PGAL and waiting for a miscarriage

shara1733

I found out Saturday that I've been diagnosed with a blighted ovum.  I've read other discussions where women have been diagnosed with this and everything turned out ok, but I have several factors that point to a blighted ovum.  First, my progesterone was low, so I've been taking a prescription to get it up.  Second, my hcg hasn't been doubling.  It has been increasing, and I've read that it only doubles for about 85% of women, so that factor alone doesn't necessarily mean anything.  And lastly, my US report says "without visible embryo or yolk sac."  

I debated even writing this because it's not good news and I'm not trying to bring anyone down.  But I also know reading others' stories, whether good or bad, has helped me, so I'm writing this for anyone who may find it useful.  When I experienced my first MC in Dec 2016, I had found out 5 days before Christmas and was surprised at how little MC is talked about, among friends, social media, etc.  So I thought then that it's important to talk about because it happens to so many women.  Now here I am, with a gestational sac, waiting for it to miscarry.  I had started spotting 1 week ago, but very lightly, which can be normal anyway.  To put it in chronological order, here's my history of events/labs:
Dec 20-found out I had a MC after I had started spotting and a transvaginal US confirmed MC.  Started AF that day.
Jan 8-12-conceived sometime during this time.  We didn't mean to bc the OBGYN that confirmed the MC advised us to wait 2 cycles bc chances of MC are slightly higher if you conceive right after a MC
Jan 23-negative pregnancy test, but still hadn't started AF
Jan 28-BFP
Feb 6-progesterone was 9.8, so I started to supplement with 100 mg; HCG was 2977.5
Feb 8- HCG was 3379
Feb 10-HCG was 4487
Feb 13-started spotting, but barely anything
Feb 14-still very, very light spotting, more pink mixed with clear, not really red, sorry if TMI, just trying to be informational
Feb 15- US at an US clinic-they didn't have a radiologist on site to read it officially, but I was expecting a heartbeat.  The US tech said everything looked fine and the gestational sac was measuring at 6w 3d.  But I could see on the US that there was nothing in there, no yolk sac, no fetal pole, just blurry, but really looked empty
Feb 16- spotting a little bit of brownish/pink
Feb 17- more spotting, a bit more now; still hadn't gotten official results from having the US, so my midwife took a look with the US machine they have.  She's not an ultrasonographer, so isn't as skilled as using the US machine, but she's been doing this for a long time, and we were just looking.  It was looking pretty small and pretty empty.
Feb 18-got back the official report: gestational sac: 1.45 cm, EDD by LMP: 9/25/17, EDD by AUA: 10/8/2017, GA by LMP: 8w 2d, GA by AUA: 6w 3d "Early IUP, 6w 3d EGA by mean gestational sac diameter without visible embryo or yolk sac.

After speaking with my midwife, she determined that all of the signs were pointing to a blighted ovum. I can still get an US in a couple of weeks if AF hasn't come by then, but the chances are extremely low for any good news. 

Emotionally, this is quite some ride, to say the least.  When I got the BFP, I was happy, but I also didn't want to get my hopes up.  So I kept my emotions pretty neutral, or at least tried to anyway.  I wasn't trying to get too excited, but also didn't want to freak out either.  I definitely had my moments though.  Some really good highs and some really bad lows....but for the most part, pretty level.  But here towards the end, I had gotten excited, especially after that US tech said everything looked fine.  But I knew she was wrong.  I was supposed to be further along, but was measuring smaller, there was nothing in the sac....just I knew....
But I still got my hopes up.  The weird thing is, I haven't really felt pregnant this whole time. I mean, I've had some nausea, but emotionally I didn't start feeling attached until about a week or so ago.  Totally different from my first pregnancy.  So I guess my body knew.  

Anyway, idk if this helps anyone.  I didn't mean to write so much, but oh well.  It's hard to describe just how this feels, waiting for a miscarriage and I haven't come across anyone talking about this.  I can't say I've gone out of my way to look, but I just haven't heard anyone talk about waiting for a miscarriage....it sucks....you still feel like there's some hope, but everything points to no....your heart doesn't know where to go, so you're stuck waiting.

ShakeUpTampa

Sending thoughts and prayers! Please update us when you get a definite answer. I know there is such a stigma to loss, I myself didn't talk to anyone about our 2015 one until end of 2016 (over a year later) because I didn't want to hear what people had to say. I'm not sure why the tech would lie but maybe did you ovulate later? I am getting checked out today after going to ER last Wed..need to see if HCG has gotten where it should be but looking at back at ovulation sticks because it can be UP to 72hrs when you ovulate I could be anywhere from 1-3 days off my guess. Thank you for sharing, I know so many go to google and so much is outdated. 

2babes3angels

Sorry you're going through this. Praying for a miracle and that baby makes his/ her presence known--just a little late. And also for peace for you friend. We've been there 3x and it's just hard. Keep us posted 

bluejeanbabi05

@shara1733 my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this again, and so soon after last time. All the ((hugs))

shara1733

@ShakeUpTampa, thank you.  With my first pregnancy, I did tell some close friends and family...it was good not to be going through that pain in silence, so I'm glad I told, but also, people do give you all these stories.  And then somehow you end up listening to their pain and hurt when all you wanted was someone to listen.  You don't have the energy to listen to them, but you don't want to be rude, so you listen.  And then also telling about a loss you do have those who don't understand and then you have to explain how you did nothing wrong...it sucks, so I can see why people don't talk about it.  I don't think the US tech lied.  I think she actually believed everything looked ok.  Which is scary.  Seems like she needs to do some review.  I mean, I understand that there's that possibility that it was "normal," but she should've said that, not that for sure it looked great.  And yes, I have long cycles, so I did ovulate later, but there still should've been more on that US.  I went through every possible scenario on timing and on the latest possible timing, but still, there should've been more, especially with my labs....I hope everything goes well for you!

