@supermom83 Yeah, I was angry and incredulous. My husband called him the minute I saw the posting and my FIL deleted it before any of my friends/fam liked or commented, so no harm no foul I guess. I'm glad he is excited to be a granddad and I don't mind that he wanted to share with his family (who are all really close and super-baby-lovers and will be totally supportive if the worst happens) but I thought he'd do it over email or phone, not basically in public! My biggest fear now is how to set boundaries in the future as my pregnancy goes on and he wants to be involved, but thankfully my partner is totally on Team Us.
It's hard to tag everyone on mobile, but thank you all for your support! My non-mom friend who I told about this was like, "of course he would post that, what did you expect?" And I thought for a second I was overreacting.
@PAengineer06 definitely not overreacting, it was not his news to announce. When I was pregnant with my son my dads step daughter, who I have no relationship with and am not particularly fond of, told my grandma before I had the chance to tell. I almost lost it on her so I definitely know where you're coming from.
Married: 05/26/2012
DS Born Happy and Healthy via C-section: 10/04/2013
Natural M/C: 07/08/2014
DD Born Happy and Healthy via Emergency C-section: 06/30/2015
Again, it's not Monday. I posted this on last week's MBfest but didn't know if I should revive that convo there or repost here since more has happened?
Recap: SMIL/FIL are coming for 2 weeks and want us to drive over an hour to see them because she's "not feeling well." (She somehow knew she would still not be feeling well a week before her arrival?!) I got 2 days off for holiday's, the 24th and 26th. This weekend coming is my birthday so it's going to be busy. I have family coming up from the US as well, of whom I only get to see once a year if I'm lucky. They are here for a very short period of time and I work during the week so I have to cram everything into the weekend. Not to mention, I'm growing a human so I'm not exactly at 100% either.
This Week: FIL messages me and asks if they can stay at our house for a night. I obviously say yes meanwhile thinking, "thank God I won't actually have to go anywhere." They said that DH's cousin invited them for dinner so they would be leaving from their current (actually they are en route as we speak) location and coming here. To say that I was pissed that they would come to our town for a stupid effing dinner, but not specifically to see their son and his wife, is a gross understatement. Not to mention her "not feeling well" and "wanting to stay put" and now they all of a sudden have all these plans. *angry*face*
Today, I get a message from FIL saying they left their location this morning. They plan on shopping when they get here then going to visit DH's Aunt & Uncle (FIL's sister) then to the dinner. So ... they're not actually spending any time with us despite staying at our house.
I just don't get it. Before they weren't coming here at all and we had to make this trip, which really isn't that far but I have a hard enough time stay awake on a normal day. They had no previous intention of seeing any of his family while they were here, clearly, since we all live in the same town. And now that they are coming for 1 night they are spending all their time with everyone but us. Are they still going to expect us to travel to see them later this week or on the weekend!?!?! (My thought is a big fat yes!)
Am I being irrational? I'm just not understanding any of this and I am so, so angry.
We didn't spend Christmas with either set of parents this year, so we decided to call them after dinner to let them know we are expecting. My in-laws finished dinner first so we told them first. Then before I could talk to my parents, my FIL posted about it on Facebook and even tagged me!!! Thankfully I'm not Facebook friends with any of my current co-workers or my boss!
DH and I didn't want this to happen so after we made our announcement, we told both sets of parents and our brothers and sisters that they can tell whomever they want, just nothing on Facebook until we make an 'official' announcement when we clear the first trimester. They have been very respectful of our wishes.
@stokesm21 wtf is with you family? I would be irritated too. What is wrong with you guys that they don't want to spend time with their own son. Atleast you know it's not your house.
and he proceeds to tell us that cats shouldn't be around babies because they could jump in the crib and suffocate them!
I don't know the validity of this but I've heard this is just a really old wives tale that isn't true. I'm going to look it up! Haha!
I think ensuring that your animals aren't ignored is a good prevention method for any of this type of behaviour. When my sister had kids, her dogs went on the complete backburner. They lost one earlier this year but any time you ever went there they were both so starved for attention that they would be all over you. It's really, really sad.
@stokesm21 wtf is with you family? I would be irritated too. What is wrong with you guys that they don't want to spend time with their own son. Atleast you know it's not your house.
