I wore it afterwards. You can be as serious/have as much fun as you want. I took some "classic" photos and some inside joke photos for my H.
After a lifetime of feeling mildly uncomfortable in my own skin, that experience was a real stepping stone to me loving my body no matter what.
@ktewart Thank you for sharing those. As a mom to one boy, another on the way, and no more babies planned, I definitely resonate with both your thoughts and with the author's message (of the first article). But what got me crying was that my mom wasn't alive to do those things for/with me... and she would have done them SO well.
@ktewart I agree that its not the norm, but I happen to be one of those people who is closer to her MIL than her mom. Combination of my mom and I having a shaky relationship and my MIL just being a really good personality match for me. I asked her to tie up my wedding dress, and she always gets baby texts first. I know she absolutely loves and appreciates it cause she has two boys. As a mama of a soon to be here son, I really hope that I at least get included by any future important women in his life. I dont expect to come before her mom, but I do hope she loops me in as much as she can and feels comfortable with.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
@kerils, you actually were on my mind when I wrote in the caveats on that post, since I know you've mentioned your relationship with your mother in law before. I'm envious! I try very hard with mine - more so now that I have a son as well - but she just drives me absolutely batty. In my defense, she drives my husband a bit batty, too (we're both usually good for about three days before we start to butt heads with her on visits).
I do think, for the most part, you are the lucky minority regarding that relationship, though (not lucky in that you're lacking it with your mom, just that you have it at all with your mother in law). This is pure speculation on my part, so I'm not preaching gospel or anything, but I feel like some of that may be in the difficulty of letting go of mothering in general. Once a mom, always a mom, right? And because I have a good relationship with my mom (a spectacular one, in fact), I just don't NEED another mother, so her trying to tell me what to do and how to do it, it just rubs me the wrong way and, in our case, she tries to over mother both my husband and me because we live 9 hours away from them.
Married 25 May, 2013 William Alexander born 18 September, 2015 Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017 Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017 Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
The gender thing is strange and a bit of a sore subject for me. My husband really wanted a boy and kept making comments. It turns out that we're having a boy, and he is very excited, but I don't think he would have been as happy if baby were a girl. Then, MIL told me she's glad it's a boy because DH wouldn't be as hands on if the baby were a girl. I said that he should be a good parent regardless of the gender. I feel like it's as if boys are made out to be better than girls. I don't like how the gender is such a big deal. But, I'm super hormonal lately, so it could just be me.
The gender thing is strange and a bit of a sore subject for me. My husband really wanted a boy and kept making comments. It turns out that we're having a boy, and he is very excited, but I don't think he would have been as happy if baby were a girl. Then, MIL told me she's glad it's a boy because DH wouldn't be as hands on if the baby were a girl. I said that he should be a good parent regardless of the gender. I feel like it's as if boys are made out to be better than girls. I don't like how the gender is such a big deal. But, I'm super hormonal lately, so it could just be me.
we were team green last time but DH definitely wanted a boy because "that's what he knows" but as soon as he met DD, he was so excited and in love - he absolutely loves being a dad to a girl, and is totally one of those dads that you see in commercials playing tea with their daughters! ...in fact, he was hoping this baby would be a girl, too.
I have to admit, I'm a little envious of you ladies that have good relationships with your MILs. DH and I were talking about why it's so difficult for me to be myself around her this week. Part of it is that she's not my mom, whom I'm close to and I don't want a replacement for (which my MIL was trying to do). The other part is my MIL's personality (which does not work with mine). I will fully admit that I gave her a chance and we were getting closer...up until last May, when she said a lot of bad things to me and screamed in my face. She still has not apologized. I cannot open myself up to that again. It put me in a very bad place mentally (I was already on my way there, but it did give me a little push) and I don't want to go through that again...especially with a child. I also don't want to have my child treated the way DH was treated when he was a child and now that he's an adult.
Married: 10/13/2013
TTC #1: Mirena removed 5/26/2015; DH - normal SA, me - diagnosed with PCOS 8/4/2016 - on Metformin; BFP - 10/29/2016!!!, EDD - 7/8/2017; DD born 6/29/2017
I've posted about this before, but it applies here. My MIL and I had an ok relationship when we were younger. After DH had cancer, it got worse, because I felt she was always meddling. After DH had the stroke, though, something changed in ME that made me realize that she wasn't meddling - she was just helping, and trying to take care of her little boy. It was a real eye opener for me, and I am so glad. My still ridiculously close with my mom, but now I feel like my MIL and I have a really special relationshup. It's nice
I don't have a traditional relationship with my mom and am closer to my MIL in certain respects. My husbands family is far more involved in our lives and with our children than my own. I don't think it's as rare as it seems, and I think a lot of it has to do with how MIL approaches the situation and how receptive DIL is to that.
