UO Thursday 1/19

ellie111227

Let's hear it!

Edited because my  gif won't work. Ugh, somebody post this for me? I can't figure it out! https://giphy.com/gifs/ad-wants-kmart-WXtccLGTLB1NS

Knottie42089123

Stankonia2014

Maybe not unpopular here, but after reading the July UO thread it seems to be somewhat unpopular, but I can't get on board with spanking.

I have spanked my oldest exactly twice, she went through a hellish threenager phase and we tried everything before resorting to spanking. She literally laughed in my face. I felt like shit. It didn't help/work.

It's just not a method we will use ever.

BellaO21

Here's a big one.... 
Most kids between the ages of 8 and oh I don't know... 13? Annoy the crap out of me. (And I have a now 9y/o SS). It's like they're old enough to know better but are incapable of thinking 1st. All common sense goes out the window. 
I'm really hoping Victoria doesn't end up being one of those kids- that would suck lol

mrt

@BellaO21 yup. I think all kids are going to go through an obnoxious phase around that age, and you can't control it, but you can control how you react to it. Remember to be their parent, not their friend, and I think it probably won't last as long or be as bad, though you may feel like they hate you.

ellie111227

@Knottie42089123 thank you!
@Stankonia2014 I totally agree. I hold firm boundaries about things and enforce rules consistently, but i just can't square spanking with the values i want to teach my children: peaceful communication, bodily autonomy, etc. This is not a popular view with my in-laws. 

My UO is that I irrationally hate baby and kid shirts with cutesy sayings on them. I won't even buy a pack of onsies if one of them says "captain adorable" or "daddy's princess" on it out something like that. (I guess my hatred of calling girls "princess" is a whole other uo.) It's  not my style at all. I don't side-eye it on other people's kids usually unless it is something I find sexualizing or sexist: "I boobies," "God's gift to ladies," "Future Diva," "Watch , boys, my daddy owns a shotgun"...

BellaO21

@mrt I've always gone the parent first route... I'm there to make sure he doesn't grow up to be a shitty member of society lol and he knows it! 

kfry22

@ellie111227 I agree completely!! We were gifted a onesie that said something like My Daddy is cooler than yours. It was our spare outfit in our diaper bag becuase I wouldn't let my kid wear it. I also hate character clothing. 

mombod

Im definitly team no spanking. How do you teach behavior control, anger managememt and no hitting by spanking? I dont see how it is useful.
I was reading some old classic bump drama threads and I came across one where the boyfriend was planning on catching the baby (in a hospital with doctors supervising). Everyone jumped all over this like it was the craziest thing ever. So it appears my opinion is unpopular but I see nothing wrong with this. DH caught our son. Everything was going smoothly and the midwife put her hands behind his to aid. The only reason we arent attempting that this time (again if everything is going smoothly) is that I want to do it myself. Unpopular opinion number 2... I think its super cool to deliver your own baby (Kourtney Kardashian style).

BellaO21

@kassyfry I hate character clothing as well.... the shirts with sayings on them don't bother me so much... it just depends on exactly what it says. 

meg2704

I feel the same way about really cutesie onesies. I just know that my inlaws will buy all of that kind of thing when, especially for a newborn, I just want a soft plain old onesie. 

My UO is weird because I'm doing it - generally I do not like gender/sex reveal parties. I think it's cheesy. But we are doing one because it's the first grandchild for my inlaws and I'm pretty sure I will be one and done with kids, so I'm kind of over celebrating this one. Basically, I'm doing a gender reveal for them. But my husband and I will be surprised as well so the whole family can find out at once. 

FSUNole31

I will never forget the first time I spanked my son.  He ran away from me in a parking lot and I needed something in that moment to get his attention and scare him.  It worked.  I do not spank him often, but sometimes it is the only thing that works.  My daughter absolutely hates being put in time out in her room.  So that method works wonders for her so we use time out exclusively for her.  My son now has his kindle which he loves so we take minutes away for misbehavior which is working great so now we have discovered that losing/earning things is the way to go with him.  I actually need to make him a new sticker/incentive chart because he loves earning stickers. 

doodleoodle

I am firmly team no spanking. It doesn't make sense to me and it doesn't teach good conflict resolution IMO either. I was physically abused as a child, and while I know that's much different than spanking, I've also seen first hand how easy it is for a parent to lose control when they discipline in a physical way. 

I absolutely loathed all of the onesies that said things like "princess" on them, but DD is a total princess and daddy's girl so they suit her. 

FSUNole31

@kassyfry and @BellaO21 I was never a fan of character clothes until I saw my kids when they discovered them.  They love wearing their character shirts so much I can't help but get them for them.  My daughter got an Elena of Avalor shirt for her birthday and carried it around pretty much the entire day.  I also bought seriously one of the ugliest bathing suits last summer for my son just because it had curious george on it.  I hated it so much, but he loved that hideous suit. 

hjphillips

The only thing resembling spanking I do with DD are the occasional pulling her out of the way/swatting her hand away when she's about to do something dangerous, but I also feel like that's a completely different sort of thing. 

