UO 1/19

SKZW

Agreed about the television/movies/tablets/screen time. When it comes to "how much is too much," the guidelines given by doctors err on the side of extreme caution. I know someone who parks her kid in front of the TV from afterschool all the way through dinner and up to bedtime, with little interaction/playtime/stimulation/education, and it's super sad and awful. There's got to be a middle ground here.

We have the TV on a lot but I feel it's balanced out with other activities, and like @BeachMommy2B said, the LO is often doing something else when it's on. He's not always a zombie. 

SKZW

I'm truly hoping this isn't a UO but figured it's the best place to say it (because I'd love for 100% of you to agree with me, and then my afternoon would be perfect!): When President Obama took office, he didn't go around immediately pissing off other countries and knocking down current policies that aren't actually broken. Nor putting down people on a personal level just for the fun of being a bully. There's a difference between thoughtful conversations on how to fix a social program and wiping it out completely just because someone in another party sponsored it. Trump needs to get off of Twitter and moderate his actions if he wants my respect---because right now, he doesn't represent me and the issues important to my family. I don't know if he ever will.

MoshiMoshi7

@sls I can see what you're saying about scare tactics and misinformation, but that goes the other way just as readily. Scaring mothers away from hospitals and modern medicine by saying they are unnatural and even dangerous  (not saying you said this, but it gets said a lot in certain circles) is ridiculous. Modern medicine is the entire reason that women aren't dying during childbirth all the time anymore.

My UO: I think people that are always late are selfish. At some point, it stops being about bad time management and you have decided that your time is more important than someone elses.

starphish18

I agree with what appears to be the majority here (I'm glad to note) that women should take full advantage of the medical system during birth. Not everyone even has that option. But when you have doctors who could save you and your baby's life in an emergency (which, like @Jkp7749 pointed out, could happen to anyone), why would you risk turning that down? I love hospitals.

sls

I agree with most everything said here, and I would never have given birth anywhere but a hospital. I'm grateful to have access to all the first world medication.

I'm still sticking to my UO though, which is, perhaps phrased a different way: Medicine doesn't have all the answers, and when it comes to childbirth, it's somewhat forgotten its roots.

HOWEVER, I also find Canada's medical system much more cold and impersonal than the US's. Maybe that's part of the problem, and I can't compare because I didn't give birth in the US. I found a midwife for this birth because my OB didn't once come to see me in my 6 day hospital stay. I'd like to be treated like a person rather than a screaming annoyance.

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

I was just reading a thread on TB (not our bmb)  yesterday where someone posted that they were having a water home birth and mentioned that their previous birth was a csection. For the life of me, I can't remember which thread that was. Oh man.

I agree that screen time is not a bad thing.  I do have to limit DD, though.  She is a zombie when the tv is on.  She wont do anything, ignores everything you say, and stares straight at the show.  Since we aren't at home all that much, it's not a big deal for us.  I'd feel a little bit better if she were one of those kids that played while the show was on, but she's perfectly fine and seems (to me) very bright.

JCWhitey

I've had both my babies in the hospital, but with my first I was pushing for 20 minutes already when the doctor finally showed up.  I looked down and he was just sitting there and briefly introduced himself but told me I was doing great and to keep going.  Uh... no crap.  I made it this far without him.  Then he caught the baby, caught the placenta, and I never saw him again.  When DH saw our medical bill his response was "what the heck are we paying this guy for?  That nurse did way more and I could have done what he did".  

So, eh.  That birth was definitely not a medical event.  It was about as eventful as taking a big dump.  I don't think all births are medical events, although some definitely are.  Like all other things, you can't lump everyone and everything into the same category.

BeachMommy2B

@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot if my DD was like that during shows I'd do the same thing. I think it truly depends on the child.

inomniaparatus2

I am also one for team doctors (maybe because I married one?) but those who do home births and then have complications are greatly choosing to risk their lives and their babies. It is unnecessary and then lots of times they have to be rushed to the hospital anyways for medical intervention. 

I also love excel spreadsheets. 

My UO is that even though we are good friends I do not have to like your kid. I will gladly get lunch or dinner with you but when it comes to your terror of a child; let's do that a few times a year. Don't get me wrong I have some friends with great kids and they are welcome any time but those who do not correct their kids' behavior and who are nasty to my dogs and house no thank you. I feel the same way about dog parents and judge them the same. Kids are not robots and will have meltdowns but when your kid is constantly a little shit no thanks. 

JCWhitey

@BeachMommy2B. I agree with your UO.  Our TV is almost always on, I just like it for background noise.  The kids rarely look at it.  My kids also each have their own tablets and a shared computer for just them.  I'm teaching my 3 year old to fly a drone right now.  My job title is "Drone Pilot and Tech Implementor" so I get the importance of being fluent in technology.  I feel like a lot of it is preparing my kids for a future where tech is going to play a huge roll.  So my kids can operate a computer, but most of the time they are running around outside.  It's a balance and I don't feel like to tech/TV time is the way to go.


