Monday B*fest

WinchesterGirl

It's only the 2nd day of 2017, but no need to let that hold you back!

jab3-2

Other than the non working toilet, I'll go with the fact that my kids are driving me nuts. I'm literally counting down the minutes until at least one goes back to school tomorrow. 

CarsAndLove

I was out of work sick the entire week last week (thanks for bringing the extra gift of food poisoning to family Christmas, whichever one of you idiots it was....) and so of course nothing was done, so I came back to a mess. One person covered some essential parts of my job, sort of, and decided to take today off, so I have no clue whats going on..... More than a little worried this is what I am coming back to after maternity leave, x12..... and my work BFF (who I have known most of my life) finds out tomorrow if she has a new job... Of our team of 4 under my incompetent supervisor, 2 of us (who have entirely different jobs) will be on maternity at pretty much the exact same time, and now 1 of the 2 that will be here might be quitting...

And of course, the roads are absolute crap today, so my husband just dropped off his truck and took my (entirely impractical) car home... but I HATE driving his truck, and actually feel safer driving my car in the crap weather even if it is RWD and can't get through anything, and now if I don't want to drive myself home after work I will still have to.... even though he took the week off... because I have his truck.

Kind of starting to wish I still had food poisoning LOL

leslie1331

I've been in the waiting room at the vet for 1.5 hours now. Shoot me. 

birdiejo

Just gonna leave a general bitch about how uncomfortable I am, how large I feel, and how much I miss my normal body. 

he should stay in there but the weeks can go faster if they want. 

Aussie45

My bitch is about having to go back to work tomorrow. I've had the majority of the past few weeks off and I really don't feel like having to go back. I should just be grateful I had so much time off.

poetryandoceans

These Braxton Hicks contractions can FOADIAF. Consistently, things seem to get going around 6, 7 in the evening. Things get tighter, it gets harder to breathe, it starts wrapping around to my low back. I spend most of the evening thinking "oooooh..... I wonder if this is it...." I finally get tired, and think, "well, maybe I should get some sleep. After all, this might be it..." 

And it NEVER FUCKING IS. 

Right now, labour feels like the Dread Pirate Roberts, constantly promising that the axe will fall tomorrow... and it never does. 

MLRocha

Warm weather + drizzle all day is leading to two dogs completely covered in mud...  I just let my pups back in to find them coated from tummy on down.  Luckily, they are short haired...  Unluckily, squatting down to towel them off is getting nearly impossible.  At least they seem tired out now and I might be able to keep them inside till DH gets home tonight.

+1 for having to go back to work tomorrow after being off since the 22nd.  I need to train my new analyst how to do my job ASAP and I can't even imagine making it till 11 a.m. without a nap.

PerraSucia

I woke up in a panic that the baby wasn't moving and drank cold water and laid down and nothing. It was like 3am and I decided i would go to l&d to get checked out as soon as everyone woke up. My S woke up at like 630 and immediately my belly was like "MORNING" and moved around all over. I was losing my mind for hours and he was just waiting for his brother I guess. 

CarsAndLove

LOL @PerraSucia so glad this baby isn't the only one who picks and chooses who will get him to be active- my hubby works out of state m-f most weeks. When he is home the baby is almost always super calm, barely moves, will respond if you poke him but not too noticeably.... and I swear, every night that my husband is gone, he has a party in there.... I keep telling him he better not be like that when he meets the world, totally calm and well behaved and relaxed when dad is around and a party animal when its just me and him!

ColeBug89

I dropped my phone in the toilet last night  good news is my phone is completely fine after a rice bath over night. The bad news is my expensive Life Proof case is completely ruined. I guess I'd rather pay money for a new case than a new phone lol.

poetryandoceans

@ColeBug89 Was it because it was in your back pocket and you forgot as you went to go pee for the 8700th time that day? Because.... I feel you. 