I honestly have no idea *frustrated*sigh* I'm really close to my sMIL, we have a great relationship, or I thought we did? (DH is close to his Dad too) She lives like 10 hours away most of the year, his Mom lives in our town and I don't have near the relationship with her that sMIL and I do. I don't know, she's just been weird since I got pregnant. She was happy and excited but then started created drama that didn't exist. She said that when the baby comes she was just going to "step back" for a bit because DH's Mom can be "very territorial" and all this other crap. MIL hasn't even said anything to us about FIL and his wife in years because she knows we wouldn't put up with it. She's having another grandchild (one she can actually see) and she's nothing but excited. Thinking about sMIL & FIL isn't even on her radar. Why is sMIL using MIL as an excuse to not come around?! We legitimately spend more time with them then we do with DH's Mom ... and they live so far away haha!
sMIL also said she's "afraid" of newborns. I don't think she's actually scared but she's never had kids herself so maybe she's just a bit, unprepared? Regardless, everything culminating together is just making me feel very sad and like she isn't happy for us. Both our Mom's are a bit cookoo and I really wanted to rely on sMIL but now it seems like I can't rely on her at all. She just keeps thrusting literature at me. I was a smoker (I've been on patches to quit and was before my BFP) and she had the nerve to say, "I can tell you stories of kids whose mothers smoked ... I'm sure you've looked it all up ..." (I'm known as a 'research junkie' in my family) I very bluntly replied with, "I don't need to look it up to know that smoking is harmful to a baby." I was sooooo angry! She never asks how I am, just thrusts shit at me and it's frustrating. Maybe it's her way of showing she cares but it's nothing short of annoying.
Wow. Man. Sorry for going off there lol! I felt it was semi-relevant as to how weird she's being.
(Note: FIL isn't DH's bio-Dad. His bio-Dad committed suicide when he was a baby. MIL married FIL and had 2 kids so FIL pretty much raised DH. Even after they got divorced, FIL paid support for DH and DH went to his house on weekends and such. We call him Dad and have no less love for him because there isn't a biological connection there, and FIL feels the same. DH is also really close with his siblings. We don't see them as "half" siblings, they are his brothers and sister)
@PAengineer06 I feel like my in laws have ruined Facebook for me, but that's some next level awful!!!
My own mother has ruined FB for me. She comments on everything with those stupid stickers, never actual words, and half the time they don't even relate to what was said. She also doesn't truly understand how FB works. After the election (we're Canadian) she posted, "The election is over! Please stop sharing articles about Trump on my page!" No one was sharing anything, it was her news feed. I laughed and cringed at the same time. LOL!
@stokesm21 That sounds really tough! I feel like babies just bring up so much drama in otherwise-sane family members sometimes. All I can do is keep assuring people (cough my mom cough) that I love them and want them in my life.
@PAengineer06 BIL's girlfriend did this! She posted on DH's wall, and then flipped out when we deleted it / asked her not to post anything.
I don't get why. She doesn't use Fb much, and we WhatsApp regularly, so she could have posted there.
Trying to give her the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't thinking, or doesn't understand that our colleagues can see her posts. It's better than thinking she did it on purpose or for attention (or rather, it helps me to keep my chill to think this way.)
We're now telling people explicitly that we don't want anything online. Lesson learnt.
I'm sorry this happened to you too, it's annoying!
@stokesm21 my mom is the same. Then she calls and asks if I saw her comment, and I am like yes. She then asks why I didn't like it? Or she posts pictures, asks if I saw them and asks why I didn't heart or like them... I enjoyed seeing them, but it didn't it didn't elicit an "oh wow!" response. So now I feel like I have to click like on everything. And what's with all the damn stickers? It's like the older Facebookers have sticker wars on my posts, and I rarely post anyways...
And my dad is a staunch trump supporter and has recently become a hateful racist bigot, and if your taste in music is different or your views are dissimilar from his, then you're just inferior, and he feels sorry for you. You should have seen him at my son's first birthday party. He started up an NFL conversation as to whether it was a monopoly or a corporation, and a fellow attendee who is a friend of husband had a difference of opinion, and he literally smirked and laughed at him. Like, what a dick move. I know I have dissapointed him, he had so many high hopes for me. A surgeon, or a lawyer, and sure, I had the potential. How could I betray those high hopes by moving from california to montana and becoming a sahm? I am a terrible daughter, really. He cant take 5 minutes to talk to me on Christmas, but brags about becoming so close to my mom's family all the way in New Zealand and how they video chatted while they opened their presents from them in new Zealand overy facebook. So glad you've gotten soooo close to these people you have never actually met across the world, man. Really, good on ya. I must say, I am not impressed with the changes to his personality, and how petty he has become. Actually, I am quite disappointed. He used to be so intelligent, equal opportunity and upbeat. Now, the muslims, Mexicans and blacks can go F themselves apparently.