@marymoore711 thank you.  I'm sorry you've gone through this 3x.  It is hard.  I pray for a smooth pregnancy for you!

@bluejeanbabi05 thank you for the hugs.  They are appreciated!

lovemaddux

All my thoughts & prayers.  Wishing you a wonderful Rainbow baby soon. 

flowerintherain

@shara1733 I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had a loss 1/17, so literally last month and am now PGAL too. So I understand where youre coming from, and I know this must've been your worst fear I'm praying for you! Hopefully you're just off on the O date, and it's just too soon to see much. I know the quality of the US machine can also make a difference. Big creepy Internet hugs to you, and fx that everything turns out to be ok. 

Maksim's Mom

I feel so sad for all the women out there who've experienced losses. I had 2 MCs in 2016, one of which was a blighted ovum. We hoped and hoped it ultimately it just didn't happen. I was completely ignorant to the world of miscarriages until I had my own. Then, it's like a veil of innocent bliss was lifted off and I saw how often this horrible thing happens. Now I can never unknow it. I'm expecting again, 7w1d, first u/s next Monday and I cannot shake the fear and anxiety. 

I feel your pain. Breathe and try to find peace through all of this. 

shara1733

@lovemaddux thank you! One day I hope I will get that rainbow baby  

@flowerintherain yes, it was my biggest fear. And you definitely understand where I'm coming from! I pray the best for you and your rainbow baby

@Dobrovolskaya I'm so sorry for your 2 MCs. Blighted ovum is really hard because there's something there, just nothing inside, but you hope....and wait....I also was completely ignorant of how often MC happens, so with the first one I was devastated. I didn't think it would happen to me. But it's kind of a comforting thought knowing how often it happens because you're not alone. You have a better chance that you will have a healthy pregnancy than not, so try and think of all the good. Don't let fear rob you of your joy. I pray your US goes perfectly well! And thank you

virginiaham

I'm so very sorry you're going through this.  So many *hugs* to you.

Cythe

I'm so sorry you're going through this, the time you see the sac without anything in it and the standard 1 week appointment they want you to give it before you stop meds is utter hell, and I'm so sorry you're in it.

I had a BO last fall, it was my first ever pregnancy and after 2.5 years TTC we were so excited. Miscarriage wasn't even on my H's radar. Our first scan showed only a fuzzy gestational sac, measuring behind. They wanted me to wait a week, come back to be rescanned which of course was the worst week of my life. The following week, the sac was gone and I was instructed to stop meds and wait. I eventually had to take meds to get it started.

I'm sending you all my love and hugs, I hope that you can start to heal eventually.

crazypuglady

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Healing T&P for you as you navigate this heartbreak. **hugs**

Hiddenlake

@shara1733 I have also had a blighted ovum and the wait for the miscarriage is just torture. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
Someone told me once (after yet another MC) that no one in this world will love your future children as much as you do. No one will have more hope for them. So don't lose hope. You will get your rainbow. 

ladyglittersparkles

lots of love and hugs to you @shara1733. you will get your rainbow baby

shara1733

@virginiaham thank you, hugs are very welcomed
@Cythe I might be going back for another US.  If AF comes soon, then I probably won't, but if I don't start in a week or 2 I'll go back just for confirmation.  All signs point to no, but for sure I'll go back if AF doesn't come.  So sorry you've had to go through this too.  It really sucks and it happening on your first pregnancy doesn't help either.  I had a MC my first pregnancy, but didn't get this far along last time
@crazypuglady thank you for the T & P and hugs!
@Hiddenlake thank you.  I definitely have hope.  trials>perseverance>character>hope and yes, I agree, waiting for the miscarriage is horrible...I had to tell my boss today that idk if I'll be able to help her with extra work next week or not because I'm waiting for a MC...ugh...never thought I'd be in this position.  The thought never occurred to me.
@futuremrsspriggs thank you for the love and hugs!  

buttercream_frosting

I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing your story. it will definitely help others when they are trying to get more information on other people's experiences. I am sorry that you are waiting. I can't imagine what you are going through. I hope you get your rainbow baby. Also, please don't think you have to leave this board. Come check in when you get your next BFP.

shara1733

@buttercream_frosting thank you. I really wasn't sure if I would post, but I do hope it helps someone. I know I've been grateful for the stories others have written. And thanks for saying I don't have to leave this board. I stopped checking in on the bump after my last MC, but I have been thinking about staying on this time around. 

Uhlease13

@shara1733 I'm so sorry you're going through this I know so much more now that I've gone through two mmc myself...and being pgal is really a mindF!! You might find even more people to chat with on the miscarriage board and/or ttcal board. The women there are so supportive. Sending you hugs, the waiting game sucks. 

shara1733

@Uhlease13 yes mindF like no other!