ColeBug89

@poetryandoceans Yes! That is exactly what happened! Lol 

I also "lost" my phone yesterday and almost had H go home to get it until I felt it vibrate in my back pocket! I thought pregnancy brain would end after giving birth, but now it's worse haha

sadiec92

I keep getting judging looks and remarks from people who think I should be on 16 and Pregnant or something. I'm 24 and married!

BlondePeanut

I'm in the battle of "no I don't want to work anymore, I want to stay home and rest cuz I'm so tired, driving pretty much sucks and work is uncomfortable" and "just tough it out so you can spend more of the maternity leave with baby outside the womb. you got this, just grit your teeth"
Ugh!

leprechaunlady

Christmas is offically over! My sister, her husband & my nephew go back to germany tomorrow morning & im going home too (been at my parents since 23rd dec). Packing is a bitch & im already dreading unpacking & washing tomorrow.

WinchesterGirl

Had a minor stress freak out this evening over how much stuff we have to do prior to baby's arrival. We are making really great progress on the baby list, but I have so much real estate and tax prep work to do. I'm also on the dreading work train with all of you... it is going to be a long, long month. 

HeatSparks

@CarsAndLove watch out He'll be the teenager throwing house parties when you're out of town

beern

Only 2 1/2 weeks into my bedrest, and though I'm thankful that my bp is cooperating so the babies can stay put, I still feel like the mom from What's Eating Gilbert Grape everytime I have to ask my H for something whilst propped up on my pillows in bed. Especially if what I'm asking for is a bag of Cheetos...

HeatSparks

@beern Amen. Perfect comparison!

madamerwin

+1 to not wanting to go back to work tomorrow. Though my boss is off all week, so maybe it'll be quiet.

My BF is that I don't like house guests for extended periods, and MIL just texted asking if she can stay with us for 5 nights next week - she's coming for our baby shower, but then there is a family ski trip the following week 4 hours from us, so it doesn't make sense for her to go back home in between. On its own, I actually wouldn't mind MIL staying with us, but it turns out H's uncle might ALSO be staying with us all weekend (it's a halfway point between his house and the ski trip). And H might still be working graveyards, which means I would have to entertain them... And H basically told me if I don't want them staying, I need to tell them no. But it's HIS family, so I told him it's on him to either take nights off work while there here (so I don't have to entertain them), or tell one or both of them they need to stay with BIL instead. I'm just too damn tired and pregnant to play host in our tiny-ass house.

becks13-2

My only B**** right now is that I wish Costco had more warnings on products they were going to pull from online ordering in the new year. I mean to a degree it has worked in my favour, but knowing that I would have a time limit on the things I was looking at would have been a major help... at least in the stress aspect of things. I just would have liked more time for come up with plan B, C, etc. I'm actually surprised with how much of their baby gear they've removed from their online stores in Canada. I suppose not enough people were ordering it

jlellis603

My MBF yesterday: We drove an hour and a half to this beer store near my fiancé's parent's house (we had to pick something up from them) and I was SOO excited to grab a few beers to add to my PP stash. I had about 4 picked. When we got home I was putting them away and one "best by" date was August 2016 and one was March 2017. I was soooo upset. I had been looking forward to going to this store for a week now and was very disappointed. I know I can still drink the March one but it just makes me mad how this is a "high end" store and they sell that junk.

varimama

My BF is my work not having sick days, you just have to use vacation days. This means that sick people come to work and sit in the cube next to me and then I get sick despite minimizing contact b/c lets face it cube walls aren't protecting anything... Like I get it, I hate using vacation days to be home sick too and am guilty of working when sick but idk maybe people should give pregnant women a heads up they are coming in sick so I could choose to stay home and not get sick or something... They can take NyQuil and I can't so it blows big time. Plus every time i get sick I get a cough that literally lasts for 3 months so I'm now looking forward to that for the remainder of this pregnancy and the first month of my child's life...