@Carson'sMommy, your dad is a staunch Trump supporter in California? Seems odd. I mean, I know we're a large and diverse state, and maybe I just live a more liberal area than he... but it's still odd to think of that. Sorry his hate has been ignited, must be awful to witness in your own parent.
@LoveLee85 with my last pregnancy my mil had the same "oh" response and I'm still annoyed. This time my DH will be telling her himself...
Our plan was to send them a picture via text message on NYE....but DH had a change of plans! I was annoyed but they are his parents. He sent me a text and was like CAN I TELL THEM? I said DO WHATEVER. We knew they would be this way because they did this with DS1 pregnancy. Now I'm mad at DH because I said I didn't want to be around for their shitty response and yep, I was and yep, it was still shitty!!! Grrrrr.
Oh man I'm so sorry!! The fact that she was shitty yet again sucks. It kind of confirms my hunch that I need to stay out of it this time around. I almost said I would do it with him and then thought better of it. His parents still don't know...
@LoveLee85 with my last pregnancy my mil had the same "oh" response and I'm still annoyed. This time my DH will be telling her himself...
Our plan was to send them a picture via text message on NYE....but DH had a change of plans! I was annoyed but they are his parents. He sent me a text and was like CAN I TELL THEM? I said DO WHATEVER. We knew they would be this way because they did this with DS1 pregnancy. Now I'm mad at DH because I said I didn't want to be around for their shitty response and yep, I was and yep, it was still shitty!!! Grrrrr.
Oh man I'm so sorry!! The fact that she was shitty yet again sucks. It kind of confirms my hunch that I need to stay out of it this time around. I almost said I would do it with him and then thought better of it. His parents still don't know...
Do yourself a favor and stay away. I wanted to clarify, my DH text me while he was standing across the room from me. I really wish I would have said no. Oh it's great though because on Facebook, they will say how much a blessing and how lucky they are.....anything for 'likes'!!!! They are obsessed with Facebook. They don't even have a relationship with my DS, so I'm sure they won't win this child either.
@mrscate88 - I have 1 can of Mountain Dew a day when I wake up too. I may have neglected to mention that to my aunt because who knows how she would have reacted lol.
@manillabar - Oh wow. I would have wanted to smack your MIL so badly.
@ashaw512 - I didn't think of that. Now I wish I had. lol
Me:35 | DH: 32 Married: 06-2024 TTC #1: Since November 2015 Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016 due to previous issues. ***TW*** BFP: 11/4/2016 BFP: 07/17/2024
Before I found out I am pregnant, I bought tickets to surprise my mom on the east coast for Chinese New Year. She has no idea I'm coming.
Since I told my mom on Christmas I am pregnant, she has gone a little overboard. My little sister told me my mom wants to visit me for Chinese New Year (armed with a thermos pot and an arsenal of Chinese herbs) to teach me how to make soup.
My little sister is trying to talk her out of it without spoiling the surprise. Dang it, Mom! Just back off and let me surprise you.
I bought my brother a plane ticket to visit us across the country for Xmas and New Years. He has a short temper. After a few days of lecturing us about what the doctors told his ex-wife when she was pregnant 6 years ago (and violently disagreeing with what my doctor tells me now), he straight up yelled at me for 10 minutes today about our dad. Yelled. At a high volume.
My brother is 3 years younger than me and would never see us if we didn't pay his way. DH whisked him out of the apartment and around the block. It's taking all I have not to buy him the next ticket back and call him a cab.
@stokesm21 Omg definitely laughed out loud! My in laws are similar....they've never seen a post they didn't like and have to comment on everything and share everything. I don't think they understand that our privacy settings don't allow any non mutual friends to see the posts, but whatever. The worst is when my MIL comments on a pic of my husband and son and says, "my boys!" No. they aren't your boys.
