Monda B*fest, 1/29 - Page 2 — The Bump
February 2017 Moms

Monda B*fest, 1/29

2

Re: Monda B*fest, 1/29

  • @peachesnbean Oh no! I hope your LO recovers soon. Strep sucks

    @Jab3 I hope you are able find a better living situation soon. But yay to a working toilet!
    jab3-2
  • kswiger06kswiger06 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2017
    Uh oh... guys I have a whiny, spoiled, mil... she has been sending stupid messages to both me and my husband. 2 days ago she asked me this... "hey are you close to having that grandson?" I ignored it because I thought it was stupid... since I didn't respond she texted my husband yesterday asking him if we had the baby yet. Even though we already told her that we will call or text her when I go into the hospital... then today she called me as I was walking into my Dr appointment so obviously I ignored that, but she left a voice mail saying she texted me and I didn't respond so she wanted to check on me. I decided to just send her a quick text, so the following is what happened. Am I being bishy? Should I even respond to her. I hate feeding into her nonsense and over dramatic ways. All she's looking for is me to kiss up and say "oh no you're not bothering me, I'm just being a grouch." But I have no interest in doing that unless it really is just me. How would you proceed?


    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Own it @kswiger06. Don't apologize 
    kswiger06JanefelicityWinchesterGirlbecbec28
  • @kswiger06 Agreed with @Xstatic3333. If you feel the need to say anything else just say "no worries! " or "no problem" Lol. I tend to say that a lot as a way out of those types of convos. 

    I nean if if you're busy, you're busy and sometimes we just don't feel like talking. Nothing personal. Well sometimes personal.. haha 

    kswiger06
  • @kswiger06 why does your phone screen look like that!!!! 
    Starfish113PerraSuciaMissMerciBeaucoupCurlyCupcake21
  • MrsDramaKMrsDramaK member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2017
    kswiger06 said:
    Uh oh... guys I have a whiny, spoiled, mil... she has been sending stupid messages to both me and my husband. 2 days ago she asked me this... "hey are you close to having that grandson?" I ignored it because I thought it was stupid... since I didn't respond she texted my husband yesterday asking him if we had the baby yet. Even though we already told her that we will call or text her when I go into the hospital... then today she called me as I was walking into my Dr appointment so obviously I ignored that, but she left a voice mail saying she texted me and I didn't respond so she wanted to check on me. I decided to just send her a quick text, so the following is what happened. Am I being bishy? Should I even respond to her. I hate feeding into her nonsense and over dramatic ways. All she's looking for is me to kiss up and say "oh no you're not bothering me, I'm just being a grouch." But I have no interest in doing that unless it really is just me. How would you proceed?

    Yes you're being bishy.  It's her grandchild and it would have taken you ten seconds to reply "Nope, not yet, but we'll keep you posted."  Instead you drew it out by ignoring her.  Believe me, I get that ILs suuuuuuck, but you could have made it easier on yourself by just replying in the first place.
     Me: 27 | DH: 28
    TTC since January 2016

    BFP - 3/12/16 - MC 4/5/16
    BFP - 6/11/16



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    kswiger06CurlyCupcake21
  • Yeah I think your reply was kinda harsh and she was just trying to check on you! I know it's annoying trust me, but still innocent enough. 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    kswiger06
  • @kswiger06 I don't think you need to say anything else.  If anything, you just need to keep the ball in your court.  Something like "we'll let you know as soon as anything happens" is good.  All she wants is to know she's going to be in the loop.

    I also kinda think that of everyone, grandparents have the right to ask these questions.  If it were some random friend or coworker, I'd be annoyed about probing questions.  But her text is pretty harmless, and of course she called you if she hasn't heard from you since Wednesday.  Shutting her out at this point is only going to make her behave more dramatically.  It won't kill you to play nice with her for a few more days.
    kswiger06kirstynikole
  • @kswiger06 I agree with PPs I wouldn't say anything more and definitely wouldn't apologize. 

