UO & FFFC (11/17-18)

poofwok

because the UO thread was never started yesterday, I thought we could just have a joint thread for both UO and FFFC today.

what's on your mind, folks? As always, not guaranteed to be flame free. 

Xstatic3333

FFFC: The more I read and learn about BF the more I doubt my ability to do it. My breasts hurt all the time always, and it wasn't until I got on TB while TTC that I learned that wasn't normal. If it's so painful even in the best of circumstances, I just doubt my ability to hack it as much as I want to try. 

leprechaunlady

@Xstatic3333 i feel the exact same, i want to try but have said that if it doesnt work out i wont beat myself up about it. Im a bit of a wuss & am worried ill just give up too easily.

leslie1331

I've always operated under the saying, fed is best. No one should beat themselves up if BF doesn't work or if you have reasons not to start. Happy baby and happy mom should be priority #1. 

Starfish113

It's sooooo easy to give up BFing. I did with DD. But I also feel that I wasn't prepared for any problems and just didn't know what I was doing. I didn't think that pumping hurt at all. I know a lot of ladies here say it did. And I used a nipple shield so my nipples didn't hurt either. So mine was more because of supply issues. But PLEASE don't beat yourself up over it. If you go into childbirth and the newborn phase with an open mind, things will go so much easier for you

birdiejo

@Xstatic3333 I agree with @leslie1331 but just wanted to say never underestimate what you'll be able to handle once you have that baby. 

Xstatic3333

homemake said:

@Xstatic3333 I agree with @leslie1331 but just wanted to say never underestimate what you'll be able to handle once you have that baby. 

This is so true. There's so much unknown with our first LOs that it's hard to wrap my mind around it all! Thanks guys, I definitely won't beat myself up about it either way. 

WinchesterGirl

I am nervous about nursing too, but I feel like I am just setting my mind that it is happening. That could go really well, or really badly. 

My SIL successfully nursed her daughter for nearly 3 years, and she told me if BFing is truly a goal, she tells people to commit to do it for 6 weeks, no matter what. She said even if baby has a good latch, and your milk comes in with no pronlems, the first 6 weeks are hard - soreness, exhaustion, being "tied down" to feedings, and just figuring it all out. She says that after 6 weeks you have some experience under your belt, and it's no longer a question of if you can do it, because you've been doing it; and by then you've figured out enough of the first hurdles that things are starting to normalize. Also apparently the milk dribble smiles start somewhere around there.

Six weeks sounds like a long time to be having all those potential problems, but at the same time I feel like I can wrap my head around that number as a first step. We can do anything for 6 weeks, right?!

I think it boils down to we each have to find whatever works for us. For me, having a goal helps, but for you it may be something else!

imalwaysme79

While I have always wanted to be a mom, I have never wanted to BF. I feel that the hardest part with this decision is the judgment and shame that goes with it. I actually joined a couple groups on FB that are super supportive of those who have decided to EFF for whatever reason and I'm grateful for them. 

Xstatic3333

I feel badly that I brought down this thread so I'm going to lighten it up with an UO. You guys all rock. I've just been in a mood this week. 

I love mailing things. Thank you notes, Christmas cards, we'll probably even do birth announcements. I think it's a nice tradition and I'll be sad if it dies with our generation. 

jlellis603

+1 for nervous about nursing. Considering before I joined TB it didn't even occur to me that it would be hard, I just assumed people did it or didn't. It all just seems so overwhelming.

My, apparent, UO is that I don't get changed for the gym (when I go at lunch) in the locker room at work. I'm not really that modest and don't have an issue in like planet fitness or whatever. It is just super strange to me to see these middle aged ladies butt naked in the locker room and then see them typing at their desks and not think "I've seen you completely naked, your slacks aren't hiding anything". Like yesterday I flipped my head upside down to put my hair up and I was eye level with this lady's bare snatch, and I see her on the regular in the halls.

yogadevil

Xstatic3333 said:

I feel badly that I brought down this thread so I'm going to lighten it up with an UO. You guys all rock. I've just been in a mood this week. 

I love mailing things. Thank you notes, Christmas cards, we'll probably even do birth announcements. I think it's a nice tradition and I'll be sad if it dies with our generation. 

I hope that tradition doesn't die! I'm maybe old fashioned but I love that personal touch of mailing things, I hope to get my children excited, or at least used to it, too. Thank you notes especially, NOT just a text or a FB message (my grandmother would roll over in her grave at that faux pas) but also all invitations, holiday cards, birth announcements, postcards etc.

We're even sending out birth announcements before even mentioning on facebook that our baby was born

Gretchypoo

FTM here I think BFing goes differently for everyone bc every mom and baby are different. Fed is best but if you are nervous about BFing here is what is helping me
- Like @WinchesterGirl said, set a goal for how long you are going to try. Even if you  have to supplement with formula at first, set a short goal for yourself.
- Know who to call for support and questions BEFORE you give birth. My Bradley Method teacher is also a doula and lactation consultant. I've also been invited to 2 breastfeeding support groups near me.
- Know you are not being judged here. If you dont meet your goals or never try to BF we know you are doing your best, we all are.

