SO Brag/Vent (1/14)

KMD1106

We have't done this in awhile. Does anyone have a SO brag or vent?

starphish18

Both? I was really frustrated with my husband earlier because I was the only one getting the nursery ready to be painted. I moved everything out of the room, cleaned the walls, taped everything, and got all the supplies ready. I told him I'd help get the room ready since I wasn't going to participate in the painting, but I meant HELP, not do everything. But now he's up there painting, so I'm really happy about that. It'll be nice to be able to start setting up the room.

KMD1106

Mine relates to a room renovation too @starphish18. We are redoing our spare room for DD and will have the baby take over her room which is still mostly set up as a gender neutral nursery. DH and his brother took down the wallpaper in her new room when BIL was home from the navy over Christmas. Now DH is spending hours scraping the glue off the wall with chemical that he doesn't want me around. I'm impressed that he's so motivated to get it done! 

MollyandD

I posted this on my ticker change thread, but my husband has been really sweet about how my body is changing. He loves that my boobs are getting bigger, and he compliments my round belly. He's become so affectionate, and is often touching or petting me when we are together. Usually, I'm the touchy one. He admitted that part of what he likes is knowing that he is partly responsible for the changes taking place. We have always had a pretty active sex life, but it's even more so now. 

kns1988

DH has started reading Aesop's Fables to the baby, and the other day, he spent a ton of time researching cloth diapering on his own. I love how excited he is and that he's already starting to feel a bond with the baby. 

MrsFox2008

Shout out to my hubby! He's been super helpful when it comes to getting things ready for this LO. But an even bigger shout out for being such a hard working and loving father to our DD. I'm so thankful for him 

psherman42wwsa

Not much bragging going on this weekend.... My husband has a man cold...

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

We are painting the nursery this weekend too. Although my weekend confession is that I do a lot of the painting. I painted in college and I don't trust DH to cut in. He does all of the rolling. Thankfully it's 70 degrees outside so we can just open the window and circulate fresh air so I'm not too worried about it. 

DH has been great. We've been in a bit of a rough patch lately because he can get moody and it annoys me. My rave is that I can see him mentally turning things around when I know he's struggling. He also brought be a Wendy's frosty the other night and he's made me a chocolate malt almost every night for a week. That's really all it takes to win me over. 

SKZW

I'll add a sweet moment to this list too. The other night, right after we got into bed, and I was on my side facing toward the middle, I realized I wanted some Tums off my nightstand. Super-uncomfy with the heartburn and the belly and not wanting to roll over, I asked the hubbs to get them for me. Half joking. But before I could say otherwise, he was up and out and walked around to my side of the bed, just for some stupid Tums. It was actually really nice of him and I told him so.  

jayandaplus

I can only brag. DH has been doing SO much around the house (and reorganized the nursery a couple times). He's normally handy and loves working on the house, but now he keeps saying "before the baby!" and it's too cute to me. Also, he's generally very sweet, but he's a problem solver and sometimes I just want unconditional support. Today I was venting and he started trying to problem solve (which made me feel like he was blaming me) and he stopped and just started being supportive to my frustrations. He's always loving, and that's been a great feeling. To tag off @MollyandD, he's loving my pregnant body and that makes me feel great, because I typically am not (all the aches and pains!) Tonight, he tells me "when the baby is born you need to have something you do for yourself." I said, "yeah, a mommy group." He answered, "no, something without the baby, just for you!" While this terrifies me, it was very sweet he wanted me to have "my" time. Okay, I'm done. This was nice, though. I like reading everyone's rants/raves and it's nice to get to shout out to my man.

starphish18

@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot I feel you about not trusting my husband with the painting. I'm pretty controlling when it comes to projects being done "the right way". I've done most of the painting in the rest of our house, but I just got to a point where I now loathe it. Our house is riddled with exposed wood beams along the walls and on the ceilings, so it takes a ridiculous amount of time to cut. The last time I painted, I was literally muttering "I hate this" the entire time. The fumes don't really concern me, but I definitely used it as an excuse to get out of this one. And actually, it felt really nice to just let him do it. Plus, I'm pretty sure I won't stare at all the tiny imperfections because I don't know where they are.

SKZW

@starphish18 : When we painted our bedroom, I practiced using that few-inches-square flat pad cutting-in tool around doorframe & mouldings, and actually got pretty good at it. All those imperfections (you DO see them forever afterward!) were less of a big deal b/c it wasn't in a public space. It took way less time because I didn't have to do all the taping off and prep work, and I'd do it again in future. I'm wishing I learned how to do it years ago.

