Sad to be joining

liz4382

I am so sad to be joining this group. I was supposed to be due on August 5 but unfortunately had a miscarriage this weekend. I had to go to the ER on Saturday and they confirmed that there was no heartbeat.  Saturday night after we got home was when the miscarriage actually happened. I followed up with my regular OB today and asked for another ultrasound. Never having gone through this, I am not sure what the standard procedure is but I just needed to know for sure--was it finished, or should I expect more?  My OB is wonderful and they got me in for an U/S right away.  She told me that almost everything was gone, and counseled me on what to expect from here.  Right now, I am devastated, but thankful for the support of my husband and my best friend.  We hadn't told anyone else about the pregnancy yet.  I am returning to work tomorrow (I think the routine will help) and trying to decide if I should tell my boss. I sent her a very vague text about "medical issues" to explain my absence today, and I know she is worried. 

justsuzie

@liz4382 Sorry you are here, and for your loss.  Take it one day at a time and feel all the emotions you feel no matter what.  As for telling your boss, do what feels right.  Thoughts are with you in this shitty time.

Uhlease13

@liz4382 I'm so sorry you're going through this. Definitely not a group anybody wants to be a part of. Do what feels comfortable with regard to your boss, I told mine b/c I had to miss work for a d&c and she told me she had gone through two losses herself. Hugs. 

splashmountain

@liz4382 I'm so sorry for your loss. I know nobody wants to be a part of this group, but the support that is given to us here is amazing. 

bookworm40

So sorry for your loss we were due a day apart. Because of my infertility issues a lot of co-workers knew I was pregnant and I found such support at work through all of this. I was shocked how many co-workers have been through the same thing. Only tell if you feel it's the right thing for you. Sending you positive thoughts and hugs. 

flowerintherain

@liz4382 I'm so sorry you ended up here I know it feels like a nightmare right now, but things will get better. Do what you need to and take all the time you need to grieve and heal. I have found this community to be very helpful and full of resources as well as TTCAL. Sending you big hugs and positive vibes. 

BelhurstBride

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

merrypotter

So sorry to see you here I had my miscarriage 3 weeks ago today so it's pretty fresh. Only my husband and my best friend knew I was pregnant, also. My best friend had suffered a loss a year ago so having her to relate to was nice. It's never easy to go through, but having people to talk to helps. I ended up having to tell my boss because I had to leave work early the day after it happened for an ultrasound to confirm what I already knew and that everything had made its way out. Routine helps, but I work in a busy restaurant and it seemed like the next day I went to work all the pregnant women and new moms decided to go out to eat. There will be painful reminders everywhere, but the hurt will fade to a dull ache after a while. I'm glad you have a support system behind you. Honestly, the hardest part for me is that we hadn't told other people about our baby and I still feel like I'm doing that baby a dishonor by not letting at least our parents know about their angel grandbaby, we'll eventually tell them. That's TOTALLY a personal choice though, whether to talk about it or not. I also just let myself feel sad for a few days. I would go on Pinterest and look up quotes like "we were expecting a baby but we got a angel instead". Just crying and feeling all that emotion and pain helped me. 
As far as the physical part goes; I only had cramping while I was actively miscarrying and then bled pretty moderately for a week. 
Again, so sorry to see you here but there's no better place to be when you're going through this. These women have great advice and offer amazing support. Prayers you get your rainbow baby. 

NYTino24

Sorry you are joining us @liz4382. I told my boss I was pregnant soon after I found out in case something happened. I was getting bad headaches and bloody noses and had to pee a lot. I work with kids, so I couldn't just leave the room. Plus I knew I may be high risk and was going to have issues with getting to appointments. Unfortunately my MC started at work and I told her immediately because I needed to call the doc and I had students. I needed to take 4 days off because my process was long and painful. I also had a coworker spread the word so people didn't ask questions about my absence since I'm normally never out. My boss went through it several times as well as IF treatments, so she has been way easier on me lately. Do what feels right.

