***January WTO*** - Page 4 — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

***January WTO***

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Re: ***January WTO***

  • edited January 2017
    @laoster Not sure where you're getting the idea I was offended? I sincerely meant my welcome to you and hope we can be of assistance to you as you continue on your journey after loss, which will hopefully be very short!

    Is it my edit explanation? It's a note to explain why I edited my post, which originally had not said hello to you, which I would consider very rude on my part (My name is Renee; it's in the username). Explaining why a post is edited considered good manners on forums; just in case the person editing is doing so to make someone else possibly look silly, though that has rarely, if ever, been needed on this lovely board. Hope that clears that up for you!

    Edit: If that's not it, I truly don't know what it could be. Making someone feel unwelcome makes me feel absolutely sick, even if it's just a misunderstanding. I'm all for positivity and am an extremely enthusiastic person, myself.
    Renee, 34 + Devon, 29 married 08/13 <3
    TTC  09/15
    *TW Loss mentioned*
    BFP 12/15/15 EDD: 08/26/16
    MMC discovered 1/25/16 at 9 +3
    TTCAL 3/2016
    Acupuncture 11/16
    Dx December 2016: unexplained 
    January 2017: 50 mg Clomid + TI =
    BFP #2 01/30/17  Please be a sticky baby!
    EDD: 10/15/17  Measuring ahead! 10/12/17 
    Ambrose born on his due date!

    jen83mnjustsuzie
  • @reneeannemm I would say based on OPKs and temps that I agree with FF, but I'd be interested to see your next couple temps. If it wasn't for OPKs I might say O was the day before FF says 
    DH - 34, Me - 32
    Married 7/13
    TTC #1 since 10/13
    BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15
    IUI #1 2/25/16

  • Can I vent for a minute? CD 2 is not a good time to go back to church for the first time in a month, and have to wait to check the kids in behind two pregnant friends chatting about their babies. I just had to wait for them to finish their conversation so I could get in. One of the girls I didn't even know was pregnant but she's obviously showing now, and I started choking up and then panicked about crying in public. This just SUCKS. I should be 18 weeks now. I should have a belly showing too, I should have been apart of that conversation. I thought that I was kind of past the 'crying all day' phase of loss, and this just sent me right back and I've been a mess all day. 
    mschmitt17
  • Sorry @TheFox&;TheSparrow that's awful. Hugs!


  • @TheFox&;TheSparrow I'm so sorry! That is so not easy! All the hugs to you. 

    Me.30 DH.31 
    Est.8.2006
    BFP 8/28/15 mmc @ 11 weeks (d&c)
    BFP 9/28/16 mmc @ 8 weeks (d&c) - trisomy 5
    BFP 2/3/17...edd 10/13/17 <3

  • @TheFox&;TheSparrow

    I'm so sorry ... I have those same moments where one minute I'm fine, and the next something triggers me and I'm imagining what I would be doing if I was still pregnant. It's so tough and honestly just sucks. When I went to get my HCG test because I was spotting, there was a pregnant receptionist who was just days away from giving birth ... and of course she was there when I went back for my second and third blood tests after already knowing I was having a MC. Hearing her chatting away happy as could be about wanting to get that baby out was definitely tough ...can't they hide the pregnant employees before someone who is going through a MC checks in? Kidding, not kidding. I'm hoping with time it will get easier and won't sting so much! Just today I had to unfollow two more friends on Facebook who were announcing their pregnancies ... so happy for them, just really sad for me!
    NYTino24SP128
  • @SoonToBeMommaHowe Thanks a lot! If I hadn't felt the follicles erupting, I'd say so too. Apparently that's common on Clomid, but I can't be totally sure. Whatever day it was, I think it's safe to say it's passed and I'm moving onto the TWW.
    Renee, 34 + Devon, 29 married 08/13 <3
    TTC  09/15
    *TW Loss mentioned*
    BFP 12/15/15 EDD: 08/26/16
    MMC discovered 1/25/16 at 9 +3
    TTCAL 3/2016
    Acupuncture 11/16
    Dx December 2016: unexplained 
    January 2017: 50 mg Clomid + TI =
    BFP #2 01/30/17  Please be a sticky baby!
    EDD: 10/15/17  Measuring ahead! 10/12/17 
    Ambrose born on his due date!

