Not pregnancy related but need creepy Internet hugs

rainafire77

I want to add a TW here for anyone who lost someone to suicide.

My younger sisters boyfriend called me this morning to tell me he had her committed today for threatening suicide. She was put on a 72 hour hold but the evaluator determined she needed to be held longer so she's now two hours away in a facility. We have a younger brother who is schizophrenic and in a halfway house so he can't help. We're half siblings and they had an extremely abusive childhood. Our bio-father is useless and is responsible for a lot of their problems as he left them both in another country with his psycho ex-girlfriend. (30+ years ago the Army wouldn't pay for the kids to be returned to the US when his assignment was up and she took his money so rather than fight he left them with her for two years until the state department returned them.) Neither of our bio-mothers are in the picture and our grandparents raised us. Neither of them are in good health either right now so they can't help. I'm the only stable local family member and I cannot take her into my house or support her financially. Her boyfriend can't deal either and is moving out but said he'd pay for her rent & utilities for a few more months. I have no idea what to do. I don't even know where the hell to begin in trying to help. I just feel so helpless and angry because our bio-father can't be a friggin man and support his daughter and that I feel like this is being dumped on me because I've actually got my shit together. 

I just needed to vent because this is stressing me out and I can't be stressed right now. Thank you for listening.

sableeg

I'm so sorry you and your family is going through this @rainafire77 I don't have much advice, but it makes sense to me that you're feeling dumped on.  Are there any community mental health programs in your area?  They may have supportive living programs that can help your sister get back on her feet and stay independent, or at the very least offer case management, therapy, and medication management services to help her stay successful in recovery after her hospitalization.

HollyGolightly09

Oh wow, I'm so sorry. Could you go talk to the people at the facility she is at and see what suggestions they have for long term? Has she been seeing a therapist or anything? 

koomy56

First of all, I'm very sorry and I'm sure it's very difficult. I lost my father to suicide under very different circumstances. Your sister needs someone. If you're the only stable family member then I suggest talking with her bf and accepting financial help from him. A lot can happen in a few months, she can realize she isn't alone because you opened your heart and home. She may find a job or a place to live, but being there for her will speak volumes, and honestly that's the one of the only things that I find solace in is that I did try to be there for my father, I opened every door for him. In the end it didn't turn out like we would have ever imagined, but at least I tried. I could never forgive myself if I hadn't. 
I know taking her in would cause stress and hardship to your growing family but the bottom line is she needs someone to show her they care, and it seems like it's you. (Hugs to you) 

rainafire77

Unfortunately our country mental health services are ridiculous. According to her boyfriend, she had started going to a therapist a couple of months ago who finally referred her to a clinical psychiatrist who couldn't see her for another month because they were overbooked. The facility can't even confirm that she's there because she hasn't given them permission to speak to me. I have to wait to hear from her boyfriend. This is all just a giant clusterf**k.

msashley2010-2

Oh my goodness I am so so sorry to hear about your sister! How overwhelming it must be for you to have so much going on along with dealing with the stresses and changes of pregnancy as well. 

 I can completely relate to this as my father (passed away recently) had schizophrenia as well. both of my siblings have some chemical imbalances as well as myself. I've been through times in my life where I thought about committing suicide and went to the hospital for help. 

I dont think its okay for anyone to dump the burden of caring for her entirely on you. I think just being in regular contact with her will help. Encourage her to talk about her feelings if she will and offer emotional support. I think suicidal tendencies stem from a feeling of worthlessness and feeling as though everyone else would be better off if you were gone. It's a terrible way to feel and i truly hope she will pull out of it. Sometimes all we can offer is just love and support. 

What pulled me out of my deep depression was surrounding myself with people and activities that brought me joy. It's a shame that her boyfriend is abandoning her in her time of need. 

koomy56

I dont think its okay for anyone to dump the burden of caring for her entirely on you. I think just being in regular contact with her will help

I absolutely agree with this, and was better put than what I said. If it did come down to taking her in I just meant it could be a great thing, instead of a seemingly burdening situation. ❤

rainafire77

@koomy56 I can't bring her in our house. My fiance is an in home care provider and his client lives with us. We had a hard time convincing the in home health agency that I wasn't doing all the things that he gets paid for. They'd never by it if I brought in another able bodied adult. He could possible lose a lot of his hours and pay. We literally have no room for her and we're breaking even financially as it is thanks to a huge increase in his health insurance premiums. So any support I give will have to be wherever I can find for her to live.

@Msashley2010 I don't entirely blame him. He's a recovering addict (5 or so years sober) and this stress is pushing him to want to drown it out in drugs in alcohol. In order to stay sober, he's got to avoid stress too. I wish he was staying and maybe after she gets help they can work it out.

mrs_tacos

I am so sorry you're going through this. My mother has borderline personality disorder, and was suicidal for a time when I was a teenager, so I know a little bit how difficult this can be. A good therapist (who she originally saw almost daily) made all the difference for her, which was paid for through some insurance, and some state grants. I'm not sure what country/state you live in, but one of the best ways you may be able to help her is researching whatever resources are available through the government or charities where you live. And hopefully she'll get some good resources where she is to help her once she's out.  

DPandMB

No real advice, but I am so sorry. T &P

ashley2824

Wow I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I can't imagine not having family support and having that much burden put on me. I don't have any advice, sorry. But I hope you're able to find some type of a solution. 

mercury94

I don't have much advice, but I'm so sorry. That situation is just unpleasant. It sounds like you are not in a place that has a lot of services available for mental health. Where I am, both the county and the state have services for people in need. I hope you can find someone to help her. 

cmar1006

I'm so sorry you have this burden on your plate right now. I have no advice, but hope this situation will have a positive outcome for you all. 

wyomama0427

So sorry for you and your family right now. No advice. Just hugs. 

SuperKristy85

I dont have any advice either but Im so sorry your family is going through this  

Sugargirl1019

I don't have advice, but I wanted to offer hugs and say I'm so thankful your sister has a boyfriend that cares so much about her. I'm so glad she is in a safe place with people trying to help her. Breathe, and all the hugs.

runbyfruiting

No advice but lots of creepy internet hugs. 

jessieR358

This is a really tough situation. I lost my brother to an overdose 5 months ago. I don't know what's the best thing for you to do. I'm so sorry for this drama and what you are having to go through. Thinking of you. 

JNR6510

I'm sorry you have to go through this. (((Hugs)))

Hopefulmommy1980

@rainafire77 I am sorry. Hug