Edited twice b/c of fat fingers.

hp_momma

@lrwardrop Hope the man cold passes quickly! They are the worst. 

hp_momma

DH asked me when I was going to start getting stuff together for the nursery and decorating, which I haven't even thought about (3rd child syndrome?). I started listing off the stuff we need to get and he said "well why haven't you started?" So I guess that means I have the green light to start buying! 

llenadevida900

DH is returning tomorrow from another long (2 week) business trip. And then he'll have jet lag for another week and sleep at the weirdest times so it will still be like he's not even here. But I'm glad he'll be home. A mom friend of mine used the term "single married mom" the other day. Totally describes my life recently. DH has been home maybe three weeks since mid October. 

Jens_Hoes

My husband has been so wonderful about my body, as some pp have said. He is anxiously awaiting my bump, and he told me he can't wait to see it (which is very unlike him). He also is so sweet and sentimental about our daughter, who is yet to be born, saying little things here and there about her and about our dog being a big brother. He is way more invested in this pregnancy than I ever could have imagined. 
My rant is that he still acts like a baby! Doesn't clean up after himself all the time, leaves his clothes wherever, expects me to make all the food. His mother ruined him lol

BeachMommy2B

I don't know if this is a vent or a brag... both maybe? 

Ive not been wanting to have sex. My pubic bone and hips have been hurting like crazy (I had SPD last time and it's basiclly been back, but fairly mills since 18 weeks). Fiancé Is so supportavit about it and says things like "I'm 50/50, I want to have sex but I'm totally fine without it".... me being the irrational hormonal pregnant woman I am somehow takes offense like...how dare you say you're fine without it.... why would you not want to have sex with me. I know he means he doesn't want to hurt me anymore but you know... hormones  luckily this is our second so he just rolls his eyes, kisses my forehead, and tells me he loves me and I'm beautiful. I think I'll keep him!!  

achays11

MH was going to Vegas this weekend with his dad and told me to go have some me time on Friday. While I had me time, he and DD got dressed up and he took her out on a date. I love it when he does little things like this to begin to teach her how a lady should be treated. 

lilmisscrafty-2

I guess this is a good place for this. Mine is a vent of another kind.

MH has been having troubles with his business. He's barely holding on and he's afraid he's going to have to close up shop pretty soon. I've been picking up extra work where I can, but know it won't be enough to keep us in our apartment. We'll have to move in with his parents if it comes to that. His anxiety has been through the roof lately. But instead of giving into it he's been putting on a brave face. He's quit smoking cold turkey and is actually doing something about his anxiety issues. He's done so much for the sake of the baby. I feel bad that he might lose his business that he's worked so hard to build. I know his being brave is for my sake. I just wish I could do more for him.

Cubslove12

I seriously hit the jackpot with my hubs, yes he gets annoying and we fight, but he is just such a good man. I have had a delay in feeling baby girl due to an anterior placenta. I just started feeling her this week, the first time was a quick jab, the next time was while I was taking a bath. Then we were sitting watching TV and I said, I think she's moving, there was a delayed response ( I think my husband thought I was talking about the TV) he jumped up and was like a little kid, "Can I feel her yet?" We tried, she immediately stopped moving. He's so cute he's dying to feel her.  

Kipperoo

Weekends around our house are exhausting with a super busy toddler. The past few weeks, my husband has been dropping me at a mall near my son's swim class and giving me an hour and a half of "me time" to grab a coffee, shop around, just enjoy silence. Pre-child me would not have seen much value in this, but that time has turned into such a welcomed break. 

OmegaRose3

DH ordered pizza last night and even though he wanted to relax he helped me clean up DD's horrendous toddler dinner disaster and even made me pop tarts at 1am when I wanted a snack. It's the little things that make me happy.

inomniaparatus2

I am adding to this. We recently had our house painted and the nursery was included. We had the crib and dresser but couldn't put them together until it was done so the painters finished Friday and a Saturday I wanted to put everything together. DH had a bunch of work to do but he waited until later to go in and worked later in the evening so he could put everything together. I don't enjoy assembling but he does so I was so thankful for him to do that instead of going into work. He also wanted to get some new gloves so we went shopping for those and even though we didn't need to (and it was late Friday) we stopped into Kohls and got a bunch of baby stuff and he didn't complain that I was taking too long he just hung out until I was done and looked himself. He's so good to me. 

nda_roxybabe

I'm feeling mushy today. H has been great, just so sweet and helpful and excited. I asked him yesterday if I am getting fat anywhere besides my belly and he said "no, you look great!" Heck, only answer I need.