  • @reneeannemm  positive vibes as you head to tww
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
    mylittleversailles
  • @reneeannem - fx for your this cycle!!
    mylittleversailles
  • @reneeannemm. Fingers crossed.  


  • I got a solid smiley last night and this morning so hopefully this cycle works! 
    jen83mn
  • @reneeannemm everything crossed for you!

    @Mack924 good luck this week 

    mylittleversailles
  • I got a positive Wondfo OPK on Saturday night so I'm hoping my temp spikes soon.  Does anyone else see a week of positive OPKs?  It happened to me last month (the first month I used strips instead of a digital) and I'm betting it happens again this month because this morning's Wondfo was super duper strongly positive.  Anyone know what causes a long LH surge?  Does it mean anything?
    NYTino24Uhlease13
  • @migdala. When I initially began TTC I would get 2-3 days of flashing smileys and then 2 days of solid followed by another flashing for a day before it went low again. It took me 3 months to get pregnant.  After that it's been different. However this month has followed that trend so I'm thinking my body is getting back to normal.  I read that some people have a gradual increase in hormones where others can have a surge.  Sounds like you are gradually increasing.  The last two months I would go from low to solid smiley and then back low.  I never got that in between.  
  • Good luck @reneeannemm, @Mack2342, and @migdala! FX for great timing!  I should be joining you over in TWW later this week (unless my body decides to be a jerk). Fertile CM but still negative OPK. Here's hoping I get a positive OPK today or tomorrow!
  • @migdala Last cycle I got + OPKs the ENTIRE cycle from when I started testing on CD9 until BFP. I asked the doc after my MC and she said I probably had HCG left over from a previous pregnancy. So she pretty much surmised that I had a CP before that. Sooo pretty much I possibly had two losses back to back. Sorry for asking, but how many cycles past loss are you? I'm new around here. :(
    It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*


    Me: 35 DH 33     Married 7/16
    TTC  9/2016     BFP 12/9/16    EDD 7/21/17    MC 1/8/16 at 8 weeks
    TTC  2/2017  BFP 3/6/17   EDD 11/20/17   vanishing twin at 8 weeks   DS born 11/25/17
  • @migdala I have  3 days of gradual increase before I had my surge last 2 ovulations. 

  • Fx @reneeannemm @Mack2342 @migdala!

    Im wondering the same thing about the opks! I may be O'ing earlier this cycle than normal. Only on cd 11, but ewcm and nearly positive opks...so I will co tinue to do them until line gets lighter again and to see what my temps do!! Hopefully can HIO tonight or for sure tomorrow! 

    Ive been using ovulation calculator this month (also FF) but OC predicted earlier O, which is why I used opk starting at cd 10, when I don't usually until cd12 or 13! Last time I was using OC, I got a bfp, so I'm going to stick with it and hope it helps! I like it better than FF, other than the fact that I like looking at FF charts better. I get alerts that say, "you're in your FW, you should have sex today"! Lol. And "it looks like you haven't had sex, you should have sex" or something. It cracks me up sometimes . But I appreciate it, that's why I started opks earlier this time. Kind of a Random tangent, but if anybody is looking for a different app to try, I'd suggest ovulation calculator. 

    Me.30 DH.31 
    Est.8.2006
    BFP 8/28/15 mmc @ 11 weeks (d&c)
    BFP 9/28/16 mmc @ 8 weeks (d&c) - trisomy 5
    BFP 2/3/17...edd 10/13/17 <3