ETA: Excel sucks.  Google Sheets all the way!!!!!!

starphish18

Also, I don't think you should call it "natural" birth unless you're on your two feet, no medicine or intervention, and you plop that thing out like a giraffe would... And probably chew off the umbilical cord yourself.

JCWhitey

@starphish18 "natural birth" is a medical term.  Coined by a doctor in the 1930s and used in medical literature to describe a birth without medication and limited medical intervention.  You can argue that it's not a phrase you like, but there hasn't been a new phrase coined in recent years to replace it, as far as I know.  Plus it's easier than saying "med-free, intervention-free".  

bacorrea

Reminded me from another thread. 
I cannot STAND baby talk. I did not talk to my daughter in baby talk ever and I won't with this one. I didn't allow people to talk baby talk to her either. 

BeachMommy2B

@bacorrea I agree with that 100% we didn't talk like that to DD. I have family that still talk that way to their almost 4 year old and he is hard to understand sometimes. Kids mimic you, so you have to be careful... especially during the years they are learning to talk!

starphish18

JCWhitey said:

@starphish18 "natural birth" is a medical term.  Coined by a doctor in the 1930s and used in medical literature to describe a birth without medication and limited medical intervention.  You can argue that it's not a phrase you like, but there hasn't been a new phrase coined in recent years to replace it, as far as I know.  Plus it's easier than saying "med-free, intervention-free".  

A doctor named Grantly Dick-Read (I mean, seriously?), who also stated, "woman fails when she ceases to desire the children for which she was primarily made. Her true emancipation lies in freedom to fulfill her biological purposes". I don't really care for that guy. In all seriousness, I do understand that "natural childbirth" is an actual term, I just don't feel like it's accurate. But then again, that's just my UO. 

JCWhitey

@starphish18 I think most people agree with that.  There's just no other word right now.  Actually, I'm kind of surprised that there isn't another phrase used yet.  It's in the medical records for my son's birth that it was a "natural spontaneous vaginal birth".  I've never seen the records from my daughter's birth to know how they define an epidural birth.

BeachMommy2B

@JCWhitey it was probably coded 1 of 4 ways.... 1 Vagnial Birth w/o complications 2 Vaginal Birth w/ complications 3 c-section w/o complications 4 c-section w/complications

I was a hospital financial analyst right after college and these were the 4 most common "medical diagnosis codes" used. If you had medication those are all coded individually. Granted there are other codes for extreme cases that involve preemies but i would say 99% of births are coded as 1 of those 4. So it doesn't matter if its "natural" or "medicated" still gets the same code. It's all on a personal level if you want to say your birth was "natural", in "most" medical communities/hospitals/insurance it doesn't make a difference...

starphish18

@JCWhitey Oh my goodness! "Natural spontaneous vaginal birth" makes it sound like a spa day. Yeeeeah, I think I'll just pop this little one out right about...there we go! Who wants mimosas?

JCWhitey

@BeachMommy2B it wasn't from a billing code, it was under a doctor's summary section on the transcript or whatever. There was a handwritten comment from the nurse who added "very pleasant patient, first child" below it.  I always giggled at the very pleasant patient part.  It's because I bought the nurses beer and cupcakes.

@starphish18 Actually that one kind of was when I compare it to my second.  I pretty much showed up at the hospital and said "I really need to poop!" and everyone yelled "noooooo!!!!".  Instead they put me on the bed and I pooped... out the baby.  Of course, this was followed by my daughter's birth which lasted 32 days of Hell until they told me I could finally get the epidural. ETA: and even though it was 7:30 am I had a beer, not a mimosa.   Pfft, my first drink in 8 months was not going to be a mimosa!  (Yes, I drink beer in the hospital.  Every time and it's amazing.  I recommend it.)

RedInLove

Being pro-hospital doesn't have to equal Take All The Meds. I had DD without meds since there was no time or opportunity, so I plan on trying to deliver this one with no or minimal meds. I might be induced because of how quick DD's labor progressed, but I'm hoping to avoid that as well. 

TV time, we waited until DD was 2yo before really turning on the tv for more than background noise, weather, or news. She loves Mickey Clubhouse but doesn't exactly sit and watch the entire show. She's pretty active and all over the place so she's not glued. But she's been repeating lots of words she hears so from a speech delay standpoint, I'm happy with anything that makes her want to try to say new words. 

SKZW

@JCWhitey: please give more details on this "drinking beer" you speak of. And giving it to the nurses?

kns1988

kayemjay2 said:

This may or may not be a UO depending on the crowd, but I definitely judge parents who spank their children. In my opinion, it has no positive impact and tons of negative ones. I generally try to take a "you do what you feel is best for your family" approach to parenting styles, but this is just not one I can be neutral about. 

