I tagged DH in my weekly bump picture on Facebook...MIL just joined Facebook a couple of weeks ago (I haven't accepted her request yet..need to set up some privacy settings)...she made this comment...ummm it's OUR baby, not hers....
@disneybaby84 I expressed my frustrations to DH and he told me I could correct her...will probably wait until tomorrow to do so...I plan to say something like "you mean your grand baby?"
Me (37) Hubby (39)Marriedsince 4.2009 EP: 2.17.2016 DS: 3.4.2017 DD: due 7.16.2019
Yeeeea, my boss at work has eased off from talking about baby stuff at all with me lately, but for a while, she kept saying it was "our" baby and talking about how I need to bring him into work after he is born so she can visit him. Like... #1, I wouldn't trust you with a #2 pencil, much less my child, and you have been pissing me off so much lately that my husband has threatened to call and chew you out over the stupid crap you've been pulling. #2, I work at a facility for recovering addicts who have some form of schizophrenia plus other mental health issues. Really great place to bring a baby, right?? And yet, I have less of a problem with the residents being around el kiddo than my boss being anywhere near him.
@ngcsugirl1112 wow that comment she made would make me never want to accept her request & maybe even block her from seeing future posts- like if your husband could put her on a restricted list to only see public things? I would reply to the comment with just *GRAND-baby
@disneybaby I can't believe your MIL would curse you guys out like that, that's just unnecessary and so beyond rude, I agree I wouldn't want her anywhere near my child! I like your rule with your husband btw about him not having alcohol as you get closer to your due date, makes so much sense.
@disneybaby84 - yes - if my MIL would say F you that would be the last time she'd speak to me, my DH, or see her grandchild. And DEFINITELY would not be coming over to my house after that.
I have my own MIL issues, but some of you ladies really have it much worse than me! I feel for you!
My random - my DH kindly told me last night that his dad was at our house today with his dog (dog doesn't get along with the cleaning person). I kindly told DH that this has to stop once baby comes because I can't have them there with a newborn. Last thing I need is the dog to start barking up a storm while baby is sleeping. OH HELL NO. So we'll see how this goes.
Oh Man you guys, I am a terrible person. I was reading all of the bitchiness in the Feb thread and it really makes me want to just start a bunch of random threads on their board....... Thanks for the idea to lurk on it ladies!
Oh goodness MILs I'm so over mine! You ladies seem to have it worse than I do ... but DH has had it with them making me feel invisible and like I don't matter. He's going to talk to them about it after work while I'm at the doctor appointment (he's been to all of them so far just can't make it to this one because of work anyways). I'm glad he's standing up for me and our family but I'm so nervous about it!
Could I just say how annoyed I am by all the bathing suit advertisements showing up in my email and Facebook. Like I am going to buy one anywhere in the near future. I'll be happy if I lose the weight to fit in my old bathing suits. Not that I would have a chance to wear them.
I guess I can add this here: I'm annoyed at how many people keep saying to me....just wait until you're too tired to do anything. Like I know what I'm getting into. someone asked me if we're going to have someone stay at our house the first week....and I said...no....we want to get acclimated to being parents and have our own time with our baby. why is that such a shock?! I don't want my MIL around to tell me that I'm doing everything wrong because that's now how SHE would do it. I don't need people's opinions about how I'm going to choose to raise my baby. I just really wanted to tell this person to back off.
P.S. It's not that I don't want help or won't need help....It's just I feel like I should get used to being a parent without peanut gallery comments for a little while.
@mecoats I don't blame you. We had my parents help us last time and will again this time, but my parents aren't overbearing and they actually pitch in and help. I would've ended up strangling my MIL if she came out first. You know what's best for your sanity and screw anyone else and their unsolicited opinions.
@mecoats I loved not having help last time, and did just fine! I didn't even have DH because he used all his paid time off for our longer than expected hospital stay. Sorry ppl are annoying you about it. Maybe give them another option--like instead of focusing on not wanting ppl there to help you can suggest they help by prepping or bringing meals?