    All the random inquiries of how much time I've got left before the baby comes are getting old. 1 - I don't know when he's coming, he'll come when he comes. 2 - I probably wouldn't mind if people were just asking when my due date was b/c they didnt' know or forgot but people have the worst ways of inquiring. One co-worker this week said "You must be getting close because you look exhausted!" Sadly I felt like the night before was one of my better nights sleep and I was feeling pretty ok that day but thanks for telling me I look like crap even on what I considered a good day... Then everyone around starts making jokes like "You'll get even less sleep when he's here" and "Don't worry you'll catch up on your sleep when he goes to college". 
    Me: 26 | DH: 27
    Married: October, 19, 2015
    2 Furbabies: Dezi & Gronk
    EDD 2/22/17 <3 DS born on 3/2/17

    kswiger06Janefelicityjab3-2becbec28
  • From what I remember, there is a lot more backstory with @kswiger06's MIL and a precedent for needing to be kind of strict about boundaries. If this were my MIL, who is good with boundaries, my response would have been different. I also don't think that every text deserves a response and that people should still use phone calls for important things but clearly I'm a fossil with that viewpoint.
    My FIL invited himself to stay at my house for 12 days immediately preceding and following LO's birth.  The same FIL who once told me he was "relieved" I really loved his son because he didn't believe I loved him when we got married.  Yeah, I get that ILs can have boundary issues, I don't think MILs questions violated any sort of boundary.  Is it annoying to get asked?  Sure, but sometimes you just grin and bear it or your causing as much drama as the other person.
     Me: 27 | DH: 28
    TTC since January 2016

    BFP - 3/12/16 - MC 4/5/16
    BFP - 6/11/16



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    kswiger06
  • Spicyweiner Spicyweiner member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2017
    Yeah I'm team being too harsh. 
    Shes excited about a grandkid, it's not like she's asking to check your cervix. 
    kswiger06
  • @kswiger06 it looks like I have a UO, but I don't think you were too harsh. Especially with the history you've had with your mil. Obviously the baby isn't here yet or you'd tell her, and you can't predict the future, so how are you supposed to know any better than her if you're getting close or not? 
    If I were in that situation however, I would respond again and say "oh you're no bother!" Because I'm a pushover and wouldn't want any hurt feeling by any relatives this close to the birth of a new baby. You don't have time to deal with in-law drama so it's probably best to keep things as peachy as you can to save yourself and your H the trouble of a but hurt mommy in law. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Starfish113kswiger06jab3-2becbec28
  • I also think it's hilarious that the same people bitching about their MILs not buying their kid anything, are also saying that MILs shouldn't be sending texts asking about the baby. 


    MrsDramaKsrscott3imalwaysme79CurlyCupcake21
  • I probably would tell her it wasn't a bother and add that you will definitely let her know when you're going to the hospital or whatever you and dh had decided. 
    My mil legitimately asked about my cervix in which I didn't respond to that, but I did tell her that I was feeling fine, excited for baby etc even though I was frustrated by her question. I know she means well and it's definitely not worth it to have hurt feelings and family drama right before bringing a new baby into the world. 
    . Lilypie Pregnancy tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Starfish113kswiger06jab3-2
  • kswiger06kswiger06 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2017
    Ok, thanks for the honest responses. Yes, we do have boundary issues with her. She gets upset anytime anyone says or does something that isn't exactly what she wants the outcome to be. I probably shouldn't have texted her at all because for the last year or so she's been taking everything I text and thinking it was mean or grouchy, so since this was actually more rude of me than normal its probably exaggerated by 10 from what it should have been. I was hoping this would be blunt but not to the point of her getting upset. I definitely don't want to apologize or backtrack though because boundaries is an issue. I agree that this by itself shouldn't be a big deal for me to have picked as my battle, but I think too much has been wearing on me from her recently and this just tipped me over the edge, because she just heard from my husband yesterday that all is well, and theres no new news. I'll end up calling her to chat, since she did call earlier, but I won't further add to the texts since tone can't really be understood in words, and I think even responding with "it's no problem" or "we will let you know if something happens" will for sure get her upset thinking I'm telling her she's bugging me. Ummmm oh and I'll add the tag in a second, but whoever asked about my screen looking like that, I personalized my message screen to have different colors because I thought the standard white was boring, but it drives my husband crazy everytime he looks at my phone lol. @homemake