My UO? I like folding laundry. It's soothing. I don't have any big dramatic opinions that I feel are unpopular today. 

mrt

This is obviously anecdotal, but as a teacher, I don't really see that spanking teaches your kid to act better. Parents are very open about whether they spank their kids, and the ones who do always seem to have the worst behaved kids. Also agree that it seems hypocritical to tell your kid they need to use their words to solve conflicts and not hit, but also spank them as punishment.

FSUNole31

@hjphillips I don't mind folding the clothes, I loathe putting it all away though.

meg2704

I fold clothes when I watch the Bachelor now but I still have them stacked in a laundry basket in my closet. I hate putting clothes away!

Stankonia2014

@mombod, I totally see nothing wrong with either mom or dad catching/pulling baby out. I think it's cool. 

@kassyfry, I was adamant about no character clothing, until like @FSUNole31 noted until my kids discovered them. DD3 lives in her Paw Patrol or Peppa Pig shirts, DD1 loved Yo Gabba. It makes them happy, meh, whatever. 

I can agree with the saying onesies, like 'I'm a boob man.' Won't be caught dead putting my kid in one.

Wino0920

I'm team spanking. I'm team teaching your child when they do it, it's called hitting and absolutely not allowed and when my mommy and daddy do on their butts,  it's spanking. They know the difference and have never questioned it.

I will not teach my children because they aren't allowed to do something, we adults aren't allowed to it. They know the difference. Take swearing for example, if I do it, doesn't mean they can do it. And they get it, they will say "we aren't allowed to say that!" When they hear people swearing.  My kids will never be taught to believe we are on the same playing field. 

I am team parent and discipline your kid how you feel works best, but for the love of God, discipline!!!

FSUNole31

@Stankonia2014 ah yes, Peppa Pig is big in my house right now.  I am annoyed I can't find any boy shirts though with Peppa.  My daughter has a few and my son I know would love one too.

Elyse1384

DH and I are team no spanking, but I don't judge one way or the other.  I figure we all parent differently, but it just doesn't work for us in terms of how I want to teach a lesson.  What pisses me off though is when someone knows you have an approach to parenting and yet intentionally goes against it.  I've had fights with my MIL about my "no spanking stance".  She spanked (fine), but DH didn't feel it was effective and I came from a household where I wasn't spanked and boyyyy did I still learn my lesson.  Well one day, she hit my son in front of me!  It wasn't hard, but a spank on the butt and really pissed me off. First of all... I'm there and can discipline (he wasn't even being bad... he was 2 and being silly).  Second I said no spanking!  Luckily DH stepped in before I did.  Boy did he flip a nutty.  I just took DS away from the situation and tried to explain what just happened because it really upset him (he is such a sensitive little boy).

Stankonia2014

Same, @Elyse1384, I'm a 'you do you' parenting advocate. What works for me and mine, might not work for you. 

I do, however, judge aggressive spanking. I was spanked by a babysitter as a child with a wooden spoon. Listen lady, my own parents don't spank me, WTF makes you think you can and use an object at that. 

I also have an cousin who will yank her children up by the arm and swat them numerous times for what I deem typical children behavior. 

michaela0704

The whole spanking deal is a hard one for me...

I don't think anyone should be spanking their child extremely often (e.g., daily).  I also think if done in a calm manner to demonstrate/provide consequences for poor behavior it can be quite effective.  The difference between a child hitting and an adult spanking a child to discipline SHOULD be that the child is impulsive/lashing out where an adult is calm and disciplining yet also still loving.

One of twins loses it when I raise my voice at him after I've asked firmly yet nicely, threatened consequences, and finally go to put him in time out in his room, he will continue to disobey and after a while we figured out he doesn't feel loved when we hand out consequences... now he literally asks for a hug, we give it, and then he will take himself to time out without debate or falling out.

Each kid is different and even with twins we've had to learn to parent and discipline differently.  It may seem like we are harder on one vs. the other but we know how they push boundaries and how far they tend to take it.

To each their own, I don't judge spanking unless it is out of anger/frustration in the moment or excessive.

BellaO21

Elyse1384 said:

DH and I are team no spanking, but I don't judge one way or the other.  I figure we all parent differently, but it just doesn't work for us in terms of how I want to teach a lesson.  What pisses me off though is when someone knows you have an approach to parenting and yet intentionally goes against it.  I've had fights with my MIL about my "no spanking stance".  She spanked (fine), but DH didn't feel it was effective and I came from a household where I wasn't spanked and boyyyy did I still learn my lesson.  Well one day, she hit my son in front of me!  It wasn't hard, but a spank on the butt and really pissed me off. First of all... I'm there and can discipline (he wasn't even being bad... he was 2 and being silly).  Second I said no spanking!  Luckily DH stepped in before I did.  Boy did he flip a nutty.  I just took DS away from the situation and tried to explain what just happened because it really upset him (he is such a sensitive little boy).