    NYTino24
  • Can I rant for a bit this morning? I'm just really frustrated with this month. My body is being an asshole and doing things differently than usual. I normally get 4-5 days of EWCM. Last month I had over a week of it. This month? A tiny bit on Saturday and Sunday morning and not much since. I've never had this little CM. OPKs are getting gradually darker though, so I may still O soon. But it makes it that much harder to predict O, and scant CM makes it that much more important to get good timing. And H had....issues...last night. He felt really bad. I tried not to let him see it, but I'm still frustrated as hell. I'm doing all this to track O and improve our chances. I'm the one that had to physically go through the MCs, and I'm the one that's going to have to physically go through the next pregnancy (hopefully), all the while dealing with my own anxieties. I've been working 60 hour weeks. And I'm exhausted. Sex last night wasn't something I would have initiated if it wasn't potentially FW. And H has one job. ONE JOB in all of this. I want to yell at him, but I know he feels bad, and it wouldn't help the situation at all. It's definitely starting to affect our sex life outside of TTC - I never want to have sex before I see fertile CM because I don't know if H will have performance issues. And then, after O, I'm so tired and frustrated with the process that I have no sex drive. I know that's not fair to H, and I know part of my anger is that I'm just frustrated that this is cycle 5 overall TTC, and I feel out before I've even ovulated. Ok. Rant over. If you read all that, you deserve a cookie. 
    NYTino24Uhlease13SoonToBeMommaHowe
  • @RiverSong15. Hugs to you lady. It's def a tough road. Life is busy enough. Nobody has time for this ttcal shit. Everything you said is valid. Hoping all this stress is worth it for everyone on here 
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
    RiverSong15Uhlease13
  • Thanks everyone for the insights.  @NYTino24 I'm in my 7th cycle post-loss.  The Wondfo I took this morning was still showing positive, but less so than yesterday (yesterday's sucked most of the dye away from the control line, but this morning they were equal).  I had to get up earlier than usual this morning to make a yoga class (WOOHOO NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!) but my temp showed a .4 rise and I'm thinking it would've been even higher if I'd gotten up at my normal time.  So I'm heading on over to the TWW, where I lose my damn mind every single month.  Which is where the yoga resolution came from... here's to hoping I can namaste my way through the next two weeks instead of turning into a lunatic per usual.

    @RiverSong15 I hear you.  My DH has hardly ever had any performance issues but this FW there was one time I initiated and he didn't finish and I had to take a lot of deeeeeep breaths so I didn't blow up at him and risk heightening the pressure even more.  We used to be able to DTD multiple times a day without issue and now ED seems like a stretch.  I instituted an EOD rule this cycle because I feel like he doesn't come as hard (TMI sorry) when it's ED, but then I reneged and initiated and was let down when he couldn't finish.  I think it's hard for them when they feel like they HAVE to finish, but it's hard for me to be sympathetic because like you said, it feels like I'm doing the lion's share of the work here and they only have to do this one thing that's supposed to be fun for them.  I also think a lot of my anger about it is actually fear or hurt that I wasn't enough to make him finish, and I'm trying to let go of that.  It's not easy though.
    RiverSong15NYTino24Uhlease13
  • Thanks @SP128 and @migdala. And yep, I feel that a little bit too. Wasn't I good enough? I know, though, that H is feeling pressure just like I am, and maybe he's feeling more pressure precisely because he only has one job. I'm not sure what the solution is, unfortunately. What have others on here tried?
  • @migdala 100% with you on the multiple times a day before ttc. The last couple of cycles dh hadn't trouble for one day each during fw. I tried to play it cool but they were good days to get it in. I dont want to put Moreno pressure on him. 

    @RiverSong15. I would be interested in what others try as well. Honestly, right now it's like a business transaction and the only thing that matters is him finishing. I've read that saliva kills sperm so oral has been out of the question the last few cycles. Don't know if I want to sacrifice that. My fw should be this weekend. Ugh. 
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
    NYTino24Uhlease13RiverSong15
  • @RiverSong15. I totally agree with you.  My DH was actually relieved this morning when I told him the test was low.  We do EOD except when I get positive OPK. We start on CD 8 bc the last two months I had O on CD 10 and 11.  My doctor told me not to wait until FW to have sex because then there are a lot of dead swimmers.  So my theory has always been to start early and go EOD until I get that positive.  DH gets frustrated but I try not to make it a big deal because while he only has one job it's a very important one and I don't want to make him feel bad if he can't finish.  With my first pregnancy we did or tried every day in FW and that was exhausting for both of us and at times he couldn't finish. Our doctor suggested that EOD is better as it's not as tiring and better chances of having more swimmers than if every day.  DH does way better with EOD, not nearly as stressed 
    RiverSong15NYTino24
  • I got a low test this morning following 2 days of solid smileys so I'm heading to the TWW 
    RiverSong15NYTino24
  • @SP128 Sorry for being graphic but when we got PG before it was after a lap dance and extended oral (it wasn't even his birthday! I used to be so much more fun).  For the last two cycles I swore off oral but this cycle I was like, eff it, he comes harder when we do that so I'm going to do it.  This is gross but I sort of wipe it down before we start having actual sex.  If it doesn't work this cycle I might go back to swearing it off, I don't know.
    NYTino24
  • @Riversong15 - that is so frustrating I've been there too.  It once happened when I drove a half an hour to came home for a lunch break to BD( DH and I work opposite shifts) and I ended up crying when DH couldn't finish ( don't recommend that response- ha!).  It is just so hard when that happens bec as you said we are doing ALL OF THE THINGS to get pg and it is just so frustrating.
    Can I ask if you do anything to have days of CM? I only have 1 day at most which can make tracking O that much harder.