@mecoats Get it girl! I honestly wish that I could be as confident as you that I'll be able to handle the first couple weeks alone.
I will do everything in my power to keep my MIL away the first weeks because of our strained relationship, but I fully plan on having my mom stay with us for the first week at least. I'm not sure what I would do if I were expecting a singleton. My situation is weird with a disabled husband who can't really help much around the house, and has never held a baby before, and we're expecting two. I fully welcome the help from my mom. I also know I can tell her to GTFO if I need to, so there is no pressure on me to put up appearances or anything.
@kjd291 - I agree - people are more than welcome to visit (and bring meals!), but no one is staying over. The people that would be there would be my in-laws, and I get enough of them. The exception would be IF my parents want to come into town...but they plan on asking me when I would like them to come into town.
I just think some people need to mind their business....and what may have worked for them might not be what I want or what would work for me. I appreciate all advice that I get, and maybe I just need to let it roll off my shoulders. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut.
@kiyamurph - Thank you At least I feel better knowing that I'm not crazy for wanting my "alone time" with my baby to bond.
So DH has 0 baby experience and with my VWF there is a chance I might be in the hospital longer and that baby might go home before me. Very slim, but the possibility is there. He asked his mom if she'd be able to stay over if this happened. She said she might be able to maybe figure something out if she had to. She 100% could be available but pretty much is a b*%^$. I asked my uncle the same question if he would be willing to help if this happened and he said he, my aunt, and 20yo cousin would all stay and help as long as needed. I just don't understand someone who is sooooooooo over involved in her son's life (my DH) but won't commit to helping out if im dying in the hospital. But she had the nerve to ask if we would let her be in the waiting room during delivery. She commented that she didn't want to be the last to know when baby arrives, etc to get sympathy from DH. Ugh.
@jrde50eb12 I find that MILs like yours are what people like to call a Facebook Grandma. I guarantee she'll post a crap ton of pictures of your LO and gush about him/her, but she won't do a damn thing to help. She's over involved in her son's life because she clearly doesn't understand that you're the number one woman in his life now and not her. How does your husband respond to her when she's being ridiculous? Does he shut her down or just go along with it to not create drama? Btw, what's VWF?
@kiyamurph VWD is a blood clotting disorder so if things don't go as planned I might have bleeding complications that could mean I have to stay for a while at the hospital. Initially MIL and I got along. For like a good 3-4 years. Then we got married and the past 4 years have been a quick downhill slide. Initially DH was more with his mom, but as the remarks, requests, and overall bs has gotten worse he's starting to put his foot down more with her. But as he's her baby she knows how to weasel her way in. Like with the comment about letting her know when I'm in labor. He fell hook line and sinker fawning all over her like of course we'll tell you as soon as it happens and of course we want you to come to the hospital (waiting room only!!!!). He's starting to see things from my perspective but it's his mommy. Both my parents have passed away so my situation and point of view are a little different.
@mecoats I did just fine having no help with my first. It made for a relaxing and peaceful transition to being at home. My parents came to visit about 2-3 weeks after DD was born, and my FIL maybe when she was a month old. It was perfect in my opinion.
This time I'm having my mom come help me with the toddler so I can relax with the new baby. She already knows her job is to keep DD entertained
At many hospitals baby is welcome to stay with mom until she is discharged after complications (and vice versa if a NICU stay is not involved, like if baby needs to stay an extra day or two for jaundice). They can discharge you together oftentimes. Its worth asking about!
@disneybaby84 so not true!!! I had to sit through selection and a trial when I was between 20 and 21 weeks. Granted we are much further along now so hopefully they won't pick you @thisisallyson!!
married 10.10.14 @ Turks & Caicos yorkie mama to Oscar FTM EDD 3.12.17
@disneybaby84 so not true!!! I had to sit through selection and a trial when I was between 20 and 21 weeks. Granted we are much further along now so hopefully they won't pick you @thisisallyson!!