Xstatic3333

@jlellis603 what kind of beer is the August one? Everything except IPAs with a high hop character usually stand up pretty well to aging. Even if it is an IPA, it wouldn't hurt you, just might not be at its best. We were gifted two bottles of a limited edition IPA that was fresh in November and were so all over the map about how to handle it. I haven't felt comfortable drinking a full beer (though I don't blame anyone who does one bit) since I buzz so quickly after more than a few sips, but the giver's intention was that we save one bottle for February so we decided to risk it. I'm definitely drinking it during Week 1 PP, though! Most of the bottles were scooped up by sports memorabilia fiends who will never even open them (it was to honor David Ortiz' retirement from the Red Sox) so at least I'll be giving it a chance to live out its beer destiny. 

Rambling, whiny bitch ahead. Feel free to ignore.

My BF is that it can get a bit lonely when your pregnancy and baby anxieties seem to be different from everyone else's. My "Plan A" is an unmedicated birth, which I should have kept to myself IRL, but people keep telling me, "remember, the birth you have has no reflection on your love for your child." Yeah, I know that, but I'm scared of the needle and recovery complications and seeking this plan for primarily selfish reasons. I know my baby will be great and loved either way, but I full admit to being scared of the long term impact birth will have on me. I told my mom yesterday that we'll be doing early release from the hospital if we qualify, and she said, "don't you want that time to rest before being alone with the baby?" I'm not scared of being alone with the baby, I'm scared of being in the hospital (I never have before) and would like to minimize it if I can do so safely. Bah. I just want to (at the appropriate time in a few weeks) get the birth part of this whole scenario over with so I can move forward.

birdiejo

@xstatic3333 depending on your hospitals policy you might not be getting any more rest being there than being home. We had rooming in and there was no nursery. I didn't sleep the entire time I was there. I think a lot of people want to leave the hospital , I certainly do but I'll have to stay two nights. Also I'm trying to avoid drugs for selfish reasons as well. You have people on your side! 

Xstatic3333

Thanks @homemake That was my thought as well! Our hospital does have a nursery option but even if I'm there, I won't be taking it (barring the unforeseen of course). I'm excited to room in. My only hesitation was losing the opportunity for support with BF, but now that we have a doula who offers that support and includes a PP home visit that's far less of a concern for me. I think the odds are good that once I get a handle on the mechanics, I'll be better able to relax in my own home anyway.

jlellis603

@Xstatic3333 The August beer is an IPA and I had checked on pretty much the same thing. I'm not really sure what I want to do about it because it is an IPA and I really just want some really awesome beers since I haven't had any in 9 months (aside from the occasional sips). It also just really annoys me because we drove an hour and a half to get there. I may just find an excuse to get back down that way and see if I can exchange it/complain haha. I'm for sure having the March one like 1 week PP though!

Also, I'm kinda with you in that I have never had a hospital stay and I'm already itching to not stay there very long. I want all the instruction from the nurses because I'm a FTM but we are a mandatory rooming-in hospital and hospitals in general just make me uneasy.

WinchesterGirl

@Xstatic3333 It is very frustrating talking about your birth plans with people IRL, especially if you are trying to do anything outside the norm. It is perfectly ok to be worried for yourself, not just your baby in this process. We are all about to undergo a major medical/life event - whatever our individual delivery stories, that is still true.

Taking care of yourself in this process is important, don't let anyone make you feel bad about that! Hang in there, and vent away!

Patience7150

@jlellis603 - random note, sometimes they print the brewed date on beer instead of the "best by" date... That really does suck though if it is the best by date and the place you bought it didn't live up to your expectations.

@Xstatic3333 Yep, that reaction is part of why I landed on not telling anyone anything about our baby's sex, name, diapering plans, birth plans, etc. Have you ever heard someone say "I need a really good nights rest. Maybe I could go to the hospital." Nope. Ever heard someone say "I need a gourmet meal, let's got to the hospital." Nope. Hospitals are not the place to relax and "get some sleep." The comfort of your home is where you go to get sleep. Making food you're familiar with is where you go to relax, not crappy hospital food. Sitting in your favorite place on the couch is relaxing. I, too, want to get out of there as soon as we are cleared so we can settle into the new normal. 

