June 2017 Moms

Baby Showers

245

Re: Baby Showers

  • ams512 said:
    I can't believe there are that many of yall included in planning a shower for yourselves. 
    I don't think my mom or MIL would know what to do, as evidenced by the fact that they keep asking me how I want everything done. I wouldn't be involved in planning if that weren't the case. They WANT and NEED my help!
    There is a difference between having hosts offer to hold your shower and asking your opinions/preferences on stuff and actually planning/hosting your own shower.  You're fine.

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    Me: 34 DH: 34
    Married 5-31-14
    DD born 6-21-15
    NTNP - January 2016
    TTC#2 - August 2016
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  • @acrose0226 I think it's completely fine for you to create a gift registry, and just not advertise it on a party invite. You may have people ask if you are registered somewhere and then you can tell them. A lot of my friends have done that, which I appreciated. Mostly for babies #2 or #3, when they aren't having showers. But I like when I ask them if they are registered somewhere and they let me know!
    Me: 31, DH: 35, Diagnosis: MFI
    Nov 2015, Feb, 2016, May 2016: 3 IUIs = BFN
    July 2016: IVF (20R, 12M, 10F, 8B) = 7 PGS Normal
    Sep 2016: FET #1 (9/16/16) = BFP!!
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  • acrose0226acrose0226 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited January 17
    Thanks for the feedback. What's interesting is that I've had several friends offer to help us with our party planning -- as they're much closer to our family and understand our unique dynamics -- and no one had any issue with us throwing a party/shower/whatever we'll call it. Also, for those who said that my husband couldn't throw me a bridal shower...why can't he? Have you never thrown any sort of party for your SO? All of our friends and family thought it was the sweetest sentiment for him to want to honor his soon-to-be wife like that. To this day they talk about it (unsolicited, in a positive way), and it was nearly six years ago. I was actually OK with thinking that I wouldn't have a bridal shower at all -- I'm the type who starts crying in Macy's while registering for gifts because I couldn't handle having people think that I was "expecting" any sort of gift at the wedding. I didn't want to register at all.

    We haven't even gotten into the specifics of what we're calling our party - shower vs. party vs. cindo de mayo bash. Many of our friends -- both male and female -- are the ones who have encouraged us to register for gifts as they want to bless us with gifts for the baby. I'm on the fence about it, but they've said that people will want direction on what to give us or else friends/family will feel awkward and not know what to get. So you can see the spot we're in...our friends want us to have a shower (but it's not fair to expect them to throw it for us, pay for everything, etc.), our family is clueless at best, and so we're trying to figure out the happy medium. 

    I do appreciate the honesty of internet strangers, but at the same time we also need to be sensitive that everyone's situation is very unique and comes from a very different place in life.

    @elyse1384 @Wino0920ellie111227  
    WorkingOnMyNightCheeseangelaac8706soontobemrsdavissparrow-2
  • @acrose0226- what if you threw the party at your house and you and your husband paid for it, but have one or a few of your friends be the hosts and send out invites, etc? That way, if your friends want to throw it but don't have the space/money, that problem is solved, and then you can call it a shower and put the registry on the invite. I don't see a problem with this. I've seen showers like this before. Anyone who loves you and wants to celebrate you won't care.

    Otherwise, create your registry, have a Cinco de Mayo party, and I bet a ton of people (party guests or not) will ask if you're registered, and you can direct them to it. There's nothing wrong with registering in case someone wants to buy you a gift, and nothing wrong with sharing that registry with someone who flat out asks for it.
    ShadeofGreen816noellehmshmarplerneludelu
  • @acrose0226 one thought, do you have a friend that you can ask them their thoughts on your situation and they be very direct with you?  I have friends that are super sweet would probably not be direct with me if they knew I was doing something I shouldn't whereas I know the 2 that would lay into me (in a loving way) if I was hosting my own shower or anything that even seemed like a shower... I know you seemed put off by some of the opinions being provided on this thread but I'm willing to bet you have 'that friend' that will tell you straight up similar things to others on this BMB that have given you their thoughts...