Oh I would kill (obviously not literally) my MIL. She's already tried to pull the "grandma card" with my SS because she thinks it trumps the "parent card". We quickly put a stop to that. 

EmeraldNC

I have a lot of thoughts on spanking...

1. I don't feel like I have ever "spanked" my child, but she has definitely been popped on the bottom (over clothes and diaper) and on the hand when I needed to get her attention immediately.
2. My child is VERY sensitive, so 99% of the time a firm tone and/or time out work more effectively.
3. I was abused as a child (by my mother), and it was called "spanking" so I shy away from it.  My mom would spank me out of anger and it would get abusive very quickly.  I will NEVER spank my child when I am feeling angry.  I have too many of my mother's personality traits unfortunately, that I just don't feel comfortable with that.

michaela0704

@Elyse1384 I had a situation with my dad (I was spanked growing up) where one of my boys 2.5/3yo at the time took off while playing out front of their home toward the main street... I had a knee injury at the time and couldn't run and my dad was closest so he chased him down, all the while we were all yelling to 'stop!'

My dad ended up halfway tackling him in a neighbors yard ~ 15ft before the main road... I'll never forget him fuming walking back towards the rest of us with my son's hand in his... he passed my son's hand to me and said 'he's your kid... but you need to handle this!'... I'm actually surprised my dad didn't spank my son.

ETA: had they been watching him without DH or I there... I'm sure he would've spanked him.

Heliumgirl717

I am for spanking in situations that could prove very dangerous. Both DH and I have spanked DD once each -- both revolving around a situation that could have seriously harmed her. She has gotten swatted on the but for a few minor things, but overall we resort to stern voices and not letting her have rewards she would get. Like many others here, my Dad was quick to severely spank over things that were trivial and such. It made me deathly afraid of him until I moved out and went to college.

As far as original UO I'll have to think of something...

erinh84

Add me to team no spank, but I don't judge you momma's that do. I think every child and situation is different and we're all trying our best at the end of the day. 

Now to think of my own U/O..,

kdanjou

My UO is that I cannot stand bikinis for babies/toddlers/little girls.  I think it's super gross to dress your kid up like she's a teenager.  Buy that kid an elbow/knee length full body bathing suit with spf50 built right in!  Saves a ton of time since you don't have to apply much sunscreen and they won't get as cold when they go swimming. 

Elyse1384

My non-bump related UO is that political parties in the US shouldn't exist.  People should build platforms based on their beliefs/opinions and what they want to accomplish.  I understand the history of political parties, but I think in today's day and age they're doing much more harm than good and perpetuating unfair stereotypes.  All it takes nowadays is for a liberal to find out someone is a conservative (or vice versa) and assumptions are made by both sides.  I had a friend on FB post a status that they were unfriending anyone self flagging as a Republican.  What!?  That person was a friend for a reason.  Without political parties, I really think people would work harder to compromise and realize we might not be as far apart on topics as we think.  This of course will NEVER happen and I get that some many people believe in this system, but I just don't (I voted write-in third party this election and will always vote for the best person for the job).

EmeraldNC

@Elyse1384 I am COMPLETELY on board with this as I do not identify with the democrats or republicans... There are things I hate and love about each party and would rather have another option than just the 2.

jc_twomamas

Team no spanking over here. I'm pretty opinionated on this as largely my professional background revolves around child behavior and evidence based practices on how to deal with various behaviors. But, I'll save you all and just say, please don't spank your kids and look into alternative behavior modification methods. Even in scary, harmful situations there are solutions other then physical management (spanking). You do you, but I'm definitely going over a different behavior method for any situation you bring to the table "qualifying" for a spanking (in my head). 

DS is a "hot wire" as I like to call it and can put up some behaviors thay literally make me want to pull my eye balls out, but, we're moving through them without issue and zero spanking. 

Also can't stand "cutsie" shirts/onsie with sayings on them. I made it clear with our families before DS was born that those type of clothing gifts would be returned. Character ones I can see becoming difficult to avoid as DS gets a little older and I'm a little less concerned about it now. You wanna wear Mickey Mouse? Cool dude, it's fine. 

My UO today: I don't understand the huge push these days for "mommy groups" "mommy play dates" "mommy101" yadda yadda. I suppose TB is an extension of that, but I don't have a desire to seek out making 35 mommy friends because I became a mom. I have a solid amazing group of women and friends in my life...with kids and without...I'm good, mommy-hood.  
Maybe my opinion is contradictory because I'm on here but, whatever...It makes sense in my head! 

