- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
May 2017 Moms
tenfour
member
Advice thread from BTDT moms?
tenfour
member
I saw the request on the poll, and thought I'd start a thread in case anyone wants random advice or to ask questions from moms who already have outside babies. I couldn't find one already, but definitely tag me if I missed it!
Here are my thoughts on going from 1 to 2:
My #1 advice is make sure someone else is holding the baby when your older child visits the hospital and meets the baby for the first time. So that when they see you you're totally free to love up on them and they don't feel usurped from the get go.
Also, your older child will (in my experience) seem HUGE. My 2.5 year old seemed like she grew five years overnight. Don't freak out! It's normal.
For FTMs in general, get all the things from the hospital that you can. Especially those giant underwear things and pads.
I also learned the second time around about putting soaked diapers in the freezer to use as an ice pack for your sore bits. Wish I knew about that the first time!
I think this is more of a hospital/nurse call, but with my first labor, I pushed for 3 hours because she was still high up when I was fully dilated and they had me push anyway. With the second, they propped me upright and I sat for about 3 hours after I hit 10 cm and didn't start pushing until he was super low down. He swam out like a fish in two pushes. Way better.
Hope any of this is helpful!
Here are my thoughts on going from 1 to 2:
My #1 advice is make sure someone else is holding the baby when your older child visits the hospital and meets the baby for the first time. So that when they see you you're totally free to love up on them and they don't feel usurped from the get go.
Also, your older child will (in my experience) seem HUGE. My 2.5 year old seemed like she grew five years overnight. Don't freak out! It's normal.
For FTMs in general, get all the things from the hospital that you can. Especially those giant underwear things and pads.
I also learned the second time around about putting soaked diapers in the freezer to use as an ice pack for your sore bits. Wish I knew about that the first time!I think this is more of a hospital/nurse call, but with my first labor, I pushed for 3 hours because she was still high up when I was fully dilated and they had me push anyway. With the second, they propped me upright and I sat for about 3 hours after I hit 10 cm and didn't start pushing until he was super low down. He swam out like a fish in two pushes. Way better.
Hope any of this is helpful!
Re: Advice thread from BTDT moms?
Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017
*formerly kayemjay*
If you're going from 1 to 2 kids, it's VERY normal to be more scared sh*tless right now than excited. I spent a lot of my pregnancy with DS#2 wondering "what have I done?" because DS1 was such a terror and I was soooo tired (he was 3, though - tough age).
Take weekly bump pics!! This is the first pregnancy where I have missed taking pics a couple of weeks and I already regret it! It's so nice to look back on them and remember the pregnancy. Also, seriously - invest in getting newborn pictures taken. Your baby will only be a newborn for this itty bitty window. The photos are WELL worth the $$.
Surprise BFP# 5 - 9/2/16 - Due 5/13/17
One thing I'll say, going from 1 to 2 was WAY easier for us than going from 0 to 1. My second was like a teddy bear that sometimes needed to eat. He was a terrible sleeper eventually so that sucked, though. But I make bad sleepers. I was so scared and didn't even want #2 to come out, which ended up being super ironic because he was 9 days late and wouldn't get out!
FTM- along with all the goodies from the room- most hospitals have a "nourishment" center- a fridge filled with ice cream and other treats. We did find it until an hour before we were checked out the first time. We enjoyed more treats the second go around.
Having a good relationship with your nurse is important- bring treats to thank those who help out. Also- if you don't mesh well with the nurse it is okay to ask to switch nurses. My MIL is an OB Nurse at a hospital and says it happens more often then you'd think. I am have been fortunate to have had mostly great nurses- however, my OB nurse was less then stellar. I needed to ask multiple times to do little things and wouldn't see her for a few hours. She was also very quick to kick us out and send us home super early. I am hoping to be able to stay longer then 28 hrs this time.
My advice for FTMs is not to freak out about the nursery. I HAD to have everything ready for my first, and it had to look perfect. Well...then it didn't get used for over 6 months. In relation to that, don't worry about having every supply you'll ever need. Babies don't need much, clothes, bottles or boob or both, diapers, and a few blankets are all you really really need at first. Inevitably, the kid will hate whatever bottle or pacifier you buy anyway, so you'll have to run out for more.
