Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

How to cope?

How did you cope with your pregnancy loss?
 I found out I was pregnant(first pregnancy) at the end of October and last monday we found out our baby had no heartbeat and had stopped developing a few weeks prior. I was dealing with it well up until I had the d&c done and then I started feeling depressed. I thought getting back into my routine would help, but after one day back at work I came down with the flu and am back out of work for a few more days.

Re: How to cope?

  • I'm still not over it... I cry almost eveyweek and it's all I can think about. It's been 6 months now. I don't think it helps though that my sister in law is now 12 weeks along. I'm very happy for them, but it reminds me of what I lost and it's hard to be around them. 
  • I took a week off work but my m/c coincided with the holiday break and once the week was over I forced myself to go back. I also threw myself into some training after it.
    Tw Lc. I do think having a toddler forced myself to move on a little quicker than if I didn't have any living children. End tw.
    I am so sorry to see you here. Our edd were probably close considering when you found out. 
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  • For me personally, depression peaks the 3rd week post-loss. I think it's more hormonal since it happens at the same timeframe each time. I cried a ton after the first loss, did 4 months of therapy and Ativan. 3 more losses and I don't really cry much anymore since I never really get attached to the whole idea of being pregnant, unless I have a setback (like you had with the flu, or a slowdown in beta drop rate).

    I'm trying a lot of self-care. My friends all pitched in and surprised me with $300 in spa gift cards, so I have a massage this weekend, I am going out tonight for a paint & sip with a friend, I take time to go on scenic walks every time the weather has been nice, I'm going to treat myself to the good $30+ bottle of wine, etc.

    I won't lie though, this is my 5th week since the procedure (ectopic termination, not removal, I still have retained products) and my first week feeling "normal"/back to routine. I basically holed up on the couch or in my bedroom the first 4 weeks, read books or binged on Netflix, only leaving the house if I had to and not leaving at all in the first two weeks.
  • I'm still not over any of it :( 
    Siggy Warning--------

    CP #1- due April 2017 lost 5.5 weeks
    cp #2- due May 2017 lost at 4.5 weeks
    iUI #1- BFN
    IUI #2-BFN
    IVF#1- transfer 2- BFP! Due October 2017 c/p#3 lost at 3.5 weeks
  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  I am still trying to cope with my loss.  I found out I had an nonviable pregnancy at 12 weeks.  Similarly, that was my first pregnancy as well.  Up until that point, I still felt very pregnant and my body didn't realize that I lost the baby.  I was devastated to say the least and I opted to take misoprostol to induce my miscarriage.  I couldn't bear to feel pregnant while i was going through a loss, especially since I showed no previous signs of miscarriage.  After 2 rounds of misoprostol, I ended up having a D&C this past Friday because I had some stubborn tissue that wouldn't come out.  I still have moments of depression but it is not as bad as when I first found out about the loss.  Getting back into my routine has helped but I've also found that talking about my experience and sharing with others has helped as well.  It helped me not feel so alone and it was a little bit of an eye opener that other women in my life have also suffered a loss.  They shared their experiences and also, how they coped with their loss.  Each person deals with loss differently but I've learned that it's okay to grieve and that there isn't a time stamp on how long a person should grieve.  My doctor told me that a lot of women conceive and have healthy pregnancies after their first loss.  When I asked her about how long I should wait, she said that my husband and I can try after my first normal cycle and when we were both ready-- that also gives me something to look forward to.  I'm eager to try again.  Even though I'm terrified of another MC, I am more than willing to try again if it means that I'll have a chance at having my rainbow baby. Sending warm hugs your way.
    **~About Me~**
    Married: 06/13/16
    BFP: 10/25/16     MMC: 01/24/17 (12 weeks)
    BFP: 04/23/17     Due Date: 01/01/18
  • TW LC mentioned

    My first loss was hard. Totally unexpected and I went into a severe depression, withdrawing from my fiancé & my 14yo DD. It scared the hell out of both of them. This time, it was a shock but it wasn't as bad, mainly because I've turned my depression into anger at my doctor (I've posted why. Won't repeat here), determination to find better treatment, and our wedding that's a month away. Basically, distractions. This one was harder on my fiancé than last time because I had no loss of symptoms and in fact had more symptoms than last time. We are determined though. And we will have our rainbow baby.

    ****TW Signature****
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DD born 04/28/2002
    Married DH 03/25/2017
    1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
    BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018

  • Talking about it, time passing (which makes it better and worse), and leveling out of hormones helps a bit... but there's no doubt that this type of thing changes you. Life is just different.
    It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*

    Me: 36 DH 35 
    TTC  9/2016     BFP 12/9/16    EDD 8/21/17    NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
    TTC  2/2017  BFP 3/6/17   EDD 11/17/17   DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
    TTC 12/2018   BFP 6/2/19   EDD 2/12/20  NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
    TTC 7/2019   BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
    TTC 8/19    IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone  BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
    IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20

    AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
  • My mmc/d&c at 15w was in march 2015. I had my rainbow Jan 2016. The hurt never goes away, it just changes. It's ok though that's what's makes human.
  • For me the depression peaks with AF every month. what helped me was being able to talk about my loss with people who understood. Having a miscarriage did take a toll on my relationship but I have an amazing DH who stood by me through it all and were closer now then ever. Giving it time is one of the most important things, as well as taking care of yourself.
  • I took a week off of work for my mental and physical well being. I also wrote a letter to my unborn. I read it aloud to my family and my husband. We all cried. I needed to release everything I was keeping inside. That truly helped.  <3
  • I just went through my first mc last week. I talked to one of my best friends who also has had one. And what she told me has helped me so much. Just know that your mc is nothing you did, its something that happened to you and your child. Never think it is your fault and keep moving forward in a better hope that you will have another pregnancy and be the best mom you can be. Im sorry for your loss.
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