I have to vent today even though it's not Monday! I decided to venture with the kids to Ikea to take a look at a few items. It was all just such a horrible trip. It took an extra 25 minutes to get there because of random traffic, then the play area they have there was closed for construction so I had to drag both kids with me the whole length of the gigantic store and they were so disappointed they didn't get to play. THEN there were just hoards of people everywhere, we waited 25 minutes in line to get Swedish meatballs and when we got to the front of the food line they told me they ran out of the Swedish meatballs and only had veggie ones. I can't lie, I shed a tear because I was so frustrated and I super duper wanted those stupid meatballs. Ugh!
I have to vent today even though it's not Monday! I decided to venture with the kids to Ikea to take a look at a few items. It was all just such a horrible trip. It took an extra 25 minutes to get there because of random traffic, then the play area they have there was closed for construction so I had to drag both kids with me the whole length of the gigantic store and they were so disappointed they didn't get to play. THEN there were just hoards of people everywhere, we waited 25 minutes in line to get Swedish meatballs and when we got to the front of the food line they told me they ran out of the Swedish meatballs and only had veggie ones. I can't lie, I shed a tear because I was so frustrated and I super duper wanted those stupid meatballs. Ugh!
I would have been hard pressed not to shout at them that they can't be out of meatballs if they still have them for sale in their frozen food section. That's the reason to go to Ikea.
@Xath YES, exactly! They did have them in the frozen section just not in the prepared food/cafeteria. I was so incredibly disappointed. ALL I could think about all day were the meatballs! It was the main reason I ventured there to begin with lol
@Carson'sMommy, your dad is a staunch Trump supporter in California? Seems odd. I mean, I know we're a large and diverse state, and maybe I just live a more liberal area than he... but it's still odd to think of that. Sorry his hate has been ignited, must be awful to witness in your own parent.
Yep. I didn't expect that either, especially since he was crazy about Obama last time, complete flip. My mom is on board too, which is strange, seeing as she hates misogyny and racism. They just hated all the scandal surrounding Hillary, which also happens to be my first name. I honestly couldn't get behind either of them, and was amazed at how many states just flipped.
@caribbeanmama thank you. I myself never looked down on it. It is after all, a job. There are people who have maids, and nannies and pay for it. I just happen to do it for the love of it, and as far as I am concerned, money is shared. Not his or mine. I will go back to work eventually, when they are in school but until then, I am going to enjoy these moments.
Re: Monday Bitchfest 12/26
It's hard to tag everyone on mobile, but thank you all for your support! My non-mom friend who I told about this was like, "of course he would post that, what did you expect?" And I thought for a second I was overreacting.
Married: 05/26/2012
DS Born Happy and Healthy via C-section: 10/04/2013
Natural M/C: 07/08/2014
DD Born Happy and Healthy via Emergency C-section: 06/30/2015
BFP #4: 11/15/2016
EDD: 7/27/2017
Recap: SMIL/FIL are coming for 2 weeks and want us to drive over an hour to see them because she's "not feeling well." (She somehow knew she would still not be feeling well a week before her arrival?!) I got 2 days off for holiday's, the 24th and 26th. This weekend coming is my birthday so it's going to be busy. I have family coming up from the US as well, of whom I only get to see once a year if I'm lucky. They are here for a very short period of time and I work during the week so I have to cram everything into the weekend. Not to mention, I'm growing a human so I'm not exactly at 100% either.
This Week: FIL messages me and asks if they can stay at our house for a night. I obviously say yes meanwhile thinking, "thank God I won't actually have to go anywhere." They said that DH's cousin invited them for dinner so they would be leaving from their current (actually they are en route as we speak) location and coming here. To say that I was pissed that they would come to our town for a stupid effing dinner, but not specifically to see their son and his wife, is a gross understatement. Not to mention her "not feeling well" and "wanting to stay put" and now they all of a sudden have all these plans. *angry*face*
Today, I get a message from FIL saying they left their location this morning. They plan on shopping when they get here then going to visit DH's Aunt & Uncle (FIL's sister) then to the dinner. So ... they're not actually spending any time with us despite staying at our house.
I just don't get it. Before they weren't coming here at all and we had to make this trip, which really isn't that far but I have a hard enough time stay awake on a normal day. They had no previous intention of seeing any of his family while they were here, clearly, since we all live in the same town. And now that they are coming for 1 night they are spending all their time with everyone but us. Are they still going to expect us to travel to see them later this week or on the weekend!?!?! (My thought is a big fat yes!)
