June 2017 Moms

Baby Showers

We had a thread for STM+ Sprinkles/Showers but not one for FTM! 
Lilypie Maternity tickers
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Re: Baby Showers

  • I'm already having drama with my mom and MIL. They brought it up way back at thanksgiving! They already picked a date. My issue is that they are inviting THEIR friends to my shower. Not really close family friends either, just friends they've known for a long time that I also know but am not close to at all. I think this is strange. Yes I'm grateful that they are throwing me a shower and grateful for the large items they are purchasing for us. But I thought a baby shower was about me and the baby, not the grandmas and their friends....? Isn't the guest list usually friends of the mother/father and family?? They did the same thing with my wedding and bridal shower. I don't get it. 
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • alm52386 said:
    I'm already having drama with my mom and MIL. They brought it up way back at thanksgiving! They already picked a date. My issue is that they are inviting THEIR friends to my shower. Not really close family friends either, just friends they've known for a long time that I also know but am not close to at all. I think this is strange. Yes I'm grateful that they are throwing me a shower and grateful for the large items they are purchasing for us. But I thought a baby shower was about me and the baby, not the grandmas and their friends....? Isn't the guest list usually friends of the mother/father and family?? They did the same thing with my wedding and bridal shower. I don't get it. 
    Why don't they want to include your friends?
  • There's a longer version of the story... we live in Madison but are from northern IL. We wanted 1 shower in Madison because my friends won't/can't travel to IL. My mom was like well then my friends won't come. Obviously I don't care if her friends come!! And we don't have a lot of family in IL anymore. So they pushed me into having 2 showers. One in Madison which one of my friends here is throwing and one in IL with their friends and a few family members. 
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • I  mean, I  guess if they are hosting it that is their prerogative,  but,  yeah,  weird. It would feel gift-grabby  to me to be invited to a shower when I  knew the host well but not the guest of honor.  Is it possible that they are just over-estimating the depth of your relationship with these people and would be open to you letting them know that you haven't talked to them much since you were a kid (or whatever the case may be)? I know sometimes my mom forgets that I don't have really have relationships with her friends anymore now that I  haven't lived there in a solid decade. She just thinks about how I hung out with their kids when I was young  and knew them well a billion years ago and assumes I still keep up with them.
  • They would both be hurt if I told them I didn't want their friends there. Also they both said something about the more people you invite the more gifts you get. Um no. I want to celebrate becoming a mom and my baby with my family and friends and people I know well and care about! I don't care about the gifts!
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • My mom is doing the same thing... inviting people I don't know/ am not close to. She did the same thing with the bridal shower. I've given up lol 
    IAmPregnant Ticker
  • My mom has a very lengthy list of second and third cousins who all belong to her wedding/shower/funeral guest list. I was so surprised when she said she didn't feel like inviting all those people to my shower and she wouldnif I felt strongly about inviting them but she just didn't feel like it this time. I was actually glad because I don't even know half of their names let alone to I feel like I have anything else to say to them other than "hello" and "thank you". Much more time to spend with my close friends and family. Plus we are doing a shower in the afternoon and my 30th birthday at night. It's a day long event with lots of celebrating...I just want to keep it small. 
  • @wifeinraleigh28. My parents threw me a surprise co-ed shower and it was amazing!  I felt more relaxed since I don't like being in the spotlight and I had DH to celebrate with (a great touch since he was so excited to be a dad and wanted to soak it in too!).  They had an open bar and full dinner for guests.  I opened gifts with DH as everyone ate cake.  It worked out great and was amazing!  The men in attendence loved it (it really was a party atmosphere and not at all like a shower - eg no games).  Several said "I thought you ladies said these things sucked!?  Was that so we wouldn't go or we would think you had it equally rough as we watched kids?"  Haha
    wifeinraleigh28berg
  • @Elyse1384 Yours is exactly the kind of shower I envision! Our sex reveal was similar minus gifts. It was really just a party for us to celebrate with friends, which is what I want!
    Me: 31, DH: 35, Diagnosis: MFI, TTC #1
    IUI #1-3: Nov 2015, Feb 2016, May 2016 = BFNs
    IVF: July 2016 (20R, 12M, 10F, 8B) = 7 PGS Normal
    FET #1: Sep 2016 (single transfer) = BFP!!
    Beta #1 (10dp5dt) = 179, Beta #2 (12dp5dt) = 480
    EDD: June 3, 2017, Born: May 30, 2017

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    flyingncmama
  • Am I the only FTM that has no idea about a shower?  My mother has literally not brought it up, and asking about it feels gift grabby to me.   Also @alm52386 - Madison represent. Woot!!!
    Pregnancy Ticker
    alm52386sejica
  • My Mom the other day brought it up for the first time. We are thinking the last Sunday in April. Other than putting together a preliminary guest list - we haven't done anything. But I will for sure help :)
    Pregnancy Ticker
    CapricaAndrea
  • @merrylea I thought someone else on here was in Madison! Which hospital are you delivering at? I'll be at Meriter.