Edit it to say: woah, that was long and, I guess in my experience "mommy get togethers" always end up with people bashing their SO or complaining about life or kids. Just not my cup of tea. Where's the wine and a hilarious game? I'm down for that. 

MotherofDragons

I bet bar Italia would have some great insight on spanking.

FSUNole31

Regarding the sayings shirts for babies, the middle school aged ones can be so much worse!  The "I don't care" or Queen this or I'm the boss drives me nuts when I see them around school.  I will also never forget I had a student once wearing a shirt with a fire extinguisher on it that said "I put out".  I doubt she understood it, but who let her out of the house in it??

teacher mom-2

My UO: I absolutely love the upper elementary/middle school age and dislike the preschool-3rd grade age. As a teacher though, I find that people either love the little ones and can't imagine teaching the older ones or are like me and would NEVER want to teach kindergarten. I have been teaching middle school for 13 years and would never leave. I spent one day in preschool helping my daughter's class and could not get out of there fast enough. One or two little ones, fine. A room full is a nightmare for me. 

jc_twomamas

@Teacher mom I always say anyone who teaches middle school is a legit saint! I am a pediatric OT, but  jive well with the little kids. Gimme all the preschoolers! Middle schoolers are too hormonal for me 

tjvan

FSUNole31 said:

Regarding the sayings shirts for babies, the middle school aged ones can be so much worse!  The "I don't care" or Queen this or I'm the boss drives me nuts when I see them around school.  I will also never forget I had a student once wearing a shirt with a fire extinguisher on it that said "I put out".  I doubt she understood it, but who let her out of the house in it??

Awful. When I was working overseas, occasionally our local workforce (some of whom didn't speak English well) would come in wearing shirts with curse words or sayings about sex or drugs. It was actually sometimes hilarious (but of course generally inappropriate). One guy wore a hat that just said "Shit" across it one day.

ladylolly89

devow27 said:

@Teacher mom I always say anyone who teaches middle school is a legit saint! I am a pediatric OT, but  jive well with the little kids. Gimme all the preschoolers! Middle schoolers are too hormonal for me 

Gaaaahhhh yes. I was a middle school paraeducator for over five years (I had moved up with a high-needs student from elementary). I don't know if a day went by that I didn't wish to go back to the littles! 

I completely agree about stupid bodysuits for babies. It's so hard to find cute clothes, especially for little boys. DS' wardrobe is mostly Baby Gap, Ralph Lauren, and a little Old Navy. I can't stand much of anything from Carter's, Gymboree, or Target. I think it will get a little easier as we head into toddler sizes, though. 

Also team no spanking. I've seen it abused waaay too many times and I don't want to be that parent. But want to point out that I don't judge those who appropriately use it as punishment (key word "appropriately"). I get angry too easily and would not trust myself. DH is team "spank if they need it" so I will leave that form of punishment to hus discretion. He is a very gentle person and would never just go off on a child. 
Under no circumstances would we tolerate a grandparent spanking one of our children. 

awoodruff27

So going off the spanking UO. I'm team do what you feel is best for your child.. to a degree.

 I have spanked my oldest a handful of times. She has high functioning autism and would get violent with my youngest when she was about 6m-1 year. I didn't know how to handle it the first time so I hit her butt and said "if you don't want to be hit, don't hit your sister". I felt so guilty.  At that time she was only being seen by a psychologist while waiting for insurance to approve her for ABA. Anyways his advice for when she's freaking out and getting violent? 

Make her a padded closet and shut her in there until she calms down. Needless to say we did not take that advice and switched Drs.  And thankfully started ABA the next week. Her violent outbursts went from 3 a week to maybe once every other month. 

huskermom14

@mombod, I remember the day I asked my OB if I could pull a Kourtney Kardashian and deliver my own baby if things were going well. He totally was on board and it was probably the most awesome thing I've ever done. I'm hoping to do it again this time around!

I'm with @FSUNole31 and @Stankonia2014 on character clothing. Hate it but DS loooooves Mickey and Minions and Cars and I have a hard time saying no when he gets so excited over a shirt. Some battles aren't worth fighting. 

As far as spanking, we decided we were only going to do it in situations where disobeying was dangerous. So far we haven't had to do it and I hope that continues. We were both spanked as kids but never excessively or often so I don't have any negative feelings associated with it. 

My UO: I think people are too up other people's butts when it comes to parenting decisions. What works for you and your household may not work for others. If another mom needs to spank her kid at the playground I'm not gonna call CPS on her. And if I trust my kid enough to play in our privacy fenced in back yard by himself I don't think it's anyone else's business. I had cops come do a well check on my kid last summer because he was playing alone in the back yard while I folded laundry in the living room that has windows facing the back yard that were open at the time. I was sofa king pissed off.