Oh another thing, get out of the house! I was scared to death to leave the house with my first. I stayed in for way too long. Once I got over the fear, and yes my first outing sucked- screaming baby in Target, it was so freeing. Not being trapped in your house makes you feel a little bit like your old self again.
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10
DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI)
BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
Amazon will bail you out when you realize your kid hates all the X you bought and only likes the one Y you bought so you need more.
May '17 labor memes
https://www.bluebonnetacres.org/padsicles-the-ultimate-postpartum-diy/
Also, use the gigantic mesh undies from the hospital (and steal some for the first few days postpartum). While you're at it, steal the squeeze bottle from the hospital and squirt warm water on yourself while you pee, it's magic. Urine on open stitches = unpleasant.
Sorry my post is all about vaginal care...haha...these things just made a world of difference in the first few days!
Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017
*formerly kayemjay*
For the first time momma:
DS2 5/17
#3 Due 9/20
This might seem kind of basic, but for FTM trust your gut! If something isn't sitting right with you, don't hesitate to make an appointment with the pediatrician (even if the nurse says it's not necessary!) and follow up on any theories you might have if you think something is wrong. I have plenty of examples ranging from a diaper rash that escalated into what I can only describe as a bed sore, to nursing for three months with tongue tie while being told "some times, babies just cry a lot".
Also, everything that was said about getting stuff from the hospital is true! Take it ALL, especially those ugly underwear!!
Married:09/14/13
Baby 2 - Due: 5/4/17
Everyone has given great tips above for FTM! I would add, make sure wherever you plan to nurse/feed the baby, you've got a clock handy and a side table of some kind to put a drink and/or snacks for yourself on. This seems silly, but you will likely need to monitor what time and for how long you are feeding. And I constantly found myself dying of thirst and/or starving while sitting up alone in the nursery feeding my son at 3:00 in the morning. Also, think about putting an app on your phone to record baby's feedings and toilet habits. I was shocked at how often I was asked to quantify bowel movements and feeding schedules in the first few months.
And AMAZON PRIME. I know it was mentioned above, but it's seriously a life saver in those first few months. You can even shop in the middle of the night on your phone while delirious from lack of sleep. :-)
Oh! And one more silly thing--start making a list of any TV series you've been wanting to watch. I watched all seasons of the Gilmore Girls on my last leave and it was a lovely way to pass the time without watching mindless daytime TV or having to think about something to watch.
good idea about letting someone hold the newborn when the first comes in. I can see how that would make a big difference.. any other tips??? Me and DD spend all day every day just the two of us and I'm quite sad that it won't be that way anymore.
the mesh underwear was the besttttt.
Definitely request a new nurse if yours isn't working out, it made a world of difference between my own experience and my friends. We delivered about an hour apart but had such extremely different experiences... I had the best nurses, i'm sure it was from the hormones, but I literally wanted them to be my new BFFs. My friend had horrible nurses and cried the entire time she was there. She was so upset about her hospital experience. We stayed an extra day just because we weren't ready to leave ours yet hahaha.
Also, I am so glad someone mentioned to trust yourself. My daughter had a lot of issues up until around 9 months. No one believed us for the longest time and finally we took it to Duke and got a diagnosis and know what to do. It is amazing how much you can have to push sometimes, so don't give up if you think something is going on. I love our pediatrician and have no shame in calling/going to see her. At one point we were there almost weekly with calls in between and they never made us feel funny about it. In fact, I apologized and she said until kids get around 2 and have a better immune system, that is the way it is for some. So don't ever feel bad about doing what is best for your baby.
I'm sure there will be more nursing questions later, but I lived in those nursing tanks the first few months. Or nothing! Gotta air out those puppies because there will be cracking and it will help heal.
@Jkp7749 one other tip I'd say that helped us is that somehow my DD got it in her head that it was her baby/our baby and we went with it and I feel it helped. She was so proud to tell everyone she had a new baby and was always wanting to help and be nice to the baby because it was her baby.
- Don't fall for the you can't give a bottle for the first X weeks if your breastfeeding rumors.
- Don't start out pumping with the pump cranked up, you will hurt your nipples SO bad you won't want anything near them.
- If you deal with NICU and can't nurse right away have the LC meet with you everyday your LO is in NICU. My LOs were only allowed 1- 15 minute practice latch a day so I made it count.
