Let's talk D.H — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

Let's talk D.H

Hello all,
I know it's been a loooooong time since we had any new discussions but let's strive away from talking about our LOS. How are your relationships with DH holding up?

Well Ours is going. We love our baby and he is a hell of a great father. The only thing I'll say is that we haven't had any "us" time at ALL! He doesn't like anyone staying with LO not even our family Members! Not to mention we are not intimate with each other well atleast not as much as we used to. It's kind of frustrating. I love him and all and our baby but I feel like this parenting stuff has really taken a toll in our relationship. BTW this is our first child. 

Re: Let's talk D.H

  • We went through hell, months 3-9. In months 3-5 especially, I wondered if we were going to make it (he said he never had that thought once, ironically). We saw a counselor from November - May, and it was life changing. Expensive but worth every last penny, the world over. 

    We learned two main things, for our relationship: 1) We must focus on identifying and communicating our own needs; and helping to satisfy our partner's needs. This can be suuuuper challenging when our needs have the potential to clash -- e.g., DH's need for routine and predictability, and My need for spontaneity and change (!!!). But we learned some ways to talk through this.
    2) I learned that I cannot be responsible for DH's mood, and I am working on mental toughness not to absorb his mood or take it personally. 

    In the very beginning, our counselor made us find ways to reconnect. He forced us to go on Date Nights, to do some communication exercises, etc.

    Sounds like you guys are falling into the parent trap of losing the marriage relationship to the parenting relationship. I'm sorry - it's really hard. I hope you guys can find a way to reconnect and reignite the spark. 

    I scoffed at counseling until the moment we found ourselves on that couch. Now I am so so grateful I got past my stigma and got into that room. Can't recommend it enough!
  • I have talked to him about how I feel before. I've told him I feel like he's not into the relationship anymore. He says that's not true but his body language says otherwise. I try to give him a break because he just started working as police officer so I can understand how tired and stressed he may be but I feel like there is never a good time for "us" 

    I really do love him but I feel like he's not putting much effort in this relationship. I don't know if I'm being too selfish or if I'm asking for too much but I feel if a person really loves you, you just know it, you feel it. I feel like he does love me but It seems like he stopped trying please me and my needs. 
  • You are NOT asking for too much. That's really hard. I'm not sure if you want advice or vent space. I'm sorry this is happening. 
  • I guess I just really wanted to vent and see if any body else is going through something similar. Thank you so much for listening ❤ I don't have many people to vent to lol.
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