I absolutely agree with you, and this is something I fought with people about on a previous BMB. 

hp_momma

I don't think children should be homeschooled.  
Finding the right private/charter/public school for your child even if it's outside of your boundaries? Absolutely! 
Homeschooling your child instead of sending them to a professional, educated teacher? Nope. Doesn't make any sense to me. 

*full disclosure that my degree is in Early Childhood Education and was previously a first grade teacher  

CherryBananas

I'm also on team Hospital. I have a midwife, but it was never my intention to even try a home birth. I *briefly* contemplated using the birthing centre, but even though the choice has been taken off the table now, I know I would have chosen the hospital anyways. I have a midwife because I thought it would increase my chances of a med-free birth, more personalized care, and because they do all post-partum visits in your own home. 

bacorrea

h&pmomma said:

I don't think children should be homeschooled.  
Finding the right private/charter/public school for your child even if it's outside of your boundaries? Absolutely! 
Homeschooling your child instead of sending them to a professional, educated teacher? Nope. Doesn't make any sense to me. 

*full disclosure that my degree is in Early Childhood Education and was previously a first grade teacher  

Oh nooooo! And we were getting along so well! (I kid, I kid).

I think that homeschooling makes perfect sense for certain people. There have been people that I know that homeschool properly, and the kids are very successful. I also know people who
basically keep their kids home and those kids miss out on a proper education.

I don't think there can be blanket statements made about education. What works for one family may not work for another. Especially in the military lifestyle (which I know you know). 

Jens_Hoes

@h&pmomma 
I've worked with many children/adolescents who were homeschooled at one point or another. Often due to anxiety, and often when their PCP writes them out. I typically disagree with these situations as often the kids are trying to avoid and there are so few supports put in place to get them back to school. 

However, there have been very few times where kids being homeschooled was the best option. The parents set up appropriate tutors, use appropriate information to teach and there is an extenuating circumstance which barrs them from doing their best in school. But those instances are few and far between. 

hp_momma

Jen_Shoes said:

@h&pmomma 
However, there have been very few times where kids being homeschooled was the best option. The parents set up appropriate tutors, use appropriate information to teach and there is an extenuating circumstance which barrs them from doing their best in school. But those instances are few and far between. 

See, this is where I can *maybe* be ok with it, but the parents set up tutors so it was an educated professional actually teaching the child. There are situations where children with health issues who are in hospitals for extended periods of time are taught through tutors and that I have to understand. It is a specific circumstance and they are usually working with a Child Life Specialist or family advocate who sets up the homeschooling/tutors so although it's homeschooling, it's the only option that child has. But like you said, it's far and few between.  

starphish18

@Louise_Belcher Yes, excel! I currently have a sheet going to keep track of how much of each type of baby clothing I have for each size group. excel

livin541

starphish18 said:

@Louise_Belcher Yes, excel! I currently have a sheet going to keep track of how much of each type of baby clothing I have for each size group. excel

This is a whole new level of organization. I envy it. 

thistlenweeds

starphish18 said:

@Louise_Belcher Yes, excel! I currently have a sheet going to keep track of how much of each type of baby clothing I have for each size group. excel

I have that too but for some reason in Google Docs. I do love Excel though.

starphish18

livin541 said:

starphish18 said:

@Louise_Belcher Yes, excel! I currently have a sheet going to keep track of how much of each type of baby clothing I have for each size group. excel

This is a whole new level of organization. I envy it. 

In reality, I just needed to keep myself in check! I keep browsing good deals, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't buying TOO much. So now I know how much more of each size I can get before I need to cut myself off.

livin541

starphish18 said:

livin541 said:

starphish18 said:

@Louise_Belcher Yes, excel! I currently have a sheet going to keep track of how much of each type of baby clothing I have for each size group. excel

This is a whole new level of organization. I envy it. 

In reality, I just needed to keep myself in check! I keep browsing good deals, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't buying TOO much. So now I know how much more of each size I can get before I need to cut myself off.

I could definitely use some of this restraint you speak of I have so many clothes from DS1, yet I can't stop shopping for all the teeny little things!

kns1988

I have a UO: I hate Keurigs and K-cups. They're a lazy, environmentally irresponsible invention, and I see absolutely no excuse for them to exist. I don't care that you only want one cup of coffee in the morning; make a smaller pot or use literally any other method that doesn't result in a piece of plastic heading for a landfill.

PghMom412

@starphish18 that is a brilliant idea! We are currently building a closet in DDs new room that will be about 3x bigger than her current one in the nursery. I am borderline terrified for the clothing that will occupy it. Everyone buys her so much since she's the first grandchild on one side and gets hand me downs from her cousins on the other. I really needed to find a way to keep it manageable since she doesn't "need" that many outfits and it will turn into clutter. Thanks!!