- Book newborn shoots well in advance (before baby is here) some photographers won't do newborn shoots past a certain age.
- Repeating the make friends with your nurses! We were given 6 packs of diapers per baby at discharge and for a few days they would even send us with 2 packs to take to the car when we would go get lunch.
-Eat a snack and drink a whole bottle of water every nursing/pumping session.
-Trust your Mommy gut. I lived in doctors offices for the first year but I felt good that we got answers.
-Steal all the mesh panties!
1/7/2015 Twins born @ 34 weeks
1/7/2015 Twins born @ 34 weeks
1) take everything from the hospital -- underwear, soothies (for boobs -- ask for them if they're not immediately given), blankets, diapers, etc. You're usually there a few days. They'll give you a supply of diapers (and mesh underwear, etc). Take the whole supply, and then they'll replace it the next day. The hospital blankets are nice. You don't need that many of them, but one thing I like about them is that they're smaller than swaddle blankets you buy in the store, and this is good for swaddling the really little newborns.
2) don't stress about baby equipment. Certainly register for stuff ahead of a shower and research what stuff you will want. But if you end up "behind" on your equipment, it is NO BIG DEAL. As others said, you can use amazon prime (or amazon mom -- do they still have that? It's free prime!) to save you if you realize you need something and don't have it. You need a carseat, diapers (cloth or disposable), and food (your boobs or bottles & formula). You don't really need anything else, especially for a May baby who doesn't even need much by way of clothing! Speaking of clothing, for the first couple of months I found pjs to be best...not actual clothes. Day and night don't even mean anything to them anyway.
3) Relatedly, no one (least of all baby!) cares about the nursery and what it looks like except you. So if you're not all gung ho about setting up the perfect nursery, then don't. Just have a room for the baby to sleep in. It doesn't need to look perfectly cutesy.
4) Accept as much help as is offered, but direct the help. The help should feed you and provide you drink while you nurse. They should clean, cook, and do laundry. They should not really hang out / chat and hold the baby (unless that helps your mood...but it doesn't help you sleep or get things done.) Never feel obligated to clean up ahead of guests coming. The guests should come and clean up for you. If you are a STM, get the help to watch the older child(ren). If you are a STM considering pulling your older kid out of daycare while you're on maternity leave, don't do it (unless you REALLY need the money). Keep that kid in his/her routine and give yourself the time to focus on the newborn. If you are a SAHM and your older kid isn't in daycare, I'd even consider a regular babysitter to help during this period (or a part-time preschool if it's about time to start that anyway.)
5) Sleep when the baby sleeps. People hate this advice because for some it is VERY hard to do. But try. If you know you just can't during the day, then make sure your husband is really doing is fair share of overnight feedings/wakings; pump ahead of time if needed to make this happen.
6) Speaking of DH, encourage him to advocate for as much leave as his job will offer. (Do this for yourself, too, but in my experience the rules tend to be more clear cut for women and wishy-washy for men.) If you can afford it, consider FMLA for either or both of you. DH might feel useless but he needs to be 100% involved from the start. He can help considerably with things like breastfeeding. You are both parents. I am SO thankful that for both kids my DH took off more time than men typically do in the jobs he had (he extended the 1-2 week standard to 4-6 weeks.)
7) related to the help theme, while you're still pregnant and you're getting giant and uncomfortable, accept help to carry things for you, a seat on the bus, etc.
8) As others said, while you're in the hospital ask the lactation consultant and every single nurse for help breastfeeding. Always accept this help. If you are a STM, accept the help again because you probably forgot how to nurse a newborn (even if you were just recently nursing an older child.) If you think you're doing it right, have them evaluate your latch to make sure. Doing it wrong once can damage you badly enough to set you way back. If they offer/recommend using the hospital pump, this is probably a good idea. Sometimes you can do this and then they'll even feed the baby the bottle for you. 1-3 day old babies are really bad at feeding so sometimes
-Have a basket of special toys for your older one to play with while you're nursing. Especially at first when the new babe isn't used to nursing, it can be made more complicated by older sibling trying to climb all over you while you're nursing!
-our pediatrician reccomended no major changes for sibling for 4 months before and after baby is born. (Starting potty training, switching beds, etc.)