ChristinaWild

My hubby has been amazing for a while, but this weekend he's taken it over the top. A couple of quick back stories, we had a little scare with the baby's health back towards the beginning of December. It's made me a hormonal, emotional wreck. I'm sure I haven't been easy to live with, but we think we're in the clear on everything now. At the same time, my parents separated. They've been married nearly 40 years, and while I completely empathize with both of them, I've been completely distracted by our stuff and not really able to focus on them as much as they would like. This has prompted a bunch of pissed off emotions from my family, and I selfishly don't care. DS and I went out of town this weekend with my mom and sister, which was just a complete and total clusterf***. By the time I got home, I was ready to crawl into a hole and just cry my eyes out for a week straight.

I got home and my husband had done SO much to help out that it was ridiculous. He reorganized three closets in the house that have been at the top of my to-do list for a couple of weeks, he got all of the furniture and junk that was remaining in the room that will become DS's moved, he did all of the batch cooking I usually do, he patched and painted holes in walls....I mean, he did just about everything that I could have even considered doing. And then...icing on the cake, bought me flowers and a spa day gift card AAAAAAAND went to the maternity store near us to get a replacement pair of leggings that he accidentally ruined. 

So in short, I still cried when I got home, but instead of frustrated tears it was happy "I don't deserve this" tears.

starphish18

@ChristinaWild Oh man, I want one of those husbands. Mine tries...sometimes.

ShadeofGreen816

@ChristinaWild I would maybe actually die if that happened at my house. MH tries but he still cleans like a man and seems to think that the primary role of weekends is for him to drink too much and lay on the couch....

chailife34

Okay, I'll play. DW has been super considerate lately and totally made up for being a big baby when we were all sick over the holidays. She has kept the house super clean and asks often, "can I get you anything?" It's been so refreshing and I hope it lasts! 

bgrant172

So my brag and vent is the same thing. My husband is super handy and outdoorsy and he is wonderful about doing all the things to keep the house running that I have no interest in. He spends his free time fixing things and doing general maintenance and without him the house would be clean but falling apart. However I get really frustrated because when he has a project in mind he just goes and does it, no questions asked. We have a 1.5 year old and I'm a SAHM and any project I need or want to do I have to plan ahead and ask for help or just do it while watching a toddler. Also I do all the child care all week long and while I understand that weekends are his time to get stuff done it's also my time to have him around parenting with me and helping keep our little monster busy.  I don't know if there's a solution because I want him to keep doing the things he's doing that we all benefit from and I also want him not to do them, kind of impossible ask I guess. 

RedInLove

bgrant172 said:

So my brag and vent is the same thing. My husband is super handy and outdoorsy and he is wonderful about doing all the things to keep the house running that I have no interest in. He spends his free time fixing things and doing general maintenance and without him the house would be clean but falling apart. However I get really frustrated because when he has a project in mind he just goes and does it, no questions asked. We have a 1.5 year old and I'm a SAHM and any project I need or want to do I have to plan ahead and ask for help or just do it while watching a toddler. Also I do all the child care all week long and while I understand that weekends are his time to get stuff done it's also my time to have him around parenting with me and helping keep our little monster busy.  I don't know if there's a solution because I want him to keep doing the things he's doing that we all benefit from and I also want him not to do them, kind of impossible ask I guess. 

This is so much my DH! He travels full time for work, so when he is home he tries to catch up on house tasks I can't do. When he is in between projects and home for a week or more, he really dives in. I've learned to speak up and let him know that I need help with the toddler, or I need to do xyz, or I want some time to even just cross stitch for an hour or run an errand child-free. Then we want family time too. It's been a learning process and a balancing act, but we are getting there. Maybe chat about it over dinner or weekend coffee? I make sure to let DH know I appreciate what he does, and we talk every morning about what needs to happen that day. 

fbmandy55

Oh Boy... I think my vent outweighs my brag. 

Brag: He's actually stepped up to do laundry, which he never has before. I don't feel comfortable carrying baskets up and down the basement stairs anymore so yay for him for taking that on for me.

Vent: When he's not doing laundry, he's sitting with his ass on the couch. We've had 2 really big fights about the fact that I do 90% of the housework and 100% of the cooking and how I rarely get a break to sit down, especially after I walk in the door from work.There is no affection or romance at all. I think we've only done the deed 2 times since I found out I was pregnant in August and it's killing me. He shows little or no concern about my pregnancy, doesn't ask about my appointments (he's been to 2) even after being diagnosed with gestational diabetes. He never asked about my insulin use, testing or anything. Our relationship has been really difficult this pregnancy. 

RainyDays86

@fbmandy55 I'm sorry, that sounds really tough.  Have you tried talking to him about this?  I know you said you've had fights about his lack of help with the housework, but have you tried having a discussion when you're calm?  My H is similar with regards to housework - he does want to help out but he rarely takes initiative and just does stuff.  I've had to have several conversations about what I need from him.  I have found that if I have those conversations up front then he is happy to do what I need.  It is annoying for sure that I need to tell a grown ass man which chores to do, but I've accepted that his mind just doesn't think about that stuff naturally.

fbmandy55

@RainyDays86 We've gotten a bit better about having talks while calm. Pretty much every day this week. Always civil, "I need this from you and I will work on this" type talks but sadly, the actions just aren't there. 