Because I never had a model for a functional mother-daughter relationship, I never really had a vision of what it would be like to have a daughter. So I think that might be why I had absolutely no preference for sex (for any of the three) and don't really "get" gender disappointment. Not in that I don't understand that it's real or judge it but in that I can't empathize in the way I can with other things.
All that to say that maybe what I really am is jealous of everyone who would pick up the phone and call mom first. I hope I can create that with my daughters.
I've posted about this before, but it applies here. My MIL and I had an ok relationship when we were younger. After DH had cancer, it got worse, because I felt she was always meddling. After DH had the stroke, though, something changed in ME that made me realize that she wasn't meddling - she was just helping, and trying to take care of her little boy. It was a real eye opener for me, and I am so glad. My still ridiculously close with my mom, but now I feel like my MIL and I have a really special relationshup. It's nice
Sometimes I wonder if it is me that is holding our relationship back. I'm pretty hard-headed, and am not one to ask for any help. She is so pushy in trying to help that it just drives a wedge between us. Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sorry to hear that it was such hard times for you and your hubby that lead you to that place, but it is good to see that it can happen some day.
Just on the gender topic, everyone was asking what we wanted/thought we were having and I told them that since the beginning I was sure it was a girl. I had a feeling since I found out. DH and I were both hoping for a girl, but either way we were ecstatic.
I can't count the number of times people said, "DH wants a GIRL?!? That's so unusual. Most men want boys." I feel like I have to defend my family for really wanting a little girl.
@maybeitsmadeline That's a bummer! It seems like it's more common in general for people to want their own sex for their first child, but that's hardly a rule. Sorry people are saying that to you. My husband wanted a boy until he met our niece and absorbed some of my excitement about us possibly having a girl. Then he was pretty much onboard. We haven't had any of the surprised comments about it though. I'd just be like, "Really? Not in my experience!" buuuut maybe that's a touch passive aggressive.
I agree with everything you ladies are saying, and really appreciate the thoughtful responses and dialogue. This is why I love these groups!
I personally am hardly ever offended by people's comments. (I've said before that the only pregnancy comment I hate is, "Was it planned?" And we are thankfully past that point now.) If they have their own hang ups about the sex of a baby, that's their deal.
Re: UO Thursday
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
The comments are rude.
I'm currently cooking boy #3, and I never once wanted a girl specifically or told anybody I want a girl or that I'm upset this is a boy. Actually, quite the opposite. We've been thrilled to be pregnant and are thrilled to welcome our baby, regardless of his sex and have been very vocal about it when someone brings it up. Yet every single person I speak to says "sorry" or "too bad", as if having three of each is something to be sorry for. I get livid, and pretty quickly. Yesterday I had my AS, and the technician told me "I can't perform any miracles. He's a boy. Sorry!" Even though DH and I didn't say a single word about wanting a girl or being upset this baby is a boy or indicating any of that ridiculous crap. I felt like screaming at her. I was in there shaking with concern hoping no issues would be found like they had with a previous pregnancy, and this lady had the balls to tell me she was sorry my perfectly healthy baby had a penis instead of a vagina. I seriously saw red. I didn't say anything because I was too mad to form any coherent words that were not just a string of swear words. You'd think someone who deals with parents and revealing abnormalities would be more sensitive when it came to telling parents about the sex, but nope, this lady just kept acting as if I was disappointed he was a boy or wanted a girl. Stop projecting your own warped feelings on me!
Totally agree with the boudoir thing though. My husband would be mad and rightfully so. That shit is only for him (not like I've ever got them taken it but if I did)
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
CONGRATULATIONS on baby boy number 3!!!!! @supermom83
@stokesm21 sorry girl! I do differentiate though between having 150 friends and 1000 friends. I'm one of the 1000 friends people (prob deserve some judging for that lol). Whenever I see someone I'm not close to post a dozen fb bump / wedding planning / etc updates a day, I go check how many friends they have. If around 1000, I'm totally side eyeing
PUHlease! I loved having a sister growing up. A brother/sister combo is a while different dynamic I know nothing about. Are we thrilled? Of course! But not bc it's one of each. Truth be told, I'm a little terrified, since raising a girl is a lot different than a boy. And if one more person tells me that "girls are so much harder...more drama!" I might puke. Back. Off. People.
I think it's just like how some people tell me going from one to two kids is so hard and a huge adjustment. Where others tell me it's easy because you have already been there, done that and felt it wasn't hard at all. It's all relative.
I have to be honest, I'm really excited that one of our twins this time around is a girl, though. I read a Scary Mommy article not all that long ago that really struck a chord with me, written by a mom who had only boys, and the writer talked about how, as much as she adored her sons, a small part of her mourned the daughter she never had, mourned the milestones she wouldn't get to experience. While there are certainly exceptions to the rule, more often than not, girls don't run to their mother-in-law with questions about their first pregnancy or help with getting dressed at their wedding. That's a relationship that, theoretically at least, is fostered between mother and daughter (not to say you can't be close with your mother-in-law, but I think the point is valid). I think I have always thought of myself as a boy mom, but that article triggered a strong response for me, emotionally, and while I don't appreciate anyone else weighing in on what my perfect family should look like, if I'm being honest, I am very, very grateful for the chance to hopefully have that relationship and have those milestones with my daughter.