And the bump is the place to go to whiny bitch! No judgments here! 

Gretchypoo

@Xstatic3333 I totally understand. I wanted to do a birth center birth and when I told people that they were SO JUDGEMENTAL. Now I'm in the hospital and I want to do a pain-med free induced birth (I can't avoid the induction but I don't want the pain meds.) Like you, I hate hospitals and don't want to stay there. I don't want the pain meds. For me, pain meds make everything worse. Drugs in general hit me really hard. Dayquil gets me high. Pain meds make me sick. Pot makes me go to sleep immediately. I'd rather be in pain than be unconscious, nauseated or vomiting. 

Trust that you know yourself and your limits and don't let anybody talk you out of it! 

And yes, they are right that however your baby gets here is probably okay -- but birth trauma is real. If it is something you are worried about talking to your SO would be helpful and your doula will help as well!

Xstatic3333

Thanks so much guys. I wish I could hug you all right now. @Gretchypoo, I definitely talk a lot about my fears of birth injuries with H, but he's just SO convinced that everything will go fine (because why wouldn't it?) that there's not much give and take going on in the conversation. The doula is going to be a huge help too. I'm so glad we have her. Since she's free I don't bug her too much but she has a really good attitude about interventions that is relaxed in all the ways I need. I feel you on the pain meds. I hate how they make me feel so much. Good for you for advocating for what you want even though you've been thrown so many curveballs! You've totally got this.

I thought of another BF that is totally unrelated. The movie Patriots' Day should not exist. Too. Effing. Soon. I'm ashamed at Mark Wahlberg for participating in it. He should have known better.  

musicinmysoul17

@Xstatic3333 I feel the same way! I don't want an epidural because the idea of it freaks me out and the possible effects after scare me. I also don't like how pain meds have affected me in the past. When I got my wisdom teeth out, I took 1 vicodin and it made me sick and feel horrible I just stuck to ibuprofen. I've also never had to stay in a hospital but my H had to stay for a week when we were dating. It's crappy and you don't get sleep. Even without a baby present they still come check you all hours of the night or there are alarms going off. I've only mentioned it to a couple people because of their reactions too. But there is support here and it's been so helpful!

And I totally agree about that movie! The first time I saw the trailer for it I said that is way too soon!

SawyerRichardson

Agreed with everyone above. My 85 year old grandmother literally jumped out of her chair when I mentioned that I didn't want an epidural. Luckily my mother had all three of us without pain meds so she was on my side. I won't be discussing my plans with anyone else now.

Rachelbd

I hate to be this person, but my Bitch is about H this week because if I don't get it out I will explode. He decided to go and apply for his gun license without telling me, knowing that I am 100% inflexible on the fact that we will never have a gun in our home with small children. I feel 1. pissed, because I feel like he was sneaky about it, and I found out by asking what he was doing when I saw him filling out paperwork (while like, hiding in our bedroom) for it. 2. disrespected, because he knows how strongly I feel against guns, and he went and did it anyway 3. frustrated, because this costs several hundred dollars to do, and is right before I will be taking m 99% unpaid maternity leave and we still have a LOT to get for baby. He said he won't get a gun now them, to which I responded well what is the point of spending a bunch of money on a license knowing you aren't getting a gun?

We got into a blowout because I expressed all these things to him and he sees it as me "telling him what to do" or "trying to control him" and overreacting. Is it me, or is something as big as GUNS something that should be a family discussion/decision? It aggravates the shit outta me because he never expressed this fascination and desire to have guns until the past year or two, and I feel like a lot of it is because his family and friends are all into guns and have them now. Meanwhile, I have maintained since we met that I don't like guns and am very uncomfortable around them. I don't even like being around all those people knowing most of them are packing heat (and carry while drinking ). His defense now is it's "just in case", but I said the only "just in case" would be if we were divorced because I have made totally clear I will not have a gun in my house, so he is throwing a hissy fit, and saying "well fine, I want it in case we get divorced". So that makes me feel awesome. Like, he'd rather leave the possibility of divorce open than respect my wishes on something that I think is a huge deal. And being all tired,  uncomfortable, stressed  and hormonal certainly isn't helping the situation.

