Pregnant after a Loss

Third Trimester Anxiety

Hi everyone. I've been following this board for a while but I don't think I've ever posted here. I had an early miscarriage two summers ago and was blessed to find out I was pregnant again this past summer. Of course I spent most of the beginning of this pregnancy worrying but then after a while sometime in the second trimester I was able to relax a bit.

Now I'm 31 weeks and anxiety is starting to creep in again; not that I'm getting scared about getting close to having the baby, but fear that something will go wrong and I won't come home with a baby. I haven't had any troubling symptoms (aside from a nasty cold/cough that I can't seem to shake) but find myself compulsively waiting for him to move just to ease my mind for a few minutes.

I see my doctor on Monday and plan to talk to her about it, but have any of you gone through something like this? How did you deal? 
Pregnancy Ticker
Baby Boy: coming March 2017


Re: Third Trimester Anxiety

  • Hello! I went through the same thing with my daughter (before I had any losses) and also with this baby (after two losses). It's not easy and I really think its impossible to not worry at all. I've always delt with depression and lots of anexity in general and let me tell you motherhood just adds a whole new level of anexity :) It's totally normal to worry about the well being of your babies/children. Even after your baby is born you'll find new things to worry over. Me worrying about it won't help control the situation. All it does is make me upset and unable to enjoy what I have today.
    So when I start to worry about the health of this baby and if this pregnancy will end with me taking home a baby, I just acknowledge that it's normal to feel that way but that I have zero control over what might happen. Chances are everythjng will be fine and I just rather not put myself through all that heartache when it's just not necessary. Hang in there, you're almost done with this stage of worry :) 
  • If you are always worried about the baby's movement, ask your doc Monday how much should you expect the baby to move a day. Then just keep track of it and once the baby meets the requirement of movement, just put it out of your mind for the day. I do that now, if I feel him move a good bit just once a day I make a little note of it on my phone and then any extra movement from that point is just a bonus but I don't allow myself to get upset if I don't feel him again. 
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  • Thanks @Bok Bagok! I think I recognize your name from the March 2017 board, right?  I did talk to my doctor about counting movements when I last saw her which put me at ease a little bit. I like how you said "This stage of worry"...I know once he's here it will be a whole new ball game lol..Just looking forward to getting to that point :smile:
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Baby Boy: coming March 2017


  • Yup, I post super infrequently on March 2017. There's just so many people I can't keep track of them all. I only post there if I feel like I really have something to contribute. 
    I understand, we are always pushing towards the next point/stage :) He'll be here before you know it! 
  • jen83mnjen83mn member
    edited January 2017
    *TW: LC Mentioned* Lurking from TTCAL

    I felt the same with my son's pregnancy, before I had experienced a loss ... the closer I got, the more worried I was that something could go wrong. It's natural to feel that way, because as the weeks go on, you become more and more attached.

    I ended up renting a fetal Doppler just to put my mind at ease on those days I was having a rough day and needed some reassurance (or on days baby wasn't as active as usual). Just an idea if you need something to help reassure you. I rented mine from Babybeat.com: https://www.babybeat.com/babybeat-audio-doppler-bb150.html
  • I felt the same way with my daughter after my first loss. I relied on counting movements to put my mind at ease. Even when I would get up in the middle of the night I would wait for her to move before I'd be able to go back to sleep. 

    While anxiety is just part of our PGAL world, I hope you are able to find some peace of mind and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. 
    Me 36 DH 38
    Married 1/22/10
    BFP #1 3/11 m/c 7w 3d blighted ovum
    BFP #2 5/11 DD born 1/12
    BFP #3 3/16 Chemical Pregnancy
    BFP #4 12/16 m/c 7w blighted ovum
  • I'm experiencing this right now too and just found out I'm not alone on these thoughts as others have started to share them in the March PGAL check in as well. I think we spend so much time thinking that "as long as we get past first trimester we will be ok" or "I just need to make it to viability and then everything will be better" and maybe after we reach those marks we get a sudden wave of relief, but inevitably the anxiety starts creeping back in again. I think I (we?) need to recognize that anxiety is just going to be part of this, and it's likely not going to go away after birth either because we are never really "in the clear". I know part of that is just being a mom, but a big part of it is also experiencing loss as well. I wish I could take away your pain and anxiety just like I wish someone else could say something to take away mine... but I'm disappointed to say that I don't think it's that easy. Instead, I'll send some T&Ps your way. 
  • Yes, I share these fears throughout my whole pregnancies.

    DD1 born 5/24/10.

    Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.

    DD2 born 5/14/13.

    Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.

    Expecting someone new 4/17/17.
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