And I am aware that I am projecting, to some extent, but I think we do that with all children before they're born. We dream of their potential, of the memories we are hoping to make, of the people we imagine we will raise.
Again, though, those dreams, those hopes for a daughter or a son are between me and my husband, no one else, and the comments or judgements from friends and family and (I can't believe I'm saying this) tactless ultrasound techs are uninvited, unwelcome, and inappropriate.
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
Married: Oct 2015
Baby G born June 2017
TTC#2: July 2018
BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19
BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
I find it irritating that people make these statements and throw them in your direction as a way of saying how good or bad you have it, but people say stupid things sometimes. Please don't assume that just because I'm in the 2nd trimester I have tons of energy, feel totally like myself again, and have a raging sex drive. And please don't assume that just because I'm having a girl, she's going to be super obedient and docile and then that we're in for the drama.
The first is the one I mentioned initially.
https://www.google.com/amp/www.scarymommy.com/what-breaks-my-heart-most-about-not-having-a-daughter/amp/
The second made me cry, thinking about my own little boy who is currently asleep in his crib upstairs and who still needs me to rock him to sleep for his naps and who hugs my legs as I cook his dinner, so read at your own risk. But it made me re-evaluate my relationship with my own mother in law (who, I admit, drives me absolutely nuts).
https://www.scarymommy.com/to-my-future-daughter-in-law/
Both were thought-provoking for me.
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
Growing up I always pictured myself being a mom of two boys. I can't explain why, I just pictured it like that. After DS, and the close relationship we have, I was totally ready to have another boy. (The millions of 'I know this one is a boy' and the 'you just waits' from my MIL drove me UP THE WALL. She just KNEW #2 was a boy and that, since they would be four years apart just like her two boys, she knew EXACTLY what my future looked like. Gag.). When we found out this LO is a girl I was shocked. And so happy. I'd be happy either way. Boy or girl, this is a different baby and absolutely will be a different experience! (Although I won't lie, I am excited that I won't constantly be compared to her and her experience raising two boys).
Married: Oct 2015
Baby G born June 2017
TTC#2: July 2018
BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19
BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
I had boudoir photos taken for my husband about 6 months after DD1 was born. I'd had 2 kids in 17 months; we knew we'd be trying again soon, and I figured it was only going to be harder to recover to a point where I liked my body enough to be photographed after each subsequent pregnancy.
I had a lot of fun at my session. The photos were amazing and I think I got more out of it than my husband did. It was really amazing to feel (after 2 years of feeling like a human incubator) that I could be sexy and feel fantastic about my body. I bought myself some really pretty underwear for the shoot and got a major confidence boost every time I wore it afterwards. You can be as serious/have as much fun as you want. I took some "classic" photos and some inside joke photos for my H.
After a lifetime of feeling mildly uncomfortable in my own skin, that experience was a real stepping stone to me loving my body no matter what.
(Not me, but these cracked me up the other day)
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
I do think, for the most part, you are the lucky minority regarding that relationship, though (not lucky in that you're lacking it with your mom, just that you have it at all with your mother in law). This is pure speculation on my part, so I'm not preaching gospel or anything, but I feel like some of that may be in the difficulty of letting go of mothering in general. Once a mom, always a mom, right? And because I have a good relationship with my mom (a spectacular one, in fact), I just don't NEED another mother, so her trying to tell me what to do and how to do it, it just rubs me the wrong way and, in our case, she tries to over mother both my husband and me because we live 9 hours away from them.
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
...in fact, he was hoping this baby would be a girl, too.
Because I never had a model for a functional mother-daughter relationship, I never really had a vision of what it would be like to have a daughter. So I think that might be why I had absolutely no preference for sex (for any of the three) and don't really "get" gender disappointment. Not in that I don't understand that it's real or judge it but in that I can't empathize in the way I can with other things.
All that to say that maybe what I really am is jealous of everyone who would pick up the phone and call mom first. I hope I can create that with my daughters.
I can't count the number of times people said, "DH wants a GIRL?!? That's so unusual. Most men want boys." I feel like I have to defend my family for really wanting a little girl.
Me: 26 Him: 27
Dating: 5/2011 Married: 6/2014
Mirena out/TTC: 02/2016
BFP #1: 12/01/2016
EDD: 07/24/2017
I personally am hardly ever offended by people's comments. (I've said before that the only pregnancy comment I hate is, "Was it planned?" And we are thankfully past that point now.) If they have their own hang ups about the sex of a baby, that's their deal.