I was basically forced to invite my fiance's grandmother and mother to my baby shower. I hate my future mother in law and his grandmother is so fussy and anxious that I just want to smack her (she's the type that has a panic attack every time someone isn't completely perfectly happy and she hovers over me all the time). They've been bugging me about meeting my family for months, which until this point I had successfully avoided. I'm terrified of how that day will go because not only is my shower 10 days before my due date, but these future in laws have been wanting to have a talk with my family about how everyone can "best help" my fiance and I in our situation (meaning they want to lecture my family for not being supportive enough). My family is being helpful. His isn't. And my family is still getting used to him, so that really wouldn't go over too well. I now get to hope and pray that they don't completely ruin the day for everyone rather than getting to enjoy a day with my family and close friends.
I was basically forced to invite my fiance's grandmother and mother to my baby shower. I hate my future mother in law and his grandmother is so fussy and anxious that I just want to smack her (she's the type that has a panic attack every time someone isn't completely perfectly happy and she hovers over me all the time). They've been bugging me about meeting my family for months, which until this point I had successfully avoided. I'm terrified of how that day will go because not only is my shower 10 days before my due date, but these future in laws have been wanting to have a talk with my family about how everyone can "best help" my fiance and I in our situation (meaning they want to lecture my family for not being supportive enough). My family is being helpful. His isn't. And my family is still getting used to him, so that really wouldn't go over too well. I now get to hope and pray that they don't completely ruin the day for everyone rather than getting to enjoy a day with my family and close friends.
I'm sorry Do you think it would help to prep your family for the inevitable confrontation?
@pandalily well dang! In Florida, pregnancy or nursing is an exception to jury duty, if a pregnant or nursing woman gets notification in the mail, they mark that box and mail it back, done deal. I guess I better check Texas' rules to see if I am doomed.
@pandalily well dang! In Florida, pregnancy or nursing is an exception to jury duty, if a pregnant or nursing woman gets notification in the mail, they mark that box and mail it back, done deal. I guess I better check Texas' rules to see if I am doomed.
In VA there is a loose childcare clause...like, if you can't find childcare you can't do jury duty, which applies to nursing mom's because boobs.
Anyway, I woke up dizzy, and have a random rash on my chest and on my face and I'm itchy. I thought, perhaps the two aren't related, but I called my mom (a retired nurse, but it's been a while since she's worked in L&D or OB) to see what she thought I should do. She recommended I call my doctor.
I called, and they have an answering service on the evenings and weekends. I asked if I could be put in contact with a nurse, and they said that they don't have a nurse line, but they would page the doctor on duty for my practice. PERFECT! I gave them my pertinent info: Pregnant with twins, 32 weeks 4 days, woke up (and still) dizzy, rash on chest and face, itchy. I paged the doctor at 9:50 AM CT. When I didn't hear back I paged again at noon.
It is now after 6PM CT, and I have yet to have a call back... more than 8 hours later. I. AM. FURIOUS.
My mom ended up calling a friend that still works as a nurse in OB, and she said that it might be a couple of different things. Could be PUPS (the itching/rash), I might need to just take it a bit easier (dizziness) because it is mostly when I'm changing positions quickly like moving from sitting to standing, but said that I likely didn't need to go in so long as I wasn't having other symptoms and the babies are moving ok.
So now, I'm pissed off. What if this was a major issue? I didn't tell them my blood pressure, but had it been low or elevated it could have been DANGEROUS for me to stay at home waiting for their callback... I'm late in my third tri, what if I have to call this line again? Do they always ignore their calls? If so, what should I do? I like my practice, but now I'm SUPER uneasy about moving forward with them. I'm not sure I feel safe
@direwolfmini To just plain ignore a woman so far along, especially with twins, is messed up and dangerous. I would go full on crazy pregnant lady on them. I'm sorry they are making you feel unsafe in their care But I am really glad to hear that it's probably not a big deal. So glad your mom helped you out.