Ugh sorry for the rant, I just needed a vent, as my IRL friends are limited and mostly far away.

ColeBug89

@Xstatic3333 I agree about the movie! I can't even imagine that those involved have had enough time to cope and move forward and now they will have to be reminded all over again 

In my post partum hormonal mess, I saw the commercial for the movie followed immediately by the Pampers newborn diaper commercial and I totally broke down. Too much too soon!

madamerwin

@Rachelbd That's a tough situation, and guns really should be a decision made by both people. Granted, my H has a number of guns (he comes from a hunting family), and a concealed weapons permit, but he would absolutely not have them in the house if I was not comfortable with it. I HAVE told him that he absolutely must get a locking gun safe before the baby is born - he currently has them well-hidden, but not locked. Not a fan of that situation, but we currently never allow children in the room where they are stored. Once we have the kid, though, they will all be locked away at all times.

Interesting fact - H read somewhere that it's common for men who have never been interested in guns to decide they want/need a gun right before they have a baby. Maybe some weird instinct to protect their young?

skiingstark

Rachelbd said:

I hate to be this person, but my Bitch is about H this week because if I don't get it out I will explode. He decided to go and apply for his gun license without telling me, knowing that I am 100% inflexible on the fact that we will never have a gun in our home with small children. I feel 1. pissed, because I feel like he was sneaky about it, and I found out by asking what he was doing when I saw him filling out paperwork (while like, hiding in our bedroom) for it. 2. disrespected, because he knows how strongly I feel against guns, and he went and did it anyway 3. frustrated, because this costs several hundred dollars to do, and is right before I will be taking m 99% unpaid maternity leave and we still have a LOT to get for baby. He said he won't get a gun now them, to which I responded well what is the point of spending a bunch of money on a license knowing you aren't getting a gun?

We got into a blowout because I expressed all these things to him and he sees it as me "telling him what to do" or "trying to control him" and overreacting. Is it me, or is something as big as GUNS something that should be a family discussion/decision? It aggravates the shit outta me because he never expressed this fascination and desire to have guns until the past year or two, and I feel like a lot of it is because his family and friends are all into guns and have them now. Meanwhile, I have maintained since we met that I don't like guns and am very uncomfortable around them. I don't even like being around all those people knowing most of them are packing heat (and carry while drinking ). His defense now is it's "just in case", but I said the only "just in case" would be if we were divorced because I have made totally clear I will not have a gun in my house, so he is throwing a hissy fit, and saying "well fine, I want it in case we get divorced". So that makes me feel awesome. Like, he'd rather leave the possibility of divorce open than respect my wishes on something that I think is a huge deal. And being all tired,  uncomfortable, stressed  and hormonal certainly isn't helping the situation.

Ugh sorry for the rant, I just needed a vent, as my IRL friends are limited and mostly far away.

Man that sucks. Guns is diffidently a family decision and to spend a lot of money before the baby without talking to you is a huge issue. You have good reason to be angry, these decisions should be made as a couple. 