    @Mack2342 - so your dr's rationale is that having sex EOD makes for healthier sperm?  So do you EOD until positive opk and then ED until temp shift? Sorry I know this whole convo is TMI but I feel like a big issue of mine is timing so Im interested to hear what others have heard or do.

    @migdala - I had 4 days of positive wondfos last cycle and I don't know why. Can I just say that I love the saying namaste my way through the TWW. LOL

    @SP128 - I have read that saliva kills sperm too but don't know how much I trust that since I got pg twice with oral beforehand.
    NYTino24Uhlease13RiverSong15SP128
  • @Riversong15 I feel you! My chart is up and down and up and down. I thought I was going to O because of tons of EWCM for two days and lots of positive OPKs (there are always two decently dark lines since it's my first cycle AMC). I tried to go in for an HCG test today to see if it was 0, but the wait was too long. Hopefully tomorrow before or after work. 
    It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*


    Me: 35 DH 33     Married 7/16
    TTC  9/2016     BFP 12/9/16    EDD 7/21/17    MC 1/8/16 at 8 weeks
    TTC  2/2017  BFP 3/6/17   EDD 11/20/17   vanishing twin at 8 weeks   DS born 11/25/17
    RiverSong15
  • @TScalei.  So what he said was that waiting days to have sex until FW there will be a lot of dead sperm some healthy but a lot of dead.  So he said not to wait until FW starts and start on CD 10 of cycle to get rid of dead sperm before FW starts and then EOD after that until CD 20.  He stated that EOD will give you more sperm each time where as every day there is less sperm not necessarily unhealthy just less swimmers if ED.     Since last two months I ovulated early like CD 10 I decided to start our EOD on CD 8 and we did that until I got positive OPK Sunday and Monday so we BD both those days.  Today is was low so we will skip it. I'm on CD 14 today so it was a little later this month
    TScaleiRiverSong15SP128
  • You have no idea how much I am nodding my head in agreement with this conversation. Just Saturday I was having these same thoughts!! It is so fucking frustrating to have to "schedule" sex and be super hyper aware of everything and to be doing this all AGAIN because we are all trying after loss, it's just not a good feeling, and I don't think our H's really get it, but yea they have one damn job, that's it. 
    And with re: oral, I know it's supposed to kill sperm, but it really helps get dh to get where he needs to be so I'm not worrying about that...I'd rather have better timing with a little oral than frustrations about bad timing or what not. We'll see how I feel later, but for now, I'm doing it because I think it will help more than hurt our chances. 

    Me.30 DH.31 
    Est.8.2006
    BFP 8/28/15 mmc @ 11 weeks (d&c)
    BFP 9/28/16 mmc @ 8 weeks (d&c) - trisomy 5
    BFP 2/3/17...edd 10/13/17 <3

    RiverSong15SP128NYTino24justsuzie
  • When I got PG it was with oral beforehand, so thinking of going back to that during FW. Like the others, I totally feel ya @RiverSong15. We've had a few times he couldn't finish but I do understand the added pressure, and the longer it keeps going and he's apologizing doesn't help either one of us. I *wish* we could do it EOD for like 10 days but he has such a low sex drive I'm lucky to get 3 in the FW (though usually more like 2-it's no wonder I"m not KU yet). We've had multiple discussions of the same, how do you make it spontaneous when you know *exactly when* you have to do it?! Honestly, I'm still not sure. 
    Me: 39 DH: 39
    CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
    RiverSong15Uhlease13NYTino24justsuzie
  • RiverSong15RiverSong15 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2017
    Ugh. It's nice to not feel so alone, but I'm sorry so many of you are struggling with similar issues. I feel better after my rant though. At least my H didn't get the brunt of it. He's been such a trooper through all of this, I feel bad complaining to/about him. I'm glad I can come here and talk to people who get it <3