    @graceriesz mine is also the last weekend in April! That's the latest I wanted it. 
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • We're doing a co-ed shower as well with a healthy mix of friends and family. No idea what my mom is planning theme-wise but she's awesome and I trust her. It'll be a bbq at a local marina and we're toying with the idea of doing a surprise sex reveal since we aren't telling very many people. 
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
    wifeinraleigh28
  • merryleamerrylea member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited January 13

    @alm52386 - I'll be at Meriter as well!  Wouldn't that be hilarious if we were labor buddies? lol.  I've been told that you can't really go wrong with either hospital so we are pretty lucky.  I also have a rec for you too.  I'll PM you.

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • bergberg member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    My Mom asked about the shower over Christmas. I live in MA and my family and friends are in NJ (mostly) so the shower will be in NJ, so they can't really surprise me as I would like, which I get.  She was looking at May. Unfortunately, I have huge work project that spans two weeks in the middle of May which makes May not possible.  It's either going to be the last weekend in April or the first weekend in June.  I'm due 6/21, so I actually would prefer June.  But we'll see what happens.  I have a feeling my mom, the super cautious one, will want April and my sister will pull for June.  
  • @berg I was due with DD on 6/22 (she was born 6/21) and I had two showers (annoying) - one with my family in NJ and one with DH's in PA.  We live in NC so getting there was a pain and involved either a flight or a long drive...we had one in mid-April and the other early May.  I wasn't super comfortable flying anymore at that point, and an 8 hour drive didn't sound super fun either.  No harm in doing it early, you'll be way more comfortable then anyway.

     

    I did drive from NC to NJ for my sister's wedding, literally 10 days before I was due, because I'm crazy, and it was a horrible drive but I'm happy I did it.  Luckily one of my friends from HS still lives there and is an OBGYN so I had a back up plan just in case. ;-)


    image
     
     
    Me: 34 DH: 34
    Married 5-31-14
    DD born 6-21-15
    NTNP - January 2016
    TTC#2 - August 2016
    BFP 10/3/16 - EDD 6/16/17
     
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    berg
  • bergberg member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @delujm0 I've thought about that too.  It's a 3.5-4 hour drive on a good day.  But it's also taken us 6.5-7 too.  It all depends on how CT behaves.  I'm actually more concerned with getting back there Memorial Day Weekend. Our families live at the beach and I just can't imagine not being there for the summer kick-off.  
  • sejicasejica member
    250 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited January 13
    Oh man, now I feel like a total AW. And be forewarned, I tend to post books.

    I have had the opposite experience from you @merrylea, maybe my family can throw you a shower as well! There will be at least 5 showers for me. FTM whose family all live close enough (2 hrs away, 3 different directions) for me to go to them, but not so close as to get together in one place. So that's 3 smallish (10-20) family gatherings, plus 2 local for work friends and non-work friends.

    We both have large close extended family and 1 shower with 50 people sounds exhausting anyway. As to work/non-work friends, we have a family business with 30 employees, so it's a big group that wants to do something nice, but there's not much overlap with my friends from outside work. I love all our employees, but I can't be totally unrestrained around them ever, and well, my non-work friends are definitely unrestrained.

    I also refused to have any wedding showers as dh was 38 and I was 30 when we got married, so we already had everything - 2 of it actually. But, as a FTM, and an older one at that (34), I have nothing for a baby. I'm trying to console myself by saying that 5 showers total between wedding and baby combined is totally normal, and not present grabby and excessive.

    The big kicker is, we're pretty minimalist, and don't need for much, and what we do need, we could afford to get ourselves. I've been suggesting to the people insistent on showering us to gift their talents more than 'stuff'. I have one crunchy (work) friend who makes her own laundry detergent, so hopefully she will make me some. I'm also trying to push my non-work get together to be more of a (temporary) goodbye party. We've also discussed doing a freezer meals cooking party, focusing on things I can eat one handed (burrito) or that are good for lactation (oatmeal cookies).