    One other thing, I'm sure you do have lots of friends and people in your life that want to give you something for this little one so they would appreciate a registry to know what you want/need specifically rather than guessing or having to do cash/giftcards BUT I still don't think that means that is the same thing as them supporting you in hosting your own shower.
    ShadeofGreen816Wino0920
  • @acrose0226 Nothing about your response had me saying "oh that makes sense!" It just had me shaking my head like "these people really want some gifts!"

    If someone asks you if you have registered, you can let them know and they can choose to buy you something or not. You don't register and throw yourself a party for people to buy you those gifts. I can't believe you don't see that? 

    And your husband basically did go pick out a bunch of gifts,  and throw a party for people to buy them for him. Wtf??? 

    So now if I redecorate my house, I should register and throw myself a party for people to buy all my new stuff? 
    ShadeofGreen816ams512NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot
  • ams512 said:
    I can't believe there are that many of yall included in planning a shower for yourselves. 
    This exactly. 
    ams512NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot
  • Wino0920  Elyse1384  ellie111227  I should clarify -- while my bridal shower was held at my house and my husband did initiate organizing it, my MOH is the one who sent out the invites (she and my other bridesmaid were both living out of state, working their way through master's degrees and unable to afford flying in twice for a shower and for the wedding so they weren't able to pitch-in as much in the overall organization of it), another friend planned the games, his sister helped decorate, he was not at the actual shower, etc. So my saying he "hosted" it was the wrong literal term to use when describing what happened. 

    michaela0704 Several of my friends asked me over the weekend who was throwing a shower for us and if they could help; I mentioned to them that none of our family members would be throwing one. They actually encouraged the idea of us having a party and encouraged us to register. I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea though.

    As I've mentioned several times, I'm on the fence about all of this to begin with...we're not attention seekers or gift grabbers...we're already buying all of our nursery furniture and many of the big-ticket items ourselves so we're not expecting others to give us anything. But there's a social expectation that there is some sort of pre-baby party -- evidenced by many people asking us already about having a shower -- so that's what we're trying to work through...what's appropriate, what's not, etc. and we'll most likely land on something that's just a big party (and not calling it a shower) and we'll make any registry info. available if directly asked for it. 




  • @acrose0226 Well now you are backtracking. He is so sweet cause he threw you a shower, no he just initiated the shower plans. He threw the shower.

    Someone who isn't attending the shower usually doesn't send out invites?? 

    You ARE comfortable with idea because you have already done this with your bridal shower. It's funny because all these friends wanting to buy you gifts aren't willing to throw you the actual shower??? You can throw a shower extremely cheap. 


    ShadeofGreen816tripledaggerWed95976ams512berg
  • I think it's more a thing of our friends not being sure if they should/shouldn't host it...since it is more commonly done by family members. And I would never expect someone to step-in and do that. And with the bridal shower, I had no idea it was happening until I walked into a living room full of people. So yes, I can still be uncomfortable and uncertain about the idea of having a shower. Let's not jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what I or anyone else is comfortable/uncomfortable with based on some brief internet exchanges. 

  • I think it's more a thing of our friends not being sure if they should/shouldn't host it...since it is more commonly done by family members. And I would never expect someone to step-in and do that. And with the bridal shower, I had no idea it was happening until I walked into a living room full of people. So yes, I can still be uncomfortable and uncertain about the idea of having a shower. Let's not jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what I or anyone else is comfortable/uncomfortable with based on some brief internet exchanges. 

    to the bolded: little known fact... Traditionally and by the most stringent of etiquette standards, a close family member is not supposed to throw you a shower. This is not closely followed and certainly not something I side-eye but just so you know. 


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    ellie111227doodleoodleAhutch428berg
  • It's definitely normal and common and socially acceptable for a friend(s) to throw a shower. A thousand times better than throwing it yourself. 
    Elyse1384NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlotAhutch428
  • I think it's more a thing of our friends not being sure if they should/shouldn't host it...since it is more commonly done by family members. And I would never expect someone to step-in and do that. And with the bridal shower, I had no idea it was happening until I walked into a living room full of people. So yes, I can still be uncomfortable and uncertain about the idea of having a shower. Let's not jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what I or anyone else is comfortable/uncomfortable with based on some brief internet exchanges. 

    Completely different than your first post saying it wasn't a big deal that you would be throwing a party for yourselves. 

    It is not uncommon at all for friends/coworkers/etc to throw showers. 