WombThereItIs

My 2 year old, husband, and I all have the same cold. My husband is the only one that laid down all night after coming home and refused to do anything. If a pregnant lady and a toddler can deal so can you. Get up!

He has been chill so far about names, baby room plans, gear etc though. Last time everything was a debate and it's nice he is letting go and trusting my expertise on things and also choosing not to care when it doesn't really matter. 

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

@fbmandy55

DH and I had a similar argument shortly after DD was born, except our roles were reversed.  He so much cleaner/tidier than I am.  I have stepped it up since then, but what helped the most was getting a housecleaner to come once a month and do the "scrubbing" tasks (bathrooms, floors, oven, etc.). Even once both of us were tackling cleaning, we spent so much time on the weekends cleaning the whole house. Add that to all the errands we need to run (grocery shopping, target runs, etc.) and we realized we'll never have time for the kid activities and family time that are also saved/scheduled for the weekends.  If a housecleaner is a possibility, I'd highly recommend it. I think I'd ditch other monthly budget items (cable?) to keep my housecleaner.  If you can remove that stress, maybe the other stuff will get easier.

RainyDays86

@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot I completely agree that I would get rid of almost every expense possible before getting rid of our housekeeper.  Same as with your family, ours does the big stuff that I don't want to deal with (scrubbing toilets, deep clean of the bathroom, cleaning baseboards, etc.).  It helps so much to have that stuff off our plates.

kat81

@fbmandy55 @RainyDays86 @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot
I will "third" the recommendation for a house cleaner. We have one every other week and basically don't have to clean anything anymore. The only other cleaning we do are: 1) dishes & immediate food prep clean-up / counters, 2) roomba the dining room & kitchen just about every day (and it's a roomba so we don't do it, but we do have to make sure the ground is clear, including putting chairs up on the table), 3) picking up of toys/junk/clothes around the house 4) piles and piles of laundry, and 5) periodic emergencies, like poop accidents, crayon on walls/furniture, stickers in random places, glitter from school projects that flies around when we open the backpack, etc. We do no scrubbing, bathrooms, dusting, etc.

As for @fbmandy55 , I am so sorry! I do think that you have a serious situation. It sounds like you BOTH work?! I mean, even if only he worked, you should not do 90% of cleaning and 100% of cooking before there is even a child in the mix. Personally I don't think that SAHMs should have to do that much. But especially if you both work, it really needs to be 50/50, or ideally actually more for him (at least 60/40) since you are pregnant and soon you will have more child rearing duties if you are going to breastfeed and/or go on leave from work. (Note: If you are not breastfeeding, then child rearing can and should be 50/50 as well.) I really think that the workload imbalance sounds like the biggest problem, but considering the other things (lack of interest in the pregnancy in spite of you having GD!), I think you ought to nip things in the bud and go for couples therapy now. Or get some other professional advice about what to do next, but you don't want to start an intervention after baby comes and things are even harder.

hp_momma

@WombThereItIs Because a man cold is apparently like their death bed!

fbmandy55

@kat81

I think the housekeeper suggestions is a great one. I'm sure we could work it into the budget and we have discussed it before. Maybe time to bit the bullet. Between our activities and DS's activities, I find we spend our weekends and evenings catching up on house stuff that leaves little to no time for "us". 

The division of labor has been an issue from day 1. I'm a neat freak, he is a slob. I knew that when I married him and dealt with it up until pregnancy. It's just a lot harder now being pregnant and busy! I sent him some information today about the support I need and included a nice message with it about the things I appreciate about him so hopefully he takes it to heart. 

kat81

fbmandy55 said:

@kat81

I think the housekeeper suggestions is a great one. I'm sure we could work it into the budget and we have discussed it before. Maybe time to bit the bullet. Between our activities and DS's activities, I find we spend our weekends and evenings catching up on house stuff that leaves little to no time for "us". 

The division of labor has been an issue from day 1. I'm a neat freak, he is a slob. I knew that when I married him and dealt with it up until pregnancy. It's just a lot harder now being pregnant and busy! I sent him some information today about the support I need and included a nice message with it about the things I appreciate about him so hopefully he takes it to heart. 

aw that is sweet. And I get how different people in the couple will do different things and are naturally one way or another. I'm the slob in our house. But I know that about me and I either step up in other ways (like doing more kid stuff sometimes), or take orders ("kat81, please work on your pile over there; kat81, please switch the laundry before you go to bed"). I'm bad about taking initiative, though. Luckily DH is fine with all of that.