@kns1988 we have a Keurig. DH uses the my k-cup where you add your own coffee so I don't feel as bad about the environment,but to be honest this is because he refuses to spend that much money on the individual cups. He's also a coffee snob who prefers to use a local coffee that doesn't come in k cups.  We do use the chai and fancy drinks that come in the plastic cups on occasion. 

Also team hospital. I'm too much of a worry wart to even consider anywhere else for delivery. I suppose a large part of this is I want all of the meds (ASAP). I guess that can be my kind-of UO for this week. I don't think anything of mommas who want to go med free. I just personally know I am a hot mess under stress and want my labor to be as pleasant as possible. 

ShadeofGreen816

JCWhitey said:

@starphish18 I think most people agree with that.  There's just no other word right now.  Actually, I'm kind of surprised that there isn't another phrase used yet.  It's in the medical records for my son's birth that it was a "natural spontaneous vaginal birth".  I've never seen the records from my daughter's birth to know how they define an epidural birth.

Just FYI, I would bet money that the "natural" part of that phrase has nothing to do with medication vs none. For whatever reason, "NSVD" has become a common phrase for birth outcomes, with others being c-section, induction, stillbirth, etc. As far as I know, I've never heard of whether or not an epidural was used being entered into a historical chart other than on that stay, when they obviously need to annotate that you had one, so they can charge for it and you can prove it if you have a complication.

To weigh in: birth is SO a medical event. You can choose to experience this event at home, but even going back to ancient times, these were often attended by some sort of doctor or expert - even if it was the next door neighbor who'd had 15 children and "knew her stuff." 
Hopefully this isn't too morbid, but birth and death are both (in my mind) medical events, and have a variety of options/outcomes. You can have either at home, which might be very pleasant or terrible, and both can happen in a hospital and be pleasant or terrible. It is all dependent on the person, the situation, and the level of preparedness. 

I HATE Excel. I'm so coming to you ladies when I graduate and have an ounce of free time and NEED to find a way to institute a more strict budget in this household where we spend like we have millions of dollars to waste.

I have to say I'm middle of the road on spanking. I was "spanked" as a child. It was always over clothes (or even a diaper) and only happened a few times, none that I can personally remember. I was a VERY strong-willed and stubborn child, and it was the only type of punishment that actually had an impact on me. I honestly believe I was spanked less than 5 times. I DO NOT agree with true injury-causing corporal punishment, and I think its totally inappropriate after a certain age. That being said, I'm not really sure that I'll ever find it appropriate to spank my own kid.

I'm generally not pro-homeschooling. I think that sometimes it's done in such a way that many standards are missed and often a parent misses developmental/intellectual strengths or weaknesses that could be observed by an outsider. My cousins were homeschooled and literally had speech impediments that made them difficult to understand until they were in at least 4th grade. Obviously these kids needed speech therapy. Also, they attended an unaccredited home-school type HS, had to take the GED and it affected their ability to enter college (where they struggled, by the way). 

Thats enough novel for now. I guess my UO is that I kind of like winter! I LOVE a big snowstorm, I like to wear boots and I HATE being hot. I'm an unattractive hot person.

lilmisscrafty-2

I love that there are fellow excel nerds here! Also have an excel doc to help track baby clothes by sizes. I also use it to stay on budget. I love seeing how much I can get for so little.

Agree with @ShadeofGreen816, love snowstorms. I get excited at the thought of being snowed in. (Sick, I know.) I love the sound of snow crunching under my boots. I'm a little disappointed we haven't gotten any here yet.

I struggle to think of an UO, so I'll leave it at that.

JCWhitey

@SKZW My #1 craving for my first two pregnancies was beer.  With my first it was a Leiny's Summer Shandy.  With my second is was a Sierra Nevada Winter Ale.  So I told DH that when I had the babies I wanted a beer with my first meal after birth.  I asked for beers that are only available by the case here, so DH bought me a case.  I only had one so we made gift bags for the nurses with cupcakes and beer.  Seriously, I got primo treatment.  It's highly possible that these nurses just rock.  But I like to think it was the beer.  Btw, thus far this pregnancy, no beer cravings.  There's still time.

thistlenweeds

@kns1988 they have reusable keurig pods too, we used those. I like nespresso, they recycle their pods if you bring them in.

RedInLove

I love Excel. I use it for whatever I can. I even charted a cross stitch pattern in Excel until I got cross stitch software. 

kns1988

@thistlenweeds,@PghMom412, I'm okay with reusable pods! The problem is that no one that I know uses them. I work in an office with over a hundred people and so many of them use a keurig at the office. It doesn't even make sense - there's a lot of us there, so make a whole pot of coffee.