-for us it was really helpful for older daughter to have a doll that she "took care of" while I took care of baby. Let them have a couple of diapers/baby blankets/little onesies to take care of the doll.
-sometimes when people come to "help" they really just want to hold the new baby. Instead of being annoyed about it (which I was!) take that time to spend some one on one time with your older one.
-Try to keep your older one's schedule as close as possible to what they are used to. It's actually a lot easier to fit a baby into a toddler's schedule than the other way around.
-and, ditto to what everyone else has said about taking all the free stuff from the hospital!! (The tucks wipes and Dermoplast spray are magical!)
1/7/2015 Twins born @ 34 weeks
I agree with all the prior posts regarding FTMs. Here are my additions:
-I took weekly bump pics starting the moment I found out. Also, doing the same this round!
-We had pro maternity photos done. Still love looking at these.
-The hospital we delivered at took pro pictures the day after LO was born so we didn't have to worry about capturing that moment on our own.
-Instead of booking newborn photo shoots, we invested in a nice camera (Canon DSLR) so we could take pro pics on our own. We take monthly pictures and love them.
-I also took at least one photo a day of my son with my phone to put together a "year" book for him.
***Pictures/memories are important to me because I don't have many of me during my childhood. I wanted to make sure my son did!***
***Apps
-Full term: I used this to time my contractions. You could also email the summary to yourself.
-Baby tracker: this kept track of everything- nursing or formula, pee or poo diapers, sleep, meds. All the data is saveable as well.
-The Wonder Weeks (book as well): kept me educated as to the developmental changes I was seeing with my son. Also alerts you to the upcoming leaps so you are well prepared.
I'm sure I'll think of more later...
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
May '17 labor memes
Re: Potty training.
My mom watches my boys during the day. She insisted on potty training DS1 before DS2 was born because I shouldn't have 2 in diapers. DS1 was just shy of 2.5 and the first attempt to train was horrible. I knew he wasn't ready. I also knew I did not want to be cleaning up big boys accidents while on maternity leave, so we stopped potty training all together. When DS1 turned 3, and DS2 5 months, we started back up again because he showed some signs that he was ready and it was a much better transition.
11.2011 - DS1
02.2013 - loss at 6 wks
06.2014 - DS2
10.2015 - loss at 12 wks
03.2017 - DD
I love my husband's football reference from going from 1 to 2 kids- you go from zone defense to man to man. Having support from others will make it manageable.
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
@MamaMiller good point. I am an anxious worry type but you're right, it depends on the kid's temperament. My son is actually very much a rip the band aid off kind of kid. I tried many "gentle" sleep training methods and it turned out he just needed a firm goodnight and to be left to cry for a couple nights. He did best going off pacis and nursing cold turkey too. He's a lot of extremes and very little in the happy medium department so maybe it won't be so bad. He's actually asking for potty a lot now (just turned 2 on 11/5!) so maybe I need to bite the bullet and go with the flow now. I wasn't ready for this lol.
May '17 labor memes
more exciting there and I don't know whether he sees he other kids go so it reminds him or if it's distracting and he forgets to ask.
Maybe ill I'll be taking the day after thanksgiving off after all to do the 3 day method. Lord help me!
May '17 labor memes
PPD usually appears around 6 weeks post-partum and lasts much longer. If you're feeling symptoms of sadness, anxiety, hopelessness, etc. at any point please talk to support people in your life. And if it persists longer than a week or two, definitely reach out to your doctor.
ETA--do not feel guilty about asking for help!
2. I legit did not know there was a recovery for vaginal births. When I was 38 weeks with my first my friend texted me she was recovering after her daughter's birth and I remember thinking how weird it was because she didn't have a c-section. Maybe everyone else knows this but I completely missed the memo. You WILL be recovering. There will be bleeding for weeks and the more work you do the more you bleed, pretty much. So don't plan on taking on too much. You get cramps from your cervix going down and guys, GUYS, It might be days before you poop. And that first poop is scary sh-t. Literally. When the time comes I'll tell you my magical solution.
OH ALSO - if you get an epidural they have to pump you full of liquids and your feet might look like frankenstein for a few days/weeks after. It looks scary but it will go down!
Sorry this was a downer post, I just feel like I wish someone would have told me!
1/7/2015 Twins born @ 34 weeks