@imalwaysme79 I'm so sorry you have felt judged for EFF. I don't judge that at all, I know lots of moms that have chosen that route and they have great kids! Don't let the haters get you down, fed is best!

Starfish113

Definitely don't feel judged if you EFF! I bet about 50% of us will choose formula within the first week or so.... that's how it went with my last bump group. 

yogadevil

FFFC- DH is officially switching units in the army to a different company in February, which means he *won't be* currently slated for deployment with his current company. I am ECSTATIC over it, and he feels no guilt for "not doing his duty" or whatever crap other soldiers give him. He's BTDT and has more time overseas than a lot of these guys have even been enlisted, it's their turn now. Fingers and toes crossed they don't pull in other units or volun-tell guys they're going and I'm forced to eat my words and suck it up and deal with it yet again. But for now, my husband will be mostly home for the first 18 months of baby's life (at least) and it feels good to be selfish.

UO- We went ahead and decorated outside yesterday with Xmas decorations even though it's early. Good thing too, it's 30° and sleeting currently so people will have to deal with our holly jolly attitude when in a few weeks they're out there in below freezing temps and snow hanging Christmas lights- I'll be watching them out the window with a cup of hot cocoa, patting myself on the back

But it just got me in the mood so were decorating the inside of the house and putting our tree up this weekend lol.

imalwaysme79

I know there's no shame in it, fed is best, right? But there is such a stigma, I feel, that BF is what you're supposed to do. I'm obviously not talking about those who can't, but for those who simply don't want to. I'm a FTM, and so I feel that I may get a lot of "just try it" "maybe you'll love it" etc. 

My UO: I don't enjoy online shopping. I much prefer the instant gratification of having the item in my hand once I pay for it. 

birdiejo

@imalwaysme79 But... receiving packages is the best! 

LaurenAshley04

Please please please don't ever fell guilty for choosing formula. With my first I couldn't even fathom BF I just found the whole thing overwhelming. But at the same time I felt so much guilt and shame for not trying.  This time I plan on trying (but only because I have a desire to try). If it doesn't work it's Ok!!

imalwaysme79

homemake said:

@imalwaysme79 But... receiving packages is the best! 

This is true too!

Spicyweiner

Alright, I'll admit it. 
I judge people who don't even TRY to breastfeed. 
Like if you try it, even once, and hate it then hey at least you gave it a shot. But I can't wrap my head around not even trying to do what is medically recommended and free. Of course any medical or physical issues, past experiences etc  aren't included in this, but if you just don't want to bother trying I side eye that. 
Also, while formula is a really great thing for those who CAN'T breastfeed, I think the saying "fed is best" is kinda silly. 
I mean, my kid won't eat a damn vegetable but I can say that veggies are better for her than her diet of chicken nuggets. 
::puts on flame retardant suit::

leprechaunlady

imalwaysme79 said:

homemake said:

@imalwaysme79 But... receiving packages is the best! 

This is true too!

I love receiving the parcels but the disappointment of it not being right when its clothes & then the hassle of sending it back annoys me so +1 for the instant gratification

Starfish113

LOL @Spicyweiner (why did it put your name in quotation marks?), I'm sure someone will want to flame you for that or you'll make someone very angry!! I do agree that everyone should try. It's free and it's proven to be best for your baby. But I do know that there are people who are super uncomfortable with the idea and won't even consider it. I'm on the other end where I felt like a failure when it didn't work out. 

Spicyweiner

Starfish113 said:

LOL @Spicyweiner (why did it put your name in quotation marks?), I'm sure someone will want to flame you for that or you'll make someone very angry!! I do agree that everyone should try. It's free and it's proven to be best for your baby. But I do know that there are people who are super uncomfortable with the idea and won't even consider it. I'm on the other end where I felt like a failure when it didn't work out. 

See, I think that's different. 
Nobody  should feel shame for it not working out. I mean, I don't think anyone should feel shame period, cus "you do you". I just don't get not even putting your boob in the kids mouth before saying never. 

WinchesterGirl

Pregnant me is allllll about online Christmas shopping! Usually I do a mix, but this year I've set a goal to set foot in 0 malls in December! Between the back pain and consta-peeing, who wants to hoof it around a mall? 

My UO today: people who leave their "system sounds" on their phones drive me nuts. Does it somehow help you to hear yourself texting over there? It sure isn't helping me. 

I'll have to keep thinking about my FFFC... 

imalwaysme79

Spicyweiner said:

Alright, I'll admit it. 
I judge people who don't even TRY to breastfeed. 
Like if you try it, even once, and hate it then hey at least you gave it a shot. But I can't wrap my head around not even trying to do what is medically recommended and free. Of course any medical or physical issues, past experiences etc  aren't included in this, but if you just don't want to bother trying I side eye that. 
Also, while formula is a really great thing for those who CAN'T breastfeed, I think the saying "fed is best" is kinda silly. 
I mean, my kid won't eat a damn vegetable but I can say that veggies are better for her than her diet of chicken nuggets. 
::puts on flame retardant suit::

We can each have our own opinions about BF vs FF, but these are the sort of judgments that I know I can expect when the time comes.  