    Oh I realized too... that text she sent weds was because it was her bday and she has made it overly clear that she didn't want to share her bday with anyone and a few weeks ago she said "I hope the baby's not born on anyone else's birthday" so I was slightly annoyed to receive that text on "her" bday... not that it gives me an excuse or anything.
    Pregnancy Ticker
    WinchesterGirllfrank12jab3-2poetryandoceans
  • MrsDramaK said:
    kswiger06 said:
    Uh oh... guys I have a whiny, spoiled, mil... she has been sending stupid messages to both me and my husband. 2 days ago she asked me this... "hey are you close to having that grandson?" I ignored it because I thought it was stupid... since I didn't respond she texted my husband yesterday asking him if we had the baby yet. Even though we already told her that we will call or text her when I go into the hospital... then today she called me as I was walking into my Dr appointment so obviously I ignored that, but she left a voice mail saying she texted me and I didn't respond so she wanted to check on me. I decided to just send her a quick text, so the following is what happened. Am I being bishy? Should I even respond to her. I hate feeding into her nonsense and over dramatic ways. All she's looking for is me to kiss up and say "oh no you're not bothering me, I'm just being a grouch." But I have no interest in doing that unless it really is just me. How would you proceed?

    Yes you're being bishy.  It's her grandchild and it would have taken you ten seconds to reply "Nope, not yet, but we'll keep you posted."  Instead you drew it out by ignoring her.  Believe me, I get that ILs suuuuuuck, but you could have made it easier on yourself by just replying in the first place.
    This would have been taken from her that I was telling her to quit checking in... I think I was in a lose/lose for texting her... honestly I should have just called to avoid the issue but was worried I'd still sound grumpy.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @kswiger06 Take this with a shaker of salt because I have my own MIL/mom issues, but I probably would have done the same. Sometimes the best response is no response.

    I also would not apologize because that minimizes your boundary.... plus, maybe it's just issues I have with my own mother but she often says things like "sorry to bother you" with the sole intent of guilt tripping me or trying to get an apology. That may not be the case with yours, but it would be with mine. It is harder to read intent via text, though.

    Considering that you already have a history of boundary stomping from her... I'd just leave it alone. 
    Rainbow baby Dean is due 2/17/17!
    kswiger06yogadeviljab3-2
  • @kswiger06 good response. I'm sorry she has boudary issues / is hell bent on taking everything you say the wrong way.

    @Spicyweiner If it were my MIL my answer would have been different. But kswiger has different issues with her MIL than I have with mine. Different in-laws require different responses.
    kswiger06yogadevil
  • I dont get why people have such issues with grandparents (or other close relatives) sending text messages asking for updates/ info/ whatever. 
    They are excited. 
    Is it really that hard to take a few seconds to write back "no change yet" or something just to let them feel included? 

  • @Spicyweiner with DD2 it really bothered me after I was late mostly because I was anxious about it/not wanting to get induced. Inhad the same group of like 6 people texting me multiple times a day when I was trying to get my mind off it. I hadn't conveyed that to them before the bitchy started, to be fair. Some didn't GAF such as my MIL.


     <3 DD1- Aug11 <3 o:) Angel Baby- June13, said goodbye Oct12 o:) <3 DD2- Aug13 <3 <3 DD3- due Feb17 <3

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

  • @Spicyweiner with DD2 it really bothered me after I was late mostly because I was anxious about it/not wanting to get induced. Inhad the same group of like 6 people texting me multiple times a day when I was trying to get my mind off it. I hadn't conveyed that to them before the bitchy started, to be fair. Some didn't GAF such as my MIL.
    I mean, multiple times a day is insane. I would lose my shit over that. 
  • Eh I see both sides of the coin. On one hand it doesn't make sense to me because I don't have these types of issues. I don't have close relatives nagging me weekly (or more often) and take my word that when said baby comes, you will know. My ILs and my parents are pretty respectful of our boundaries.

