Condescending Crap People Say to You ...

ashaw512

My favorite other than "just wait" is "Are you sure you want to eat that?" and "She's eating for two, give her more." 

cmd723-z

Mine favorite is "you're young everything will be fine!" Or if "if it doesn't work out, there's always time" I know its meant to make me worry less. However, yes I am young, but I also had to go through IVF to become pregnant. So I don't just assume everything will be fine anymore. And it makes me feel like my worries aren't valid. When I told people at work I was going through IVF they kind of looked at me like I was crazy. Like what's the big rush? I'm 28 and the youngest in my department. They just don't get how big of a deal this is considering the almost 2 years of TTC and $20K (plus the obvious emotional investment) is considered in this pregnancy. They just think that I have a lot of time left to start a family so why bother with it all right now.

I also hate the "you can just adopt if it doesn't work out" but that's a whole other rant.

knit-sew-mama

Oh man, I'm not looking forward to the belly touching. DH did it yesterday and I looked at him and said "That's not a baby, that's bloat." and walked away...

Of course I'm a teacher so I'm sure I'll have little kids all over it.

SaphireSweetie88

ginger1228 said:

SNIPPED

I think I want to be surprised about the sex of our baby and one of my friends keeps saying "we found out because I wanted to plan." Plan for what?? Why make it sound like I'm not planning well for my baby just because I don't want to know the sex ahead of time? Pretty sure all babies need the same planning - just because your planning includes blue for a boy doesn't mean mine has to. 
Im not sure why it makes her feel less than just to say "we couldn't wait. I wanted to know the sex right away." That's a perfectly reasonable thing. 

@ginger1228

To the bold - EXACTLY! DH and I are not wanting to find out the sex and we're still planning. We're jut getting items that could work whether it's a boy or a girl.

LoveLee85

I get annoyed with people judging that we like to find out the sex at 20 week anatomy scan! Who the freak cares when I find out?! It's a true surprise either way. Sorry if you think you're better than me because you waited a few more weeks to find out. Annoying! 

Dcwtada

@LoveLee85 I agree - if you don't want to know perfect but I do hate how people think you are impatient or ruining the surprise. All I know is once I find out the sex it becomes so real and I can bond much more - I know the baby is cooking but I begin to dream a little more vividly. Meeting my baby is the best thing in the world - it is such a beautiful and amazing moment anything else doesn't matter let alone a surprise. 

pepper16-2

I am dreading telling certain members of my family because of how condescending I know they'll be... I previously mentioned being on TTGP to one and how amazing and helpful and supportive a community it was and my family member replied with "why would you do that? MH and I just had sex for two months. Don't ruin your life trying so hard." .... UGH. 

LoveLee85

Dcwtada said:

@LoveLee85 I agree - if you don't want to know perfect but I do hate how people think you are impatient or ruining the surprise. All I know is once I find out the sex it becomes so real and I can bond much more - I know the baby is cooking but I begin to dream a little more vividly. Meeting my baby is the best thing in the world - it is such a beautiful and amazing moment anything else doesn't matter let alone a surprise. 

This exactly!!! To me, I connect more with baby while he/she is baking. I just remember how much flack I got for finding out at 20 weeks! It pissed me off. I had people ask me months ago, when we have another, since we already have baby stuff, we need to wait because it's better. Umm sorry you feel that way. NOTHING can make the moment I met my son better in my eyes. We will be finding out again at 20 weeks. Wouldn't do it any other way. 

hqinmd

As far as finding out, to each their own but DD1 was not breathing when she was born so everyone was consumed with that. I'm glad we found out because we wouldn't have had that "it's a girl!" moment in the OR because her being okay was all that mattered at that moment. 

There is is a lot going on at delivery even if it's uncomplicated, and it's a surprise whenever you find out. Just my two cents. 

plumpous

I personally can't wait. But when I was waiting to be admitted, this guy ran into the waiting room and announced to his family "it's a girl!!!" and I remember thinking how special that must have felt. Made me reconsider knowing this time around. But yeah I can't wait. If I could know now it wouldn't be too soon! 