@disneybaby84 I put on some unscented lotion and took some Benadryl and it has gone down and isn't itching as much. Added bonus: it makes me sleepy, so I might actually get a decent night's sleep?
I fully plan on calling my Dr's office tomorrow and finding out WHY I didn't get a call back and WHAT I should do if I need help during off hours.
@direwolfmini Glad you're calling the office tomorrow. It's completely unacceptable that they wouldn't call back after more than 8 hours. You put your faith in them to do their job (part of that job is to give you piece of mind, even if they feel like your symptoms are no big deal), and they failed miserably. They MUST do better.
@longliveregina I tried to. My aunt got really irritated with me and told me to stop being dramatic. I suspect she's going to be eating crow with a slice of humble pie after my future in laws are done with her.
I gave my dad a heads up and basically told him that he might want to leave the house for a few hours. My dad is not at all a people person and was very greatful for the heads up. I believe he's planning on having lunch with a friend that day.
So, I've done what I can and all that's left to do is to wait and see what happens. Who knows? It might be one of those things that isn't funny at the moment, but is hilarious 5 years later.
So, I've been working from home for the last 2 weeks.
Today my MIL came over because she needed help with her computer my husband is an out of work software developer/fixes everyone's computer issues.
She literally came over to where i was working (currently, the recliner) knelt down next to me... and stared at my belly for a solid 5 minutes.. while I was writing emails and answering chats from my team. It. Was. Weird. She then commented on how "the last weeks are the hardest". I smiled and nodded.
According to her, she had my husband at 26 weeks (I refute this, he was born in 1981 in Poland and they did no medical interventions to save him, they didn't even have the heated incubator cribs... the chances of a 26 weeker not getting medical intervention and surviving is probably about a billion to 1. Based on his birthweight of 1 kilo, I'm assuming he was 29ish-30ish weeks, which still is super early and crazy that he survived with no intervention)... and she had my SIL early, too. She's NEVER been pregnant with twins, so she needs to STFU.
Also, I was WORKING. I don't have time for small talk about how uncomfortable I am.
Re: Monday Bitch Fest 1/23
EP: 2.17.2016
DS: 3.4.2017
EP: 2.17.2016
DS: 3.4.2017
@disneybaby I can't believe your MIL would curse you guys out like that, that's just unnecessary and so beyond rude, I agree I wouldn't want her anywhere near my child! I like your rule with your husband btw about him not having alcohol as you get closer to your due date, makes so much sense.
I have my own MIL issues, but some of you ladies really have it much worse than me! I feel for you!
My random - my DH kindly told me last night that his dad was at our house today with his dog (dog doesn't get along with the cleaning person). I kindly told DH that this has to stop once baby comes because I can't have them there with a newborn. Last thing I need is the dog to start barking up a storm while baby is sleeping. OH HELL NO. So we'll see how this goes.
DH: 37
DD: 03/17/17
DS: 12/06/19
P.S. It's not that I don't want help or won't need help....It's just I feel like I should get used to being a parent without peanut gallery comments for a little while.
DH: 37
DD: 03/17/17
DS: 12/06/19
I will do everything in my power to keep my MIL away the first weeks because of our strained relationship, but I fully plan on having my mom stay with us for the first week at least. I'm not sure what I would do if I were expecting a singleton. My situation is weird with a disabled husband who can't really help much around the house, and has never held a baby before, and we're expecting two. I fully welcome the help from my mom. I also know I can tell her to GTFO if I need to, so there is no pressure on me to put up appearances or anything.
I just think some people need to mind their business....and what may have worked for them might not be what I want or what would work for me. I appreciate all advice that I get, and maybe I just need to let it roll off my shoulders. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut.