varimama

@Rachelbd I'm guessing something about having a baby is what has changed his mind on having a gun. He's probably feeling some need to protect you and the baby. I agree with you that it is a family decision though and if both people aren't comfortable then he shouldn't just be jumping into it. Please don't take this the wrong way as I don't think you're in the wrong at all to tell him you just aren't comfortable but maybe rather than just telling him you'll never allow a gun in the house it'd be more beneficial to try and see if he's even up for the responsibility of owning a gun. Chances are if his friends/family think it's ok to carry a gun while drunk (never OK imo) then he probably doesn't realize all that really comes with owning a gun safely. Maybe try asking him what his plan for storing the gun is? Does he plan on carrying concealed or open? Is he going to take classes and practice regularly? What is his plan if he does need to use the gun for self defense? What kind of maintenance does he plan on doing on the gun? etc... Again I think it's totally OK for you to not want guns in the house b/c you aren't comfortable but I feel like with that stance you're setting yourself up for a stalemate where you say no and he is convinced he wants it and no one gets anywhere. Bringing up all the responsibility that comes with owning a gun might convince him that isn't what he wants after all or at the very least it might get him to pursue this new interest with more caution than his friends/family.

Gretchypoo

@Rachelbd I, too, am VERY uncomfortable with guns. I read the statistics and feel that having guns in the house is very unsafe when you have kids or even angsty teenagers. Add in alcohol and that is volitile.

That being said, H comes from a culture of guns. Everyone has them but I trust them because they are VERY responsible gun owners. We came to a compromise early in our marriage. No guns in the house until our kids are at least 10. Then we will discuss. H can have guns (he has 3) but he has to keep them locked in my dad's gun safe at my parent's house (my dad got guns after my sister and I moved out.)

This can be a super emotional topic, as you've seen. It is not okay for H to hide tbis from you or spend a ton of $$ without your okay. I recommend you try to talk when you've both calmed down. I agree with PPs that drawing a line in the sand (i.e. no guns EVER) is just asking for trouble. See if there are places you can compromise. Use I statements and facts. don't vilify his friends or assume you know why he wants a gun.

Example: Originally, H said he wanted guns for protection. I reminded him that if he was a responsible gun owner his gun would be locked in a safe and the ammo elsewhere-- so what kind of protection would we really get?

Also, know that this may not be resolved in one conversation. Maybe give it a time limit and then revisit later so you all don't blow up at each other. Good luck!

Rachelbd

Thanks for all the non judgey advice ladies! I know I am a super emotional person in general, and do tend to have very emotional reactions to things. Unfortunately H is very defensive by nature, and can be reactive as well, so unfortunately when we get into an argument it can get pretty volatile sometimes, hence the unpleasant things we said to each other. I am actually therapist shopping for that very reason.

 I think having a new baby (we already have a four year old) may be a small part of why he has a heightened interest in getting a gun, but he says in general he is afraid of the way the world/country is turning (especially w/the incoming pres elect) and wants to be able to "protect" us. I get it, but I also don't want to live a paranoid life full of fear wherein I feel the need to arm myself all the time.  @gretchypoo your point about the gun being locked and separate from ammo is exactly my point to him as to why it isn't really offering much protection in case of home invasion etc. How likely is it that he would have time to get into a locked safe, get the gun and ammo ready and loaded before said robber or whatever got to us?

That said, I have no doubt he would be responsible about it. In general, he is a very responsible person. And He doesn't drink much . For his bachelor party a couple years ago, his friends signed him up for a gun safety course (which he completed) and went shooting at a gun range, and he really enjoyed it. That's another reason he wants a gun license, so he can shoot "recreationally". Which I know is a popular past time, but I just don't "get" why holding a deadly weapon gets some people so revved up. I personally don't want that kind of feeling in my hands.

I know in general, it's not the greatest idea to be inflexible in a marriage. I just feel very strongly about this, and he has known that since the beginning of our relationship. We are going to have 2 little boys, and no matter how smart and good they are, or what you try and teach them, kids are bound to make bad choices because it is in their nature to do so. I can only imagine 2 little boys are going to be interested/fascinated by guns, or friends they may have over might think they are "cool" or something, and I can not risk something terrible happening.

I agree this is def an issue that will require more conversations, and hopefully we can resolve it peacefully soon. It just stresses me out having this kind of argument so close to when baby is coming, and I needed a good vent. Thank y ou all again so much!