    Family is a lost cause, and will get me tons of 'stuff' whether we have a shower or not, but I love them anyway. We see our extended family members 5 or 6 times a year by choice, so our cousins are more like childhood friendships maintained as adults.
    BabyName Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
    bergmerryleasilliegirlie143
  • @sejica - Lol! I'd take you up on that!
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @wifeinraleigh28 and @Elyse1384 I also had a co-ed shower with my first and it was so nice.  It was a really fun pool party and we all just ate, enjoyed each others company and opened some gifts.  It was really nice that my husband was able to be a part of it.  He really enjoyed celebrating with everyone and helping open the gifts.
                                                                              Married 12/17/2011
                                                                                  K born 8/31/12                                 
                                                                                  C born 1/11/14
                                                                  BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015
                                                                  BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017


    Elyse1384wifeinraleigh28silliegirlie143
  • @FSUNole31 a pool party sounds amazing for a baby shower! We can use our apartment clubhouse at no cost but the only downside is the pool doesn't open until Memorial Day! I feel like that's too late for a due date of June 25..
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • rmarble23rmarble23 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 13
    my mother mentioned the shower to me a couple weeks ago and her and my MIL would like to do everything as far as planning.  well my "bridal shower" was a co-ed backyard BBQ so that we could invite all the extended family.  my mother is planning the same thing for the baby shower.  i feel like its not as special with the men and being a backyard bbq as nothing is super organized.  now im not into the cheesey stuff like games and such but even maybe just a simple game would be nice but that doesn't seem possible.  i told my sister that she needs to take part in this so that its not something stupid.  am i stupid for not wanting this and wanting something more special??

    ETA: they are also going for like first week of May and in MA this could go either way weather wise...a little risky to me
    BabyFetus Ticker

    Me: 30 DH: 33

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    FET#1 8/4 beta#1 10 -CP
    FET#2 10/6 Beta#1 364!!! 
    EDD 6/20/17

  • @alm52386 I live in FL and my parents have a pool so we lucked out.  My son was born August 31, but I think I had my shower the first weekend of August.  It was definitely a little closer than a lot of people like, but it worked out for us.  Good luck with yours!!
                                                                              Married 12/17/2011
                                                                                  K born 8/31/12                                 
                                                                                  C born 1/11/14
                                                                  BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015
                                                                  BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017


    berg
  • My sister in law will be planning my baby shower, and so far we have discussed dates but nothing else. My due date is towards the end of June so we will try for a late April or early May shower. 
  • My mom and I have talked about a baby shower but both DH and my family are huge so finding out where to have it was hard but we are thinking we would do it under a pavilion in a city park. I wanted something really chill and open. Love the idea that kids can go play & it was super cheap. $60. Way cheaper than a tiny ballroom. My SIL told me a park was too much (not price wise, but she sees it as I am trying to throw an extravagant baby shower) for a little baby shower but she doesn't get that both families and our friends don't fit in her mom backyard where both SIL have had all their baby showers. I really wish I could but not only will there not be enough space but also not enough parking room. It's still under discussion because of that comment...but I am really looking forward to a park bbq.

    Vivi (25) DH (25) 
    est. Feb 2010 - married Feb 2015
    BFP Oct 10, 2016 EDD #1 June 2017 

    Even miracles take a little time.

    alm52386
  • I just have the date picked.. May 6th and I want it to be coed. No other details. My two sisters are hosting unless my MIL/SIL want to have a second one. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @alm52386 same, I totally need time after the shower to finalize getting organized!

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I hate being the center of attention, and only had a small shower with about 10 friends. That would have probably been different if we lived closer to family, but we're a 13 hour drive from my in laws, and my parents are on the opposite coast.

    @alm52386, maybe their friends want to come? We received many gifts for DD from people neither I note my husband knew. One was a beautiful homemade quilt. My husband thought the name of the server looked familiar, and asked his mom. It turned out that this woman had made a quilt for my husband when he was born, and was thrilled to find out he was going to be a dad, and wanted to make one for his baby. Another woman that we'd never met, sent a crochet chevron blanket and matching booties. She later made me a shawl when she found out I planned to nurse. She said that I would need something to keep me warm when I was up late in the winter with baby. I felt like a gift grabber, but these ladies had going out if their ways to get a gift to us, so tried to just be thankful and sent them thoughtful thank you cards.

    All of that to say, some of your MIL and mom's friends might feel more fondly of you or your so than you realize.
    Married 8/29/09
    MC: 9/14
    Goober #1 born: 8/17/15
    MC: 9/16
    Goober # 2 EDD: 6/27/17
  • ams512 said:
    I can't believe there are that many of yall included in planning a shower for yourselves. 
    So far I've only helped pick the date and do the guest list. And told my mom I don't want any games. I feel comfortable telling my mom my opinions but I'm not sure how involved I should be with the one my friend is planning! Probably just date and guest list??
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • ams512 said:
    I can't believe there are that many of yall included in planning a shower for yourselves. 
    Both my bridal shower and baby shower were a surprise (as was the case for all my family members growing up).  I didn't know people ever got involved in their showers until TB!  I guess it's becoming uncommon to be surprised???  
    BlissB1987
  • ams512 said:
    I can't believe there are that many of yall included in planning a shower for yourselves. 
    I think it's appropriate to give input on the date and provide a guest list.  Otherwise I stay out of it...my sister and SIL threw mine (both small, families are spread out) and if they specifically asked for input I gave it but otherwise I truly didn't care what they did.  A shower is a gift and I felt lucky to have them at all.