    You were even asking advice as to how you were going to display your gifts. 

    If no one is willing to throw you a shower, then there shouldn't be a shower. 
    NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot
  • sejica said:
    @GlitterFish , we are planning to take this baby on a short (2hrs away) road trip to get in the peak eclipse zone for the August 21 solar eclipse. Optimistically, she'll be 10+ weeks then. My thoughts are that's as soon as I would want to travel with her/expose her to 'strange' germs, no matter the delivery date (EDD 6/11). My limited experience with premie baby's suggests they use all 40 weeks to develop, even if some of those weeks end up being outside the womb :)

    I guess I'm saying maybe an eclipse party could be fun. I know from your other posts you're not due 'til the end of June/beginning of July, so your LO would only be 7 or so weeks, so maybe too close for you. Also, I'm not sure how close you are to the eclipse zone, you may have said so here or July, but I don't lurk there, and didn't see it here.
    @sejica How interesting! I had no idea there would be an eclipse... I live in NY. August 21 is my sister's bday, so not really ideal timing though - is that a Monday this year? Then again she goes back to teaching around that time too.

    I think towards the end of maternity leave sounds good to me... Maybe Mom will forget about by then, too! Haha

    I would definitely be happier waiting until he is here, home and healthy before even thinking about invites or anything. It still seems so early to be confident everything will be fine!
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  • EmeraldNC said:
    I agree with @rae1

    None of your friends are going to tell you to your face if they think it is tacky. 

    edit: wrong sn tagged.
    Yup.  Fwiw if your friends keep offering to help, it's because they're afraid to tell you you're being tacky and are trying to save you from yourself.  I had a friend insist on throwing her own shower bc she wanted something specific and fancy but felt bad asking her friends to pay for it.  I offered at least a dozen times to help, I even offered to be the rsvp person on the invites so it would look like i was the host.  Not because i wanted to host but bc i didn't want her to embarrass herself.  She refused and several mutual friends did talk shit about her hosting her own shower to me behind her back.

    Just because people don't say something to your face doesn't mean they're not saying it behind your back.

    image
     
     
    Me: 34 DH: 34
    Married 5-31-14
    DD born 6-21-15
    NTNP - January 2016
    TTC#2 - August 2016
    BFP 10/3/16 - EDD 6/16/17
     
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  • Ahutch428Ahutch428 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Photogenic
    edited January 18
    I think it's more a thing of our friends not being sure if they should/shouldn't host it...since it is more commonly done by family members. And I would never expect someone to step-in and do that. And with the bridal shower, I had no idea it was happening until I walked into a living room full of people. So yes, I can still be uncomfortable and uncertain about the idea of having a shower. Let's not jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what I or anyone else is comfortable/uncomfortable with based on some brief internet exchanges. 

    to the bolded: little known fact... Traditionally and by the most stringent of etiquette standards, a close family member is not supposed to throw you a shower. This is not closely followed and certainly not something I side-eye but just so you know. 
    This is exactly what I came here to say. Like @ShadeofGreen816 said, it's not commonly followed anymore, and no one (except my uber traditional family) side eyes family thrown showers. 

    @acrose0226 I have to agree with others that what you are describing does come off as gift grabby, and if it were one of my friends, I would be side eyeing. If people are asking you about a shower, I would just say one has not been planned. I am willing to bet a group of these friends would come together to throw you an inexpensive, low key shower. 

    You can always still plan your Cinco de Mayo party as a fun way to celebrate with your friends before baby gets here with out people seeing it as a shower. 

     

     

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  • @doodleoodle you read my mind. I need queso like now...

    Mom to Madison- 5 and Lillian 2....and now surprise baby #3!
    doodleoodlemichaela0704
  • Has anyone used the Encore Baby Registry, or something similar? You register like normal, but people can get it anywhere they want - their closet, a thrift store, online, or traditional retail. Obviously there are some items that need to be purchased new - car seats. But for everything else, this seems a great idea. Yes, you do miss out on the completion discounts you get elsewhere, but I'm probably OK with that. Maybe I can combine this with a more traditional regstry at a brick and mortar store (honestly, probably target) .