GoogleMD

I am not looking forward to telling my in laws because I already know they are going to go on and on about how we will be "real parents". According to them you aren't a real parent until you have at least 2 kids it is so annoying...

Kmomof3

This is why I've always tried to make positive comments to moms - especially about labor and delivery. Natural delivery can be done, no one needs to scare the mom to death just to feel better about her own birth experience. I am an OLDER mom now - 45!! - and can't wait to hear all the comments when we announce. Trust me, we've thought of all the snarky things you'll say, world! Stay positive - just smile and nod

WorkinWeezel

I think at this point I'm being the hardest on myself.  This is my third and a HUGE surprise, so both of my other kids were planned (one happened right away, the other took 18 months).  They will be 7 and 4 when this firecracker is born and I'm scared out of my mind.  Some of the comments I'm saying to myself are:

Can you afford this?

How can you possibly have patience for another when the first two take so much?

How neglected will your first feel, since he already needs so much attention and gets upset with his little sister?

How neglected will you second feel, when she's been the "baby" and still loves to rock and snuggle?

Can you bounce back with your body the way you did with the other two?

Things were so easy, now you're starting over.  Can you really do this?

I'm sure these are all flame-worthy and of course I feel so blessed to have this surprise.  It has not quite sunk in.  I'm most scared of the money situation.  Any leave I choose to take once the school year starts will be completely unpaid.  I just worked my butt off to get to my Masters +60 (Doctoral equivalent) and a big raise; now I'll forfeit that pretty much if I want to take unpaid days. Another 5 years of daycare, one with two kids in, will take a toll (about $425/week).  But I cannot imagine putting a 7 week old in daycare, so I need to stay home.  Not to mention that we sold alllll of our baby stuff!  Ugh, so much pressure on myself and s/he won't be here for a very long time!!!!  

Sorry, this rant took on a life of its own.  Flame away, if you feel the need.  

Dcwtada

@WorkinWeezel nothing flameworthy here. This is number three for me too and it scares me. This little one was planned but I will have a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a newborn all with a birthday within a week of each other. The logistics of it terrifies me. How will I leave the house? How will I run simple errands? 

Vent away, none of us are perfect and whether you are a first time mom or have more kids than society deems natural if you can't vent here than I am not sure what the real purpose of this group is. Frankly I want a group of real moms with all the problems and telling it like it is over a bunch of moms trying to pretend they are perfect. I want to be friends with the mom that locks herself in the bathroom binge eating KitKats while the kids watch spongebob not the mom throwing a Pinterest birthday party with organic free-range gummy worms and conflict free personalized fleece blankets. 

glitterfish-2

Dcwtada said:

@WorkinWeezel nothing flameworthy here. This is number three for me too and it scares me. This little one was planned but I will have a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a newborn all with a birthday within a week of each other. The logistics of it terrifies me. How will I leave the house? How will I run simple errands? 

Vent away, none of us are perfect and whether you are a first time mom or have more kids than society deems natural if you can't vent here than I am not sure what the real purpose of this group is. Frankly I want a group of real moms with all the problems and telling it like it is over a bunch of moms trying to pretend they are perfect. I want to be friends with the mom that locks herself in the bathroom binge eating KitKats while the kids watch spongebob not the mom throwing a Pinterest birthday party with organic free-range gummy worms and conflict free personalized fleece blankets. 

I like you.

Dcwtada

@GlitterFish I see a bathroom play date in our future. You bring the kitkats and I will bring the spongebob videos and lack of integrity 

dancegurl1118

I'm a mediocre mom to begin with. I don't see things improving going from one to two. I'll be in that closet except instead of kit kats it's a glass (ok who am I kidding...bottle) of wine. 

chiquita928

@Dcwtada Thank you! you are my spirit animal lol

mj8215

@Dcwtada and all of you ladies - you're so awesome !! I'm so glad to be part of this group! 

BoTor091314

Ok ladies - you all rock!!  The last few posts have lifted my spirits this monday - since i wasn't ready to work yet!!