Am I being irrational? I'm just not understanding any of this and I am so, so angry.
Edit: Spelling & punctuation
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
Married: 6/2016
TTC:6/2016
BFP: 11/22/2016 | EDD: 7/29/2017
I think ensuring that your animals aren't ignored is a good prevention method for any of this type of behaviour. When my sister had kids, her dogs went on the complete backburner. They lost one earlier this year but any time you ever went there they were both so starved for attention that they would be all over you. It's really, really sad.
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
sMIL also said she's "afraid" of newborns. I don't think she's actually scared but she's never had kids herself so maybe she's just a bit, unprepared? Regardless, everything culminating together is just making me feel very sad and like she isn't happy for us. Both our Mom's are a bit cookoo and I really wanted to rely on sMIL but now it seems like I can't rely on her at all. She just keeps thrusting literature at me. I was a smoker (I've been on patches to quit and was before my BFP) and she had the nerve to say, "I can tell you stories of kids whose mothers smoked ... I'm sure you've looked it all up ..." (I'm known as a 'research junkie' in my family) I very bluntly replied with, "I don't need to look it up to know that smoking is harmful to a baby." I was sooooo angry! She never asks how I am, just thrusts shit at me and it's frustrating. Maybe it's her way of showing she cares but it's nothing short of annoying.
Wow. Man. Sorry for going off there lol! I felt it was semi-relevant as to how weird she's being.
(Note: FIL isn't DH's bio-Dad. His bio-Dad committed suicide when he was a baby. MIL married FIL and had 2 kids so FIL pretty much raised DH. Even after they got divorced, FIL paid support for DH and DH went to his house on weekends and such. We call him Dad and have no less love for him because there isn't a biological connection there, and FIL feels the same. DH is also really close with his siblings. We don't see them as "half" siblings, they are his brothers and sister)
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
BIL's girlfriend did this! She posted on DH's wall, and then flipped out when we deleted it / asked her not to post anything.
And my dad is a staunch trump supporter and has recently become a hateful racist bigot, and if your taste in music is different or your views are dissimilar from his, then you're just inferior, and he feels sorry for you. You should have seen him at my son's first birthday party. He started up an NFL conversation as to whether it was a monopoly or a corporation, and a fellow attendee who is a friend of husband had a difference of opinion, and he literally smirked and laughed at him. Like, what a dick move. I know I have dissapointed him, he had so many high hopes for me. A surgeon, or a lawyer, and sure, I had the potential. How could I betray those high hopes by moving from california to montana and becoming a sahm?
Someone tells you they are pregnant, do you immediately post on their wall or wait for them to do so first?
and
Are you going to post political articles 19 times a day or stick to good old cat memes and Doug the Pug?
It'd make life so much easier, no?
@mrscate88 - I have 1 can of Mountain Dew a day when I wake up too. I may have neglected to mention that to my aunt because who knows how she would have reacted lol.
@manillabar - Oh wow. I would have wanted to smack your MIL so badly.
@ashaw512 - I didn't think of that. Now I wish I had. lol
Married: 06-2024
TTC #1: Since November 2015
Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
due to previous issues.
***TW***
BFP: 11/4/2016
BFP: 07/17/2024
Since I told my mom on Christmas I am pregnant, she has gone a little overboard. My little sister told me my mom wants to visit me for Chinese New Year (armed with a thermos pot and an arsenal of Chinese herbs) to teach me how to make soup.
My little sister is trying to talk her out of it without spoiling the surprise. Dang it, Mom! Just back off and let me surprise you.
My brother is 3 years younger than me and would never see us if we didn't pay his way. DH whisked him out of the apartment and around the block. It's taking all I have not to buy him the next ticket back and call him a cab.
ETA tag. Oops!
Married: 06-2024
TTC #1: Since November 2015
Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
due to previous issues.
***TW***
BFP: 11/4/2016
BFP: 07/17/2024
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
@caribbeanmama thank you. I myself never looked down on it. It is after all, a job. There are people who have maids, and nannies and pay for it. I just happen to do it for the love of it, and as far as I am concerned, money is shared. Not his or mine. I will go back to work eventually, when they are in school but until then, I am going to enjoy these moments.