    I just found out about it, but it seems right up my alley. Several friends and family have already mentioned hand me downs they think would be a good fit. I haven't played with it, but I'm optimistic I could even 'register' for things like homemade frozen lasagna :) .
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  • Where are you all having you baby showers? Mine was going to be at the clubhouse at my apartment because they don't charge you to rent it but of course the one weekend we picked is the one weekend in 3 months that is already booked!! I really don't want to change the date so now I'm trying to find other places that won't cost a ton to have it. 
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • HgPaHgPa member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @alm52386 I think we are just going to do ours at my in-law's place. I was wondering about an alternate venue if we have a lot of people and the weather isn't nice enough to spill out into the lawn.

    Also, how many people are you guys inviting? We're doing co-ed, so it will be mostly couples, which gets big fast. I have only ever been to one shower, and it was a while ago so I am struggling with a ballpark.

    @sejica Great find! I peeked at it this morning. I love the idea of a hand me down registry! My shower is going to be on Earth day, so it makes sense to reduce and reuse! I think I might do that and then Amazon for the handful of stuff that needs to be new.
    sejica
  • @HgPa and @alm52386 We're also having ours at my in law's house. And we're inviting around 30. They have a big house but I'm still worried it might get crowded in there. If the weather is nice we'll go outside but March might be iffy. Either way though we will make it work!
    Me: 31, DH: 35, Diagnosis: MFI
    Nov 2015, Feb, 2016, May 2016: 3 IUIs = BFN
    July 2016: IVF (20R, 12M, 10F, 8B) = 7 PGS Normal
    Sep 2016: FET #1 (9/16/16) = BFP!!
       Beta #1 = 179 (9/26), Beta #2 = 480 (9/28)
       EDD: June 3, 2017
       DD Born: May 30, 2017
    HgPa
  • @HgPa there will be about 20 people at each Shower. It's ladies only though besides DH! The local one I'll probably just have him come for gifts but he will be there the whole time for the one that is out of town. 
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • MIL wants to get DH a gift at the shower. I basically told her if it's not on the registry, please don't get it. We have a 1 bedroom apartment. We don't have room for any extra gear! Also, I'm extremely picky about what I want. (Btw, I wouldn't say this to other guests, just the moms!) She wanted to get him a "masculine carrier." The ideas I gave her were a cake for himself, a daddy tshirt or Star Wars or Blackhawks clothing for baby. Any other ideas or something that can be for DH but baby related? 
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • @krex, I agree with @Wino0920 on this, you should have a shower - esp. if friends are offering and want to do it for you!!
    krex-2graceriesz
  • krex said:
    Since we're adopting, I didn't figure we'd have a shower...maybe a small gathering after the baby was home with us.  But, a few of my friends really want to throw us a shower, so I'm going along with it.  It'll be a ton of fun, and I'm so thankful, but a part of me feels weird because (until all the paperwork is signed) it's not our baby yet. Still, it'll be good times and we'll enjoy it!  No idea on dates yet...probably late April.
    I totally get feeling weird about having a shower before TPR.  If it makes you uncomfortable you can for sure say no and do something after that will be just as meaningful.  I love that you're so sensitive to this, many AP's claim that baby as soon as their matched.  Of course you'll have fun if you do it and of course you're equally a mom (no adoptive parent thinks they're not).
    Follow your heart!   
    krex-2huzzahuzza
  • *Lurker from August17*

    So I didn't see this addressed yet so help me out ladies. My MIL wants to throw me a shower and she always goes all out with showers, digging herself into some deep debt. I feel horrible being the cause of debt, and she knows I'm a simple person and don't want anything big or over the top. To reign her in, I said we will have it at my house to save on cost. I have an acre with woods and a big barn that we can open up. Lawn games instead of baby shower games too. Does it being at my house immediately make you think I'm gift-grabby even if the invites come from my MIL and I'm not part of the planning? Obvious guests have no clue what I took part in and what was a surprise to me so I'm afraid they will assume automatically I'm throwing myself the shower.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @budzynb Seems like a great idea to me. I would not see it as gift-grabby or like you were hosting. If MIL's name is on the invites and someone other than you is in charge of keeping things moving during the shower then I don't think anyone would assume you were throwing it for yourself. Also your house/yard sounds like a beautiful location for a summer baby shower.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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