jen83mn

So sorry for your loss I just had my first loss last weekend. It was a very early loss, but it was heartbreaking ... for me, the emotional pain has been much worse than the physical. I worked from home the entire week last week as I had a hard time keeping my emotions in check, especially with my hormones being all over the place. I told my boss and the coworkers I work closest with ... I didn't want them worrying and my boss has been through 4 miscarriages before, so I knew she would understand the pain I was going through. We also told my family and my closest friends ... I knew I needed their support to get through this, and wanted them to understand if I wasn't acting like myself for awhile. With each day, it gets easier, but certain things will trigger you ... seeing pregnant people, newborns, baby showers, etc. I had to sit out on the baby shower I was supposed to host at work for my friend last week because it was just too soon ... I still helped with all the preparation and decorations, but left for a doctor appointment right before the shower started. I just knew I'd have a hard time controlling my emotions and also didn't want the shower to be awkward for my coworkers, since half of them knew what happened and the other didn't. Right now, you need to take care of you and do what you need to do to heal. Sending big hugs to you!

liz4382

Thank you all again for your support.  It really helps to be able to come here and talk to other women who understand what it is like.  @jen83mn I agree completely about the triggers.  I can't imagine having to host a baby shower right now.  It seems like babies are everywhere right now, and it's just hard.  It's good to hear that it gets better every day. 

Today was a good day at work overall--I was able to mostly keep my mind off things, which helps so much. I need normalcy. I did end up telling, and I'm glad I did. I do have some cramping now, so I hope that physically I didn't overdo it, but I really am glad I went back today. 

@toniherdt I know exactly how you feel about not telling your parents, I am going through the same feelings. Part of me wants to just call my mom and tell her everything. However, I just can't put those emotions on her right now.  I am afraid it would be devastating for her, and I don't want her to feel that way. My thought right now is that I will tell her sometime after we (hopefully) have our rainbow baby. 

jen83mn

@liz4382

*TW: LC Mentioned*
In regard to telling your mom, I know how you feel. I was torn about whether to tell my mom or not. She was so excited about her first grandchild (my son) and I almost felt like I was disappointing her ... dumb, I know, but no one ever wants to have to break this news to their family. In the end, I decided to tell them because I knew I couldn't go through this alone, I see her daily, and I didn't want her wondering why I was acting so off lately. I couldn't bring myself to call her because I knew I'd burst out crying, so I texted her instead ... it's all I could handle at the moment and I told her why I didn't call and that I couldn't do it without breaking down crying. She understood and was sympathetic and supportive, and I felt better after telling her. It was hard for her to know what to say because she's never gone through, has never known anyone who has, and back in her day they never talked about stuff like this, so she did end up saying a few things that hurt my feelings unintentionally, but overall she has been very supportive. I also told my brother and sis-in-law since they knew we'd be trying soon. I figured I would have told them anyways when we get pregnant again so they could understand my worry during the pregnancy. We didn't tell my DH's family though; our relationship is different with them and I don't feel as close to them or as comfortable sharing that stuff with them. We may tell them when we do get our rainbow baby, but will most likely hold off until that point. You need to do whatever will make you feel better, and I'm sure your mom would be there to fully support you if you did tell her. Yes, she'll be sad for you, but she'll also be there to comfort you

SP128

So sorry you find yourself here. Miserable club to be part of. The women here are amazing!!!  I'm glad you were able to keep your mind off of things at work. 

girljoe

My sincere condolences. I will pray for comfort and guidance for you and your husband. There is amazing support here (Jen83mn's advice about sharing with your parents touched my heart) and I also recommend Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support.  I am also a huge fan of GriefShare which I have found to be so helpful.  Know that each day will hold different joys and sadnesses for you so don't be discouraged.  It is all part of the processes of healing.  

liz4382

Thank you all so much for your advice and support.  I know the emotional recovery will take time, but every day is a tiny bit easier. 

rainbowwishes5

I am so sorry you find yourself here I hope you can heal