    I do think it's a bit much to be dictatorial about your own shower and what it needs to be like, but I think (hope?) that's not the norm.

    image
     
     
    Me: 34 DH: 34
    Married 5-31-14
    DD born 6-21-15
    NTNP - January 2016
    TTC#2 - August 2016
    BFP 10/3/16 - EDD 6/16/17
     
    <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/50bdde">My Ovulation Chart</a>
    BlissB1987CapricaAndrea
  • My family is very non-traditional and I don't think my mother would have any idea where to even start with a shower. For example, no one in my family was planning any sort of bridal shower for me, so my sweet hubs stepped up to the plate and threw a surprise shower for me...I was completely surprised and amazed that he did that. My hubs' family is similar, and both of our families are out of state. So while it may be unconventional, we're just throwing a big co-ed party for ourselves, our family and our friends. We host a lot of parties so it won't be out of character for us to host a party. Gifts will be completely optional but we will register somewhere in case people do want to bring gifts. It'll be the weekend of Cinco de Mayo so we'll have a fun party theme. 

    Has anyone had and/or been to a "shower" where gifts were not opened? 
    angelaac8706
  • mamaelle27mamaelle27 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Photogenic Name Dropper
    edited January 16
    @acrose0226, my baby shower for my first was an unwrapped gifts shower, my mom wrote a little poem on the invite that explained that gifts were not necessary but if you bring one please bring it unwrapped or in cellophane, etc. The way she worded it was very classy and didn't seem gift grabby (I also come from an area/family where everyone just naturally gives big gifts at showers), and people really got into the idea of bringing gifts in baskets, cellophane, etc. My mom set up a really nice display table and had labels so everyone could label their gifts with sweet messages, that way people could browse all the gifts during the party but we didn't have to do the public opening of all the gifts. It was lovely and got great feedback from the guests.
    angelaac8706
  • @mamaelle27 Love that idea -- thanks for sharing!! Since we want it to be more of an all around party atmosphere vs. shower, I don't want to sit in the middle of the room and open gifts for 2 hours. The idea of unwrapped gifts is great.
    mamaelle27
  • ams512 said:
    I can't believe there are that many of yall included in planning a shower for yourselves. 
    I don't think my mom or MIL would know what to do, as evidenced by the fact that they keep asking me how I want everything done. I wouldn't be involved in planning if that weren't the case. They WANT and NEED my help!
    Me: 31, DH: 35, Diagnosis: MFI, TTC #1
    IUI #1-3: Nov 2015, Feb 2016, May 2016 = BFNs
    IVF: July 2016 (20R, 12M, 10F, 8B) = 7 PGS Normal
    FET #1: Sep 2016 (single transfer) = BFP!!
    Beta #1 (10dp5dt) = 179, Beta #2 (12dp5dt) = 480
    EDD: June 3, 2017, Born: May 30, 2017

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Is anyone planning to have their "shower" after the baby comes? 
    I'm not too keen on the idea of having a party before delivery, so I told my mom no shower, but she is insisting. So I thought maybe it made more sense after the baby came - I feel like if it's a party about the baby, I'd like to know a bit more about him! I'm also a bit superstitious about it, although not to the point that I wouldn't buy my own baby gear.
    How soon would that even be safe, assuming L&D go alright?
    Pregnancy Ticker

    Highly monitored internet and no cell service in the office, so I'm postin' and ghostin' while I'm workin' 
  • @GlitterFish , we are planning to take this baby on a short (2hrs away) road trip to get in the peak eclipse zone for the August 21 solar eclipse. Optimistically, she'll be 10+ weeks then. My thoughts are that's as soon as I would want to travel with her/expose her to 'strange' germs, no matter the delivery date (EDD 6/11). My limited experience with premie baby's suggests they use all 40 weeks to develop, even if some of those weeks end up being outside the womb :)

    I guess I'm saying maybe an eclipse party could be fun. I know from your other posts you're not due 'til the end of June/beginning of July, so your LO would only be 7 or so weeks, so maybe too close for you. Also, I'm not sure how close you are to the eclipse zone, you may have said so here or July, but I don't lurk there, and didn't see it here.
    BabyName Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
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