    On the flip side, if I did have issues, I would probably be reacting differently. I don't know the back stories of a lot of the IL issues on here, but I know there are some. If I had constant issues with ILs and then had them texting me all the time pestering me, I'd be annoyed too. And @kswiger06 correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't your MIL go back to your DH thinking you're being mean in a lot of your text? Even when you're not? Seems kinda damned if you do, damned if you don't as far as texting her back. Add in the fact that your H just texted her yesterday, then I don't see why she called today. She got her answer just yesterday that no you haven't had baby yet, we'll let you know when we do. I would've probably said nothing has changed if it does we'll let you know, but I could definitely see being annoyed by this.
    BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12 BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
    kswiger06jab3-2kirstynikole
  • kirstynikolekirstynikole member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Photogenic
    edited February 2017
    I dont get why people have such issues with grandparents (or other close relatives) sending text messages asking for updates/ info/ whatever. 
    They are excited. 
    Is it really that hard to take a few seconds to write back "no change yet" or something just to let them feel included? 

    In @kswiger06 case,  it's hard to say because I don't know their full relationship. I know she seems to not want to often upset people, so I figure she has her reasons on boundaries. Reading a second time, I probably would've included like a smile and "no worries we'll keep you updated" at the end of my text. Just to show I know she cares and I'll keep her included but sometimes I just get busy.

    @Spicyweiner I wish my damn parents would ask or show interest. I'm pretty fortunate that My inlaws are awesome and we live on the same street, so they're always checking in etc. Sometimes it can be overwhelming(because they literally live 3 houses down in a duplex where their parents live on the other side), but I always respond because I know it's out of love. My parents on the other hand  are MIA until it's time to take a picture and take credit. Which is annoying AF. 

    Eta: I know in-laws can be tough. It's taken me the last year to really figure mine out. When we first moved back 2.5 years ago my MIL got her feelings hurt often and I didn't understand why, but then I realized she was used to being the only woman in her sons lives. Once I tried to understand that and set some boundaries that I'm also now in the picture, we've been great. I make an effort to reach out to her and vice versa.. but I know not everyone has inlaws willing to try and find a happy medium. It can be such a tough subject and fine line between setting boundaries that you're an adult as well, and being respectful.

    jab3-2
  • @homemake between the font and the color scheme it could have been in the what makes me weird thread  :D
    Is it really weird?? 
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  • kswiger06 said:
    @homemake between the font and the color scheme it could have been in the what makes me weird thread  :D
    Is it really weird?? 
    Maybe if you were really into the Chicago bears 
  • kswiger06 said:
    @homemake between the font and the color scheme it could have been in the what makes me weird thread  :D
    Is it really weird?? 
    Maybe if you were really into the Chicago bears 
    ^^ lmao this. Yea it kind of kills my eyes to look at. Then again I'm on the basic level & have standard iphone messaging. 

    PerraSucia
  • I dont get why people have such issues with grandparents (or other close relatives) sending text messages asking for updates/ info/ whatever. 
    They are excited. 
    Is it really that hard to take a few seconds to write back "no change yet" or something just to let them feel included? 

    +1 to this. Like I said my FIL is not my favorite person but I text him every week a photo of my bump and an update son he feels included and you know what tonight H's step mom made it a point to tell me how much he appreciates it.  A little effort goes a long way.
     Me: 27 | DH: 28
    TTC since January 2016

    BFP - 3/12/16 - MC 4/5/16
    BFP - 6/11/16



    Pregnancy Ticker
    kswiger06kirstynikoleStarfish113
  • kswiger06 said:
    @homemake between the font and the color scheme it could have been in the what makes me weird thread  :D
    Is it really weird?? 
    Maybe if you were really into the Chicago bears 

    I don't know anything about any sports really, so I had to Google to see the reference to the colors lol. I change the colors every now and then when I get bored with it, but I've had this the longest. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • on the topic of letting grandparents be involved...

    MIL has decided that she's sending a birth announcement. Of our child. Signed from H and I. After I told her that I'll already be sending ones out. I mean, I'm pretty pissed about it, just not sure if being this upset is warranted.


    kswiger06WinchesterGirlkirstynikoleJanefelicity
  • @srscott3 Is she planning to send them to the same people you are? If so I would be mad too. It's YOUR child you are announcing and you should get the right to send them out. I could only maybe see her side of it if she wanted to send them to additional people. Even then, her sending but signing them as you seems weird to me
    kswiger06leslie1331Janefelicityjab3-2
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