RunRestRepeat

Dcwtada said:

Frankly I want a group of real moms with all the problems and telling it like it is over a bunch of moms trying to pretend they are perfect. I want to be friends with the mom that locks herself in the bathroom binge eating KitKats while the kids watch spongebob not the mom throwing a Pinterest birthday party with organic free-range gummy worms and conflict free personalized fleece blankets. 

THIS. After an already blah Monday (including what I think might be the beginning of ms) this made my day. Can I get an invite to the bathroom party if I bring some wine?

WorkinWeezel

@Dcwtada thank you!!!! you're so right. I'm definitely that mom that drinks a bottle of sparkling wine every Friday (maybe Saturday, too) while trying to just put my kids to bed for a bit of silence. and kitkat are my fave!!!!! thanks for making me feel better

plumpous

I hate how some of my mom friends like to tell me how I should just wait for my kid to have an ear infection or stops being a good girl. Thanks for wishing me hell!?
One of my friends keeps saying oh I remember when my daughter was your kid's age and it was so easy and she was so convenient and now she's so much trouble. Just wait, yours will turn too. And she's like, it's better if you guys come over because your place isn't baby proofed enough. 
Well, my daughter has access to the on/off button of our computer and I taught her not to go there. Proofing should not replace discipline. 

abmommy15

Dcwtada said
 I want to be friends with the mom that locks herself in the bathroom binge eating KitKats while the kids watch spongebob not the mom throwing a Pinterest birthday party with organic free-range gummy worms and conflict free personalized fleece blankets. 

1. I like you
2. I suddenly want a kit kat and non organic, GMO filled whatever the opposite of free range gummy worm is

lvcpatt84

@stokesm21 I'm a little late to the party here, but I wanted to tell you that being pregnant was the most exhausted I've ever been. I know everyone is different, but for me those last few months I was basically a zombie.

Sure, the newborn months are rough, and completely exhausting. BUT, my body was not growing and carrying a human inside of it, so while I was getting up 5x a night with baby, I wasn't nearly as exhausted the next morning as I was when baby was still cooking.

You will amaze yourself with how adaptable you'll become. I cannot overstate the power of 4 consecutive hours of sleep, a cup of coffee, and sitting in the morning sun. Sounds sappy, I know, but it's the small things you'll find bring you the most joy those first few months!

BoTor091314

So I went to the maternity store to get a couple of pairs of pants on sale (I'm super bloated and none of my jeans button comfortably).  The sales lady asked when I was due...when I said July she said "you're not really that pregnant yet!".  I wasn't aware that there was a "grey" area in pregnancy...so I guess I am just "sort of" pregnant atm.  It didn't help all of my fears of mc - since I am painfully aware that I am not "out of the woods"...

morgarita

BoTor091314 said:

So I went to the maternity store to get a couple of pairs of pants on sale (I'm super bloated and none of my jeans button comfortably).  The sales lady asked when I was due...when I said July she said "you're not really that pregnant yet!".  I wasn't aware that there was a "grey" area in pregnancy...so I guess I am just "sort of" pregnant atm.  It didn't help all of my fears of mc - since I am painfully aware that I am not "out of the woods"...

Wtf?!? Sounds like she's never been pregnant. I felt like something like this was going to happen when I went in this week. But she was so nice thank goodness or id probably never go in again. 

akbride09

I have another one - we told my in-laws last weekend, and my MIL made a comment about how "we need to watch what you eat" (in reference to deli meat, etc). Ummmmm, not really, I've done this before and I'm 39 years old! I got this 

kfry22

When I was pregnant with my son I went to shop for maternity clothes. I wasn't sure if TJMax carried them. So I asked a girl working in the store. She told me know and suggested the plus size section 

torichantel2005

kassyfry said:

When I was pregnant with my son I went to shop for maternity clothes. I wasn't sure if TJMax carried them. So I asked a girl working in the store. She told me know and suggested the plus size section 

Because it's the same thing! 