    @TScalei I don't do anything normally to improve CM. it's been that way since I started tracking.The only thing different about this month is that I cleaned up my diet. I'd hate to think that doing something healthy for me otherwise has had this negative effect on CM. part of me is hoping that I just had a fake out and real FW is going to be later this month.
    NYTino24justsuzie
  • jen83mnjen83mn member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2017
    Thanks @SP128 and @migdala. And yep, I feel that a little bit too. Wasn't I good enough? I know, though, that H is feeling pressure just like I am, and maybe he's feeling more pressure precisely because he only has one job. I'm not sure what the solution is, unfortunately. What have others on here tried?
    I had that same issue last cycle after BDing 3 days in a row ... it just wasn't happening one night for DH (which definitely irritated me but of course I didn't let him see it cuz I know he felt bad). Thankfully the next night things were back to normal so we still got our every other day shot in.

    As for what we've tried, my DH likes lingerie and "outfits," so I usually bring those out the BD week to get him more in the mood. He's obsessed with this "school girl" outfit I wore once and he won't ever let me forget it ... and now that I recently got reading glasses, he wanted me to wear those too one time *eyeroll*. I try to approach it from the "I really want you cuz you're hot" angle rather than the TTC angle, which seems to put him in the mood more (but of course he's also aware that it's BD time).

    We seriously just can't win ... BD week he's getting it too much and needs a break, but other weeks he's not getting it enough and wants more. Men! *sigh*

    Oh, and now that we're benched for a month and choosing to wait for four months to try again, it's "Why do I have to wear a condom?!" every single time. Seriously people!
    NYTino24justsuzieRiverSong15
  • @Mack2342  Might have to try EOD to clear things out to improve the chances of healthy swimmers.  

    It sounds pretty hopeful with oral.  Things may get a little more exciting for DH this FW.  Let's see if I follow through or will chicken out.  Still need the pre-seed so will need to time that too.  As this process goes on, I know that my high school health teacher definitely lied to me!  Pregnant after 1x of unprotected sex my asrse. 

    On a funny note, I taped and labeled my OPK strips.  DH was like why is there tape and a pen in the bathroom.  Since there are no secrets, I showed him. He was like, "Remember the days when all you needed to do to get preg was the backseat of the car and some strawberry wine?"  I think when you are 17 that's all you need. 
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
    MommyampNYTino24justsuziemschmitt17
  • @SP128 I'm cracking up at your health teacher comment.  I remember having this health class in the 6th grade where they basically told us that!  Unless of course you actually are not trying and have no means to support a child then yes it's one time unprotected sex=KU.  
  • Im just loving all of these comments. Its so good not to feel so alone in this. Even though this is a tough situation and I wish we all didn't have to go through this, its good to see the humor in a situation and just be able to laugh at it too.

    Ty @Mack2342 - that is great advice and I am going to try EOD.

    @SP128 - your comments are cracking me up! How people can get accidentally KU is beyond me. Its like Im over here tracking my CM, temping, peeing on sticks and you just had sex once and got KTFU!? I think I am going to start labelling my OPKs too - thats a good idea!

    @jen83mn - that is exactly how it is too much during the FW and then not enough the other times. Its hard to find that balance and to remind yourself that it is supposed to be fun.

    @riversong15 - Im sure its not your diet probably FW is just a bit later. Still frustrating though.
    jen83mnRiverSong15NYTino24justsuzie
  • @TScalei, I just got an almost positive OPK, so I think my body is just being a bitch this month.

    @SP128 Lol. Your comment made me think of this:


    amberrukaNYTino24TScalei
  • This conversation is so helpful! We are mostly limited to EOD for my benefit when trying or not. This may be TMI, but I seem to be really reactive or sensitive to BD, so if we do ED I get really sore. It's good to hear that that timing is okay. We always felt like we should be doing ED and it's frustrating to feel like we aren't timing things right.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    NYTino24
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