Spicyweiner

imalwaysme79 said:

Spicyweiner said:

Alright, I'll admit it. 
I judge people who don't even TRY to breastfeed. 
Like if you try it, even once, and hate it then hey at least you gave it a shot. But I can't wrap my head around not even trying to do what is medically recommended and free. Of course any medical or physical issues, past experiences etc  aren't included in this, but if you just don't want to bother trying I side eye that. 
Also, while formula is a really great thing for those who CAN'T breastfeed, I think the saying "fed is best" is kinda silly. 
I mean, my kid won't eat a damn vegetable but I can say that veggies are better for her than her diet of chicken nuggets. 
::puts on flame retardant suit::

We can each have our own opinions about BF vs FF, but these are the sort of judgments that I know I can expect when the time comes. 


Stuck in box 
I'm just curious why you won't even try? 

Starfish113

Spicyweiner said:

Starfish113 said:

LOL @Spicyweiner (why did it put your name in quotation marks?), I'm sure someone will want to flame you for that or you'll make someone very angry!! I do agree that everyone should try. It's free and it's proven to be best for your baby. But I do know that there are people who are super uncomfortable with the idea and won't even consider it. I'm on the other end where I felt like a failure when it didn't work out. 

See, I think that's different. 
Nobody  should feel shame for it not working out. I mean, I don't think anyone should feel shame period, cus "you do you". I just don't get not even putting your boob in the kids mouth before saying never. 

Oh no I totally got what you were saying!! I just added my own feelings at the end!

annewheeler2

Some pictures in the nursery thread make me curious what the whole house looks like.. And not in a good way. 

Starfish113

raptormomma said:

Some pictures in the nursery thread make me curious what the whole house looks like.. And not in a good way. 

Omg yes, I'm with you girl. LOL

Gretchypoo

Starfish113 said:

raptormomma said:

Some pictures in the nursery thread make me curious what the whole house looks like.. And not in a good way. 

Omg yes, I'm with you girl. LOL

YES.

Gretchypoo

@yogadevil Thats amazing!! I'm glad your H will be home. Glad he's ignoring those other guys-- dude, he did his duty. Give him a break!

jab3-2

@yogadevil, that is GREAT news!! I'm so happy to hear that for you and your H!

MissMerciBeaucoup

Spicyweiner said:

Alright, I'll admit it. 
I judge people who don't even TRY to breastfeed. 
Like if you try it, even once, and hate it then hey at least you gave it a shot. But I can't wrap my head around not even trying to do what is medically recommended and free. Of course any medical or physical issues, past experiences etc  aren't included in this, but if you just don't want to bother trying I side eye that. 
Also, while formula is a really great thing for those who CAN'T breastfeed, I think the saying "fed is best" is kinda silly. 
I mean, my kid won't eat a damn vegetable but I can say that veggies are better for her than her diet of chicken nuggets. 
::puts on flame retardant suit::

I am glad you said this because I was thinking the same thing but didn't have the guts!  

For those that don't/didn't want to try breastfeeding at all - I'm curious why?  

imalwaysme79

I have a few reasons, some more personal than not. Overall though, I'm going back to work as soon as I'm cleared to do so (6 weeks) and the baby will be in daycare and taking multiple breaks at work to pump won't be convenient for my daily day to day tasks. Like I said, there are other reasons but these are the main ones. 

I'm sorry if none of you agree, I know that these will be the obstacles I face. 

Xstatic3333

Doesn't bother me @imalwaysme79. You need to do what's best for you and your LO, and only you can say what that is. Even though I am going to be trying to BF, I totally get the worry about pumping at work. That's definitely one of my biggest concerns. 

ohstars

@imalwaysme79 - You do what's best for you. It sounds like you already have a great attitude towards the flack you are going to receive.  

NiceyMeany

Am I in the minority by being really, really excited to breastfeed?  I know that it will be challenging, and that it may not work out, but this won't be the first really hard and really uncomfortable thing I've tried in my life, and I'm excited about pushing myself in this new and different way.

Xstatic3333

I really like that way of thinking about it, @NiceyMeany! I may try to reframe it in my head that way.

PerraSucia

@NiceyMeany I loved nursing my kid.  like i get all sobby just thinking about it. 

annewheeler2

PerraSucia said:

@NiceyMeany I loved nursing my kid.  like i get all sobby just thinking about it. 

same. There were so many exhausting days but I loved it so much. 

mrslittlemac

I'm excited for it too! Still have to figure out a location at work for when I go back, but otherwise I'm feeling great about the challenge. To me, the benefits far outweigh those of formula. And it's worth a shot even if it doesn't work out long term.