@kiyamurph - Thank you
DH: 37
DD: 03/17/17
DS: 12/06/19
Initially MIL and I got along. For like a good 3-4 years. Then we got married and the past 4 years have been a quick downhill slide. Initially DH was more with his mom, but as the remarks, requests, and overall bs has gotten worse he's starting to put his foot down more with her. But as he's her baby she knows how to weasel her way in. Like with the comment about letting her know when I'm in labor. He fell hook line and sinker fawning all over her like of course we'll tell you as soon as it happens and of course we want you to come to the hospital (waiting room only!!!!). He's starting to see things from my perspective but it's his mommy. Both my parents have passed away so my situation and point of view are a little different.
This time I'm having my mom come help me with the toddler so I can relax with the new baby. She already knows her job is to keep DD entertained
@jrde50eb12
Kill me now.
yorkie mama to Oscar
FTM EDD 3.12.17
Today I woke up dizzy.
Anyway, I woke up dizzy, and have a random rash on my chest and on my face and I'm itchy. I thought, perhaps the two aren't related, but I called my mom (a retired nurse, but it's been a while since she's worked in L&D or OB) to see what she thought I should do. She recommended I call my doctor.
I called, and they have an answering service on the evenings and weekends. I asked if I could be put in contact with a nurse, and they said that they don't have a nurse line, but they would page the doctor on duty for my practice. PERFECT! I gave them my pertinent info: Pregnant with twins, 32 weeks 4 days, woke up (and still) dizzy, rash on chest and face, itchy. I paged the doctor at 9:50 AM CT. When I didn't hear back I paged again at noon.
It is now after 6PM CT, and I have yet to have a call back... more than 8 hours later. I. AM. FURIOUS.
My mom ended up calling a friend that still works as a nurse in OB, and she said that it might be a couple of different things. Could be PUPS (the itching/rash), I might need to just take it a bit easier (dizziness) because it is mostly when I'm changing positions quickly like moving from sitting to standing, but said that I likely didn't need to go in so long as I wasn't having other symptoms and the babies are moving ok.
So now, I'm pissed off. What if this was a major issue? I didn't tell them my blood pressure, but had it been low or elevated it could have been DANGEROUS for me to stay at home waiting for their callback... I'm late in my third tri, what if I have to call this line again? Do they always ignore their calls? If so, what should I do? I like my practice, but now I'm SUPER uneasy about moving forward with them. I'm not sure I feel safe
Me 28 DH 28 Married 2012
TTC #1 since March 2015
Metformin + Femara + Gonal F + Trigger = BFP 6/24/16
EDD 3/3/17
Found out it's a girl! 9/23/16
I fully plan on calling my Dr's office tomorrow and finding out WHY I didn't get a call back and WHAT I should do if I need help during off hours.
I tried to. My aunt got really irritated with me and told me to stop being dramatic. I suspect she's going to be eating crow with a slice of humble pie after my future in laws are done with her.
I gave my dad a heads up and basically told him that he might want to leave the house for a few hours. My dad is not at all a people person and was very greatful for the heads up. I believe he's planning on having lunch with a friend that day.
So, I've done what I can and all that's left to do is to wait and see what happens. Who knows? It might be one of those things that isn't funny at the moment, but is hilarious 5 years later.
Today my MIL came over because she needed help with her computer my husband is an out of work software developer/fixes everyone's computer issues.
She literally came over to where i was working (currently, the recliner) knelt down next to me... and stared at my belly for a solid 5 minutes.. while I was writing emails and answering chats from my team. It. Was. Weird. She then commented on how "the last weeks are the hardest". I smiled and nodded.
According to her, she had my husband at 26 weeks (I refute this, he was born in 1981 in Poland and they did no medical interventions to save him, they didn't even have the heated incubator cribs... the chances of a 26 weeker not getting medical intervention and surviving is probably about a billion to 1. Based on his birthweight of 1 kilo, I'm assuming he was 29ish-30ish weeks, which still is super early and crazy that he survived with no intervention)... and she had my SIL early, too. She's NEVER been pregnant with twins, so she needs to STFU.
Also, I was WORKING. I don't have time for small talk about how uncomfortable I am.