SaphireSweetie88

BoTor091314 said:

So I went to the maternity store to get a couple of pairs of pants on sale (I'm super bloated and none of my jeans button comfortably).  The sales lady asked when I was due...when I said July she said "you're not really that pregnant yet!".  I wasn't aware that there was a "grey" area in pregnancy...so I guess I am just "sort of" pregnant atm.  It didn't help all of my fears of mc - since I am painfully aware that I am not "out of the woods"...

@BoTor091314

WHAT THE EVER LOVING HECK?!? I would have had to bite my tongue so hard to not go off on her. I had someone tell me that I wasn't really pregnant because I haven't had the baby yet. Ummmm what?

virginiaunicorn11

Basically everyyyyone we tell asks us "was it planned?" 

Ummm... wut?!  I hate this question on so many levels.  

I am a 33 year old married woman with a toddler and a stable job. What part of this situation makes you think, a) my family planning is your business, or b) I don't know how procreation works/how to manipulate it?

I genuinely don't know what people want to hear when they ask this. My best answer so far has been, "Well I wasn't asleep!"

plumpous

virginiaunicorn11 said:

Basically everyyyyone we tell asks us "was it planned?" 

Ummm... wut?!  I hate this question on so many levels.  

I am a 33 year old married woman with a toddler and a stable job. What part of this situation makes you think, a) my family planning is your business, or b) I don't know how procreation works/how to manipulate it?

I genuinely don't know what people want to hear when they ask this. My best answer so far has been, "Well I wasn't asleep!"

Honestly I didn't really plan. I too, know how to not get pregnant, but I think we were on the fence and just threw caution to the wind. And then DH said he changed his mind and we should be careful again. And I said I was late. Oy. 

virginiaunicorn11

plumpous said:

virginiaunicorn11 said:

Basically everyyyyone we tell asks us "was it planned?" 

Ummm... wut?!  I hate this question on so many levels.  

I am a 33 year old married woman with a toddler and a stable job. What part of this situation makes you think, a) my family planning is your business, or b) I don't know how procreation works/how to manipulate it?

I genuinely don't know what people want to hear when they ask this. My best answer so far has been, "Well I wasn't asleep!"

Honestly I didn't really plan. I too, know how to not get pregnant, but I think we were on the fence and just threw caution to the wind. And then DH said he changed his mind and we should be careful again. And I said I was late. Oy. 

So was it planned, then?  

Same situation here. (Though we were going to try actively in January.) Not that it's anyone's business.

This is yet another reason I hate this question. 

plumpous

@virginiaunicorn11 like half planned? I think we sorta thought one time won't stick. I mean we should not be surprised but I guess we were in denial. I don't know, it somehow still caught us off guard. 

kfry22

torichantel2005 said:

kassyfry said:

When I was pregnant with my son I went to shop for maternity clothes. I wasn't sure if TJMax carried them. So I asked a girl working in the store. She told me know and suggested the plus size section 

Because it's the same thing! 

I can't tell if you are joking. But it's not. 

hqinmd

kassyfry said:

torichantel2005 said:

kassyfry said:

When I was pregnant with my son I went to shop for maternity clothes. I wasn't sure if TJMax carried them. So I asked a girl working in the store. She told me know and suggested the plus size section 

Because it's the same thing! 

I can't tell if you are joking. But it's not. 

100% sure she's joking

lph4248

Reading this thread makes me really glad that I am basically a recluse these days. People are the worst!!!

BoTor091314

My mother "WOW!  You've really gotten big!"

Me "Thanks, I've lost 6 pounds..."

tuxielove93

@plumpous Kind of in the same boat. Neither one of us tolerates birth control well (from a latex allergy to sensitive skin to my sensitivity to hormones) so we've been "family planning" and while we're married and we knew that it was a possibility, we weren't exactly planning on getting pregnant right now. And apparently we're super fertile or something because the one month we threw caution to the wind and didn't pay super close attention to my cycle, well... here I am! It's ok though, we're both happy we have a little bean on the way. It just was so not the plan lol. 
So as for the condescending crap, I had a pregnant friend basically tell me that I shouldn't have told her so early because I might lose the baby and she's still terrified at 24+ weeks. Sigh. I kind of thought she would be sympathetic and a good person to talk to, but that comment turned me right off.