Reasonable or unreasonable? — The Bump
Babies: 9 - 12 Months

Reasonable or unreasonable?

Opinion question: my in-laws live just under 4 hours away, and like to visit pretty often. Right now the trend is a visit to see LO every 3-4 weeks. However, because they live a few hours away, the visits are always overnight stays-- one to two nights each time. I'm starting to feel a bit suffocated. I'm thinking of asking DH to stretch the visits out to once every 6 weeks or so. Is this unreasonable of me? My in-laws and I have an awkward relationship. TIA for your input-- with a first baby, I'm not trying to be rude, but I think my comfort level matters, too.

Re: Reasonable or unreasonable?

  • MamabeagleMamabeagle
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited January 2017
    You don't have to accomodate anyone elses schedule in your home. However one visit per month is really not excessive, and any complaint you make is going to result in bad feelings. 

    Is it the overnight that bugs you, or the frequency of the visits? YOU can always gice dates that work to decrease the frequency, and make it a Saturday night so they have to leave on Sunday for work,on Monday to ensure its always one night instead of two. 
  • Why don't you have them get a hotel room? Also, ditto pp on giving dates that work for you- it basically puts the ball in your court from a frequency standpoint. 

    One more thing- I understand the point you made about having an awkward relationship with them, but they are making an effort to have a relationship with your child, and that is a precious thing. Too many people these days don't care about their family, and don't make any effort to invest in relationships with them. My kids would love to have grandparents that actually give a crap about them, but they don't. It's sad. Maybe you need to re-evaluate, get your own feelings out of the way, (because it really isn't about you) and let them have access to their grandchild. 
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  • I agree with the above but you also shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable. Can you use their visits to your advantage a bit? Can they babysit the evening that they stay over so you can and you H can have a night out? Maybe also limit their overnights to one at a time instead of two?

  • I think it's important to try to encourage them to have a relationship with your baby.  My in laws live halfway across the country and have only seen my son twice in 11 months.  I'd love if he could see them enough to actually recognize them.  
    I agree with PS, try to arrange the dates so they only stay one night and see if they can babysit while they're there.  
    If there's any way to try to improve your relationship with them, this is a good time to try
  • Thank you everyone for the feedback. I've really been struggling in my own brain with this for a while. I don't *want* to be hesitant, but I'm having a hard time reconciling my feelings and concerns with what I want (for my LO to have happy, healthy relationships with multiple family members). Your comments have helped me put this in perspective and pay attention to the bigger picture.
  • I can't imagine hosting them for a night every 3-4 weeks would be awful (although it might be taxing depending on your inlaws' personalities).  We're on the opposite end of the spectrum.  DH's parents are only 2 hours away, and yet they make no effort to come visit (even spend the night).  I'd love to host them if it meant they could have quality time with my boys.  They just don't care to make the effort.  So keep that in mind; would you rather have people who care about being active, or people who couldn't seem to care less?

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